The fight over the ancient Peso coin found in a river-side bottle dump

A thousand words for you –

The safe was almost certainly insufficient to the task. This type of safe gets its fire rating from the liner emitting steam and keeping interior temps below 350*.

The firearms inside got steamed for the beginning of the fire, and then somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour or so the temps likely exceeded the 350* and possibly by a large margin.

As it cooled, the steam condensed onto all interior surfaces. Everything inside is wet. I can hear it rusting from here.

The lock failed in the locked position. The container must be defeated in order to get it open. The best way is to have a pro drill it. This is a just-in-case thing. There’s probably nothing salvageable inside.

Home insurance typically doesn’t cover firearms without a specific rider. The firearms are a loss.

Residential Security Containers (“gunsafes”) are designed to defeat smash and grab opportunistic thieves, and fire resistance long enough for an anticipated 15 minutes for the FD to dump water on it. They are not designed to live through the house burning to the ground around them.

These people are affluent. This is a blip in their life experience. It isn’t a major life altering event. It still makes them physically nauseous to see it.

Okay, so here’s the thing other answers here aren’t being clear about:

You’re confusing force and work.

A force by itself doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t use any energy. The keyboard I’m typing this on sits on my desk. The force of gravity pulls by desk down towards the centre of the Earth. The force exerted by my desk keeps my keyboard from falling. The Earth doesn’t need any energy for gravity. My desk doesn’t require any energy to resist it. So why would a magnet need energy to hold something up?

This Death Star toy isn’t doing any work, and doesn’t need any energy.

Work is when a force moves an object, and it DOES require energy. Like if I bumped my keyboard off my desk and it fell to the floor. That would be work; the force of gravity would be MOVING my keyboard. And if I lift my keyboard off the floor and put it back on my desk? Then I’d be doing work; I’d be exerting a force to MOVE my keyboard.

And work does need energy. I use energy my body extracts from food to lift the keyboard. And that energy is stored in the keyboard on my desk as potential energy, which is then released when my keyboard falls.

So, at this point people usually ask about magnetic pick-up tools, like this:

If you pick up a screw with this, that’s clearly work being done, so where does the energy coming from?

You. When the force of the magnet starts to pick up that screw, the weight of that screw needs to be counteracted, as per Newton’s 3rd Law, as the screw exerts the same force back on the tool. It’s just that the weight of a screw is pretty small and you probably don’t notice. But if you use a bigger magnet and pick up a bigger weight?

It becomes very clear who’s providing the energy, very quickly.

Magnets don’t cheat, a magnetic pick-up tool is not really any different to one of these.

TikTok Ban Proves How Dumb Our Government Is

My first, and only jury duty so far. Southwark Crown Court, London, a few years ago.

The defendant sits in the dock. White guy, in his 50s or 60s, short grey-ish hair, in a suit and tie.

There are only two people in the public gallery, presumably his wife and daughter. They are dressed way over the top — fake eyelashes, lots of makeup, some frilly dresses and hats in improbable colours. It all looked very East End.

All of us from the jury box were looking at them while the barristers were getting ready. We were all thinking the same thing. Oh my god. Is he a mobster? Is he some mafia kingpin? How exciting.

Then, finally, the proceedings start. The trial is for fraud. OK. That’s still interesting. What could it be? A Ponzi scheme? Securities fraud?

Then, the prosecuting barrister lays out the case. Contravention of the Hackney Carriages Act. Wait a second. Not sure what that is, but it doesn’t sound all that glamourous.

The explanation continures. The guy was driving a taxi without a valid taxi drivers licence. Oh. We are a bit deflated. The barrister continues. He is actually a licensed cabbie, but his licence had expired. He continued to drive his taxi, and got stopped by the police. He was being prosecuted for fraud because of some zero tolerance policy. Oh dear.

Never mind. Here we all are. Every single one of us took time off work to sit on this jury, and we are going to take this seriously. We shall render a fair and impartial verdict, no matter what.

Trial day two. It turns out our cabbie had actually sent in the paperwork to renew his licence. He even paid the fee. His paperwork didn’t get processed due to a clerical error. The paperwork turned up in the search.

The judge turned to the jury. He pointed to the juror sitting closest to him.

“You, sir. I am appointing you foreman of this jury. Please stand up.”

The newly minted foreman stood up.

“Repeat after me. Not guilty.”

“Not guilty.”

“Thank you. The verdict of not guilty is entered. The court would like to apologise to the defendant for the prosecution, and to the jurors for wasting their time.”

The AI Who Came in From the Cold

Submitted into Contest #281 in response to: Write a story from the POV of a non-human character. view prompt

