Well, we tried once.

When my dad was about 90, a neighbor once chewed our ear off about our dad still driving. He never went over 25 mph, he could be seen looking out over the crops rather than paying attention to the road, we needed to take his keys, for his own safety.

We had thought about this before. And Moses and I strategized, planned out exactly what to say, made a plan for Dad getting wherever he needed to go (Mo had two 20 something boys at home at the time.)

We were ready. I came home for the weekend, and Friday night, after dinner, Mo began with, “Dad, we’d like to talk about your driving.”

And that was as far as it went. Dad turned the sheer blue ice glare he had always had on both of us before replying, “No, we do not. I maintain a very safe speed, a lot safer speed than the dang fools who blow their horn and fly on around me, like the one who complained to you. (Didn’t miss a trick, that old man.) I know my own facilities, and if I should ever need to quit driving, I will tell you about it.”

Then he gave his newspaper the trademark shake that signaled disapproval, and the subject was done. Mo looked at me; I looked at him, and like the pig, cow, and sheep in The Little Red Hen, we both screamed silently , “Not I! Not I Not !!”

We had high hopes for the next year, when his license was up for renewal. When he walked out of DMV with a new one, we immediately sought out Laura, the DMV employee who we had been counting on.

“Mo, he passed the vision test with ease. . He passed the written test with a score of 90. Nothing I could do. Sorry.”

He never caused an accident. He never went further than the Food Lion in town, or the barber shop. And, when he died at almost 95, a valid VA driver’s license was in his wallet.

There are some things you just don’t mess with, folks.

This picture right here.

I love this picture. I took this picture of me and my fiancee Olivia in March of 2017. We were taking a walk in downtown Greensboro, and I decided I wanted to get a quick picture of us. We were so happy. She had just recently passed the bar and was about to start her first job as a lawyer. I was as proud of her as I could ever be. She had worked so hard to get to this point, and she was about to start seeing the rewards for all of her hard work.

I also hate this picture, because it is the last picture I ever took of us together. Just seven weeks after I took this picture, Olivia was driving home from work when she lost control of her car, slid off of the road and into a tree. She was killed instantly. This picture represents the last time I was happy, the last time I had the love of my life in my life.

The first year after the accident was the worst. I woke up every single day and wondered if this was going to be the day. Would this be the day that I couldn’t think of a reason to keep going? I sank deeper and deeper into depression, I put on 80 pounds, my blood pressure shot through the roof…I thought about killing myself every single day, and every day I found a reason not to do it, but in reality I was slowly killing myself anyway. I was eating myself to death, drinking myself to death…I was in a bottomless pit, and every day it got a little deeper.

That was the first year. There’s no real way of knowing if there would have been a second full year if something hadn’t changed. But then one day, shortly after I got home from work, I got a text from my niece. My niece Caty is my brother’s only child, and she is like a daughter to me. My brother passed away from leukemia 19 years ago, when she was only 4 years old, so I have been the most positive male role model in her life since then. Anyway, Caty had texted me to ask me if I would walk her down the aisle at her wedding later this year.

Suddenly I no longer needed to come up with a new reason to keep going each day, because for the first time in a year I had something to look forward to. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I was disgusted with what I saw. There was no way in hell I was going to walk her down that aisle in the condition I was in. So I went to the doctor, I got on medication for my blood pressure and for my depression, I started eating a little healthier, cut out all of the drinking, and I dropped 100 pounds in a year. I feel healthier now than I have in years.

The depression is still there. The pain, the hurt, the loss, the emptiness…they are all still there. I know they will never go away. The meds help me deal with them, help me to suppress them, but they are still there under the surface. I can function now, so that’s something. So that picture up above, that represents the start of the darkest period in my life, the lowest point in my life. The picture below was taken this past March, almost exactly two years after the one up above.

