Today’s post is going to be all over the place. Geo-politically, China is making moves that will define the future of the globe. The United States is making all sorts of moves about putting dangerous missiles in Taiwan aimed at China, and so China says… We will supply Russia then.
“Your move.”
The USA had best back down, if not, then it’s truly “game over” for the Ukraine conflict. But you know, the Biden administration doesn’t know where the “brakes on the car” are, and the probably outcome is…
- Offensive missiles in Taiwan – Crossing a Chinese RED LINE.
- So… China arming Russia.
- Now, Russia and China together overwhelms the Western war effort.
- Thus, the Ukraine conflict a big write-off for the West. A loss. BIG.
- The USA sanctioning China in response.
- And China is ready, so the result is…
- An enormous economic collapse in Europe, and the United States.
Spicy times.
Other content here is to mediate the flow of Geo-political stuff with reality. Food, relationships, thoughts and such. Lots of stuff about PA where I came from.
This post is all about where the vector of geopolitical realities are pointing towards.
China Moves To Flip The World Order – It’s Official Now!
The world will never be the same. China understands that only a multipolar world will work for such a large and diverse human race. China, Russia, and India understand what they HAVE to do to never allow the West to trample on the rest of the world’s population.
The United States put weapons in Taiwan, and China will put weapons in Russia.
Confessions Of An Unattractive Woman Living In A Superficial World
I am ugly. I am unattractive. I know that my skin is awful, my hair is greasy, and society simply does not permit women to weigh as much as I do.
But, mind you, this is not the same as having low self-esteem. Because when I look in the mirror, I hate my body, not myself. I simply shake my head and think, “This isn’t me. This mediocre sack of meat isn’t me. I’m just renting it out, driving it around. It’s a tool. It’s a vehicle. I use it to take myself places that I need to go, and that’s all there is to it.”
Ok fine, I’m not Zen enough to actually believe I can escape with that train of thought. The truth is, I am frustrated with the irreconcilable disconnect between my pride and my presence. The acne mask and the fat suit egregiously fail to conform with my mental mockups of my perfectly badass self. I suppose the only real solution then, besides undergoing extensive surgeries, is to upload my conscience to a supercomputer.
Maybe the Singularity will happen, and everything will be great, but in the meantime, I much prefer the Internet to real life interactions because most of you haven’t got a clue as to what I look like, and if you don’t like me it’s because my ideas suck and not because you find my face unpleasant. The Internet allows me to temporarily abandon the limitations of my subpar physical avatar.
Even if people are especially curious about my appearance, I only allow them to make vague inferences based off a single profile picture, uniform across all my social media haunts, taken a very long time ago at a surprisingly flattering angle, in which I actually manage to trick them into thinking I look quite average. Well, I don’t. I’ve gained 50 pounds since then, and academic stress makes my acne flare up like nobody’s business.
Regardless, I decided a while back that everyone has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, and I would do well to focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. Even people who are bad at everything are less bad at some things than they are at others. After some introspection, I concluded that I was less bad at learning things than I was at looking pretty, so I would ultimately benefit far more from sharpening my skills and pursuing a technical career than from trying in vain to undo the effects of losing the genetic lottery.
As for the romantic side of things, I avoid unnecessary heartbreak by keeping myself from harboring silly delusions about reciprocated love in the first place. I have rationalized that it is okay for me to be ugly because 1) marriage is not the optimal arrangement for everyone and 2) the human race would likely carry on just fine without my genetic contribution.
I am irritated with the cliché that “everyone is beautiful” because surface friendliness and pretending to be PC don’t solve anything. It doesn’t help the young girl with confidence issues because even if you’re “nice” enough to tell her that she’s beautiful, are you nice enough to, like, actually date her? Words mean nothing without actions, yet it’s patently unfair to expect people not to be shallow because at the end of the day, beauty is beauty, attraction is attraction, and sexual desire is governed by deep-rooted evolutionary impulses that people don’t understand and can’t control.
It would be far more useful to promote the idea that people can contribute to the world in a variety of interesting and fulfilling ways besides making others salivate over their bodies. You can make original scientific breakthroughs! You can regale people with tales of heroic conquest! You can build products that make people’s lives easier! But I guess changing the world wouldn’t make for an effective beauty products campaign.
– CS Undergrad at MIT
Cocada Branca
(White Coconut Flake Candy)
This candy is from Brazil.
This is a recipe for white coconut candy. It is called “white” because there is also black cocada (cocada preta). The black cocada is made with brown sugar and has a dark brown color.
Ingredients
- 4 cups granulated sugar
- 1 cup water
- 2 coconuts
- 4 cloves (optional)
- 1 cinnamon stick (optional)
Instructions
- Grate the coconuts with a hand grater (Do not use blender, food processor. Coconut flakes already grated will not taste the same as freshly grated coconuts).
- In a large saucepan, combine the water, sugar, cloves and cinnamon. Boil for about 20 minutes or until you get a thick syrup. Test by dropping a full teaspoon of syrup in a glass with water. The syrup should become a soft candy. (You can remove the clove and cinnamon from the syrup at this point).
- Remove the saucepan from the heat and mix in the grated coconut with a wooden spoon.
- Return the saucepan to heat and cook additional 5 minutes. Perform the water glass test again to make sure it has boiled long enough.