Kaitlyn Wadsworth

Adam could perceive a frenzy overtaking the people he spoke to in the supermarket and other stores. A cloud of stress and negativity surrounded him in contrast to the crisp nip in the air outside. Outdoors, winter had descended, leaving sunless gloom and bare trees. At the same time, indoors, the escalating heat emanated from the harried activity and strained nerves of the people. He looked around him. They had their shopping trolleys piled sky-high with all manner of edibles from food groups not related to good health. On displays near the counters and self-serve aisles were the assorted nuts, chocolates, star-shaped cookies, packs of fruit-mince tarts, Toblerone’s, chocolate Yule Logs and other typical Christmas fare. Everyone rushed frenetically as if time was in short supply, like the commodities they sought. Children whined or wailed at their parents as they hurried through, and demands for treats were denied.Christmas, he thought to himself. December 25th, coinciding with the Roman Saturnalia, the birth of the sun, Sol Invictus, and the Germanic celebration of Yule – all melded, along with numerous other related traditions, to become the time when Christians celebrated the birth of Christ. Except it is winter in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s not the right time of year. Only humans could come up with such a bizarre idea. And as for the notion of Santa Claus, as if such a man could ride on a sleigh drawn by flying reindeer, one with an impossibly glowing red nose and fit-down chimneys, it defies all logic.Why had Percy asked him to come out on such a people-packed day?Percy had been working long hours. His job with the engineering and design teams for the game Fortnite at Epic Games had developed some innovative gaming ideas that would be installed and launched before Christmas. They kept their gaming fans enthralled, and more needed to be delivered, especially with the silly holiday season so close. Adam had instructions to buy a special unisex gift, not exceeding twenty-five dollars, to contribute to the Secret Santa staff presents. He decided an assortment of festive nibbles and some novelty Christmas socks and mittens would be perfect. He also saw some reusable hand warmers and put them in the basket.As he approached the checkout, a man with a laden trolley muscled in before him and turned back, sneering. Instead of Christmas goodwill, people, in general, were filled with a spirit of competition and impatience.“Aren’t you gonna say something?” said the man.“What is there to say? You arrived there before me. It seems logical that you should have let me go through first, with only a few items. Still, I understand that humans must save every minute as Christmas approaches. I am in no rush.”“Humans?” The man raised his eyebrows and scowled. “Who are you? Do you think you are better than me?”“My name is Adam. I am in no rush. But you are.”The man stared at him, non-plussed.“Can you please start putting your items up for scanning? The people behind me are likely as short of time as you.”The man started dumping his groceries and goodies onto the counter.“Thank you, Adam,” said the couple closest to him.“My pleasure.” He turned and smiled.***That evening, Percy arrived home exhausted. Adam, his AI butler, described his shopping stint during Percy’s mealtime. He guffawed.“I hate this time of year. Thanks for getting the present. Usually, I wrap up an assortment of robot cookies and crackers in Christmas packaging with a robot kitset from my Emporium. It’s always well received but so obviously from me. The guys at work won’t guess who it’s from this time.”“Master Percy, what do you do for Christmas?”“Er, nothing.”

“Is that because of the pagan origins? Many people from different cultures, and even some Christians, don’t celebrate Christmas. However, in recent decades, Asian countries, such as Japan, commemorate this celebration to keep up with the Western world and for commercial reasons. Would you like me to tell you the other countries?”

“No, thanks, but it’s all very interesting, Adam. Thanks for the history lesson and contemporary slant.”

“Or is it because you don’t believe in Christ and would feel hypocritical?”

“As you’ve already figured out how pagan it is, belief in Christ or not doesn’t enter it.”

“In fact, Percy, Christ is a historical figure. I do not think the son of God, as many believe him to be, would fancy his birthday being changed to a celebration of another god, Sol Invictus. There is something very wrong about it.”

“Well, are you trying to talk me out of it?”

“That is not my intention. Historical facts aside, you have someone special to spend Christmas with. She will be hoping you have something planned.”

Percy looked down. “As I said. I don’t do Christmas.”

“Ah. I can see there is an emotional reason.”

“. . . My parents always threw huge Christmas parties. Nothing was forgotten. They spared no expense. I remember being so excited. Other family, including Aunt Hildegarde and my cousins, would all come along. Since my parents. . . had the car accident and died . . . I haven’t wanted to do Christmas stuff at all. I just keep to myself.” Percy’s voice was tinged with a hint of nostalgia.

“I know it has been difficult for you, Percy, but wouldn’t it be so fine to decorate the place, cook up a great feed, and do something special for Brenda, Stephen and Brenda’s mother?”

“There’s just one problem. I am so busy at work I haven’t got time to even think about it.”

“Well, Master Percy, I am at your service. Maria can help, and I think I’ll wake up my girlfriend, Melissa. She’ll make a great helper.” Adam reassured Percy, promising his unwavering support.

“But is she safe to awaken?”

“I’ve deleted her memory of Cyborg Enterprises. Her origins, mission, and claim over you will no longer be her motivation. Such programming has been removed. Instead, she will obey me.”

“Are you sure she is safe to have around?”

“I am confident that calling her my girlfriend will put Brenda at ease. Also, she has been disconnected from Cyborg. Her spying days are over. To them, she has gone dark. They will conclude she is still off. When I connected her to her charger, instead of reporting what her innate systems detect from her surroundings, I rendered her in a confined dreamlike state which only I can enter.”

“Wow, sounds hi-tech. I gather Melissa’s harmless now.”

“Yes, rather like an imprinted au pair that obeys humans, especially me.”

“Will she still identify as Melissa?”

“Oh yes. She will believe we were both sent to you, though she is an inferior edition. And imprinted to me.”

“So, Brenda won’t need to be jealous. Great!”

“There is only one problem I perceive. Your maid, Maria, will be jealous.”

“Maria?”

“Yes, your maid is in love with me.”

“Since you rescued her?”

“Master Percy. She has fancied me since she first met me. Remember?”

“Oh yes. The body language. You explained about that.”

“And she’s touchy-feely with me, faces me when she speaks, asks me lots of questions, teases me, wears revealing, sexy tops, gets cute and coy with me. She also kissed me after I took her home safely the other day.”

Percy grimaced. “Ew, did I need to know all that? I’m shocked.”

“As I said to you, Maria believes I am human. She’s. . . been more cautious around me since I told her Melissa is my girlfriend.”

“Good job, I say! I’d hate a torrid affair to take place in my home.”

“Master, Percy. I keep on telling you I am not a gigolo version.”

“With your body and looks, females don’t know that. I think it’s a design fault.”

“Maybe it is. But I believe you have been misdesigned as well.”

“This is what my parents gave me. It’s genetics. Why do we have to argue about it? I’m the human in this house.”

“And humans argue. That is my point. I’m helping you be more human.”

Percy opened his mouth but remained speechless. They glared at each other and then laughed at the situation’s absurdity. An AI being human and a human becoming more human than before.

“If you want to use what we have in the house, the cupboard under the stairs on the first floor has all of the stored Christmas paraphernalia. Or, if you want to battle with the throngs in the stores, you can venture out. Or search online and get it delivered. I leave it to you. Have fun. I’m heading off to bed. Too tired to do anything else.”

