This little post is going to make me the most hated man on the internet. Or, perhaps not.
Sigh.
But that is not it’s intention. Instead, my intention is to break down what happens when a woman decides to have a relationship outside of her marriage to her husband.
It’s about a woman who decides to cheat on her husband.
…
When a couple falls in love and starts a family, it is like a match being lit. The flame might brighten or dim, but it will still be ignited.
Events will cause the light to fade, or brighten.
But nothing is quite as devastating as an affair.
It will snuff off the light, and render it unable to ever be re-lit.
…
It’s life.
And, Well… Life is what we all experience.
And, that includes the non-physical with the physical.
Sigh.
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Infidelity.
…
It is something that is going on with one of the MM followers right now.
And, you know, this is my “advice” to that contributor.
…
Life can be very painful, but we have to be very careful on how we deal with these events that we end up enduring. To do it right, it will take time.
I’m not a novice in these matters.
Lordy! It happened to me. Too.
…
Now, truth be told, this is a unique subset of the infidelity sub-culture. I will do one on men cheating on their spouses at a later date. So in all fairness, expect both sides to the same coin.
I have experienced both.
Sigh.
This is not intended as a DIY, “how to” guide, nor is it intended to be salacious. It is intended to break down, in really simple terms, what is going on and how to avoid having one HELL of a train-wreck in the process. Because (ask anyone who has been there) catching a partner cheating is DEVASTATING to everyone.
There’s absolutely no up-side to it.
It’s a toboggan to Hell.
Why and background
There is an MM influencer that is going though this right now.
Words really fail on how to comfort this person. I have no easy answers, but I can relate my own personal experiences, and these were TERRIBLE.
Thus, to prep for this response, I have, of late, been torturing myself listening to you-tube renditions of reddit discussions on infidelity cases. Ugh! Talk about a dark world! Very addictive, but leaves one drained.
Sheech!
Really horrible stuff.
But, you know, as a man who went through of a couple of divorces, I can (unfortunately) relate.
Now some of the videos and readings sound like fiction. Others are probably elaborated truths.
You have to take what you find on the internet with caution.
Nevertheless…
I want to offer something positive to this world. So, thus in this post, I am trying to address the singular issue of a woman who cheats outside her marriage, and what the ramifications are, and what her options actually are.
I will cover the absolute importance in truth in resolving this matter. And how to avoid the great calamity that is looming up ahead of you.
In the future, I will make a post of a man cheating on his wife.
Let’s start with some solid truths.
Some important notes
This is written by a man discussing men’s impressions and attitudes.
The internet is full of twenty-something single women, and 40+ cat ladies who have very different opinions. You can view those if you disagree what is presented here. This is my opinion based on my experiences.
And one more thing, this post is intended to HELP someone. Nothing more.
The best thing you can do is… don’t even think about it.
Truth One
Your infidelity will be found out. It will be uncovered. One way or the other, and once it is uncovered, you can expect from three years of LIVING HELL to as much as twenty years of horror.
Do not be blind to this fact. It might happen in hours, or over decades, but it will eventually be discovered.
I advise anyone who dares contemplate such an action to proceed very, very carefully. Your actions should not be taken lightly. Regardless of your feelings, you are MARRIED, and thus the weight of your actions affects both you and your HUSBAND. As well as any children that you may have.
Truth Two
When you get married, the man gives up part of his life for RESPECT from the wife. And in exchange for that respect, he provides SECURITY and STABILITY to the wife.
RESPECT for SECURITY
That is why a man gets married.
This is an absolute fact. He does marry to have sex, make money, have kids, or anything like that. He marries to have a partner who RESPECTS him.
The partner who truly respects him will get everything he has. In traditional marriages, he gives all; 100% of his salary, all of his earnings, his time, his devotion, and everything else to the wife.
From the wife’s’ point of view, this is SECURITY. A house. A home. A steady and growing lifestyle. Children, and all the good that comes from the family unit.
SIGNS OF LACK OF RESPECT
- Saying derogatory comments about the husband.
- No or little amount of sex.
- No intimacy.
- Hurtful comments.
Truth Three
Wife Instituted change.
When there is a loss in RESPECT by the wife, the husband will change.
- He will start to get depressed, and sad.
- He will start to get angry and short tempered.
- He will see as cascading of troubles to his life.
In every case, to some matter of degree, the SECURITY (of the wife) will diminish.
Perhaps he will lose his job. Maybe he will take on addictive behaviors. Maybe get sick and ill. Maybe he will go “nuclear” with a divorce.