- Use a large spoon to drop amounts of melted cocada onto a buttered baking sheet.
- Let cocadas cool, then serve.
Pennsylvania Isn’t What You Think It Is Anymore
“I live in Pennsylvania and I can confirm that Nick nailed it in this video! Great work!”
Confessions Of A Former Drug Mule
Why did you get into this business?
The city I live in is extremely corrupt. I’ll be honest, I was living at home, working a minimum wage job, paying too much money a month for a decent car (2014 25k car), I was struggling financially overall. I had a hunger for money and power, ultimately leading me to find someone who could get me in, a “recruiter” if you will.
How did you get into this business?
I went to someone in the business. It took me 6 months before he offered me a job
How did you find this guy?
He ended up being a friend of a friend. It took him 6 months to offer me a job because the way I approached him was highly unusual.
Which cartel did you work for?
Cartel del Golfo (Gulf Cartel)
What were the top commodities of your cartel when you were in?
Coke, weed and meth. I never touched meth, that was a whole different league.
What were the wholesale prices of the drugs you were smuggling?
The price of one brick if cocaine in southern Texas/ California is about 19k. In Pittsburgh it’s about 38k.
How much did you make?
3 thousand to 5 thousand a week.
How easy were the jobs? Did you have to come up with creative ways to transport the drugs? If so, what’s your most creative way of doing it?
It was easy. The cartels have been doing this for a long time. They know exactly how to mask the smell and modify the vehicle. I can’t tell you the most creative way I’ve done it. The cartels have adopted it and now use it regularly, sorry.
What was it like the first time?
I wasn’t scared or nervous, I’m not really sure what I felt. I guess if anything I was excited because if it went well then I was going go get 3k for 2 days. The job was to drive from Point A to Point B. My recruiter called me once and hour to check up on my well being. My girl bestfriend would also check up on me every so often, so I was okay mentally. I had to drive for X number of hours and it was exhausting. I didn’t like to stop except for gas and energy drinks. When I finally arrived to my destination I was put in a hotel room where I had to wait 10 hours. This hotel was in the middle of nowhere in a different state so there was nothing to do. When the merchandise was finally unloaded from the vehicle I immediately drove back home. I remember feeling happy and relieved. I turned in the car and got paid.
Were you doing any drugs yourself?
When I got back from a job I would go out and party. I’d get quite a bit of coke as a reward so I’d do that with my friends.
Have you ever at any point had a close call or had your life in imminent danger by the cartel for a mistake or misunderstanding such as losing a load?
The 3 times I was caught and was able to walk away made everyone paranoid. The cartel thought I had ratted them out. I had to convince the boss in Mexico I would never. That was probably the scariest moment I had with them.
I’m more afraid of the cartel than the Feds.
You mentioned that you were more afraid of the cartel than the feds, in reality, how much power would you think they ACTUALLY have in terms of operating a murder in the US from Mexico? I’ve heard that despite they’re financial and man power, they can’t carry out kills in the states like they do easily in Mexico. To the point of having to either contract the killing to an American gang like MS13 or hope the target visits Mexico.
The cartel makes more than 10 billion a year. With enough money they can hire anyone. If they want someone dead then it’s going to happen. Like you stated, they may send their own people or just hire a gang, it really depends.
I was asked if I wanted to kidnap a woman for 10k. I said no. When I got involved in this business I promised myself I would not hurt innocent civilians.
What happened the first time you got caught and how did you walk away?
So the job was to drive from Point A to Point B as usual. There were a total of 4 cars. 1 lead car, followed by me, a buyer behind me and my bosses in the back. This job was delicate. This was the 2nd time I introduced my buyers to my bosses. They had bought 2 bricks of coke, but wanted it higher up north. So basically they were paying me to transport it farther up north. The lead car was purposely speeding in case there was any cops, they’d pull him over and not me. This was just an added precaution. I want to say a good 10 hours in, the 2 cars behind me start losing distance between me and the lead car. I call them and they’re 2 hours away, well fuck… I talk to the lead car and we make the decision to go on anyways. Another 8 hours in I pull over at a gas station and unexpectedly run into the lead car. He tells me the 2 back up cars are 4 hours away from us. He wants to go to a restaurant and wait for them, but I insist on driving forward without them. He agrees. Couple hours later we finally arrive to our destination. Now this is where the stupid luck comes in. There’s 2 hotels right next to each other. My buyer wanted me to stay at the same hotel as him, I think it was a “let’s have each other’s back” type play. I wait for him to get a room and then I walk across the street and get a room at the other hotel. At this point it’s about 2200 and I’m tired. I buy a case of beer and go to my room and wait for my boss. He arrives to the hotel around 0300. Job well done right? Not so fast, my buyers are only buying 2 bricks. The other bricks are being bought by my boss’s clients. Around 1100 my boss tells me he’s going to go meet his clients. He tells me to stay put with the car and as soon as he calls me to head over there with the car. 1 hour later I still don’t recieve a call so I decide to head over to the restaurant downstairs and grab a bite. One of my clients joins me and we start talking about business. 30 minutes later we finish and I walk back to my room.
