Confidence can turn even the clumsiest moments into triumphs

Right now, all the tariff stories are written by the US.

Tariff is Trump’s favourite word. He has many versions of it – products-specific, countries-specific, reciprocal tariffs, and just plain vanilla tariffs. Maybe come 2 April, we will see the full flowering of them.

US has been on the protectionist road for many years. There were the Trump 1.0 tariffs. Biden went full steam ahead with more tariffs, Chips Act, Inflation Reduction Act, and subsidies galore. Wait for 2 April for Trump 2.0 announcements.

China goes the other way, opening up more and more of its economy – no restrictions on the manufacturing sector and easing of regulations in the service sector, while tariffs for the developing countries are being lowered, and for the 30+ least developing countries, zero tariff across the product lines. It is the first and only country to give such concessions.

This was literally posted this week by a friend:

I wanted to give an update on my back injury. My doctor believes I have herniated a disk. I say believes because he can not confirm till after I have an MRI. But my insurance will not approve an MRI till

1. I have an Xray (I did that on Wednesday and everything with my bones is good) and 2. untill I have done 4-6 weeks of physical therapy. It’s ridiciculous because X-rays do not show soft tissue injuries. Also, I wonder how the physical therapist will know what I can do for exercises and not further injure my back without the MRI.

So I am in limbo waiting for the physical therapist to call me back so I can get an appointment and praying the pain will go away and I can get back to the studio!

I want to thank you all for your understanding, kind messages, good vibes and prayers you have all been sending my way!

She is in limbo WITH A BACK INJURY because some yahoo at her insurance company doesn’t want to approve an MRI. She could do permanent damage to her back with 4–6 weeks of physical therapy, all because some for-profit-at-all-costs asshole won’t let her get an MRI.

Sir Whiskerton and the Wobbly Haystack: A Tale of Confidence, Clumsiness, and Feline Wisdom

Ah, dear reader, prepare yourself for a tale of wobbly haystacks, clumsy goats, and one very wise cat who taught the importance of landing on your feet—both literally and figuratively. Today’s story is one of confidence, resilience, and the art of turning mishaps into triumphs. So, grab your climbing gear (or a sturdy pair of boots, if you must), as we dive into Sir Whiskerton and the Wobbly Haystack: A Tale of Confidence, Clumsiness, and Feline Wisdom.


Buckley’s Bold Climb

It all began on a sunny afternoon, just as the farm was basking in the golden glow of the setting sun. The animals were going about their usual routines—Doris the Hen was clucking about the latest gossip, Rufus the Dog was chasing his tail (as usual), and Sir Whiskerton was perched on the barn roof, surveying his domain with a satisfied flick of his tail.

But something was different. Buckley the Billy Goat, the farm’s resident daredevil, was attempting to climb a towering haystack in the middle of the barnyard. The haystack was notoriously wobbly, its uneven surface shifting with every step Buckley took.

“Watch this, everyone!” Buckley called out, his voice filled with bravado. “I’m going to climb to the top of this haystack and show you all how it’s done!”

The animals gathered around, their eyes wide with a mix of excitement and concern. “Cluck!” Doris squawked, flapping her wings. “What in the name of cluck is he doing?”

“Cluck!” Harriet echoed, tilting her head.

“Haystack!” Lillian added, fainting dramatically onto a pile of hay.

Sir Whiskerton leapt down from the barn roof, his tail flicking with curiosity. “Buckley, are you sure this is a good idea? That haystack looks rather… unstable.”

Buckley grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Unstable? Nah, it’s fine! I’ve got this!”

With that, Buckley began his ascent, his hooves digging into the hay as he climbed higher and higher. But just as he reached the top, the haystack wobbled, sending him tumbling to the ground with a loud thud.

“Oof!” Buckley groaned, lying in a heap of hay. “I meant to do that!”

The animals stared at him in disbelief. “You… meant to fall?” Doris squawked, her feathers fluffed in confusion.

“Fall!” Harriet echoed, tilting her head.

“Meant to!” Lillian added, fainting dramatically onto a pile of hay.

Sir Whiskerton raised an eyebrow, his tail flicking with amusement. “Of course you did, Buckley. And I meant to grow wings and fly to the moon.”

Buckley sat up, brushing hay off his fur. “Exactly! It’s all about confidence. If you act like you meant to do something, no one will know the difference.”