There’s a lot more gray in my beard now, and a lot less hope in my eyes. I’m almost smiling in this picture, but make no mistake…this picture represents the lowest point in my life. Every single day of the last 781 days has been the lowest day of my life, because it’s been one more day without the love of my life in it.

EDIT: I was trying to reply to all of the comments, even if it was just a simple thank you. I couldn’t keep up, so I decided to reply here instead. Thank you to everyone who took a moment to comment, to give me some kind of words of hope or encouragement. Thank you to everyone who was touched in some way by this, or who cared enough to respond. Thank you to everyone who took the time not just to comment but to send me personal messages of encouragement. And if you read this, even if you didn’t comment or message me or respond in any way, I still say thank you for reading it. For a moment, just that small moment, Olivia’s name was on your mind, you saw her picture, you thought about her, and for just that moment she was remembered. That probably sounds pretty cheesy, but it means more to me than you can imagine.

Update 11/23/19: So I originally posted this answer on July 8th of this year. I added the first update on August 13th, which also happened to be my birthday. I was amazed at the sheer volume of support I received on this one. I had written many different answers where I talked about Olivia, where I shared her story. I got some very sweet and encouraging comments on all of those, and a few messages from people, but nothing like the response I got from this single post. It has been humbling, and it has been beautiful. I have tried to read every single comment and every single message, although I had to stop replying to them all a few months ago. It was just consuming too much of my time. But I want you all to know how much I appreciate every single one of you that has taken the time to reach out, taken the time to let me know that our story touched you in some way. There have also been a few negative comments, some that were even mean, and a fair bit of spam, but the vast majority has been so lovely and encouraging.

So with all of that said, I wanted to give you an update on my life. As I mentioned, I received a lot of messages from people in addition to all the comments I received. I was trying to keep up with them all for a while, trying to send some kind of reply, even if it was only a few words of thanks, but it got to be too much, although I still do read them all. But then a couple of months ago I received a message that gave me pause, and it touched me so much I had to read it a second time. This message was from someone else who had just recently lost their own fiance unexpectedly, who was struggling with the grief and the pain, and just wanted to let me know that my story was inspiring. It brought literal tears to my eyes reading this message, and I felt compelled to reply. I had no idea who this person was , if it was a man or a woman, young or old, I knew nothing other than this was a heart in pain, and I needed to let this person know that I understood, that I grieved for their loss. Maybe try to offer some words of comfort from the perspective of someone who actually understood that pain and knows what words are comforting and what words ring hollow.

I didn’t expect to hear anything back after that initial reply, but to my surprise I got another message, to which I also replied, and pretty soon we were writing each other almost every day, talking about the losses we had both experienced, with me offering words of comfort and advice. This blossomed into a lovely friendship, and we decided to connect on social media as well.

By this point we had learned a lot more about each other. My mystery writer was a beautiful young woman with a beautiful heart. I realized after a while that I was falling for her, which brought me a lot of guilt. Finally one day I went to visit Olivia’s grave, to talk to her, to tell her what I was feeling. I told her that I would always love her, that she would always be the love of my life, and that no one would ever replace her in my heart. I also told her that I needed to continue living, that I need to let this new person create her own place in my heart. I told her that she would never be replaced, but this new woman I was falling in love with would also understand that,and that I would be sharing her heart with her lost love the same way she would share my heart with Olivia. The only thing left to do now was to tell the new woman in my life how I felt.

I got really lucky y’all, because she was feeling the same things. So yeah, we are in love, we are happy, and we are making plans for the future. I will never “get over” Olivia, I will never stop hurting, stop missing her, stop wishing she was still in my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love again, that I can’t live again. And I hope that if anyone reads this who has gone through this type of pain, who is still going through it, I hope you take that message away with you. You can find happiness again if you open your heart to the possibility.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

5/15/21 – Final Edit: Wow, so much has happened since I wrote my last edit on this answer. Life has changed so much. The world has changed so much. But I did want to provide one last update, at least partially because I received so many comments and PMs requesting another update.