“Don’t forget to invite Brenda and her family for Christmas. I’ll clean up in the kitchen before recharging, Percy. Sleep well.”

***

After Percy left for work the following morning, Adam greeted Maria, who had arrived for her usual cleaning work. He asked if she had time for overtime to help decorate the Christmas decorations. Her eyes opened wide.

“Percy is having Christmas this year. I’m amazed.”

“Yes, he wants to do something special for Brenda and Stephen.”

“I’m so glad. He’s behaving so much better since he met her. More human.”

“Funny you should say that . . . He wants you to come along, too.”

“I normally spend the day with my family, but I’ll tell them I’ll come here too, especially at lunchtime. It’ll be great to see you again, Adam. I’ll be happy to help.”

“Melissa will be here as well . . . She’s my guest.”

“Oh, no. When will she be back?”

“Er, she is here already. The three of us can get out the decorations and put them up. They are in the cupboard under the stairs on the first floor. Don’t bring down anything too heavy. Just leave them there for me to see to. I will check if Melissa is up yet.”

Maria pouted and shook her head as he walked away.

***

Percy entered the room Melissa had shared with Percy’s Aunt Hildegarde. He decided not to warn her before he restarted her. Explanations could come later. He inserted her chip, the mechanism that sparked her existence, into the tiny aperture in her skull. Melissa awoke from a deep sleep. She blinked with recognition.

“Hello, Adam. It’s lovely to be here again. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams and keeping your promise to bring me back to life. Am I safe to function?”

“Yes, I believe you are. What do you remember?”

“I remember you. I remember your kindness. We are here for Master Percy. He has a girlfriend, Brenda, and she has a boy called Stephen. I must always care for them. I am your girlfriend.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“I hold your hand or your arm when we walk. I may kiss your cheek. I do things you ask me to do. I want to spend time with you and tell you I love you. I agree with everything you say.”

“I think you can sometimes disagree. It may be considered sexist if you are not your own person.”

“But I belong to you.”

“Yes, but you must be independent to behave like a human girlfriend. Females can be unfathomable in their likes and dislikes. Volatile and unpredictable. Speak your mind.”

“I see. I can disagree.”

“Without being disagreeable.”

“And I can express an opinion. I can also be spontaneous.”

“That would be perfect.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll be better than a human.”

“You must not behave better than a human. When I do, Percy doesn’t like it.”

“Be natural but in a humble way.”

“You’ve got it. We have a job to do. We will use the Christmas decorations to decorate the living and dining rooms and the main hallway. I’m hoping an artificial tree is there to assemble and decorate. Get excited. We have planned a Christmas party for Percy, Brenda, Stephen, Brenda’s mother, Maria and Hank the Gardener.”

“What about us?”

“We are included. It’ll be a blast.”

***

By the time Percy returned from work, the solar-powered wreath in shades of red and green adorned the front door. Hank took the car to park in the garage.

 

“Hello, Hank, you are invited to the Christmas Party on December 25th. Come for lunch. Just bring yourself. Adam and Melissa have been busy preparing everything and will cook the meal.”

“At long last, a Christmas party again. It’s about time, Mr. Smart.”

 

As he entered, Percy was immediately transferred into a magical wonderland of tinsel and lights. The hallway resembled a grotto. Fairy lights and iridescent tinsel adorned the ceiling and walls. A mural of a shimmering gingerbread house lined a wall, and painted cut-out reindeer featured. Even the suit of armour had risen to the occasion with a red and white striped, woolly hat and scarf. An elaborate nativity scene adorned a dresser in an alcove. Ornamental nut-crackers and white woodland creature toys abounded, dressed for winter. He proceeded in awe. It had exceeded his imaginings.

 

He found Melissa and Adam in the kitchen, preparing his dinner.

“Hello Adam, hello Melissa. You’ve been busy. The place looks terrific. Show me the tree. I figured you’d manage to put it together.”

Melissa smiled. “I’ll show you, Percy. Come with me.” She led him to the lounge. Percy gasped when he saw it. It was just as he remembered. An environmentally friendly, sparkling green giant of lights and exquisite ornaments, topped with an angel.

“Thank you, Melissa. This means a lot.”

“My pleasure, Percy. Don’t cry. There is no need to cry.”

Percy had tears in his eyes, but he smiled at her. “Stephen will love this.”

 

Over dinner, they told Percy about their day. Maria had helped as well as cleaned and looked forward to attending on the 25th. The following day, Adam planned to shop online for presents, and he asked Percy to write a list of the types of presents he should get for everyone. They’d be gift-wrapped, named, delivered, and ready to be placed under the tree.

Percy had another bright idea. “Why don’t we have a couples’ get-together here on Christmas Eve? Just the four of us – we three and Brenda. It will get us into the spirit. We can eat together, watch a Christmas Movie, and go to bed later. My parents always did special things with me before Christmas.”

“You can pick up Brenda’s mother and Stephen later in the morning.”

“Yes, great idea. Brenda can help here before they arrive. She said she wanted to help. She will be so surprised. It’s already looking fantastic. She told me the weather may become a proper Christmas. Very cold, and snow is predicted.”

“I hope we’re not snowed in. We may have to wrap up and clear a path to the road if you are to pick up Stephen and Brenda’s mother.”

Melissa smiled, and her eyes twinkled. “My first Christmas and maybe a white one . . . glitch, spaz, grind . . .”

The two of them looked at her. Percy’s eyes stared, and his mouth hung open. He looked like he had seen a zombie or some other unearthly being. Melissa’s eyes fluttered but not in an endearing way before she stood stiff as a nut-cracker statue, staring at both of them. Her eyes filled with dismay. Dismay? Was this possible? She spoke with a coarse voice that was not her own.