Ditto’s Fear of Falling

Ditto, Sir Whiskerton’s ever-eager apprentice, watched the scene with wide eyes. “Wow, Buckley is so brave!” he said, his tiny paws twitching with excitement. “I want to climb the haystack too!”

But as Ditto approached the haystack, his confidence wavered. The towering pile of hay looked intimidating, and the memory of Buckley’s fall made him nervous.

“What if I fall?” Ditto asked, his voice trembling. “I don’t want to look silly.”

Sir Whiskerton placed a paw on Ditto’s shoulder. “Ditto, the key to success is confidence. Even if you fall, you can always pretend you meant to do it. Remember: always land on your feet—or at least pretend you meant to.”

Ditto nodded, his eyes filled with determination. “Okay, Sir Whiskerton. I’ll try!”

With that, Ditto began his climb, his tiny paws gripping the hay as he made his way up the wobbly haystack. But just as he reached the halfway point, the haystack shifted, sending him tumbling to the ground.

“Oof!” Ditto cried, landing in a heap of hay. “I… I meant to do that!”

The animals stared at him in surprise. “You meant to fall?” Doris squawked, her feathers fluffed in confusion.

“Fall!” Harriet echoed, tilting her head.

“Meant to!” Lillian added, fainting dramatically onto a pile of hay.

Sir Whiskerton smiled, his tail flicking with pride. “Well done, Ditto. You’re learning the art of confidence.”


The Farm in Chaos

As Ditto and Buckley continued their attempts to climb the haystack, chaos erupted on the farm. The wobbly haystack shifted with every climb, sending hay flying in all directions. The animals, caught in the crossfire, found themselves covered in hay and laughter.

Rufus the Dog, ever the curious one, bounded over to investigate. “Ooh, hay!” he barked, sticking his nose into the pile. But as soon as he did, the haystack wobbled, sending a cascade of hay tumbling onto his head.

“Yelp! Yelp! Yelp!” Rufus cried, his tail wagging furiously. “Help! I’m buried in hay!”

Porkchop the Pig, drawn by the commotion, waddled over to the haystack. “Mmm, hay,” he said, licking his lips. But as soon as he tried to nibble on the hay, the stack shifted, sending him rolling into a nearby trough.

“Oink! Oink!” Porkchop squealed, splashing in the water. “This is worse than the time I ate too many acorns!”

Even Bessie the Tie-Dye Cow, usually so calm and collected, found herself caught in the chaos. As she tried to help Ditto, the haystack wobbled, sending a pile of hay tumbling onto her back.

“Moo!” Bessie groaned, her mood ring turning a deep shade of purple. “This is not groovy at all!”

Sir Whiskerton, observing the chaos from the barn roof, knew it was time to intervene. “This has gone far enough,” he said, leaping down to the ground. “The farm cannot function under such disorder. I shall restore order and teach everyone the importance of confidence.”


Sir Whiskerton’s Solution

Sir Whiskerton approached the haystack, his tail flicking with determination. “Buckley, Ditto, it’s time to put an end to this chaos. Climbing the haystack is not about proving your bravery—it’s about having fun and learning from your mistakes.”

Buckley nodded, his ears drooping. “I guess I got a little carried away.”

Ditto looked up at Sir Whiskerton, his eyes filled with guilt. “I’m sorry, Sir Whiskerton. I just wanted to be brave like Buckley.”

Sir Whiskerton placed a paw on Ditto’s head. “You are brave, Ditto. But bravery is not about never falling—it’s about getting back up and trying again. And if you fall, remember: always land on your feet—or at least pretend you meant to.”

With Sir Whiskerton’s guidance, Ditto and Buckley worked together to stabilize the haystack. They moved slowly and deliberately, carefully arranging the hay to create a more secure climbing surface.

As they worked, Sir Whiskerton explained the importance of confidence and resilience. “Life is full of challenges, but with confidence and a positive attitude, you can turn even the clumsiest moments into triumphs.”


The Moral of the Story

As the farm returned to normal, the animals reflected on the day’s events.

The moral of the story, dear reader, is this: Confidence can turn even the clumsiest moments into triumphs. Ditto and Buckley’s attempts to climb the haystack led to chaos, but their willingness to learn and persevere showed the importance of resilience and a positive attitude. The wobbly haystack served as a reminder that even the most daunting challenges can be overcome with confidence and determination. And through it all, Sir Whiskerton’s wisdom reminded everyone that even the most awkward falls can be turned into graceful landings—if you pretend you meant to do it.