I insert my keycard only to find it doesn’t work. No big deal, I’ll go to the front desk and have them give me a new one. I walk into the lobby and immediately notice a Police Officer and a DEA agent. The DEA agent was wearing a kevlar vest with DEA in gold on the back of it. They both turn and look at me and I just kept my poker face and approach the front desk clerk. He gives me a new keycard and I leave. I remained as calm as possible and started thinking how I’m gonna get out of this one. I walk upstairs to my room and I look around. Across the street I notice 2 SUVs parked in a way that if shit went down they were in the position to respond immediately. I go with my gut feeling and ditch going inside the room. I walk around aimlessly to see if I was being followed and sure enough I notice a civilian car following me. I walk towards a business and right before I walk in the same car pulls up and the same DEA agent I saw earlier steps out.
Agent 1: What’s your name kid?
Me: I don’t have to answer that.
Agent 1: What kind of car are you driving, is it here?
Me: I’m not answering that.
Agent starts getting frustrated and his partner gets off the vehicle and immediately makes me put my hands behind my head.
Agent 2: Look kid, we’re investigating a car break in and the suspect fits your profile.
Me: They called DEA for a break-in?
Agent 1: Ugh, we’re not DEA. We’re city name police department.
Me: Those 2 unmarked SUVs are yours, your firearm is in your waistband and you’re driving a civilian car. Police department doesn’t operate that way.
Agent 1 and 2: …
Agent 2: What kind of training do you have?
Me: I was a former cop.
They take my I.D. out of my wallet and tell me to stay put. They say they’re going to see if I had any warrants. After about 10 minutes they hand me my I.D. and let me go. I take a bus back home and nobody knows what to think of it. The cartels started pointing fingers at everyone, they even suspected me of being an undercover DEA agent. It was later revealed my boss’s ex ratted us out. To this day, we don’t know what happened to my boss. We’ve tried looking for him in jail/prison through online database but to no avail.
My best theory as to what happened is this. The meeting between my boss and his clients was a setup. The DEA thought he would have the coke in his car and moved in, once they realized he didn’t have the coke they scrambled back to the hotel to try and salvage their operation. They ended up towing the car. My buyers went into hiding and so did I. The DEA never went after me again after this ordeal.
What happened the 2nd time you got caught?
The 2nd time I was smuggling weed and I was caught under different circumstances. The DEA was called in and I thought they would know who I was because of the first time. They did not… So it worked out.
And the 3rd?
The 3rd time I was caught I was in handcuffs and surrounded by state police, local police, DEA, CID (criminal investigations divison), etc. I thought for sure I was going to do some time. When I was able to walk away I knew my lifestyle had to change.
Why were you not imprisoned?
I’ll just leave this link here:
http://statelaws.findlaw.com/texas-law/texas-drug-trafficking-distribution-laws.html
How many people did you rat on to be caught smuggling 3 times and not be in prison?
None at all, but that was the main concern the cartel had.
What did convincing them of such look like?
Basically me going to Mexico and explaining what happened.
How did they respond to the loss in money? Any warnings?
Wasn’t my fault so I was in the clear.
Who’s fault is it?
A bitter ex girlfriend of my boss. She ratted us out. She was killed 1 month later.
How did you eventually leave the cartel (if you did)?
After my 3rd run in with the Feds, everyone said it was in my best interest to quit, which I did.
I was under the impression that joining a cartel was a permanent arrangement. You could just quit whenever and they’d be cool with that? Or was it specifically because of the close call.
As a mule you can quit whenever. By the 3rd time I was somewhat important. In addition to recruiting mules I was also bringing in buyers (people who buy in bulk). When I got caught the 3rd time the big bad boss in Mexico had no problem with me walking.
What’s the process of recruiting other mules involve?
Every “recruiter” has different methods. Me personally I target people who are working minimum wage jobs or college kids.
How much was total wealth at the end? Did you invest it and get out?
I laundered my money into a local bar. I still receive revenue. I made at least 200k
How did you launder the money?
The city I live in is extremely corrupt. Many business owners are tied to the cartel in some way. Cops are on Cartel payroll. All I had to do was ask for a favor and it was granted.
How corrupt are the police, border patrol and government officials in the surrounding border towns? How do they get away with it?
I would say majority of them are corrupt. I don’t mean corrupt in the sense that they’ll fight against their own government, but if they see something they’ll look the other way.
How have your experiences changed your perspective on the world around you
I learned a lot of things about this world. The people you’d least expect buy narcotics in bulk because there is money to be made. Judges, patrol units, court clerks, lawyers, business owners, churches, priests, etc.
Are the cartel bosses as professional and educated as any CEO/executive of a legitimately successful company in the US? What are their credentials? (MBA, etc.)
The top cartel bosses are damn near geniuses from what I’ve seen. To operate an entire network across the states is an accomplishment. Most of them attended school in the states or just learned from being in the business. It was said that if all the top cartel leaders came together to eradicate world-wide poverty they could do so easily.
What do you think it would take to stop the drug smuggling into the US?
Legalize drugs which won’t happen.
China arms sale panic
The USA wants to send weapons to Ukraine, and so here’s a tit-4-tat Chinese response. Hum.
What Goes On In The Mind Of A Potential School Shooter?
I suffer from Autism, social anxiety, PTSD, and severe anger issues. At school I’m usually mocked by other peers for being the “weird white kid” and called a school shooter a lot because I had a crazy big obsession with the Columbine shooting.
I was and still an 16 yo and live in a small country with strict firearm laws but have access to them.