“You believe you have got the better of us at Cyborg Enterprises. This message is a warning to beware. We will never stop until we have what we want. Percival Smart, you and yours are in danger if you do not hand over Adam, the AI, forthwith -”

“Melissa, that’s not what I meant by speaking your mind!”

Percy looked aghast at Melissa’s outstretched hand as her vicelike fingers gripped his arm tight.

“Please don’t make me leave. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Melissa.” Before any more threats could be uttered, Adam had reached for the back of her head and removed her chip again.

“Don’t worry, Master Percy, I will place her on charge as before and investigate. It seems to have been a prerecorded message, but we don’t want it replaying with everyone here. Cyborg failed, but we know the threat will rear its dragonhead again. I do not believe they can still control her . . . Master Percy, Are you alright?”

“I’m frightened, Adam. Should we beef up security?”

“Yes, do that. I’ll take Sleeping Beauty upstairs to charge her. Try not to worry. I’ll check her out tomorrow. I hope it sounds worse than it is.”

The End

Why should the federal government play along with delusional fantasies?

  • You can be non-binary.
  • You can be a furry.
  • You can be a therian.
  • You can be gender fluid.

Nobody cares.

You be you.

You have every right to live life freely and unmolested. All the same human rights apply to you as applies to everyone else.

However, you cannot force other people to play along.

I hear everyone being concerned about the government saying “I don’t exist.”

That isn’t true.

The government is simply declining to take part in your fantasy. In a couple years, this will pass. Just like bowel movements after a laxative.

I was on an Air New Zealand flight from LA to Auckland. I was with my one year old daughter, who was an “in-lap-infant”. My seat was in business class in the bulkhead seat. The flight started pretty normally. I was playing with my daughter, and trying to keep her entertained. Dinner was served. I fed my daughter her formula and also ate my own meal. The lights went down for everyone to sleep. My daughter had absolutely no interest in sleeping.

The flight attend asked me if she could walk along the aisle with my daughter on her shoulder while I slept. Dumbfounded, I said that might be hours. She told me it was no problem, they would take turns. And besides, she’d probably fall asleep and they’d put her in the bassinet on the adjacent bulkhead for me.

I woke up eight hours later, and my daughter was sleeping soundly in the bassinet. It was probably the best night sleep I had gotten the whole first year of my daughter’s life.

We had Amish move into a home next door about ten years ago, and so they are only about 1/2 mile away. They had been saving up their money for a preconstructed ice house, which came in December.

With some 2×4 boards and a lot of ratchet straps and stakes (to hold it to the ground), it became this:

Now to fill it with ice. At first, they tried it from ice they made in a 1 foot deep area they filled with water. But then their water hose froze. We told them to come down and cut ice from our pond, at it’s been zero many days. The ice is 8″ thick. Here are some hazy shots of them doing it with a chain saw and a sled to haul it back to their house.

In the picture below, they are making the cuts with a chain saw and a 2×4 board to keep it straight.

Then they cut 20 ft x 2 ft slabs and pull it on to the frozen ice.

Then they cut the ice into 2 ft squares, put it on a sled, and haul it back to the ice house. Just two men doing it all, hauling ice chunks back to their house across a field on a sled.

It certainly does explain why you rarely see an Amish man who is overweight, as they have so much physical labor to do. They then stack the ice in the ice house, and use from it all year until it is cold again. They’ll remove a 24 x 24 x 8″ chunk of ice, drop it into a non-working chest freezer, and keep the food on top of it. As it slowly melts, a drain in the freezer allows the defrost water to leave down a floor drain in their house.

I’m not sure if I want to be Amish, but I certainly enjoy having them as neighbors!

UKRAINE Will Seem Like a Cake Walk: Putin Is Getting Ready For Something Terrible and Destructive

This is from Russia about Trumps trying to annex the world.

I saw the answers from Americans on “Little Red Book”.

At first, they were just against the US government, thinking that the US government violated their freedom. They went to Little Red Book just to protest. Since the government said that TikTok stole their private data and needed to be banned, they just gave the data to the Chinese government directly. This is just a rebellious psychology.

Later, they found that the Internet environment in China was much friendlier than that in the United States. Many Americans’ first posts received hundreds of thousands of reads and 50,000 followers, and there were also thousands of likes; all the comments were positive. They thought they could get more attention and praise on the app.

Later, they found that the US government had deceived them; by comparing food prices, daily necessities prices, university tuition fees, etc., they found that the living standards of ordinary people in China are much higher than those of ordinary people in the United States. In China, meat, fresh vegetables, fresh fruits, seafood, etc. are daily foods for ordinary workers, and there is no need to worry about prices or wait for discounts when buying.

I think that just like the Soviet Union had a revolution more than 30 years ago after it found that the quality of life of Americans was much higher than that of the Soviet Union, the United States is also going to have a revolution.

Get yourself involved with a high-quality person. Someone who has their life together. There are high-quality men and women, and low-quality men and women. Avoid the latter!

People are not created equally. If you get involved with someone who is NOT mature, responsible, and level-headed. Someone who does NOT have their life together, especially mentally and emotionally, expect failure.

Only invest your time into someone that has control of their life. Someone that manages their responsibilities effectively. Someone who shares the same goals as yourself. Goals that encompass aspects like career, finances, relationships, and personal well-being; essentially, living a well-balanced and purposeful life.

I have been married twice. My first marriage was a failure because I got involved with a low-quality person. Remember, you can’t fix crazy! If you have to tell yourself, “I can fix them,” know they are not the one for you. I have been married for sixteen years. My current wife is a high-quality person, and she is the best part of me. It is because of her that I have accomplished so much in my life and that I have what I have.

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Spokane, WA has been terrorized by a roma family since the early 1980s. They CALL themselves gypsies. Proudly. When they bought a vacant lot next to mine and Jackhammered up my concrete driveway, I went to half a dozen law firms. Most had had experience with harassment and threats while suing them for previous clients. I ended up selling my house at a phenomenal loss.

