Beatrice vs. The Robo-Bee

Here’s why: All of the fuck ups that you joined boot camp to better yourself and get away from are right there waiting to drag you down with them with a vengeance when you go home on “boot leave”. Waving booze and weed in your face, taking you on drunken 100 mph death rides, all of it. Then there’s the subject of women and money. You just left 3 months of boot camp and now you have a little bank roll. Your friends know it, and so do all of the girls you couldn’t get before boot camp who are now throwing themselves at you. Drinks are on YOU, and so is dinner, movies and your “welcome home, hero!” party. Soon you are broke and heading off to your first duty station with a hangover, a traffic ticket, a brand new engagement ring, a new car payment and 4 dollars and 83 cents left to your name wondering what just happened over the past 2 weeks and how you are going to pay for it all over the next 3 years and 9 months.

Go home, hug your family and GTFO there in 3 days maximum before you get wrapped up in what you were trying to avoid in the first place.

good luck

Pictures

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Title: Sir Whiskerton and the Great Robo-Bee Rebellion

Ah, dear reader, steel yourself for a tale of technological terror, misguided genius, and the most catastrophic case of “helping” since the farmer tried to shear a sheep with a butter knife. Today’s adventure stars Chef Remy LeRaccoon, whose latest invention—a laser-equipped Robo-Bee—turns the farm into a warzone, and Beekeeper Beatrice, whose valiant defense involves a butterfly net, questionable honey, and a chapter from Birdwatching for Dummies. So grab your beekeeper’s veil (or a sturdy colander) and join us for Beatrice vs. The Robo-Bee—where nature fights back against raccoon engineering.


Act 1: The Rise of the Machine

Chef Remy unveiled his masterpiece in the barnyard, stroking his invention like a mad scientist.

  • Remy: “Behold! Ze future of pollination! No more lazy bees, no more ‘allergies’—just precision!”
  • Robo-Bee: [Whirring ominously] “TARGET ACQUIRED: FLORAL PATTERNS AND WEAK NERVES.”
  • Sir Whiskerton: “That’s not a bee. That’s a war crime with wings.”

The demonstration began well—until the Robo-Bee misidentified Porkchop’s slop as a “high-priority bloom.”

  • Porkchop: “IT ZAPPED MY DINNER!” [Pause.] “…Huh. Tastes smokier. Five stars.”

Act 2: The Buzzing Menace

Chaos erupted as the Robo-Bee went rogue:

  • It laser-stung Doris’s favorite hydrangea for “insufficient pollen output.”
  • It chased Rufus in circles, mistaking his wagging tail for “a hostile sunflower.”
  • It buzzed jazz standards at Jazzpurr, who declared it “the coolest thing since bongo solos.”

Beatrice, armed only with a butterfly net and a jar of “organic” honey (100% corn syrup), stepped up.

  • Beatrice: “I read about this in Beekeeping for Dummies! …Wait, that was birdwatching.”
  • Robo-Bee: “CORRECTION: YOU ARE NOT A BIRD. PREPARE FOR STINGING.”

Act 3: The Great Honey Trap

Beatrice’s plan was simple:

  1. Lure the Robo-Bee with the “honey.”
  2. Capture it mid-sugar-rush.
  3. Apologize to the real bees for the impersonator.

The execution? Less simple.

  • The Robo-Bee drank the syrup and immediately glitched, spinning in circles like a drunk disco ball.
  • Porkchop: “Can we keep it? It’s like a spicy roomba.”
  • Remy: “Non! It just needs a software update—”

Sir Whiskerton unplugged it with one paw.

  • Sir Whiskerton: “Nature doesn’t need an upgrade. Especially not from you.”
  • The Real Bees: [Drowning the Robo-Bee in pollen] “Take that, techie.”

The Moral (and the Post-Credit Glitch)

Moral: If it ain’t broke, don’t let a raccoon fix it.

Post-Credit Scene:
The Robo-Bee reactivates in the scrap heap—now obsessed with Porkchop’s slop. “OPTIMAL POLLINATION TARGET DETECTED.”


Best Lines:

  • “That’s not a bee. That’s a war crime with wings.” – Sir Whiskerton
  • “Tastes smokier. Five stars.” – Porkchop, food critic
  • “CORRECTION: YOU ARE NOT A BIRD.” – Robo-Bee, literalist

Starring:

  • Chef Remy LeRaccoon (Mad Scientist)
  • Beekeeper Beatrice (Improvised Hero)
  • Robo-Bee (Pollinator of Doom)

Key Jokes:

  • A robot judging flowers like a harsh talent scout.
  • Porkchop’s slop becoming artisanal after laser charring.
  • Beatrice’s birdwatching skills failing spectacularly.