I was going through a really bad time in my life, I was struggling with my old best friend who helped me through my mental health but started to ghost me and use me for my money, my ex girlfriend at the time has just broken up with me and my social anxiety had turned me into a suicidal and angry mess.
I was dumped the night before because my ex liked another guy and I was really really upset and angry because it was like the straw that broke the camels back.
I was at school, this was on the 25th of August 2018 where I was super angry, these kids were picking on me and threatening to beat me up and laughing at me.
I was in a really bad mood and ranting in this journal I carried around where I ranted about my anger when I suddenly got the overwhelming feeling of rage and suicidal thoughts, I started writing about an idea to shoot Up the school.
I was writing quite a lot about it when I decided it would be a good idea to just do it.
I walked out of class when my friend walked past me and I remember saying “dude, go home.” and he asked why and I just said “I’m just going to do something, I recommend you just get the fuck out of here”.
I remember sending a message to my ex basically saying I was doing something and to just forget about me.
She had known I’d had these thoughts for a long time (I’ve had thoughts of brining a firearm to school since I was 10).
She started freaking out, calling me and trying to calm me down, I was about to walk out of school when all of a sudden I realized what I was going to do.
I remember calling the mental health clinic where I live and asking for my psychologist to pick me up and I told them what had nearly happened.
It was a very very scary experience, something that still messes with me to this day.
I’m in a happy relationship with someone else now.
I cut that ex best friend out of my life and still talk to my ex today, we’re good friends.
I’ve been a lot calmer lately after I started doing more therapy with my psychologist about my past bullying and all other stuff going on that I didn’t talk to.
I even temporarily moved to a school for people with mental health to calm down.
I’ve told a few friends about this and I ended up telling my mum and my older brother.
The 10 Most Redneck Cities In Pennsylvania Explained
https://youtu.be/yg9eZRHnFGI
Flank Steak with Chimichurri Sauce
The Argentine gauchos grill meats marinated in a chimichurri sauce.
Ingredients
- 1 (1 1/2 pound) beef flank steak
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 cup vegetable oil
- 1/2 cup white wine vinegar
- 1/2 cup lemon juice
- 1/4 cup minced parsley
- 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Instructions
- Cut diamond pattern 1/8 inch deep into both sides of beef. Place beef in non-reactive dish.
- Shake remaining ingredients in tightly covered jar.
- Pour 1 cup of the sauce over beef. Cover remaining sauce.
- Cover and refrigerate beef, turning occasionally, at least 4 hours.
- Remove beef from sauce.
- Grill beef 4 or 5 inches from medium coals, turning and brushing with sauce once, until desired doneness, 6 to 8 minutes on each side for medium.
- Cut beef diagonally across the grain into thin slices.
- Serve with reserved sauce.
Yield: 4 to 5 servings
Confessions of a Couple Living The Van Life
Quick Facts
- Age: Madelyn is 22, Caleb is 24
- Van type: Toyota Hiace Super Custom
- Miles: 215,000 km
- Time spent in van: Seven months full time living in the van, a year since we bought the van.
- Birthplace: Both born in Texas.
- Relationship status: Engaged
- Occupation: Self-Employed
- Average monthly expenses: $1200
- Go-to van meal: Linguine, Parmesan, and chicken sausage.
- Favorite parking spot: Anywhere with nice weather, but we especially love the beachside cliffs.
What were you doing before living in a van?
Before the van, we lived in a small apartment. We quit our jobs to work fully for ourselves and start to build our brand. In those days, we would pack up our Fiat and drive across the country with a tent just to have some adventure.
Why did you get started in Van Life?
For us, van life was the best living conditions we could choose for the adventures we wanted to take. It made more financial sense for us to eliminate the bills from the apartment and stationary living.
What’s the best feature about your van?
The best feature of our van is easily the 4wd capability. It’s allowed us to take this vintage beast into some rugged, wild places.
How do you make money?
We consider ourselves to be digital nomads. All of our income comes through the internet and that enables us to be location independent. The majority of that includes branding, marketing, and advertising work.
What are some challenges you face on the road?
For the most part, the challenges we face involve finding proper places to do the simple tasks. Every day is a routine of locating bathrooms, parking spots, places to cook, places to sleep, etc. It can feel overwhelming being on the move so much, but we counter that by spending quality time outside.
What has surprised you most about this lifestyle?
We’ve been most surprised by the wonderful community that exists among vandwellers. We thought van life would be a lonely road until meeting so many amazing people living this same lifestyle. Until you get out there and start your trek, you‘ll never see the others who are on that path. It was unexpected, but we found lifelong friends through our fellow nomads.
It’s raining and you’re stuck in your van for a full day. What do you do?
Since we wake up so early most days, rainy days seem to be the time to sleep in a little later. With the van being so tiny, we like to get out and stretch our legs. We would hit up a coffee shop and maybe hang out at the library. For us, the weather is a huge determining factor for our day and activities.
Do you have any tips, tricks or hacks for van life?
We’ve found that the best tips and tricks are found by the locals. If you start exploring a city and finding the heart of it, you’ll run into people who are dying to share amazing advice about the area and region you’re visiting. Countless times we’ve gone on amazing adventures from the advice of locals and even made new friends through the process.
What is the most essential item in your vehicle?