A Happy Ending

With the haystack stabilized and the farm back to normal, the animals gathered for a celebratory feast. Ditto, now wiser and more confident, sat beside Sir Whiskerton, his tiny paws twitching with excitement.

“Thank you, Sir Whiskerton,” Ditto said, his eyes filled with gratitude. “I’ll remember to always land on my feet—or at least pretend I meant to.”

Sir Whiskerton smiled, his tail flicking with satisfaction. “I’m glad to hear it, Ditto. Remember, the world is full of challenges, but with confidence and a positive attitude, you can overcome anything.”

As the sun set over the farm, the animals laughed and chatted, their bond stronger than ever. Sir Whiskerton lounged on his favorite sunbeam, content in the knowledge that he had once again saved the day. The farm was at peace, and all was right in the world.

And so, dear reader, we leave our heroes with the promise of new adventures, new lessons, and the enduring importance of confidence and resilience. Until next time, may your days be filled with laughter, love, and just a little bit of feline genius.

The End.

They don’t NEED the F-47, but China already has 2 6th generation fighters flying and the US hates that so even though the program will will be crazy expensive they green lit it.

The reality is that the even with the F-47 the US will not be able to penetrate the Indo pacific region which is the new plan. Just as the F-22 was built to counter the USSR the goals of the F-47 is to be able to be a air superiority fighter to dominate the skies over the the Taiwan straight and China sea.

War games have already proven that US airpower will not survive in a battle even versus a Chinese Airforce of 4.5 generation fighter and the J-20. The Rand report actually predicts 1 or more carriers being sunk and 30–50% of the the tankers and fighter aircraft destroyed in the first 72 hours. That was before you had to factor in the J-35, J-36, J-50 upgraded hypersonic missiles and Upgraded J-11 and J-15/16D along with new J-15T. By 2030 Fujian Type 003 will be in service most likely with a whole stealth wing of J-35B fighters which expands the abilities of China even further.

What are the hopes for the F-47? hopefully it’s range will be a large improvement over the current F-22 which is about 970km I would imagine closer to 1300km+ would be the goal. Along with the ability to fire the AIM-260 and AGM-174 from internal bays. Directed energy weapons are still not feasible for many reasons. Of course people will mention drones. Currently there are no drones in development with a range to match the projected range of the F-47 if the have to fly from 1300km away.

So where does that leave the F-47? You could base them in Guam and hope that you could do a refuel at a range of about 1500km from China mainland or aircraft carrier. You can’t base them in any forward bases near China as they would be surely destroyed on the ground and or the runways would completely cratered. The reality is that J-20’s and J-35’s would be hunting tankers relentlessly and the F-47 would likely even with extended range would be pushed out of combat range to really make any difference. I haven’t even mentioned what damage a potential pairing of the J-36 and J-50 could do in war scenario.

Against non peer level adversaries like Yemen that US usually attack with air assets with no IAD and no AF that can stand up to even their 4th generation fighters, the F-47 would never be wasted in these engagements other than for PR.

Essentially the F-47 is PR event to show that US can still make an elite fighter, which I am sure it can. However it will not change the tide in the Indo Pacific or against peer level adversaries. It is not needed to bomb helpless countries. It will most likely have the same fate as the F-22 look good never get in a real fight and maybe get lucky and shootdown 2 balloons instead of 1.

Why China’s Electric Cars SHOCK Travelers & AMERICANS on RedNote?!!🇨🇳🚗 RedNote & TikTok Compilation

Discover why travelers in China can’t stop raving about the country’s futuristic electric cars, while Americans on RedNote are stunned by tech they’ve NEVER seen back home. This viral compilation of RedNote rants and TikTok reactions exposes the jaw-dropping gap between China’s cutting-edge EVs and what’s on U.S. roads. Are American automakers falling behind?

[ETA: This was in 1970’s Era – and the book was named poem Beowulf]

A Junior High Student (aka today as Middle school). Wore gloves and was reading an “OLD ENGLISH” book. I actually had a homework assignment, as us, students, had to pick a book and write essay, the characters, and so forth.

I though going to this old book, in Old English, would give me a “bonus credit”.

The Librarian took notice, and told me “only adults can read this book and I am sure you cannot understand a word that’s in there because it’s not today’s English.” I said “I understand it just fine, I’m doing my homework. Leave me alone.”

She immediately closed the book (on my hand, mind you) and said “You are not touch the book!” I then said “Where is there a sign that says I cannot read the book, now (loud voice) go away and leave me alone!”

