1. I suspect everything would have worked a lot better for me had I not married a person with an extreme personality disorder. Sadly, people don’t come with those sort of markings, and she hid her nature pretty carefully before the marriage.

I got served on a Friday after 5pm when I came home to a nearly empty house. She cleaned out our joint accounts, I had nothing to hire a lawyer with even had there been one available on a weekend. If there are free resources for men facing divorce in my area, I could not find them.

She took the children, all of their clothes, toys, books, and furniture (excepting a bed for each child). I didn’t have any idea where my kids were until the following Tuesday. She left no note, she and her family would not answer the phone.

My ex refused to negotiate on anything. Because my kids are young and she was a “stay at home mom” I got very little consideration on custody issues. No one batted an eyelash when my ex withheld the kids from me, or when she cleaned out our joint accounts.

I paid for all of the lawyers involved, directly or indirectly. The way she took the money from our shared accounts made it nearly impossible to recover anything. Pretty soon I was a paycheck with support obligations and bills that kept me with negative cash flow for 6 months. I made too much to file for bankruptcy, but not enough to cover everything.

I never had an issue with paying child or spousal support. They way they calculated it wasn’t fair, but what can you do? I had lots of issues with getting access to the kids. After the divorce, she ignored most of the items in the final decree, I couldn’t call my kids and she kept me in the dark about school, medical, and after school activities. Had I failed to pay support, an organization would have come after me. When she refused to comply with the divorce decree, I had nothing. To get traction, I would have to go back to court, which I couldn’t afford.

It was brutal. I don’t remember long stretches of the last two years. I held myself together, stayed employed, and cared for my kids when I had them.

I don’t think men in a marriage with a stay at home mom understand how vulnerable they are. I would never consider such an arrangement again, under any circumstance.

2. My divorce was brutal. My ex cheated on me (7x) and when I filed, she instantly started crying that I beat her, playing the helpless blonde card at every turn, crying at the drop of a hat, how there was no way she could possibly support herself (with 2 multiple degrees and a job history). She pushed for 100% custody of the kids and made me pay through the nose for every moment I got to spend with them. She took most of my retirement and made me pay all her legal fees. Everytime I pushed back, she painted me as abusive and misogynist and the judge (a woman) gave her what she wanted.

I ended up with 45% custody of the kids (after a year-long fight), a year of my salary in legal fee debts, no house, and no retirement. She then proceeded to give the kids every single thing they wanted (let my 14 year old daughter sleep with her 19 year old boyfriend in her house) to try to woo them over to her, which backfired horribly and ended up alienating the kids to her completely. When that didn’t work, she took a fireplace iron to my son and ended up being committed, which was where her BPD (borderline personality disorder) was diagnosed.

Now, 10 years later, I’ve not spoken to her in 4 years, the boys despise her, and her daughter is realizing how crazy she was.

3. I was married to a verbally abusive women who broke me financially when I divorced her. I seriously believe that she didn’t even want all that she got, she just wanted to see me suffer.

I’m happy to hear you got away clean but I don’t know a single man personally who has. You said that the mother of your kids has been very reasonable. The mother of mine was awarded custody and I was allowed to visit at her home twice a week for one hour. I have no criminal record or violent history. When I would visit she would bitch at me from the time I rang the doorbell until the time I left. She also has had a vastly higher standard of living with the child support and alimony I was forced to give her for a marriage that was less than 2 years and would flaunt it incessantly.

She tricked a different guy into marrying her right after we divorced by faking a pregnancy. Then when she got married to him she did the same shit to him except with two more kids.

I was able to get the alimony stopped after she remarried but had to pay out the nose through the entire divorce process and until she remarried. I had to work two jobs to pay her off and had to live rent free with a friend until it stopped. She still makes a killing in child support which is only used marginally on the kids.

4. My ex-wife had an affair. While the court would not recognize it despite the testified evidence of numerous late night phone calls to his place of work, the suspicious “picnic lunches” at a location hours away from town, etc, an affair took place for almost a year.

Without knowing all of this at the time, she asked me for a divorce and then wanted full custody of our children, despite the devotion and involvement I was and am in their lives.

That being said, my ex-wife hired an unethical attorney, who believed in a scorched earth policy to ensure his client was awarded the bulk of the estate and the hours he billed were astronomical.

At trial, I was portrayed as a horrible husband and person, which is the farthest from the truth. The “spin” the attorney put on day-to-day aspects of life in order to make one out to be “the bad guy” was mind boggling and eye-opening to how the family court system is truly flawed.

The unethical tactics and manipulation my ex-wife allowed her attorney to do in court was unconscionable, all to achieve money.

The judge in my trial clearly did not understand the concept of pre-tax and after-tax assets and awarded my ex-wife approximately 85+% of the assets acquired during the marriage, in addition to enormous amounts of alimony and child support for 16 years although I was not married that long.

Given this huge amount of money she was receiving, I was still ordered to pay for everything for the children (private schools, clothes, sports/extra cirricular, trips, supplies, etc….everything!). I was also ordered to secure a life insurance policy for millions and name her as beneficiary.

This “alimony sentence” I was given through my early 60’s, has prohibited me to save for retirement and continue to live the life I would like with my new wife, yet the judge ordered me to keep her in the life to which SHE was “accustomed”. Despite the fact she is an educated woman capable of working and supporting herself in the lifestyle she desires.