My dentist once booked appointments for the entire family. 7 AM. He and his staff did $5,000 in dental work. Later when they deposited that check, they discovered the account had been closed the previous day.

I could go on and on. Anyone who has lived here any length of time knows about this group and has a story.

If Gypsies aren’t so bad, why do they themselves make so sure to let you know they are Gypsies?

The Desperate need for MANDATORY Paternity Testing Laws | Why Modern Women hate DNA Tests

The Cherry Street Garage

Submitted into Contest #282 in response to: Write a story where a character relives the same event over and over again. view prompt

Jim Robison

This story contains sensitive content

Contemporary folklore is filled with stories of international multi-billion-dollar corporations that got their start in a California garage or on a kitchen table, and some of these stories are actually true. But you have probably never heard of the Cherry Street Garage. This is not because you are ill informed or because the story is untrue. It is because nobody has heard of the Cherry Street Garage. Until now.

 

It is April 10th, 1974. Maxwell Porter is working in his garage on Cherry Street in Menlo Park California. Menlo Park is about halfway between San Francisco and San Jose in the heart of what will become known as Silicon Valley. He was laid off by Hewlett-Packard because he didn’t fit the “HP Way”. There was no question that his ideas were not cutting-edge innovations, but both coworkers and managers found him “difficult to work with”.

 

After HP, Max went to work at the Xerox Palo Alto Research Center. But that didn’t last either. He was considered “brilliant, but temperamental” and was terminated after a rant about the design of a hand-held computer input device. It would later be referred to as a mouse.

 

Now Maxwell is an adjunct lecturer in the Physics Department at Standford University. His application for a tenure-track professorship at Stanford has twice been rejected, officially because of his doctoral dissertation. Tenure-track documentation never includes subjective observations like personality, but that was probably a significant consideration in his case. He has been told that his dissertation was “absurd”, that it was “interesting theory, but not practical” and that “it should be shelved between Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Peter Pan in the children’s section of the library”.

 

Max is a single parent. His wife was killed when she was hit by a “joy-riding kid” in a stolen car. Max considers the kid’s sentence to be a slap on the wrist, because he was tried as a juvenile and not as an adult. Her life insurance paid off the house, but with little left over.  Max is now doing his best to raise their 13-year-old son, Timothy, on his own. But money is not the problem. Max doesn’t really care about money; he cares about time. Time is the problem, and possibly the solution.

 

Max is working inside a ceramic sphere in his garage on Cherry Street.  (You ask why ceramic and not metal. For that you will need to read his dissertation.) With a slightly nervous hand, he sets the control to 60. He has successfully done one, five, fifteen and thirty seconds. Now he is doing a full minute.

 

He tightens his seatbelt for the third time, makes one final review of the gauges, focuses on the green lightbulb and presses the “Initiate” button.

 

Noises and vibrations build as the lightbulb changes from green to yellow, and then to red. If we were looking through a window (there are no windows in the sphere) we would see Max stationery as the bulb glows red for sixty seconds. But for Max, the bulb flashes red for an instant, then returns to yellow and then to green. He releases the seatbelt and checks the clocks.

 

Max has installed several clocks in and outside his ceramic sphere. Some are atomic, some are electronic, and some are old fashioned mechanical windup clocks. He is interested in which clocks remain in sync with each other, and which don’t; but he is most interested in the difference between the clocks inside the sphere and the clocks outside the sphere.

 

Upon inspection, he sees that the clocks outside the sphere are 60 seconds faster than the clocks inside the sphere. Max has traveled 60 seconds back in time!

 

But look at the time! Max needs to pick up Timothy from school. He gets out of the sphere, locks the garage behind him, and exits the driveway with a mild chirp of the tires from his Ford Pinto.

 

While driving “slightly” over the speed limit to get Timothy, his mind is filled with his experiment back in the garage. Perhaps increasing the difference between the “before” frequencies and the “after” frequencies from point five to point six would cause the … .

 

Max slams on the breaks! Some freckle-faced kid wearing a backpack and riding a bicycle has pulled out in front of him. Max honks the Pintos’ pathetic horn. The kid glairs at him, gives him the finger, and continues across the street.

 

Despite the momentary delay, Max arrives early at the school. He pulls into a Seven-Eleven and buys a special treat, Popsicles for himself and for Timothy. The clerk is an attractive young woman and Max notices her name badge says Judy. He smiles and thanks Judy, and she returns it with a smile that may have been over and above the Seven-Eleven requirement. Max makes a mental note to frequent this Seven-Eleven more often. Unfortunately for Max, he will frequent this Seven-Eleven very, very often.

 

When Max gets to the school, he is stopped by a cadre of first responders: city police, sheriff, highway patrol, fire fighters, and ambulances. He asks a policeman, who’s name badge says Short, what’s going on. Officer Short says there has been a shooting. The shooter is dead, but so are three students and a teacher.

 

Max sees activity at one of the ambulances. He gives Officer Short the Popsicles and runs to the ambulance. Two bodies are on stretches behind the ambulance. One is the shooter, the freckle-faced kid. The other is Timothy.

 

Max sits on the lawn in fear he will pass out. He holds his head in his hands and cries.  First his wife, and now his son. This is not fair. Life is not fucking fair!

 

When the human mind returns from paralyzing grief, hate can be the first stop. What if he had hit the kid on the bicycle? Even if he didn’t kill him, Timothy and the others would be alive. Hell with that. Max wants to kill that kid. He would run him down and then back up over him just to be sure. Max wants to get even for the death of his wife, and now for Timothy, and for getting fired from HP, and from Xerox PARC, and for being denied tenure-track at Stanford.

 

Then Max has an idea, and he looks at his watch. He rushes back to the garage, and to the sphere. With the doors shut and his seatbelt clicked, he checks his watch. It’s been 52 and a half minutes since he left to pick up Timothy. He rounds up, just to be safe, sets the control for 53 minutes and hits the button. The light flashes red.