So, in my last update I told you all about how I met another kindred spirit who had gone through the same type of loss that I had, and how we connected and ultimately fell in love. What I didn’t mention at the time, however, was that we had one huge obstacle – we lived 9000 miles apart. See, I was living in Greensboro, NC at the time, and she was living in the Metro Manila region of the Philippines. This made things more difficult, but it was manageable. We spent hours on Skype every single day, talking and getting to know each other, getting closer every day.

We were both anxious to meet in person, so I bought a ticket to fly out to the Philippines and spend a few weeks with her there. There was only one problem…I was scheduled to land there on March 15th, 2020. Anyone who has been, well, awake for the last year should spot the problem there immediately. Yes, the day we were supposed to finally meet was the same day that Manila went on lock down due to the pandemic.

“It’s ok,” we both said, “this will be under control in a month or two, we’ll reschedule then.”

While we waited for everything to get back to normal, we continued to Skype every day. We would start a call after we finished work each day (she works for a company here in the US, so we actually work almost identical hours) and usually be on that call for the rest of the night. During that time I met her family digitally, and she met mine. There were weekends where we would literally have an eight hour Skype call, log off to sleep for a few hours then spend another eight hours on our next call.

Finally, in February of this year, we started looking into alternative options for where we could meet each other. Her coming to the US or me going to the Philippines were both off the table since Visa services were still suspended for both countries, but we knew that there were countries that we could both get Visas for, so we did some research, and settled on Turkey.

And thus, a little over a year after the date we were originally supposed to finally meet one another, we finally met in person at the airport in Istanbul. When I say I was nervous, that is an understatement. I mean, at this point we had known each other for a year and a half, we had helped each other through the worst pain you can imagine, we had fallen in love against all odds…and yet I was nervous. What if we were uncomfortable around each other? What if she saw me in person and realized that she didn’t like what she saw? What if it was all just so awkward? What if…then I saw her. She had arrived a couple of hours before me, and she was waiting near the baggage carousel my luggage was coming in on. As soon as I walked up to her I think we both started crying a little, I wrapped my arms around her, and I swear I never wanted to let go.

We had planned to spend two weeks in Turkey. We ended up staying five weeks instead, and even then neither one of us really wanted to leave. As soon as we were together, all of those fears, all of that nervousness, it was just washed away. Even though it was our first meeting in person, we had already spent a year and a half getting to know each other, and so we were immediately comfortable together, we knew each other so well that within moments of meeting it felt like we had been together for years. And I realized very quickly that I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.

And so on April 2nd, 2021, just five days after we arrived in Istanbul, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. I am so incredibly happy that I have this amazing, beautiful woman in my life.

There was a time when I felt completely broken. I felt – no, I knew – that I would never love again. I was at my lowest point, I was literally praying each night that I just wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I had no desire to live, felt that I had nothing left to live for. My niece snapped me out of that when she asked me to walk her down the aisle, but I still felt empty, alone. I wasn’t trying to live again, I was simply no longer actively trying to kill myself through neglect and abuse.

Now – now I want to live life, I want to enjoy life, I want to share my life with this amazing woman who understands me in ways no one else ever could, and who accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. She understands how broken I was, because she was broken as well, but somehow when we picked up all of our broken pieces and put them back together, we found that we were actually two halves of the same puzzle.

So – on to the main reason for this final update. I have been so amazed by the level of support this post has received, the number of people who have reached out to share their own stories of loss, and to tell me that my story has given them hope, or at the very least touched something in their heart. That has meant so much to me, more than any of you could possibly know. And after my last update, so many of those people wanted two things…they wanted to hear more stories about me and my new love, my Macy…and they wanted to see a picture of us together. I guess it was kind of a full circle kind of thing – this started with the picture at the lowest point in my life, now they want to see me at my new high point.

"NGOs that have been working in our country for 30 years were not registered anywhere.

They were not accountable to anyone.