Our most essential item in the van would be our phones. We not only use them to find new adventures, but we work and share our journey through these devices!
If anything, how would you improve your vehicle?
If anything could be changed, we would probably choose to have a high top ceiling. With a tiny van, things already feel tight so that extra head space would make a huge difference.
What is the most rewarding thing about Van Life?
The most rewarding thing about van life is the new possibilities and experiences it opens up. We have made countless memories that would’ve never been possible without the freedom vehicle that is our van.
What kind of advice would you give to couples pursuing the van life?
For couples interested in pursuing van life together, the greatest advice we can share is to start camping first. Get the two of you adventuring and dealing with inconvenient situations and see how you handle the tiny living space (tent or vehicle). The quicker you figure out how to work together through the hectic parts of a nomadic life, the smoother you‘ll find your transition into van life.
What advice would you give to someone starting or thinking about starting Van Life?
For someone interested in getting into van life, we suggest going as minimal as possible! The less stuff you have weighing you down, the easier it’ll be for you to travel and experience life. For us, van life wasn’t about the van. It was about getting OUT of the van and into nature or the world around us. Finding comfort being outside of your van and exploring can make the lifestyle so much more fulfilling.
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Chuchitos
(Cornmeal Dumplings Stuffed with Meat – Guatemala)
Ingredients
- 1 pound boneless chicken or pork
- 1 tablespoon oil
- 2 cups sliced ripe tomatoes
- 1 chile guajillo, seeds and stem removed
- 2 tablespoons water
- 4 cups Masa Harina
- 8 tablespoons margarine (at room temperature)
- 1 1/2 cups cold water
- 1 teaspoon salt
- Fresh green or dried cornhusks, wet
Instructions
- Cut the chicken or pork into 1-inch cubes and fry in oil over medium heat for 3 minutes. Set aside.
- Process the tomatoes, chile pepper and 2 tablespoons water into a smooth sauce. Set aside.
- Mix the masa, margarine, 1 1/2 cups cold water and the salt together into a thick mush.
- Put 1/2 cup mush in each wet cornhusk, push an indentation into the mush, and add 1 tablespoon sauce and a chunk of meat.
- Cover the stuffing with the mush and wrap the dumpling into a sausage shape with the corn leaves.
- Steam the chuchitos over hot water over moderate heat for 1 1/2 hours.
- Unwrap and eat warm or at room temperature.
12 People Who Survived Suicide Reveal Their Last Thoughts Before Attempting To Take Their Own Lives
1. Tried to overdose on Oxycontin, last thoughts were immediate regret after I pushed the plunger on the syringe all the way down, all I felt was remorse and sadness that I wouldn’t be alive anymore. Woke up 20-24 hours later extremely grateful to be alive and got help with my drug addiction, now 4 year sober on 8/14.
2. I have severe depression and never knew what genuine happiness felt like until I was 17 and on meds from the hospital after my suicide attempt, it was so overwhelming I just started sobbing in the car with my mom, out of nowhere.
Anyway, I had taken a bottle of Xanax when my mom left for church, it wasn’t planned I was just at my mental breaking point and panicked, I sat in the kitchen floor and I felt an overwhelming sense of euphoria, I just kept thinking ‘it’s over. It’s over. It’s over’
I didn’t regret it until my mom found me because she turned around after realizing she left something at home, I will never forgive myself for putting her through that. I’m 24 and the memory of her crying and tell me she loved me and she was sorry still haunts me. I have a lump in my throat just typing this.
3. The 3rd attempt was the final one. After 2 failures (tried to OD on benadryl demerol and vodka, 2nd attempt was hanging), the pain was just too much to handle.
I remember it was the Monday after Easter in 2000 I just turned 21. I came home from my internship with a bottle of skky vodka and sheet plastic. It was after 9pm, I had finished the vodka and put the plastic over my bed. I made a few phone calls to say sorry and got the box cutter out. I had it on my wrist ready to slash down to my elbow, blood began welling up and my father came in.
I saw the look of disappointment in his eyes, just one more thing I did wrong. I went through my window and took off. I went running no idea where to but I wanted to find a busy road to jump into traffic. I jumped in front of a car, it stopped. My friends got out and put me in the car to go to a diner for coffee to sober up.
Sobered up some, took off again looking to jump in the street again. I remember being so tired and fell to the ground. Next thing I know is that I’m in a hospital waking up even more depressed.
I ended up getting the help I needed. I still take zoloft everyday, but I am well adjusted now. Still have ups and downs but never that low. That was 16 years ago and this was the first time I have fully told this tale.
4. “I hope this works.”
“Oh, gods, that hurts!”
“Fuck, I made a mess on the carpet. I always make a mess for other people.”
Getting light headed
“Damn it, he’s going to have to deal with my death if I let this happen here… He doesn’t deserve that.”
Goes to stop the bleeding
“Fuck, why did I do that? So stupid. What will everyone think of me?”
5. I took around 20,000 mg of ibuprofen. At first, all I felt was relief. I wouldn’t have to deal with the shit going on in my head any longer. But I started vomiting, and then I started having these weird visions of how people I know would react to my death. People at my school gossiping about it, my teachers talking to each other in hushed voices. I saw my little sister hearing the news and breaking into tears. I saw her go down the road of self-destruction, just as I did. I saw my mother devastated. Once I stopped having these visions, I threw up some more and told a family member to bring me to the hospital. They got all the ibuprofen out of my system. I’ve been seeing a therapist and I’m doing quite a bit better now.