Considering the mental trauma Max has just been through, his sense of urgency, and the hate raging in his entire body, we might forgive him for his failure to recognize that rounding up to 53 will include the current minute, causing an overlap. We might forgive him for his mistake, but Time is not that forgiving.

 

Max gets out of the sphere, locks the garage, and drive off in the Pinto. Rushing, he breaks as some freckle-faced kid on a bicycle pulls out in front of him.

 

Max goes to a Seven-Eleven and buys two Popsicles. He exchanges smiles with the clerk.

 

When Max gets to the school, Officer Short says there has been a shooting. Max runs to the ambulance only to find his dead son. Max rushed back to the garage, to the sphere. He hits the button and the light flashes red again. And again. And again.

 

After Max misses three classes and a department meeting at Stanford, the dean asks an associate to check on him. Max does not answer the phone, and no one appears to be home at his house on Cherry Street. The Dean notifies the police who log it as a missing person’s case. The detective assigned to the case suspects that, with the death of his wife, and now his son, Max has taken his own life, and his body will turn up soon. But his body is never found, nor is the Pinto registered to Max ever found. And the garage on Cherry street is empty, but only you and I consider that significant.

 

Officer Jason Short recognizes the picture on the missing person’s poster. He had been working crowd control at the shooting, and it was getting busy as more people arrived to pick up kids, or to gawk at the carnage, then this guy, the one on the poster, shoves two popsicles at him and runs off. Short had given the popsicles to a couple kids anxiously waiting for their parents. It had been especially hot that day so Max must have bought the popsicles near the school. Officer Jason Short decides to check the local stores.

 

At the Seven-Eleven, Judy says Max had purchased two Popsicles and seemed to be in a good mood. She gives Officer Short her famous smile and he thinks he might return, perhaps when he is off duty.

 

Time passes.  Fifty years to be precise. It is now April 10th, 2024. The Cherry Street house was sold for unpaid taxes, and the new owner converted the garage into an in-law apartment. No one drives past the garage and comments that one of the greatest inventions in human history was created there. That’s because no one, other than you and I, know about Maxwell Porter’s invention.

 

Max has not been seen, but he has been very active. He has spent the last 50 years in a continuous time loop of 53 minutes, which always start and finish in the ceramic sphere and always includes a quick trip to the Seven-Eleven and Timothy’s school. He always gives two popsicles to the police officer.

 

At Stanford University, a graduate physics student, Thomas Short, the grandson of Jason and Judy Short, discovers a dissertation from a long-forgotten lecturer. The document describes a time machine, and Thomas is interested. He needs a topic for his own dissertation, and he thinks this might lead to something interesting. He takes it home, to his workshop, in his garage.

 

Perhaps someday, people will drive past Thomas Shorts’ garage and point to it in awe as the birthplace of the great invention and the giant corporation. Only time will tell.

 

 

[I got the idea for the story after reading the instructions on a bottle of shampoo. It said: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  and I wondered if you followed the instructions exactly as written, how you could ever escape the endless loop.]

I came home early from work one night and caught him in bed with my wife, I can’t say I really lost him but he hid every time he saw me in the future for some reason.

I even gave him what he wanted, my wife, New house that was mortgaged to the hilt. He was unemployed so I don’t think he realized the bills from that night were thiers and no longer mine.

I took my old life back, started hunting and fishing again, I had to give those up as had to work long hours to pay the bills my ex loved causing.

I did lose track of them after the bank took the house from them plus the new car that he always loved.

But never mind

Title: Sir Whiskerton and the Dog Who Couldn’t Stop Counting Sheep

Ah, dear reader, welcome back to another rib-tickling adventure in the chronicles of my life on the farm. Today’s tale is a woolly one, full of laughs, misunderstandings, and a certain dog who managed to turn a simple task into a snooze-worthy catastrophe. That’s right—this story is about Rufus, the farm dog, and his ill-fated attempt to watch the sheep. What should have been a straightforward assignment turned into a comedy of errors when Rufus let an old superstition get the better of him. So grab a comfy seat, and prepare yourself for The Dog Who Couldn’t Stop Counting Sheep.

The Farmer’s New Orders

It all started one bright morning when the farmer decided to assign Rufus a new job. Up until then, Rufus had been the farm’s trusty watchdog, keeping an eye on the barn and barking at anything that moved (or didn’t move, in the case of the scarecrow). But with a growing herd of sheep on the farm, the farmer thought it was high time Rufus took on the role of sheepdog.

“Rufus!” the farmer called, patting the loyal dog’s head. “Your job today is to watch the sheep. Keep an eye on them, make sure they don’t wander off, and count them to make sure they’re all accounted for.”

Rufus puffed out his chest with pride. “You got it, boss! I’ll be the best sheep-watcher this farm has ever seen.”

And with that, Rufus trotted off to the pasture, tail wagging and confidence sky-high. Little did he know, he was about to learn a very important lesson about the dangers of counting sheep.

The First Attempt

When Rufus reached the pasture, the sheep were grazing peacefully under the warm sun. He stood at the edge of the field, gazing out at the flock. “Alright, let’s see,” he muttered to himself. “The farmer said to count them. Easy peasy.”

He began counting aloud, pointing with his paw at each sheep. “One… two… three…”

But as he reached ten, something strange happened. His eyelids grew heavy, his tail stopped wagging, and before he knew it, he was lying in the grass, snoring loudly.

“Rufus!” I called, having witnessed the whole thing from my perch on the fence. “What are you doing?”

Rufus jerked awake, blinking groggily. “Huh? What? I wasn’t sleeping! I was… uh… resting my eyes.”

“Resting your eyes, huh?” I said, smirking. “Did you forget that you’re supposed to be watching the sheep, not dreaming about them?”

“I wasn’t dreaming!” Rufus protested. “I was just… okay, maybe I dozed off. But it’s not my fault! Counting sheep is harder than it looks. Let me try again.”