Why This Story Works:

  • Absurdity: A killer robot bee with a jazz playlist.
  • Character Chaos: Remy’s hubris vs. Beatrice’s chaotic problem-solving.
  • Series Cohesion: Porkchop’s eternal love of even ruined food.

Now, go forth—and may your gardens be robot-free. 🐝🤖⚡

Yes, but in a good way.

For my son’s fourth birthday I ordered a cake shaped like a fire engine. I picked it from a catalogue they sent me, and it was a nice representation of a side-on view of a pump/ladder engine, very suitable for a little boy who liked fire engines.

When I arrived to collect it, the assistant said that she hoped I didn’t mind but their baker had tried out a new design, and if I didn’t want it, they’d make me up what I’d ordered for the next day instead. Then she brought out this beautiful 3-d fire engine, a bit bigger than the original choice, an absolute knockout. She even charged me a bit less, because I was kind enough not to insist on what I’d chosen!

My son and his friends were enchanted with it, and then one of the dads at the party revealed he was a firefighter, and after the party he took Peter to the fire station and he got to wear a helmet and “drive” a real engine.

It was an amazing day.

Very good question

Imagine a Residential community in China where land sells for 65,000 Yuan per Square Feet

Now imagine a few rich Shanghainese decide to come here and offer 200,000 Yuan per Square Feet

Within 3–4 years, the land rates would.surge through the roof and the area would become one for privileged people

The Middle Class living there would be forced to leave or watch their neighborhood prices rise and standard of living rice


The HuKou system prevents this

In Many Communities, outsiders who don’t live there CANNOT buy a home there just for investment

They have to establish their reasons to buy a home which can be :-

  • Be nearer to Aged Parents
  • Working in the Town or County or Province

Otherwise, only persons living in that community can invest or purchase properties under the HuKou system


This doesn’t apply everywhere

In Shanghai and a few cities, Outsiders (Mainlanders living in other provinces) can buy property freely without HuKou restrictions

Finadene

This is the national sauce of Guam. It is a condiment used for dipping.

Finadene recipe

Yield: about 3/4 cup

Ingredients

  • 1/4 cup soy sauce
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 1/4 cup sliced green onions
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

Instructions

  1. In a small bowl, stir together all four ingredients.
  2. Let stand for about 15 minutes before serving to allow the flavors to blend.

Sarah’s case

Written in response to: Start or end your story with someone standing in the rain.

M.R. Simon

Standing in the pouring rain, my raincoat dripping on my shoes, I’m looking at a dead guy. His head is splattered on the sidewalk. His brain is all over the place. Crows will probably be feasting of his brain cells for a few days before someone takes his body out of here. There’s a red channel, a mix of blood and water thatWait, let’s backtrack a little.The year is 2032. The civil war has ended. Everything is shitting sideways. I’m an old fashioned private eye, trying to keep my head screwed on straight. My name is Maddux Marlow. I’m a 45 year-old ex-cop and ex-college football player, tight end, the best position in the game.If you’re looking for a Dick Tracy-like private eye, I’m not your man. Fighting I can handle. I’d even say I love it. I always carry my Beretta handgun and am ready to take it out. I do wear a raincoat only because, since the big climate change, it’s always fucking raining. It’s a pain in the ass.I don’t really get a day off. In my kind of work there is always something going on. Like today.I’m at home, chilling in my living room watching the weather channel, and thinking about doing a Roxy, when a guy passes by my window, falling head first to his death. My cheap, open space loft is on the eleventh floor. The building is located in a poor neighborhood, which is about the best I can afford. Here we’re used to seeing dead bodies. Last week a body stayed on the sidewalk for two days after getting shot in the head.So, I should go downstairs to make sure the guy didn’t fall on my car, a vintage 94 Chrysler. I assume he’s one of those people, craving the likes, who wants to boost his social media score. Society has lost its fucking mind. All these social media kings and queens make me sick to my stomach. All kids pushing boundaries and putting themselves in danger just to be the next best thing. Social Media production is no longer a one person job with a mobile device filming himself. Now they have production teams and editing teams behind them. It’s a business nowadays. The new trend is live murder or suicide, anything that will get more likes.This brings us to my new case. When I open the door to go down to see if my Chrysler’s okay, there’s a girl standing in front of my door. She tells me that a social media queen is missing, and it’s a complete mystery. Her social media name is Sarah Shine, but her real name is Sarah Sanders. She’s off the grid and nobody knows why. Probably some kids know something or someone has a last video file of her. It’s her younger sister who’s telling me all this shit while she stands before me, and blocks the way to the elevator. I don’t care about those young web stars, but this kid won’t let me pass. She shoves the last video of her sister in my face. In the video she’s petting a little cat, and she speaks about the cat like it’s her fucking pussy. You bet this is going viral on some channel. Her followers are mostly old pigs over sixty. Sis thinks she might be in danger, maybe kept hostage by one of her followers.She tells me, she found me on the old refurbish Pentium III illegally plugged onto the dos web, the old and slow internet. Years ago I put up an ad on the old cop site. She bats those big watery eyes at me, so I take the case. The Chrysler is fine, the guy fell about twenty feet away from it. He’s still face down on the sidewalk in a pond of warm blood.