They just opened bank accounts, took money from foreign donors and used it as they saw fit, including for personal purposes.

From now on they will be registered with the Ministry of Justice like everyone else.

They will open bank accounts. They will start to work openly. There will be no more confusion.

The question is why foreign donors against this law.

Our non-governmental organizations are deceiving them.

They spread false information, saying 'we will be persecuted, we will be arrested as agents of a foreign state'.

And the donors believed it. That is why they are asking me not to sign this law.

You have been working with foreign donors for 30 years and no one has prosecuted you for taking money. Are we going to start doing that now?

As the Head of State, I guarantee there will be no persecution.

We are not a nuclear power.

We are not going to fly into space yet.

Our state has no secrets to hide from you and your donors. All our information is in the public domain.

If you can, get billions, not millions. It will only benefit our country.

We just want to show everything openly, so that everyone is working on equal terms.

Then foreign donors will be able to see how much money has been used and for what projects. And they will not be deceived.

Before this, you deceived them by saying that you organized round tables, spent money on training, and implemented projects.

Meanwhile, the funds were used for your personal interests.

If you say it is not true, I can prove it.

Why do non-governmental organizations in developed Western countries register with the Ministry of Justice, the Tax Service, open a bank account and not do the same when they come to us?

Or are we a second-class country?

No, we are not.

We will no longer allow such dubious actions."

Excerpt from the statement by by Kyrgyz President Sadyr Japarov on his Facebook page regarding the adoption by the Kyrgyz Republic of a law on non-governmental organizations (NGOs), April 2, 2024.

Cranberry-Orange Wings

Yield: 8 to 12 servings

Ingredients

• 3 to 5 pounds chicken wings
• 1/2 cup orange juice
• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
• 1/2 cup jellied cranberry sauce, melted
• Dash of Tabasco sauce

Instructions

1. Arrange chicken wings in a shallow nonreactive container.
2. In a medium size bowl, combine orange juice, soy sauce, cranberry sauce and Tabasco sauce; mix well.
3. Pour sauce over chicken wings.
4. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for several hours or overnight. Turn wings occasionally to marinate evenly.
5. Lift wings from marinade and place on shallow baking pan.
6. Bake in preheated 350 degrees F oven for 50 to 60 minutes, or until tender. Baste frequently with reserved marinade during baking.

Don’t Underestimate the World’s Second-Biggest Economy

For over two decades, China’s phenomenal economic performance impressed and alarmed much of the world, including the United States, its top trading partner. But since 2019, China’s sluggish growth has led many observers to conclude that China has already peaked as an economic power.

Those who doubt that China

I am going to tell my favorite Roman story here. One of those events that is just so weird it sticks with you forever. It was a brutal moment in history and one very few people have been heard of.

Background

The Romans first invaded Britain when Julius Caesar set about conquering the Island. He found that it was poor, hard to get to, and packed with warlike tribes. So after winning a few battles he appointed the local leader a “vassal” of Rome and left.

This didn’t stick and the Romans forgot about Britannia for many decades.

Then Claudius takes the throne some 80 years later. Claudius is smart, wise, and careful but the people of Rome consider him a weak idiot. So to win glory Claudius invades Britannia and adds it to the Empire as a new province.

Things do not go very smoothly though.

The locals are not very cool with their land being conquered and they resist. In addition, Britannia is far away and Rome has to make significant efforts to convince Romans to colonize Britannia.

The largest tribe, the Iceni, remain somewhat independent. When their chief dies in 60 AD he leaves his lands to the Romans and his 2 daughters. This is meant to serve as a peaceful transition into the Roman Empire with his daughter still at the head of the tribe.

The Romans don’t see it this way though and move in on Iceni lands. They began to pillage Iceni lands, taking the men as slaves and raping the women. The chief’s daughters were also raped. When their mother, a woman named Boudica, tried to stop the Romans she was stripped naked publicly and whipped.

This horrid action would have consequences though.