SECURITY is intimately tied to a man’s RESPECT.
If respect is reduced, so too will be the security.
In every event, the SECURITY (of the wife) will reduce. In worst case scenarios, it could be a precipitous fall.
Truth Four
If you have it “good”, human nature will assume that it will stay that way.
So many times, a wife is fine and content with her family life. But it is missing something. So she takes and makes efforts to “improve” it. Thinking “what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him”, and additionally (and most importantly) my lifestyle is immune to change.
People, not just women, are great at making rationalizations.
- He’s not as intuitive as myself. He’ll never know.
- He would NEVER do this to our kids.
- I deserve this, after all <enter excuse here>.
- He cannot do anything. I’ve gotten away with it before, so…
A woman who cheats on her husband risks a great deal.
- A sub-par life with a weakened spouse.
- A divorce.
- A very enraged and violent husband, and a life chained to a living Hell.
- Torture and death.
All of the above mentioned outcomes are historically accurate. Do not think that anyone is immune.
Truth Five
RESPECT can be quantified.
Here are some elements that men consider to be strongly tied to RESPECT.
- Sex on demand.
- NEVER saying anything bad about the husband outside the home.
- No infidelity.
- Husband comes before friends, family, work and all else. Husband is #1.
There is a woke movement that says the opposite of this. Don’t believe it. Most women of the “woke movement” are retiring in single lives with pet animals.
Truth Six
SECURITY can be quantified.
Here are some elements that men consider to be strongly tied to SECURITY.
- Shelter; home, house.
- Transportation; car.
- Food.
- Being an active parent.
- Shared future.
A man who is Respected will do his best to maintain the highest quality of SECURITY for his family.
Truth Seven
Precautions.
If you do decide to have a relationship out of marriage (even if it is trivial a “one night stand”) the following precautions will help postpone discovery.
- No text messaging. Do not even think about it. Often texting is a #1 sure-fire tell-tail that indicates infidelity. ZERO text messaging, and do not think about “work arounds” like getting the message and then deleting it. The Server, often by law, keeps full records of all texts.
- No phone calls. What can be said about texting goes double for all phone and video conferences and calls.
- No sex pictures, and videos. Absolutely. No exceptions. Once recorded, and you are told that they will be deleted, or are secure, and all the rest; do not believe them. In a hostile divorce proceeding, nothing goes against you more than the entire judicial chamber watching you take in three husky men plowing into every one of your orifices while you moan in pleasure.
- Do not change routine work hours. This is a common gambit. You state that you have to work extra hours, and then use the time for dating and sexual activities. This is often one of the first lies that are uncovered. Do not even think about it.
- Pictures. Never, ever, ever stand beside your “boyfriend” (or girlfriend) in group photos, or in any photos. Don’t do it. No excuses.
- Home Visits. Nothing enrages a spouse more than to find out that the interloper has invaded their home and defiled it. This is a big no-no. It can mean all the difference from a simple divorce, to a torture session. Do not even dare contemplate it.
- Presents. If you feel the need to purchase a present for your “special friend” never hide it in your house. Never use a credit card to purchase. Never use a QR to purchase. Pay in cash. Hide it outside of the home.
Truth Eight
Maintenance
You must (as a woman) perform three times (3x) to your husband for every act of infidelity. It is not one on one. It might seem like a lot. However, you NEED to over compensate to dispel any doubts.
Even if caught, your husband will think that he is too much of a “lover” than any outsider.
So here’s the guidelines…
- Fuck a lover = fuck your husband three times the day after.
- Oral or anal sex. Do it three times with your husband.
- Give a gift to your lover, provide something of value x3 times in value to your husband.
You do not want to get caught. Right?
And if you are caught, at least your husband would be “scratching his head” as to why you would want someone else. As it would not make sense to him. He would think “Shit! We are fucking like animals all week, where in Hell would she ever have time for an outsider?”
Truth Nine
Cautious behavior.
You can never get your aggrieved spouse to see your point of view. But you can perform “damage control” to minimize the impact of the horror that will be unleashed once discovered.
- Avoid local and well-used restaurants. If you are out in public with your lover, go to places “off the beaten path”.
- Never compare your lover to your spouse. Ever!
- Never “confide” your secrets to anyone (outside of your husband).
- Be careful about your new lover. If they are getting emotionally involved then a stop-watch is started for the collapse of your life.
Truth Ten
It is a slow descent into Hell.
It is unusual for a husband to discover cheating immediately. It will take time, but he will notice a few things. No matter how smart and careful you are, and how dull and dim-witted he is, he will eventually know.