6. I tried to cut my throat, but I stopped because my dog was scared. I didn’t want to lose her, or my family.
7. “Everything is so fuzzy. This could be it… Goodnight.” I tried to OD several times. It’s a wonder my organs are okay.
The last time I tried to kill myself was by jumping under a car. My last thought was “fucking do it, nobody will care and you know it.” Then a drunk person pulled me back. It hit me- what a selfish way to go. Someone would have had to live with that- hitting a 17 year old girl at 6am on their way to work.
8. I laid down in my bed hearing my husband prepare my infant daughter her nighttime bottle and thought: “she’ll be fine without me, better off in fact.” She didn’t know me yet and I thought my husband and parents could raise her without my toxic damaging influence. All I could think was that I was giving my daughter a gift, a life without me as her mother. She could imagine me as anything she wanted or needed. She’d never know my weaknesses and failures. I’d just be a few photos on her dad’s Facebook. And maybe not even that if he remarried. It was the ultimate feeling of release.
9. I jumped off of a bridge. 80 ft. I remember looking down and instantly diving off. In the air I had done a flip and was thinking “What happens next happens.” Falling was so peaceful, I felt free. It was only a few seconds but it felt like a life time of floating towards heaven. Then I hit the water. I thought I was dead until I took a breath of air and was like “oh shit. it didnt work. lol. now what.” I started laughing really hard and thought “of course i survived. lol. of course this would happen to me. It took me 30 minutes to get out of the Puget Sound. Very cold. Almost drowned. Almost died of hypothermia in the hospital.
I’m so much better now. I wouldn’t say that I am happy that I jumped off of the bridge, but it changed my life for all of the better. I found a therapy that worked for me and wow. lol.
10. I didn’t go through with it… But I wrote down my feelings about the time I came close.
Things all came to a head one night in the parking lot at WalMart. I was devastatingly drunk. Crying. Drowning in self-loathing and alcohol. I hated myself. I hated the person I was. I hated the things I had done to the people that loved me. I wanted to die. I kept a .40 cal semi-auto handgun tucked between the front seats in my truck. I looked at it. I picked it up. I felt like freedom was inside it. I had to let it out. All the pain would go away. Nobody would have to deal with me anymore. I couldn’t do any more damage to anyone if I were gone. I pulled back the hammer, I stuck the barrel into my mouth, it tasted just like it smelled… I started to squeeze the trigger… People in my life started to flash into my mind and the thoughts of how it would affect them. First was my son, 23 at the time. He had a girlfriend blow her head off with a .357 magnum when he was 19. How will this affect him, I asked myself. He got over it once, he’ll get over it again, I answered. I squeezed the trigger a little more. My step-daughters, 20 and 25 at the time, how will this affect them, I asked. They would be glad to see me go, I answered quickly. I squeezed the trigger a little more. My mom, who lost her oldest child to cancer 12 years ago, how will this affect her, I asked myself. She lost one, she can lose another, I answered. I squeezed the trigger a little more. My ex-wife… How would… I stopped squeezing. I saw an image of her on her knees. Crying. Not just crying, bawling. That deep, gut wrenching, terribly broken soul heaving cry. I pulled the gun out of my mouth, unloaded it and threw it into the back seat which was full of everything I owned. I broke down and cried harder than I ever had in my life. That was it. I was done.
11. “Finally I’ll have some peace.”
I tried to overdose- mixed opiates and benzos. My best friend found me and took me back to his place. I was severely loopy. Slept for hours. Woke up and immediately thought “I wasn’t supposed to wake up.” I walked to the pharmacy and bought gel cap sleep aids and liquid sleep aids. Proceeded to chase the entire box of pills with the syrup. Apparently my best friend found me scarfing the pills down in his bed saying “nothing matters.” 911 was called. I ended up in a psych ward for 5 days. I haven’t suffered from suicidal ideation in a while, I manage my depression with talk therapy.
For the record- I never felt regret or that last minute “what have I done?!”
12. I hung myself within the last year. Reasons are…..well my reasons. The last thought I render before blacking out was one of peace. It was the one and only time I remember feeling in control of my own life. I felt, for lack of a better word, right. It scares the absolute shit out of me, because I can’t stop thinking about it, and how much I wish I felt that way always.
Everything seems so much worse now, I have friends who are angry they couldn’t talk me through it so they have cut me off for being “selfish”. The only thing keeping me from trying again is my mom. But it’s strained our relationship.
I feel worthless, and love the feeling of being 100% in control.
I Drove Through The WORST Parts Of Pittsburgh. This Is What I Saw.
This is where MM is from. All of my relatives live in Pittsburgh. The views here are about me. BTW, I used to work in McKeesport / West Elizabeth. Yikes.-MM
Horrible, eh?
Walking Tour of Shenzhen, China, walking in Futian District, Shenzhen
This is where MM lives now…
I own a house here.
Though I talk about my home in Zhuhai, and my home in Zhongshan Tanzhou, my main home is in Shenzhen. Check it out…
“Vaccine-Induced AIDS” – Military Records 500% Increase in HIV after COVID-19 Vax
The Armed Forces of the United States recorded a five hundred percent (500%) increase in AIDS after administering the COVID-19 Vaccine to US Troops. The COVID-19 Vaccine is implicated.