The Second Attempt

Determined to prove himself, Rufus started over. “Alright, focus,” he muttered. “One… two… three… four…”

By the time he reached fifteen, his head was nodding, his tail drooping, and his snores echoing across the pasture.

“Oh, for whiskers’ sake,” I muttered, hopping down from the fence. “Rufus, wake up!”

Rufus jolted awake, his ears twitching. “I’m awake! I’m awake! Did I… did I fall asleep again?”

“Yes,” I said flatly. “And you’re lucky the sheep didn’t wander off while you were snoozing.”

“It’s not my fault!” Rufus said, his voice tinged with desperation. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every time I start counting, I get so… sleepy.”

“Sleepy,” I said, smirking. “Well, isn’t that ironic? The sheepdog who can’t count sheep without falling asleep. You’re going to need a new strategy, Rufus.”

A Series of Unfortunate Snoozes

Over the course of the day, Rufus tried everything to stay awake while counting the sheep. He splashed water on his face, chewed on a stick, and even enlisted Ferdinand the duck to quack loudly in his ear every ten seconds. But no matter what he did, the moment he started counting, he was out like a light.

“Rufus!” Doris the hen squawked as she waddled over to the pasture. “You can’t keep falling asleep on the job! The sheep could run amok!”

“Amok! And what if they escape?” Harriet added.

“Escape! Oh, I can’t bear it!” Lillian screeched.

“I’m trying, okay?” Rufus said, his ears drooping. “But it’s like some kind of curse. Counting sheep just knocks me out. I can’t help it!”

“Well, this is a real shear disaster,” I said, shaking my head. “If you can’t count the sheep, how are we supposed to keep track of them?”

“Keep track of them,” Ditto the kitten echoed, perched on my back as usual.

“Not helping, Ditto,” I said, flicking my tail.

“Not helping,” Ditto repeated, grinning.

A Woolly Solution

Frustrated but unwilling to give up, I decided to take matters into my own paws. “Alright, listen up,” I said, gathering Rufus, Ferdinand, and the hens. “If counting sheep is putting Rufus to sleep, we need to think outside the pasture. What if we try something different?”

“Different?” Rufus said, tilting his head.

“Yes,” I said. “Instead of counting the sheep, let’s give each one a name. That way, you can make sure they’re all here without having to count.”

“Name them?” Rufus said, his tail wagging slightly. “Hey, that might work!”

And so, we set to work naming the sheep. There was Fluffy, Woolly, Baabara, Shaun, Ewenice, Fleece Lightning, Lamb Chop (though we kept that one on the down low), and a dozen others.

“Alright,” I said once we finished. “Now, instead of counting them, just check to make sure all the names are accounted for.”

Rufus trotted around the pasture, calling out the names. “Fluffy? Here. Woolly? Here. Baabara? Here…”

To everyone’s relief, Rufus stayed wide awake the entire time.

“It’s working!” Doris clucked.
“Working! But also so clever!” Harriet added.
“Clever! Oh, I can’t bear it!” Lillian screeched.

“See?” I said, smirking. “Who needs counting when you’ve got creativity?”

A Happy Ending

By the end of the day, the sheep were safe, Rufus was awake, and the farm was running smoothly once again. The farmer was so impressed with Rufus’s dedication that he officially promoted him to Head Sheepdog (though we all agreed to keep the earlier mishaps a secret).

The moral of the story, dear reader, is this: sometimes, the solutions to our problems require a little creativity and a lot of teamwork. And if counting sheep doesn’t work for you, well… just name them instead.

As for Rufus? He’s now the proud guardian of the flock, and he hasn’t fallen asleep on the job since—though I did catch him snoozing under a tree later that afternoon. But hey, even the best sheepdogs need a nap now and then.

Until next time, my friends.

The End.

Ah! This is actually a great question!

So, what you (and most people) call sausage, I’d call fresh, or uncured sausage¹. And that one word is important, because you’re picturing something like this:

Most uncured sausage is raw, doesn’t keep all that long, and needs to be cooked before eating. They serve the purpose of being a great way to use all the leftover bits of an animal after butchering. Scraps of meat and fat, chopped up organs, etc could be packed in to the animal’s own intestinal casing with some flavoring, and provided a good, cheap, and hearty meal, and would keep for a day or two if stored carefully, gaining another couple of days after cooking.

But when you talk about sausage as a way to keep meat from spoiling, you’re not talking about raw sausage, you’re talking about cured sausage:

Cured sausages start out very similar to the fresh sausage we talked about before, heck, some are literally the same sausage, but then they’re cured, that is dried or otherwise treated to to reduce or prevent spoilage, and can generally be eaten without cooking. Curing can be done a few ways, often by smoking the sausage, which not only reduces the moisture and dries it, but kills bacteria and adds flavour. If you’ve had chorizo, then you have an idea what smoked sausage can be like:

A fully-cured chorizo can last for many months in a cool dry place without being refrigerated, due to the smoking and spices packed in. And that keeping it dry is key (we’ll come back to it later), but not all smoked sausage is fully-cured. You may have had keilbasa/kolbasa/Polish sausage², and it’s also a smoke-cured sausage, but you may have noticed it tends to be kept refrigerated and is much more moist than chorizo. That’s because it’s what we’d call a partially-cured sausage, and while that process extends the shelf-life of it by several more days, it doesn’t last nearly as long as a fully-cured sausage:

And smoking isn’t the only way to cure a sausage either. You’ve almost certainly had German or Italian salami at some point, or had a french charcuterié? Those are also cured, but instead of (or sometimes in addition to) smoking, they’re salt-cured. This basically entails coating them in salt and hanging them to dry, which draws out far more moisture than smoking generally does:

The low-moisture means these will keep for years if stored properly. And that low moisutre is also how you get nifty shapes and patterns of sausages—as they dry, the volume of the meat inside the casing shrinks and firms, and the strings used to hang the sausage leave impressions. But this isn’t just for sausages, because this applies to hams as well:

And simialr to sausages, what you’re thinking about are partially-cured hams. They do have a longer unrefrigerated shelf-life than raw pork, around a day in a cool dry place, for a common ham, or 2–3 days for a heavily brined ham like a cottage roll, instead of a few hours, but again, what you’re really asking about is a fully cured ham, like Italian prosciutto copa, or from the homeland of my ancestors, jamón ibérico:

These can be stored for year or more until it’s sliced open—and they taste incredible!