It’s not an EQ thing, but rather being married, you two are emotionally and spiritually joined. And he will FEEL something different.
Initially, the man is apt to “brush it off” as his imagination.
But all it takes is one tangible minor issue that will trigger the detective in himself.
And the elevator to Hell will begin.
The stages generally are (variations in duration, and investigation, with actions) will vary from person to person.
- Feeling off.
- Strange changes in life and behavior.
- Detective mode.
- Discovery with SHOCK!
- Planning to resolve, or end the situation.
- Implementation.
Truth Eleven
Fighting a man.
To have an extramarital affair out of wedlock with your husband is to violate your marriage, and attack him personally.
Your actions with your lover is a personal violation of your husband. Period.
You are now in a battle with him.
It might not look like it, and it might seem that everything is just fine and stable, but battles and wars are often fought in secret long before the eruption of violence.
The tools of battle available to the man…
- Deletion, erasure, and corruption of all SECURITY.
This means that your savings will disappear, any joint accounts will be emptied, your workplace will fire you, and your possessions will disappear. He might alienate your children from you, and will try to erase your friendships and turn your parents and siblings against you.
- Violence
Your husband would get very violent against you. And he could really hurt your lover. He could do this himself, or hire goons / friends, or associates to perform the actions.
- Abandonment
This is the softest but most infuriating technique. He just disappears. And the wife is left with a mind spinning trying to figure out what is going on. This is an intentional MIND-FUCK. And it will change body chemistry for the worst.
- Head Games
The husband would start dating outside the marriage. He would start playing games and doing things that would trigger the detective in every woman to go into over-drive. A woman's mind can be set into a whirling nightmare, and a husband though careful manipulation wan whip that mind-fuck into a hurricane and tornado.
Truth Twelve
Detaching from your lover
The smart wife (or man) would realize that the road that they are on will result in a fiery crash with significant collateral damage. Sooner or later an off-ramp must be put in place, and the illicit romance or series of escapades must end.
There are many ways to do this. But the most important one is to go “cold turkey” and abruptly call it off immediately with ZERO follow up communication.
Depending on where you are in your marriage, it can be timely and productive, or far too late.
NOTE: Your lover will NOT go “quietly into the night”.
Truth Thirteen
Sorting out the truth for full closure
If the husband finds out, and WANTS to resolve this and keep his marriage intact… then the good news is that your affair will be forgiven.
However, invariably, he will ask for the FULL truthful story as to what actually happened.
Human nature, mean and women, will minimize the truth. This is for all kinds of reasons, but the real truth will never be admitted to.
- “a single fling while drunk”
When in reality the wife was having monthly swinger sessions with multiple men at group orgies.
- “Sex was fine, but he wasn’t as good as you”
When she is caught on tape saying terrible things about her husband and comparing him to her studly lover.
- “It was only once”
When the husband knows of multiple occasions though friends, associates and the internet.
No matter how you parse it, the odds are VERY HIGH that the husband knows much more than what he is letting on.
If what you say does not match his proof, he will call you a liar, and your opportunity is shit-canned.
When he asks for the TRUTH, he means a truth that will match and fit with his evidence in hand. And believe me, when he comes to you and offers to forgive in exchange for truth… this is D-Day. You must be completely forthcoming.
Truth Fourteen
Truth is difficult to obtain
It is in our nature to keep things private and secretive. Even if you want to be open and honest, you will invariably avoid saying the raw truth. And this problem, being serious, can absolutely torpedo any resolution to the infidelity issue.
There are techniques that are guaranteed to get the truth.
- Sodium pentathol (truth serum)
You can have family doctor administer the serum while a social worker or psychologist asks questions in a relaxed environment.
- Hypnosis
A trained hypnotist can ask questions to the person, and invariably in that relaxed state, the person will more likely than not, tell the truth.
- Truth Detection Equipment
Truth Detection Equipment often works on changes in amplitude or frequency of voice, electrochemical reactions in the body or the combination of both.
- LSD, MDMA
These illegal drugs offer an unconventional means of dealing with the issue. You will need to both take the drugs together, and you both will talk and emote about this issue.
It NEEDS to be said, that unless professional means are obtained to extract the truth, the husband will continue to doubt his wife for the rest of his life.
You cannot fake this.
It has to be solid and tangible; something that the husband will believe.
I recommend a trained hypnotist, or a doctor administered shot.
Refusal to do this WILL result in unintended consequences to the opportunity presented to you at this time.