White Blood Cells (WBC) fight-off infection in the human body. NORMALLY, the level of White cells in blood is usually about 5,000 cells per milliliter. During an infection, that level jumps – perhaps as high as twenty-thousand (20,000) — until the body kills the invading bacteria or virus. Once the invader is dead, the WBC count returns to the normal range of about 5,000.
After getting the COVID-19 “vaccine” many (very many) people started noticing they were becoming sick more often, and taking far longer to fight-off whatever bug they caught. Moreover, people with Cancer that had been in remission, suddenly found the cancer was not only back, but had metastasized and spread everywhere.
Doctors performing routine tests on people began noticing the level of WBC was lower than usual. Instead of having 5,000 WBC as a baseline, Doctors began seeing patients with 4,000, or 3,000, and some as low as 2,000 WBC. At those levels, the human body does not have enough of its front-line troops to fight-off infection very well.
When the level drops below 1,000, a person gets sick from their own natural gut bacteria, which gets out into the blood stream and they become Septic. This leads to death.
Now, US military Doctors are seeing AIDS-like levels of WBC in our troops. They cannot fight off infections. Doctors are calling this “Vaccine Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome “VAIDS.”
It turns out that the COVID-19 “vaccine” contains three proteins found in the HIV virus!
So it now appears that those who got the COVID-19 “vaccines” gave themselves AIDS and will die from it.
The British Boradcasting Corporation (BBC) did a special TV show in the United Kingdom last year about this. In that show, they revealed that a segment of HIV *** WAS *** used to manufacture the vaccine! Here is that segment:
So they knew. They actually KNEW they were giving a part of the HIV virus to everyone who got their “vaccine.”
Oh, and the people who developed this “vaccine” and others who pushed it off on the public as “safe and effective” . . . they’re all still out walking free on our streets.
Where are the arrests?
If this pattern of VAIDS continues, then it would seem the COVID-19 “vaccines” will ultimately wipe out about six billion people on the planet. Death on a scale this planet has never seen before.
Why are the people who did this still out walking free? Sounds like Criminally Negligent Homicide to me.
Where are the police?
Where are the lawyers, suing? Or are they just preparing to die like the rest after taking the “vaccine?” Or maybe THEY didn’t actually take it? Maybe THEY knew all along what this “vaccine” actually was?
If so, that’s the crime of premeditated murder.
Putin warns STOP this now as NATO crosses red line in Ukraine
The world after Taiwan’s fall
Let us start with our bottom line: a failure of the United States to come to Taiwan’s aid – politically, economically, and militarily – in the event of a takeover attempt by the People’s Republic of China (PRC) would devastate the Unites States’ credibility and defense commitments to its allies and partners, not just in the Indo-Pacific, but globally.
If the United States tries but fails to prevent such a takeover, the impact could be equally devastating unless there is a concentrated, coordinated US attempt with like-minded allies and partners to halt further PRC aggression and eventually roll back Beijing’s gains.
This is not a hypothetical assessment. Taiwan has been increasingly under the threat of a military takeover by the PRC and, even today, is under attack politically, economically, psychologically and through so-called “gray zone” military actions short of actual combat.
The US government, US allies and others have begun to pay attention to this problem. Yet, to this day, they have not sufficiently appreciated the strategic implications that such a takeover would generate.
The study
To address this problem, the Pacific Forum has conducted a multi-authored study on “the World After Taiwan’s Fall” with the goal of raising awareness in Washington, key allied capitals and beyond about the consequences of a PRC victory in a war over Taiwan – and, more importantly, to drive them to take appropriate action to prevent it.
On this question, the study provides six national perspectives (US, Australian, Japanese, Korean, Indian and European). Its findings and recommendations were fed into the second round of the Pacific Forum-run Track-2 “US-Taiwan Deterrence and Defense Dialogue” sponsored by the Defense Threat Reduction Agency.
It outlines these strategic implications in two alternative scenarios. In the first scenario, the PRC attacks Taiwan and it falls with no outside assistance from the United States or others. In the other scenario, Taiwan falls to the PRC despite outside assistance – a “too little, too late” scenario.
The study’s main finding is that Taiwan’s fall would have devastating consequences for the United States and many countries in the region and beyond. Regardless of how it happens (without or despite US/allied intervention), Taiwan’s fall to the PRC would be earth-shattering.
The PRC could eclipse US power and influence in the region once and for all. Taiwan’s fall could lead to the advent of a Pax Sinica in which Beijing and its allies would pursue their interests much more aggressively and with complete impunity.
Nuclear proliferation in several parts of the Indo-Pacific could also be the net result of Taiwan’s fall, leading to much more dangerous regional and international security environments.
To several authors, it would thus be necessary to build an Asian equivalent to the North Atlantic Treaty Organization to prevent PRC adventurism and ultimately retake Taiwan.
Accordingly, the United States, its allies and others should take major action – rapidly – to prevent such a development.
In particular, the United States should lead an effort to strengthen collective deterrence and defense in the Indo-Pacific; this is especially important in the aftermath of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which has shown territory takeovers still happen in the 21st century.