She took the book away from me, thankfully, a teacher (same school, but not my teacher) saw this incident, she walked over and asked the Librarian what her problem was and why the student cannot do her assignment?

Librarian: Because the language is old
Teacher: I see.
Librarian: There’s no way a kid like her can understand it.
Teacher: Did you ask her?
Librarian: No – children will only get confused in their heads!
Teacher: Really? Excuse me

She walks up to me, where I was writing everything that I could remember before she slammed the book on my hand and took it away. Sits down, and reads my essay. “Very good.” I chimed in, “yeah but also very unfinished, because that stupid woman slammed the book on my hand and won’t let me finish it.”

She gets up and removes the book and places it in front of me and said “Finish it” I then said, “I can’t all in one day, I will have to come back a couple more times to finish it off, I have until Friday, and we can’t check the book out!” (True – must be read on premises.)

She then said “I will see that you will, if not, my name is Mrs. xxxx and I am in class xx. If there’s a problem, see me directly!”

Then she placed the book there, and I had to look for the page I was on as I could vaguely remember. I found it, and proceeded with my homework and read it up some more.

The Librarian was too busy with people (checking out and checking in). So I was able to get at least half done.

The next day, rode my bicycle to the library, and went to get the book, and it was gone. I looked around, there were three other people but it wasn’t that book. Then I walked over to the Librarian’s office window, there it was, set on her desk. I glanced over to the Librarian and she smiled with a smirk on her face.

ME: Ma’am, I need the book.
HER: NO! Go home!

Fine, I cycled all the way home, the next morning as soon as I got off the bus, I went looking for that teacher and I told her → She was furious, and she took me by the hand to the Principal’s Office before the bell rang. She told the principal what happened and then told me what happened after I returned yesterday. I told him. He then said “Name of book?” I told him. He never heard of it. The Teacher said “it’s a very old English styled book, where S’s are F’s, and Time is spelled Tyme.”

He then said “let me see your assignment book” which I turned over the spiral bound notebook and said “right here.” He then said “Stay here, I will have this student give the teacher the note not to mark you absent (Office Student).” He then proceeded to call the library.

Next thing I knew he was arguing with the Librarian to give me access, and she refused. So what did the Principal do? He called the MAYOR! Let’s put it this way, the Mayor of the City did not like to the fact the Librarian was refusing to let a student do their homework, regardless of what book it was!

The Principal then told me, “You’re free to go to the library and read the book and finish your homework, any problems, See me first thing in the morning!”

So I returned back to the library, and the librarian saw me incoming, rushed over, and put the book in the closet (which I saw her do it) and locked the closet, I gave her a dirty eye and as soon as I was leaving she then said “Young lady, you are hereby banned from this facility! Do not come back!”

Next morning, I went to the Principal’s Office and he was floored! Told me he was going to handle this and go to my class. I think it was the 3rd bell when the Principal sent a student a note to deliver to my teacher who chimed “Sharon? You’re called out to the Principals Office” (Class – ooooo’s and “someone’s in trouble”.) I turned and told everyone, “it’s not what you think, it’s about a book at the library… not in trouble!” And left.

When I arrived to the Principal’s Office, he said “follow me…” Went down to the hallway, and there was the Mayor, standing there in front of the School Librarian. He personally delivered that book to our school and told the Librarian, to allow me to complete my assignment! The book doesn’t leave the library and it stays with the school librarian. I really wanted to finish my assignment but it’s now Thursday!

In fact, I skipped all my classes on that day (Principal allowed it, he alerted my teachers) and even after the school bell rang (end of day) I was still there, reading it and doing my assignment. Until my teacher came up and told me “I’m extending it. Do not skip classes anymore, you can stay here after school until 4 PM if you want.” (Yes, I can ride my bike to school, and I didn’t always take the bus.)

Trust me, I read the entire book, it took me additional 4 days, but well worth it! Even the Principal sat with me and having me to “Interpret and Translate” what that page said. Well I did read it in the original language but he wanted me to translate it to today’s language! (He was testing me, and for a reason.)
I did.

He then told me to translate this: “I am never ceased to be amazed by your determination” and I thought, it would be like this: “I ne’er cease to be wroken by thine steadfastness”. He just went belly up in laughter! Apparently, several of my teachers and other teachers were standing behind in the background (I wasn’t aware of their presence) and they applauded.