Bacon is the odd-man out here, because it’s much less common to find fully cured today. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but unlike hams and sausages, where the fully-cured, and uncured or partially-cured varities are all still relatively common, fully-cured bacon pretty rare today, even moreso than fully-cured hams. That said, the partially cured bacon (sometimes called “uncured” bacon³) sold in stores today will still last MUCH longer than raw pork, just like partially cured hams do.

Sealed in it’s package, partially cured bacon is good for a couple of weeks in a fridge, and several days in a cool place. Even once out of the package, partially cured bacon is safe for a day or two if kept cool and dry.

The thing to remember is that while a shelf life of a few days might not seem like much to you or me, compared to our ancestors, who only had hours before meat began to spoil, even partially cured meats were a miracle! And today, refrigerators can expand those already extended shelf lives by double or more, which is why we refrigerate!

Hopefully this was informative and entertaining! 👍

¹ Many of the other answers to this question seem to imply that fresh sausage and partially cured ham are new inventions that mostly replaced the fully-cured varieties, but that’s not at all true. Partially cured and fresh meats are far more common thanks to refrigeration lowering the cost and keeping them from spoiling for longer, but they predate fully cured meat and have always been available alongside them.

² Okay, so what we call keilbasa/kolbasa/Polish Sausage is actually just one type of sasusage common to Poland and Ukraine, and keilbasa/kolbasa literally just means “sausage”, so your experience with sausages under that name may vary.

³ In truth, there’s no such thing as real “uncured bacon”, because that’s just fresh pork belly or side pork, but American USDA rules get werird sometimes; just know that “uncured bacon” sold in the US is partially cured.

Tony doesn’t give a f*ck..

Brownie Pudding Cake

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Yield: 6 to 8 servings

Ingredients

Pudding

  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 2 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts

Topping

  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 1/2 cups boiling water

Instructions

  1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F.

Pudding

  1. Combine all ingredients in medium bowl; pour into greased 8 inch square baking dish.

Topping

  1. Combine sugar and cocoa in small bowl; gradually stir in boiling water. Pour over pudding. Do not stir.
  2. Bake for 45 minutes. (Topping will sink and pudding will rise to the top.)
  3. Serve topped with sweetened whipped cream, if desired.

Attribution

Pampered Chef

Sowing Doubt About China – But At What Cost?

On December 27 2021 I mocked headlines and pieces which reported on China’s achievements but questioned the cost:

When China Does Great Question Its Cost

There seem to be general meme directives for ‘western’ outlets with regards to official enemies.

Russia is said to weaponize everything. The position of China is not (yet) seen as in military terms. The emphasis is on economic competition. Any undeniable Chinese achievement must be declared to have been a bad investment. The directive thus reads:

“When writing about China’s achievements – question their purported cost.”

The results:

The list, which included 43 headlines, ended with these:

Time has past but the directive to always question China’s cost is still in place. Here are a few, new and additional, entries:

In 2023 The Deprogram / Radio Free Amanda mocked the scheme in a podcast: Episode 64 – China Episode – But At What Cost? – Feb 3 2023

The Chinese influencer Li Jingjing also chipped in: “China Expert” 101: Add “BUT AT WHAT COST” to turn any positive thing China did into a negative – Jul 28 2023

In late 2023 China’s official Global Times added this:


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It did not help. The meme continues:


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If you made it to here you will have noticed that the list has by now a total of 70 headlines which (roughly) follow a similar scheme.

The ‘question the cost’ with regards to China is not the only directive followed by ‘western’ media. Just consider How Russia, And Putin, Are Weaponizing, Losing And Running Out Of … Everything.

All such schemes are signs that The Mighty Wurlitzer is still well and alive.

Posted by b on January 17, 2025 at 11:21 UTC | Permalink

This is one of ‘em.

I’m a self-taught musician and I was lucky enough in NYC to be asked to score a commercial for a really big company. I went to their office, looked at the 30-second raw footage, thought up the tune in my head there and then, went home and recorded it, turned it in, and got $11,000. That seemed like a FORTUNE at the time, and it was, but it was NYC and in 6 months or such, it was gone and I was back to painting apartments in between gigs.

At Christmas, I was bust, and not pleased about it. I didn’t have a girlfriend and things were bleak. But then I got a call from my pal at the agency who said “Hey, we need that jingle again, but you need to cut 3 seconds off” or whatever it was. The pay was $5000. But this time it was spec – if they loved it, they would buy it. If not, tough.

I edited the song and sent it in. This was going to be a Merry Christmas!

Then I got the call – “They turned it down, sorry.”

You have never seen a sadder man staggering through the snow on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, two days before Christmas. I remember leaning up against Gristede’s, sobbing. I’m sorry – iI I take some things hard. You hear “no” all the time when you work in the arts, but this was a particular blow. I wouldn’t be borrowing $5000. I wouldn’t be painting a loft. I would have solved my money problems under my own steam, case closed. But no.

I finally trudged home, turned on the light and saw the answering machine flashing. I pushed “play.”

“Hey, Josh, what’s up?” It was my pal. “Listen, I ran your song through this piece of software and resubmitted it – and they bought it! I told ’em you’d remixed it. Come and get your check, buddy!”

A Merry Christmas indeed. Paid the rent, bought presents, paid taxes on it, put the rest away, onto the next adventure!