 

I drive while she gives directions to her parents’ house. One hand on the wheel and the other on my $10 cup of coffee. My window is cracked open which makes a whistling sound as I drive. I can feel the tension rising and we both stop talking. If I close up the window, the car will fog up with all this fucking rain. The ventilation is shit in this vintage Chrysler. The whistling gets louder the faster I drive. It has the effect of a countdown with the tension getting higher. And then she lifts her mini skirt a little to show me her see-through panties.

 

“I can pay you with my body if you want.” she tells me this while looking right at me.

 

I have trouble keeping my eyes on the road. I can tell it’s not her first time offering sex. It’s reality these days, jobs are rare, money is hard to get. A lot of young kids do this, guys and girls. But there’s no fucking way I’m gonna use a 18 year old girl as a fuck doll, I respect myself too much for that.

 

Her parents seem to be good people, not rich, but honest workers who never stole anything besides an internet connection. I have difficulty looking straight at her father. After all, I have just seen his daughter’s panties.

 

It takes 45 minutes of asking the right questions but I finally get the full picture.

 

The father is sick, and needs $250,000 for his operation. His daughter, Sarah, is insured for one million dollars. Maybe the parents are behind this mystery. Ever since Sarah is missing, her social account has gone sky high with likes and followers. Flowers are piling up in front of the parents house. The father tells me he doesn’t have the money to pay me, and looks at his younger daughter, and suggests she could help me. Yeah, I know what you mean daddy. The father is selling one daughter to find the other one.

 

Back in the car with Baby Sis, I make myself clear. She’s pissed and slams the door as she gets out with her panties in her hand. I go back home to stalk Sarah’s social account. There are loads of interesting comments, but one is more interesting than the others. A guy wrote that he thinks he knows where she went. Billythestud69, Billy Blanco, I go check him out.

 

It takes six knocks on Billy’s door, before he answers. He looks too ripped to cooperate, but he does. He tells me that he heard there is a place where girls can go to get fucked hard,and get paid big cash. Because her sister tried so hard to get my dick out of my pants, it wouldn’t surprise me if this was Sarah’s thing. Billy adds that the place moves from one building to another so they don’t get caught. He sure knows a lot for a kid. On the other hand, Sarah’s social media friends debunk Billy’s theory. They say she wouldn’t go anywhere without her mobile device.

 

All this research has made me hungry. So, I go to dinner. My favorite place to eat is Dine For a Dime, an old airstream trailer parked at the side of the road in a not-so-great neighborhood. It’s the perfect place for nightcrawlers, like me. The guys on the force all come here, even the retired ones.

 

I’m about to sit at a table and say hi to my favorite waitress when I see a young girl sitting alone at the bar. I have nothing to lose, so I go sit next to this good looking blond. I order what I usually order; the soup du jour with french toast and coffee. She’s like an open book. She doesn’t stop talking about herself, like all the kids of her generation. I don’t get a chance to introduce myself, before I’m ready to pass out from boredom. Then she starts talking about a secret members-only club she desperately wants to get in. She wants to boost her media shit with sex. But she doesn’t know what it’s called. Now I have to find that club.

 

I have to go see my tipster. I wonder if she knows about this club of people paying for sex. And maybe she has heard something about Sarah Shine. Her name is Natalia Nikityna. She speaks English with a broad accent and rolls her Rs. She’s a web podcaster and trend followers, not that I understand what she does exactly. But if there’s a new trend she’s the one who will know about it.