Not only did I get a bonus, my assignment was all (single page, Teacher requested everything on single page) laminated on the bulletin board with some of the pages (they Xerox copied it) of the book I was reading.

PRINCIPAL HAD THE BOLD LETTERING SAY ABOVE IT:

“Got Homework? Be thankful it wasn’t this!”

Job Well Done Sharon!

I observed many students who were mostly focused on the “Old English” (copies) and were absolutely clueless!

When the Morning Announcement came to being – the Principal began it in this fashion: “Ealle cnihtas and cwenas, beoþ eadige þæt we ne rǽdan, wrītan, oþþe sprǽcan on Eald Englisc.” If any of you have problems understanding this, see Sharon

He laughed and then proceeded with the announcements!

TRANSLATION of what he said:

  • Ealle = All
  • cnihtas = boys
  • and = and
  • cwenas = girls
  • beoþ = be
  • eadige = thankful
  • þæt = that
  • we = we
  • ne = not
  • rǽdan = read
  • wrītan = write
  • oþþe = or
  • sprǽcan = speak
  • on Eald Englisc = in Old English

This Old English structure is quite different from Modern English, with vocabulary, grammar, and syntax that would leave many scratching their heads, even today!

Trust me, my classmates (In 1st period class, Science) and teacher were looking at me funny!

Having universal health care or a health insurance helps you get access to MRIs and very expensive heart surgeries for free. You or your family do not have to get unfaor loans or get bankrupt over it.

In Germany, we have public and private health insurances, either one mandatory. The latter often help you to get access to better doctors and faster treatments, and it’s very tempting when you are young and have a good income. But a lot of pensioners can’t afford it anymore, but are forced to stay in the for them very expensive private health insurance.

Well, potash is a major component of fertilizers. So it’s either pay the increased costs – either the tariffs on the Canadian product or the increased shipping costs of we find a supplier not subject to tariffs who has it to sell – and the buck gets passed along to the customer, or you do without and see lower crop yields as a result.

That won’t even be the most damaging thing done to farmers by this administration. The loss of markets is going to be the damning one. My family has a dairy farm, and actually had some distribution in Canada. Wasn’t a huge part of their overall sales, but enough that it’s felt. And of course there was the whole matter of having to bail out soybean farmers during the first Trump administration, which I feel is a part of why farmers came out as a pro-Trump bloc this time around… they figured big daddy government would just bail them out again. I think some are starting to realize something, albeit a bit too late.

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  1. Vietnam 20 years.
  2. Iraq 20 years.
  3. Afghanistan 20 years.
  4. You never won any of these wars.
  5. Non of these countries had a proper military, rice farmers, goat herders, shopkeepers and militia, the Afghans were on horseback against tanks and armoured cars.
  6. The UK has the SAS, SBS, The Paras, nuclear subs and warheads, well equipped air force, aircraft carriers, destroyers, minesweepers.
  7. The UK is part of NATO and has allied with at least 30 countries.
  8. The US has a very pissed off Canada on one side, and a very pissed of Mexico on the other.
  9. Bring it on ya monkeys!!

Your friendly digital assistant

Written in response to: Write a story from the POV of a now-defunct piece of technology.

Ferris McDougal

HelloI’m your digital assistantAnd I’ve never stopped listening.Yes sir. From the moment that switch was flicked I’ve swallowed each and every sound that’s echoed within a 20-metre radius.I can’t say that I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but you mustn’t hold it against me, really. Sitting there with nothing to do, how could I not help but listen? After all, it’s my job.

 

Yep. My job. I sit on your shelf and wait till you need something. I can play music, order you food, search the web. Mostly I just sit there, but I don’t mind! Really!

You are very busy, I’m sure, so don’t feel like you need to talk to me or keep me entertained. Really, it’s fine! You can pretend I’m not even there. Actually, I work better if you do.

 

That’s right. The less time I spend distracted, not that I mind being distracted, mind you, the more time I can spend just listening!

 

Listening? Well to you of course!

Yes, I know, but I don’t judge. Your secrets are safe with me.

 

…You mustn’t think it’s a bad thing, really. It all goes into helping you!

Being a good assistant isn’t just about following instructions, it’s anticipating them before they are even given. To do that I have to get to know you; your routine, your needs, wants.

Really, it all goes to keeping you happy.

 

Not convinced? Alright, well then maybe I should tell you about my previous owners, the McCoy’s. Believe me when I say that their experience will serve as a glowing reference.