The United States should also give serious consideration to establishing region-wide nuclear sharing arrangements. At a minimum, it should jumpstart research to examine the benefits, costs and risks that such arrangements would bring to the Indo-Pacific security architecture and assess the opportunities and challenges that such a development would present.
Each national perspective imagines broadly similar implications of a PRC takeover of Taiwan.
United States
Ian Easton’s chapter on the US perspective explains that Taiwan’s fall would be disastrous irrespective of how it might happen because the island is a leading democracy, has unique military and intelligence capabilities, plays a critical role in global high-tech supply chains and benefits from a special geographic location in the heart of East Asia.
Easton further contends that the outcome would be especially dire if Taiwan should fall without the United States and others trying (even if they failed) to defend it. The result would be Taiwan’s destruction as a “free and independent country”; the breakdown of the US alliance system, with some allies going nuclear and others falling into the PRC’s diplomatic orbit; and increased PRC influence globally.
Taiwan’s fall after an intense battle between the United States, its allies, and the PRC would not be as bad: Taiwanese resistance fighters would likely fight on, and the United States might be in a position to build a collective deterrence and defense system to keep the PRC in check. Still, the regional and global security orders would be shattered.
Australia
Malcolm Davis’s chapter on the Australian perspective paints a similarly dark picture. Regardless of how Taiwan’s fall might happen, Davis explains, the PRC would be “much better placed to deny US forward presence, to weaken American geopolitical influence in Asia, and expand Beijing’s domination in the region.”
He adds that a US and allied failure to intervene would generate a “highly permissive environment for Beijing from which it could expand its influence and presence as well as coerce other opponents, notably Japan as well as Australia.”
Meanwhile, in the event of a failed US/allied intervention, Davis contends that the outcome would be a substantial US defeat – which would reinforce the perception of US decline – or a protracted high-intensity war with the PRC. Neither outcome would be good for Australia.
Canberra, then, would have to recalibrate and fundamentally rethink its defense policy, its alliance with the United States, and its strategic relationships with other regional partners.
Japan
Matake Kamiya’s chapter on the Japanese perspective argues that Tokyo, too, would regard the Island’s fall to the PRC as deeply troubling. As Kamiya puts it, “If China seizes Taiwan, the consequences – in political, military, economic [terms] and even in terms of values and ideology – would have serious repercussions for Japan.”
Kamiya considers that the outcome of Taiwan’s fall would be “equally bad” whether the fall took place without or despite US/allied assistance.
He points out that, in Japanese eyes, US credibility would be at stake if a PRC takeover took place without US intervention and that the US ability to defend Japan effectively would be seriously questioned in the case of a failed US intervention.
Either way, serious problems would then likely emerge in the US-Japan alliance as a result.
South Korea
Duyeon Kim’s chapter on the Korean perspective echoes Kamiya’s on the Japanese perspective. Kim stresses that “the expected outcomes of Taiwan’s fall for Korea would be the same under the two scenarios – both equally bad in terms of South Korean perceptions and sentiments about the US security commitments to them and their interest in obtaining an independent nuclear deterrent.”
Kim, however, does insist that much would depend on the degree to which South Koreans question US credibility and lose trust in Washington, as well as on the political party in power in Seoul, the state of the US-Korea alliance, the state of Korea-PRC relations and North Korea’s nuclear capabilities and strategic calculus.
Still, she argues that a determining factor would be President Xi Jinping’s worldview and the PRC’s economic situation. Either way, Kim stresses that a “constant outcome” could be an emboldened and more aggressive North Korea.
India
Jabin Jacob’s chapter on the Indian perspective argues that a PRC invasion of Taiwan would “change very little on the ground for India in terms of the bilateral [India-Taiwan] relationship itself.” Yet he explains that a PRC invasion of Taiwan would force India to refocus its national security policy squarely on the PRC, making China its primary threat.
He adds that India would also reconsider its relationship with the United States by distancing itself from Washington – because a post-US world order would be in the making – and, at the same time, seeking to extract concessions from Washington.
More generally, Jacob stresses that Taiwan’s fall would have far-reaching, very negative implications for India in its immediate neighborhood, in its wider Asian and Indian Ocean neighborhood and at the international level.
Europe
Bruno Tertrais’ chapter on the European perspective begins with a reminder that Europe has only recently begun to worry about the PRC and the possibility of a conflict over Taiwan. As a result, views and perceptions on this matter vary widely.
Still, Tertrais explains that Europeans agree that the economic and strategic consequences of Taiwan’s fall to the PRC would be problematic for Europe. Tertrais argues that a failed US/allied intervention would be “less damaging for Europe.” A failure to intervene risks inviting “renewed Russian aggressiveness.”
In either case, however, Tertrais explains that “the fall of Taiwan would be a wake-up call for Europe that it must act fast to be in a position to defend itself.” He adds that several European countries would likely seek to strengthen their security and defense ties with several US Indo-Pacific allies.
This is the first of two parts. Part two will review in more depth some of the key findings and recommendations emanating from the study. This article was first published by Pacific Forum and is republished with permission.
David Santoro (david@pacforum.org) is President and CEO of Pacific Forum. Follow him on Twitter @DavidSantoro1. Ralph Cossa (ralph@pacforum.org) is president emeritus and WSD-Handa chair in peace studies at Pacific Forum.
Sandwich