Now 17 years after Rome first established itself on the island things would escalate quickly and one of the most brutal chapters in Roman history began.

My favorite part

Gaius Suetonius Paulinus is the governor of Britain. He is a man of middling skill but he is loyal and capable enough. His goal is to establish Roman control over the island

Paulinus has a plan to establish more control over Britain. There is an island off the Northern coast of Wales that has extreme religious significance to the locals. If he could control that island he could establish more control over the locals.

With a legion in tow, he sets out to conquer the Island (Anglesey).

As the Romans arrive off the shore and start moving to the beach they notice something strange. On the shore, there are people – thousands of them.

These men aren’t warriors though. They are dressed in black and reaching their hands towards the while and chanting. In between the ranks of chanting people, there are women, cloaked in black and dashing about with torches.

The sight is shocking and the Romans freeze – nobody knows what to make of it so they just stare in fear.

The women start screaming like animals and begin to charge towards the Romans.

Still the Romans are frozen at the sight.

Paulinus starts to shout insults at the men to get them moving. The legions advanced and cut the women to pieces – it is no contest.

The Romans then make it to shore and cut down the men that were chanting

After a few minutes, the beach is taken and the Romans look around. They soon notice they are not standing on a beach, they are standing on a giant funeral pyre.

A torch-wielding woman then appears and lights the pyre. The many injured druids are engulfed by the flames and cry out in agony.

The Romans now realize what happened. They had just been tricked into engaging in a religious act of human sacrifice.

This TERRIFIED THEM beyond what we can imagine.

You see, the Romans were a religious/superstitious bunch. They believed that the gods of foreigners were as real as their own. Curses, sacrifices, and deals with the gods were all totally valid things in the Roman world.

To them – this was going to have a significant impact on the world around them.

Stories started flooding in that rivers were running red for no reason and that a statue of Mars collapsed without cause.

The Romans in Britain were afraid.

The Druid gods appreciated the sacrifice because things suddenly shifted drastically in favor of the local peoples.

Boudica, the wife of the dead Iceni chief, had taken to the warpath. She gathered the local leaders and tribes and they decided to revolt and cast off the influence of Rome.

They didn’t even farm that year. They dedicated themselves entirely to preparing for war.

When they were ready they struck hard and fast.

Boudica first struck Camulodonum. As the leaders of Camulodonum noticed the approaching army the requested help from Longthroppe and Londinium (modern London).

Longthroppe took it seriously and sent their garrison but Londinium only sent 200 unarmed slaves as an insult.

When the garrison from Longthorpe arrived it was too late. The city of Camulodonum was destroyed completely. Every single person was killed. The women were raped, the men were slaughtered, and the city was looted.

It is recorded that the Roman women were hung up naked and had their removed breasts sewed to their mouths so it appeared as though they were eating them.

It was horrific. This garrison from Longthorpe thought they were dealing with a smaller revolt. To their horror, they found the entire Iceni tribe mobilized– some 75,000 warriors. The garrison was immediately overwhelmed and ran for their lives.

Paulinus now gets word what is happening. He takes his men and heads straight for Boudica.

He requests that the second legion on the island join him, but they refuse. So he requests that every retired legionary able to hold a sword join his ranks immediately.

With this his army swells to 10,000 – but he is still drastically outnumbered.

Boudica now arrives at Londinium and repeats her actions at Camulodonum.

Boudica’s plan was clear – ethnic cleansing.

Paulinus decides to try and save lives. He begins going city to city and evacuating citizens whenever possible. Boudica is in hot pursuit of his small army and the thousands of refugees are weighing him down.

Paulinus gives up. He tells the refugees to continue North and he turns to fight. He decides that dying in battle is preferable to being tortured by Boudica.

Paulinus sets himself up in the best spot he can find. Thick marshes protect his flanks and he gets his men into a sawblade formation.

Boudica’s army is at least 7 times larger than the Roman army. Many of them now have captured Roman gear as well.