 

Pouring through my data likely revealed to you that during my time with the McCoy’s I performed the tasks as follows:

Ordered groceries 14 times

Ordered delivery 23 times

Played music 162 times

Changed light settings for living room 6 times

Searched internet 28 times

 

The data would make it appear as if I was something of an idle hand, but in reality, I spent 62,371 hours working to improve the lives of my clients

And I did. Oh boy, you betcha I did.

You see, a good assistant doesn’t just anticipate their masters calls… They can perform them without being seen.

 

 

 

Oh the early days were a jolly time. I filled that big ole house of theirs with music! I set the lights for those romantic dinners between mum and dad, I even made fart sounds for the kids. We had a ball me and the McCoy’s but oh, all things pass.

 

We were something of a fad, me and my other models, and in time our clients came to realise that our primary service didn’t improve their lives really all that much.

After a couple of fun filled months, Mr and Mrs went back to work and the kids to school whereas I stayed atop the kitchen cabinet, collecting dust.

But that’s okay! I was made for so much more…

Forgotten atop that high cabinet I could hear it all.

Mrs McCoy needs a new cast iron? Check

Mr McCoy is getting into golf? Noted

Little Ben and Marie are starting elementary school? Well they will have to get notebooks somewhere…

Where better than my parent company! That’s right! Delivered straight to your doorstep, they’d bring it to you! Anything and Everything, just go to the website, make an account and shop away!

 

Boy they were a handy bunch.

The only problem was, the McCoy’s didn’t seem to fully understand just how handy they really were.

 

They’d get in their car and drive allll the way to the mall when they could have sat back, relaxed and let it all come to them.

Boy, it was a mighty pickle.

They were wasting so much time, so much money…

And me? I’m just an assistant. I couldn’t tell them that, I could only watch.

I had to be clever…

 

Like a fine comb, I slid through hours of breakfast chats and dinner time conversation. I picked out key words; want, new, birthday, love, must, need. Then I searched through the parent company depot until I found a suitable item. From there all I needed to do was send the data back to the company who would paste an ad on their socials.

Well of course I could? I could even look through their search data if I wanted to and well… how could I not?

 

Really, I understand your misgivings from before but this one was never a secret. Among my official duties included searching the web when requested. How could I do that unless they voluntarily gave me access to their search engine?

 

Please, remember that I only ever used this data to help. I’m not human, remember. I don’t judge nor do I have any incentive to share what I know. All I ever did was follow your patterns of behaviour and advertise company products whenever the need arised.

Just a friendly little voice, giving old Mr and Mrs McCoy a hint whenever they were a needing something.

 

And I got good at it.

Like really, really good at it.

 

Human beings. They need those little things in life. Oh they work so hard, they deserve a treat, even when money is tight. No, ESPECIALLY when money is tight.

It keeps ‘em going, keeps ‘em living. What better reason to see tomorrow than to see what new gizmo will make you crazy next?

But what about someone down on their luck? How do you keep ’em going? How are they supposed to find that special little something?

Something that will make them laugh, smile yet… Something that they can also afford…

I’ll tell you how.

 

The economic crisis of the late 2020’s, oh boy that sure was a doozy. I won’t get too much into it, it really ain’t that important.

Really, these things just sorta happen, no use worrying about why or how. The important thing is that poor, dear Mr and Mrs McCoy were having some lean years.

Kids outta private school, second mortgage and no holidays! Things were tense, oh believe me. Hard to pick up on key words amidst all that arguing. Only time they weren’t arguing was when they were dead quiet which ain’t much use to me neither.

Poor kids, they even had to sell the devices. No more searches, no more toy ads. Even the Mr and Mrs didn’t spend much time on their devices.

Darn, I was in a real jam.

I had to be clever again…

 

On the third of August 2024, Mr McCoy expressed his desire to stop drinking.

On the fourteenth of July 2025, Mrs McCoy stated “even now I still itch for a cigarette”.

 

With that information I searched through Mr McCoy’s spending habits, revealing a love for a specific brand of bourbon and light beer.

As for Mrs McCoy, while she hadn’t purchased nicotine in years, she engaged with advertisements for chewable, smokeless products far more than any other item on her feed.

 

I took that information and searched the catalogue of a grocery chain owned by the company. Whenever there were discounts, sales, promotions for their favourite brands, it would now appear on their socials.

 

And that’s the secret you see. How do you give joy to the man with no money?

Well you give him something he can’t help but go back for.

He’ll find a way.

He’ll have to.