Even worse, is that the ex-wife has been living with another man for 5+ years. Despite the emotional toll and unsettling environment my ex’s living arrangement has taken on the children, she continues to fight for alimony even though the divorce decree states it ends when living with a man that is not her husband.

Yet the flawed CT cohabitation law is written that the domestic partner must also provide financial support to her household. Why would the live-in provide financial support when the ex-wife has substantial amounts of money? Therefore, the alimony now becomes support of BOTH of them!

1. Fishing is a way of being in symbiosis with nature. Not all the materials are “natural” but I feel while i am fishing, the life around you accepts you as part of that environment.

Your body slows and your mind focuses enough to be aware of all that is happening around you. You get to experience things you can’t plan to happen; an eagle swooping for a fish, a dolphin chasing mullet, sharks free swimming; observing intimate interactions between multiple species. I love it

2. I like bass fishing and my fishing buddy likes ocean fishing, both are cool. With bass fishing, you don’t cast and wait a few hours, you cast continually. You get good at recognizing spots and putting your lure right where you think the fish is.

Really though, two things are nice. One, is all you care about is fishing. No phones, no job, no outside world. It is just you and the fish. How often are you really able to escape into your own mind like that. Before I learned how to meditate, fishing and golf were the closest I came.

Second, is fishing buddies. Do not underestimate how important it is to have activities with friends. For you and your boys to go out their and spend the day distraction free is great. Funny things will happen, stories will be made, and no one is going to get hurt. All around good time to spend

3. Fly fishing actually gets me because its not about the actual fishing, its the stalking the waiting, the nature, the escapism, the spotting, the zen of it all. (I either eat or catch and release – mainly on the rare occasions of success). It surprised me when I tried it, so I guess i can simply say, there is fishing and there is fishing

4. I live in Land Locked Canada and to me fishing has always been about connecting with the land.

I particularly have fished a lot in Kootenay lake in British Columbia. Learning your fishing spot is learning how our world works. This lake in particular was formed millions of years ago and the mountains to the east used to make up what used to be the pacific coastline. This helps inform why the fish that live in the lake exist where they do.

It can be a sobering experience knowing the native people, for thousands of years fished the same fish and how the lake has changed over the years in both the longterm and over the decades as damming in the 50s has raised the water level.

And that’s just one lake. Every lake, stream and river has its own story.

My point is when I fish I’m on a boat going up the shoreline, seeing the rock formations and cliff faces. In the Fall, seeing snowflakes in the mountains turn to rain.

Then there’s the fishing itself. Again your on a boat on a nice day seeing the beauty of the lake, and then you get to fight the fish when you get a bite.

Knowing how to tire a big fish out is really fun on its own and once you have the fish you have a delicious dinner.

5. I fish because it allows me to interact with, and have a relationship with the natural world and all of its inhabitants. The birds, waterfowl, fish, land animals, etc all going about their day searching for food while I do the same is a peaceful experience for me.

Also, it will always remind me of my grandfather and the lessons and stories he told while we were fishing together. He’s still with us, but when he’s not I will always be able to connect with him out on the water wetting a line.

6. I call it hydrotherapy. Exploring mother nature does wonders for the soul. I usually do more observing than fishing ,there’s always more to learn.

Fishing teaches patience, which is sorely lacking in today’s society.

It has taught me to be a good steward of my waters as I pick up bag after bag of trash left by selfish cretins.

My motivation is to catch a bigger fish,of course, but I’ve learned that putting the big ones back to breed feels better than eating them.

7. Just peace. Its the only way I can put work, life, stress, etc out of my mind without excessive substance abuse. Feels like I’m my whole self when I’m on the water, my instincts kick in and everything else goes away.

Granted, landing a piggie smallmouth is a fckin thrill. But it’s more about peace than anything.

8. For me getting out on the water provides peace of mind.

I like to fly fish so my lure selection is a little more nuanced and particular, but when I get out there and I’m focused on picking the right fly to convince the big brown trout holding in a pool 20 ft away from me to eat.

Everything else washes away. It provides a strange level of hyper-focus and absent minded clarity at the same time.

Often I’ve gone out fishing to decompress and get away from work for a little while and when I get back to doing important things I often find that i’m refreshed and can approach problems with a new perspective.

Being out on the water also allows your mind to wander and sometimes this has produced great ideas that i wouldn’t have realized had I stayed at my desk trying to hammer out work.

Besides all of the mental aspects of the hobby when you hook into a fish that can actually fight back and pulls on your line there is a massive adrenaline rush, it almost touches something primal in your soul.

9. Sure, I find it relaxing. It’s one of the few activities in which my mind is totally blank. When I’m in the creek, there’s no thoughts of work, bills or other life stressors.

But, to be honest, I’m not a very religious person so I try to be somewhat ‘spiritual’ and fishing and being outdoors helps me achieve the spirituality I want.

To be closer with the Earth and enjoy the beautiful world around us. I know that sounds like a very hippy thing to say but, to answer your question, relaxation to be closer to Mother Nature.

10. It’s one of the few activities I’ve found where my mind can stay focused on a singular, low pressure objective for hours on end. My job requires a lot of me, in the sense that I have to be on top of 30 different, often higher pressure situations at any given time.

I’ve never been able to achieve relaxation while “vegging out” and fishing strikes that awesome balance of requiring focus while lacking any type of competition or pressure. I also just like being on or near the water.

Beyond that, it’s an awesome community. Since I started fishing I’ve struck up so many conversations with people who are excited to talk about catches, favorite spots, lures, etc.