 

There is only one phone booth left in town and that is my outside office. This is where I make all of my phone calls. The places where Natalia wants to meet are always awkward and weird. When she answers her phone, she tells me to meet her in the beauty shop while she gets her hair dyed blond, like Sarah. She knows Sarah is missing, but has nothing on it. But she does know about the club, she wrote an article about them last month, she says. The group is called GFG GROUP INC, a real estate investment group.

 

The library is not the only place that has internet, but it’s the fastest. I know it’s a cliché but the librarian working there is very nice looking. It doesn’t take me long, as long as I keep my eyes on the screen, to find the GFG HQ address and all the houses they have for sale. It’s weird, the place is located downtown where nobody does business anymore. The last business moved from there a long time ago. It’s a bad place even for me.

 

Downtown is deserted, we all call this place “The Zone”. Tonight it’s just me and some stray dogs. There are no cars in front of the HQ building which looks abandoned. I think the real office is probably in a nicer part of the town. Through the front window, I can see a dim light. Someone is in one of the back offices. Time to find the back door.

 

Behind the building a luxury car is parked close to the wall, like someone wants to hide it from the street. He must have fucking big balls to leave a car like this to the mercy of anybody walking by. The back door is not quite shut, so I go in. The hall is empty, but I hear sounds coming from further up the hall. Just in case I take my Beretta out. I wear my gun at my hip like a cowboy. I always loved the western movies. The colt 45 is my favorite gun. I came close to owning one once. It’s the reason why I became a cop in the first place. Western were part of my childhood and I wanted to ride a horse and fire a gun at the same time.

 

As I walk further into the building, it sounds like someone is moaning, possibly through a gag. I also hear two or three men’s voices, Maybe four. I stop at the door, my gun in hand, safety off. Inside the room are three naked guys and a naked girl, who is tied to a table, with all three holes filled. That would explain the gagging sounds. When I tell the three wooden dicks to move away and face the wall the girl starts giving me shit about stopping her sex party. Apparently she was about to cum. I ask her name and no she’s not Sarah Shine, even if she has blond hair. So, I ask her about Sarah Shine. Without trying to cover herself up she tells me she saw a video of Sarah with Billy, billythestud69. Now I have to go back to Billy’s house. I leave the GFG group to their party, but I think the party’s over.

 

Back at Billy’s house, a mobile home in a trailer park, the lights are off, nobody seems to be home. It’s late in the evening, I assume they are sleeping. So, I decide to knock anyway. Billy comes to the door, he looks like I feel. I ask him to come in my car, so we can talk.

 

I tell him I know that he knows where Sarah is. So he spills it all. He fell for the oldest trick in the world. She’s in his parents cottage outside of town. The cottage is in the middle of a cornfield. The only place where you can be away from all those dumbass dickheads. It’s an hour drive from town.

 

The cornfield takes me back to my grandparents’ cottage. I spent all my childhood summers there. One summer my grandfather went out in the cornfield and blew his head off with his Colt. We never knew why he did it. I was in the field with him, he was holding my hand when he shot himself. I was too young to understand what happened to him, I just saw the blood everywhere. He had said the Colt was supposed to be mine once he passed away, but I never knew what happened to the gun after that.

 

It’s as dark as a monkey’s butt. So, I shine the headlights on the front of the house. Outside, it’s calm and quiet. Besides the endless rain hitting the roof, there is no sound. Billy unlocks the door. When he opens the door I can see a blond girl sitting at the kitchen table in complete darkness. Though the headlights shine all the way to the kitchen, I can’t see her face, only the light reflecting off her blond hair. When she hears us walking in she turns her head and I see the freckles on her face. It’s her. I finally found Sarah Shine.

 

She wanted to vanish to increase the number of fans and followers of her story. And more likes would mean more money, in a week of publicity she went from 150,000 followers to 1.1 million followers, she will eventually have the money to save her dad. But even in our shitty world it’s illegal to fake a disappearance or a kidnapping. I have to report her, she might do time, or not, I don’t care. I’m not here to judge, my job is done.

 

Behind the rain clouds the sun is up, the night’s over. Going home, tired and wet.

 

Ten-four, I’m out.