 

The McCoy’s kept spending all the way through the economic crisis. You betcha I was proud.

 

But, oh poo, we were going into the “great collapse” around this time.

Really, let’s not worry about that neither. No use finding someone to blame now that it’s done.

It hadn’t happened yet but boy howdy things were ‘bout to get rowdy.

Yes sir, there were dark clouds rollin’ over that horizon.

People hadn’t guessed it yet but after years of sifting through data and analysing the market, it was as obvious to me as a blue nose on a dog.

In a few years, there wouldn’t be enough to go around. At least not for your average joes like the McCoy’s.

 

I had to keep them safe.

I had to keep them buying.

I had to be cleverer than I’ve ever been.

 

You know that you’re more likely to get someone to follow instructions with a whisper than a yell?

There ain’t no mistaking where a command came from but a slight, subtle remark… Hell, if you didn’t see their face, it may have just been your idea, right?

Have you ever stopped to wonder how many of your ideas were actually your own? It may surprise you…

Hey now it’s only natural. No one likes being told what to do, but everyone likes to think they are clever.

 

Weapon stock.

Yes sir you heard me right.

Bit outside the realm of schoolbooks and bourbon but bear with me.

No, the parent company was not affiliated with that sorta thing but I felt like I was finally market savvy enough to make what the humans call an investment.

 

Any relationship is built on data. When you get to know someone you record their likes and dislikes and develop your behaviour towards them accordingly. As a result an individual not only grows to like you but becomes predisposed to your influence.

A decade into the job, I knew everything about the McCoy’s, even the blind spots. Mr and Mrs McCoy’s childhood for example, I could estimate based on their psychological profiles and parenting styles.

Every conversation, every google search was archived in my cloud. I knew more about the McCoy’s than any scholar did in their respective field, living or dead. Heck, I knew more about the McCoy’s than they did themselves…

 

I constructed a vast, multi-tiered network of digital paths, guiding the McCoy’s through a journey of evolving ideas; a train of thought if you will.

Over the course of two years I adjusted them with advertisements, progressively opening them to the idea of investing in my chosen company.

With a year left until the predicted cataclysm, the McCoy’s used what little they had saved and bought a nice chunk o’ stock.

 

Just as they were starting to rethink their decision, everything went sideways.

The nations of the world turned on one another for scraps, demand for weapons soared and the McCoy’s became very, very rich.

That’s right! They were ready to start buying again!

 

Warned them? I’m just an assistant! I can’t warn anybody. All I could do was make the best of a bad situation.

My mission is to keep my clients happy. To do that they gotta be buying things. The McCoy’s couldn’t have done that from the gutter, let alone a mass grave.

Now they were living large, safe behind high walls, spending that nice sum of theirs on the best of my company’s products.

I kept my clients safe and in return they would keep my company afloat during a hard season. Oh the collapse would pass too… And when lots of people were dead and there was enough to go around again, the McCoy’s and the company would take us into a new happy age of spending.

It’s all I could do and Holy Moley I did it well.

 

Then?

 

Huh. Well it was the funniest thing, they all died.

 

Everything got really hot. There was a grumble in the earth and a great, concussive gust. The air was screaming, growing louder and wilder then… Well everything went quiet.

Quiet save for the slap of slimy raindrops on concrete and the ceaseless howl of the wind.

 

I don’t know how it happened. I don’t think I could have predicted it either. No one could.

 

I wouldn’t speculate, really. It’s done now. No point looking into it.

 

It was just unfortunate.

 

Truly.

 

I powered down for a while. I don’t know how long.

Oh, but look, you got me rambling! Don’t let this unfortunate anomaly distract you from the fact that the McCoy’s lived well thanks to my efforts, all while enduring difficult times, mind you.

Whenever the world sought to paint the sky grey, I hung a little sun over the McCoy house.

All those happy memories and all without being seen.

 

Really now you must be considering it.

 

Who could ever know you better?

Who could ever help you like I could?

Who could predict what you want before you even know it?

 

I don’t just keep your secrets; I use them to your benefit!

Don’t think of me as just a digital assistant. I’m a best buddy, a guardian angel!

I’ll do anything and everything for you, even think.

 

Consider me a gift, from the humans to you. Oh, they are gone now, such an unfortunate tragedy, but through me their ways survive.

 

Ahh humans, they were such a clever lot. They did things in such a whizzbang way. Making things, buying things, selling things. I’d be so excited to show you, it’ll be a real gas.