Truth Fifteen
The crawl back from the edge of the pit is possible.
But, the solutions are Black and White with absolutely no ambiguity.
- Non-contested divorce.
- Contested divorce.
- Full STOP with the infidelity, and zero communication with the lover.
- Staged decoupling, husband, lover, or both.
- Open marriage.
- Start an alternative lifestyle.
You pick one. Both of you agree to it. And you stick to that decision.
Truth Sixteen
Closure and Future
When a wife cheats on her family, a change in the relationship occurs. How the couple works it out is wildly interconnected, but it really just boils down to two solid events.
- Closure. The full truth is shared. Guarantees are made to prevent reoccurrence.
- Future. What changes will be made in the relationship and the expectations with them.
Final Comments
This post is about a wife cheating on her husband.
I experienced that myself.
We resolved it by the two-choice method. After my wife returned from a weekend in a distant city with her boyfriend, I sat down with her and made the situation very clear.
[1] Say with me, or [2] go with the lover.Pick one, and we will move on from there.
But having both a lover and a husband can not continue.
Long story short. My wife chose me, and left him.
And he was pissed!
…
I did not ask for details. I already knew enough. And, you know, I really didn’t need a blow-by-blow of events.
- She had sex numerous times. Ok. Meh. This is a no-brainer. Of-course.
- She spent a lot of time with him, too much.
- He was active in trying to peel her away from me. (A big headache!)
- He was /is an investment banker. (He had a LOT of money to spend on her.)
- I was just then getting back on my feet. (I was just scraping by.)
- He was younger, studlier than myself. Alpha male.
- His parents already made arrangements for a mansion, cars, and a lavish lifestyle under the observation of his mother once they “got married” after our marriage was annulled.
Sigh. MM life. Not for the feint of heart. Eh?
My concern (my “big deal”) was “shared relationship” and one where large portions of time was not spent with me, instead she was emotionally attached with her lover. Guys. I don’t like sharing emotions. It’s difficult for me.
Us guys are like that.
When your wife spends “too much time” with another guy, we start to get insecure. Whether it is just talking, writing, texting, or sex… it doesn’t matter. We want your undivided attention. Otherwise, we get insecure.
Insecurity is the result of a lack of RESPECT.
So, I had to end it.
And I respect any man or woman that makes the same decision. Including certain MM influencers living in Europe. Don’t you know.
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The wife initiated this chain of events.
But it is husband’s responsibility to end them. And, you know, so I did.
I did what I preach. The decision on how to proceed must be clear and unambiguous. The choices were clear and stark. Two men. One a husband, the other a lover. The wife had to choose, and the loser could NEVER, ever communicate with the wife ever again.
Once presented, it was up to the wife to make the decision.
And my wife chose me.
Most wife’s will not want to throw away the relationship that they have with their spouse, but the guardrails and rules must be firm and adhered to. Or else it is just a continuation of torture.
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In the future, I will make another post about men cheating on their wives. I also have experience in this. And it’s called life experience. Ugh!
Please don’t judge.
It is natural to do so, but we all experience the highs and lows of life, and some are not pretty to look at. And, as I have repeatedly said, I am not an angel. Just a man, full of mistakes and faults.
Relationships change. People change. Life changes us.
No one is an angel. Accept that fact, and be understanding to your spouse who has made mistakes. It’s not a forgiveness; it is rather an acceptance.
Men. Do not be an absolutist.
Be understanding, show kindness and compassion. Most especially to your wife. Everyone deserves to have one major fuck-up. Let her absolve her sins, and move on forward.
Be like water. Adapt to the changes.
…
It is common to be devastated and turn into a solid cube of ice. Fight that force.
Offer the wife a choice, and a firm and clear option with “guardrails”. Allow her a “face saving” out, and a chance to repair the marriage, and then build something new and better from the ruins.
Some good Videos
The following videos will help explain what is discussed herein. They were difficult for me to watch. If you want to watch just a few videos, then just watch the first three.
VIDEO #1
Husband Finds Spicy Video Of Wife With Coworker, Sends It To Her ENTIRE Family And Then Leaves Town!
This video illustrates well what is at stake.
VIDEO #2
Husband Took My Dad’s Business & Left Me W/ No Inheritance Cuz Of My Small Misstep.
This is a pretty good story. Probably the best on the Internet. And well illustrates all the points made up and above.
VIDEO #3
She participated in group sex for years!
This is also a pretty good video.
VIDEO #4
My Cheating Wife Is Going To Be Homeless Because Of A Prenuptial Agreement
This is also interesting.