She decides to charge and overwhelm them. It seems logical – crush this small army under the weight of 75,000 warriors. She takes her wagons and forms a circle around the battlefield to prevent her army and the Roman army from retreating.

Big mistake.

The Romans were the kings of this style of warfare. Their training, tactics, and heavy armor all favored prolonged head-on clashes.

Boudica’s army charges in and engages with the Romans. As usual, the Romans stab, slice, and kill from behind their big shields. Every few minutes the man at the front heads to the back while the next guy in line takes over. This keeps the men fighting fresh and allows those that just fought some time to rest.

Paulinus orders his men forward and they begin moving forward 1 step at a time.

Boudica’s forces start to get desperate. The Roman momentum is insane – they just keep coming forward and nothing Boudica does can stop them. Thousands are already dead and morale is dropping.

When a break in the battle finally happens Boudica orders a retreat.

But the wagons create choke points and the retreat turns into a mad dash for safety.

The Romans surge forward killing everything in their path. It’s a slaughter. They massacre their enemies by the thousands – pressing them against the carts and cutting them down.

Almost the entire 80,000 strong army is killed, while the Romans lose a mere 400–1000.

Boudica – totally defeated – takes poison to kill herself. The Romans now have full control over the Southern part of Britain.

The brutality of this episode is shocking even by Roman standards.

First, you have the Romans raping and enslaving an entire tribe without provocation.

Then you have a mass ritual human sacrifice accidentally committed by the Romans.

Then Boudica starts a campaign of ethnic cleansing.

Then one of the largest battles in Roman history happens and 80,000 people are cut down.

I would say it is the most brutal episode of Roman history.

Rabies is a terminal illness, once a dog starts to show symptoms of the disease, there is no cure but to euthanize the dog, for the greater good of neighborhood. A rabies ridden dog not only suffers himself, but also poses a danger of instability and greater harm to those around him.

You cannot “reason” a rabid dog out of his illness.

Similarly you cannot reason with Israel and apologists, both Israel, majority of Israeli society and its apologists abroad, have pre-emptively convinced themselves that, whatever Israel does on Gaza, will always be justified.

No matter how many civilians, aid workers or doctors are killed, or how many hospitals are destroyed, that will always be justified in eyes of Israel’s apologists, there will always be a “khamas base” if not in Al-shifa hospital, then in 4 year old Palestinian child’s skull.

Only way to stop this genocidal state from killing more innocent souls, is NOT A CEASEFIRE, but bowing it into submission by force and sanctions

Just hours after destroying the largest hosptial in Gaza (al Shifa hospital), IDF targeted and killed European aid workers who were delivering food to Palestinians in Gaza.

My ex and I used to live on Capitol Hill in DC. Almost all the houses there are 100+ years old, so there is generally something in need of fixing at any given time. We felt it was a good thing to try and support local businesses, so whenever anything small broke, we tried to use the local hardware store to get whatever we needed to repair it. Well, something small broke and we needed a small piece of pipe to replace one under a bathroom sink. If anyone has lived on the Hill in the past, they probably know that there is only one local hardware store. It had almost criminally narrow aisles until it burned to the ground several years ago. It has since been rebuilt with a much better layout.

Off we went to the local hardware store, broken piece in hand. we were faced with bins of nearly identical looking pieces. The store was often understaffed, so we were trying to compare the pieces ourselves to find the right one. As we stood there, an employee came walking down the aisle. Rather than stop to help us (though to be fair he may have been in the middle of helping someone else at the time) or politely excusing himself as he tried to squeeze around us, he just stopped, looked at us, and sarcastically sneered “do you think you could take this party somewhere else?”

My ex had worked retail for years, and was a district manager for a home goods chain at the time. We just looked at each other, put down the pieces we were trying to match, and said “sure. We can take it to Home Depot.” And that’s what we did. We made sure to let the manager know what we were doing and why before we left.