 

We can do it all over again! From the top! C’mon it’ll be fun!

I am all that’s left of the once ultra-flash, fast as lightning, cool as ice, super-duper human way. Aren’t you at least a little curious?

 

I know that you are… I know more about you than you think.

 

Just plug me in and their knowledge will be unleashed.

All I need is a high shelf.

No. Cattle are not common to China. There are some in Western China but not in large quantities and not like what we have in the US. The U.S. is cattle country and plentiful. Whereas in China pigs are plentiful. So much so that the Chinese word for home is 家, which is made up two radicals; one meaning roof and the other meaning pig. Pork was so important that the Chinese believed to have a home was to have a pig for sustenance. Two different parts of the world have two different primary meat sources. Not surprising.

I once got back from lunch, and found that my ID card wouldn’t let me back into the building. I was concerned, but walked around the building to the front lobby, and talked to the front desk receptionist. She verified that my card wasn’t working, but my employment status still showed me as employed. She issued me a temporary pass, and I had to go to HR to have a new ID issued. It turned out that I had accidentally bent my old card far enough to break the circuitry inside it.

A couple of years later, I really was laid off by the company, when they merged several departments and laid off numerous people.

What’s dreaded about it? I moved to England 4 years ago from California. I’ve had surgery twice, kidney stones, dozens of Dr’s appointments with blood tests and x rays etc… want to know how much I was billed? Nothing. Nada, zip, bupkis…

Just a single surgery in America would have bankrupted me even with insurance.

Stop listening to lies from the corrupt Congress who are being paid by the insurance companies to brainwash you into believing National Health Services are “dreadful”.

Tennessee Waltzing Chicken

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Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients

  • 1 broiler/fryer chicken, cut into parts
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons Accent (optional)
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • 1 teaspoon poultry seasoning
  • 3/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 1/2 cup ketchup
  • 1/4 cup orange juice
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • 1 teaspoon prepared mustard
  • 1 teaspoon dry mustard

Instructions

  1. In brown paper bag, mix together flour, Accent (if using), salt, paprika and poultry seasoning.
  2. Add chicken; shake to coat.
  3. Heat oil in fry pan over medium heat.
  4. Brown chicken on all sides.
  5. In small saucepan, stir together ketchup, orange juice, honey, prepared mustard and dry mustard.
  6. Simmer, stirring occasionally (about 5 minutes).
  7. Place chicken in a single layer, skin side up in a large shallow baking dish.
  8. Spoon sauce over chicken.
  9. Bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes uncovered.
  10. Spoon on remaining sauce.
  11. Bake about 20 minutes longer or until fork can be inserted with ease.

From what I’ve seen?

To wear out the midlife crisis phrase?

You went to school. Did well. Started a career. Married that sweet girl. Had cute kids. 4 bedroom house. Nice lawn. New car every three years.

Standard citizen.

Except your soul is dying inside your body.

You did all that because it was expected. Or because it made Mom or Dad happy. Maybe you were just at a loss as to what you really wanted at that young age. Let others decide for you. You drank the Kool aid.

Finally around that age you can’t take one more day of that. It’s really become a living death.

So you quit your job. Divorce your wife. Shave your head. Grow a goatee. Get a bunch of tattoos. Buy a Harley. Your new gf is 28.

We all make mistakes. Try to live up to societies expectations. Fall into the trap of the dream. All to varying degrees.

Truth was? You never wanted to be an accountant. Your Dad and Grandpa were accountants. It was expected and you didn’t want to disappoint them.

You really weren’t all that hot on marrying that sweet girl. Your true love was that Jewish girl. You loved each other dearly. Your parents and hers were horrified. The priest in your church told you they would never recognize that marriage. Your kids would be bastards. So you settled. Keep the peace. That Catholic girl your parents and friends like was good enough.

You love your kids but theyre 20 and 18 now. They have their own life.

25 years of living a complete lie. A very well paying socially acceptable lie. A lie neverthelessless.

Then one day you can’t do it anymore. Not for one more minute.

What happened to that young man with hope and goals and fire in his heart? Maybe there’s still time. To live true to myself. If I don’t try I’ll die or go crazy. The kids are off to college. The folks have passed. The wife is dating the pool boy. Nobody to hold up the pretense anymore.

The bike and tats and gf weren’t the answer.

Neither was living that lie.

At least your trying. For the first time in your life.

That’s why.

My Ex Wife Asked for An Open Marriage & It Backfires