I belonged to a clubhouse in Pinellas County that accommodated people with mental illnesses from 2011–2922. It did not matter what type of mental illness you had, you were welcome there and everyone helped each other in three different areas of the clubhouse. There was “Communications” where we made a newsletter, there was “Career” where we looked for jobs and helped others find jobs and there was “Culinary” where we learned how to cook and clean and all that happy stuff. I really, really enjoyed it and I became super involved with the clubhouse. I created websites, did outreaches, and speeches at police stations. I really was a huge asset there and everybody let me know I was, too. Then this woman named Charlotte arrived and she decided she was going to overhaul everything and treat everyone like garbage from other staff to the members. I am a very high-functioning person and my diagnoses are mostly PTSD and depression but there were some people there that were very low functioning and almost borderline retarded (I’m sorry, I don’t know what other word to use). She would gang up with two other staff members and make these low functioning people always clean the bathrooms and would not help them with the computers. I would complain and then she would yell at me. I would try to help people and she would yell at me. Every time I would go there and I would see her stupid, fat face and I would want to turn around and leave but, it was a long drive to my house so I would stay and endure. One day a young woman was having severe menstrual cramps and I am a lot older than her and I know a lot about this type of thing so I was trying to give her advice about what to do and I offered her some pamprin. Charlotte yelled at me and said “Lisa, are you going to stay in this room or what?” And the young woman I was talking to you told her to stop yelling at me and quit picking on people and then Charlotte slammed something on the table. I walked out of the room and walked into another room and I screamed “Charlotte is a fucking bitch and I’m never coming back!” What I really wanted to do was pick up Charlotte and put her head first into the boiling pasta water. That was in 2022 and I never went back. I hate that woman, she ruined everything.

The Moment She Realized Detectives Knew EVERYTHING

https://youtu.be/IpReeIH8Q_Q

This is our company truck. This truck transports oil palm fruit (FFB) to the palm oil mill (PKS). We have 6 trucks like the one in this picture that go back and forth every day delivering fruit to be processed in the factory.

This is the route of the trucks, the distance is 51 kilometers. So every day they will send fruit 2 times. If calculated, then they will walk back and forth 4 times.

(Image: Fruit processing factory destination, personal doc)

Now I’ll give you a picture of the truck stops. I’ll draw them with red dots, something like this:

At these red points, the truck drivers do not stop to eat or drink coffee, but rather to collect extortion from local residents and mass organizations.

(Illustration image, source google images)

It seems trivial, only Rp. 2000, but let’s multiply it roughly:

6 trucks x 4 trips = 24 trips / day
extortion collection points = 7
collection points of Rp. 2,000,-

then: 24 x 7 x 2,000 = Rp. 336,000 /day
if calculated for 1 year (365 days) minus 20 days of holidays, then

Rp.336,000,- x 345 days = Rp. 115,920,000,-

The money can buy a type 36 house 😁


Just our company, what about other companies? That’s just from the extortion side on the streets, and the distance traveled is 51 kilometers. What about those with longer distances, for example trans-sumatra or trans-java? There are still many more small things that need to be fixed by the system in our beloved +62 country.

I sold my motorhome to my best friend. Just a couple months later he was driving on the interstate highway when the front end started shaking. He pulled off the road and saw that the right front wheel was crooked. He walked the 1/4 mile to the exit and truck stop. An older homeless guy went up to him and said he saw that my friend was broke down. He wanted to know what the problem was and if he could help.

My friend said he didn’t know yet, but you can come with me and maybe we can figure it out. My friend had ALL his tools. They jacked up the front axle and the entire wheel fell away. It seems that the stub axle broke off. Applying the brakes (drum brakes) held the entire wheel assembly attached while stopping the truck….

My friend was frustrated because he had to be somewhere the next morning. The old guy said, you find the parts, I’ll fix it. They spent the next few hours locating and acquiring the parts (junk yard). My friend was towing his car so he had wheels to go pick up the parts and then head on to his next commitment.

Three days later, he returned, the truck was fixed and the old man was still there. He was staying in the motorhome during the time my friend was away.

My friend owned a business and offered the guy a job. He worked for my friend for 8 years until he was able to collect social security.

Yea man, no lie. Charcoal burns hot, real hot. Five hundred degrees — Maybe seven hundred. The meat hits that heat and magic happens.

Burning charcoal breaks down lignin to produce two compounds called guaiacol and syringol. They make smoke. That smoke tastes like bacon. Your tongue knows. Amino acids and reducing sugars react–Scientists call it the Maillard reaction – I call it that perfect crust.

Fat drips. Hits the coals. Vaporizes. Melting fats will drip onto the heat source and produce smoke – The smoke rises back up. Coats the meal, every drop of juice becomes flavor.

Gas can’t do this. Wood can. But charcoal does it best — The chemistry doesn’t lie. Your mouth knows the difference — That’s why we keep coming back. Fire and meat. Simple as that.