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Falling apart at the seams

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This is quite strange because this animal can seem everything but a weapon (even if only diplomatic).

In 2010 China publicly asked President Barack Obama not to meet the Dalai Lama. Obama didn’t accept the invitation and China promptly withdrew two newborn giant pandas from U.S. territory.

Also in 2010, after Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, China stopped importing Norwegian salmon. In revenge it signed a 4 billion euro contract with Scotland and sent a panda to Edinburgh Zoo as a gift.

The Dalai Lama visited Austria in 2013 and China immediately threatened to take back the very popular panda that has been staying at the world’s oldest zoo (Schönbrunn Palace, Vienna).

It is the so-called “panda diplomacy” that classifies all panda specimens as exclusive property of the Chinese government.

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main qimg 0392ab06ff9c49682cb2b17c2fcb7439 lq

These animals live in the wild only in the Qinling and Minshan regions, two small mountain areas in rural China. There are about 1500 specimens. Another 500 live in captivity and of these only 70 are found outside of China, but for very specific reasons.

Since 1984, China has started to grant pandas with real lease contracts, which provide for the payment of up to one million euros per year per single specimen. If the panda should die because of the zoo in the host country, there is a fine of about 500 thousand euros. Furthermore, China remains the sole owner of all organic products derived from giant pandas, including their cubs. Every giant baby panda born in foreign territory is in fact by law owned by China and keeping it together with mama panda in another country has a cost of 400 thousand euros per year. Not little, also because it is expensive to stock up on bamboo: the Edinburgh Zoo spends $ 107,000 a year to feed its two pandas.

Each rented panda is a symbol of a successful trade agreement, as has happened over the years with many countries, including England, Scotland, France, Australia and many others. The loan of pandas is therefore a reliable yardstick for political and trade relations between China and other countries.

The panda diplomacy is a solid foreign policy tool. The panda is in fact one of the main instruments with which China intends to exercise its policy of soft power to increase its international prestige and influence.

President Xi Jinping personally signs their lease contracts, and this only after a formal and public request from the requesting foreign nations arrives.

Ah, don’t think that these diplomatic operations have only just begun. The practice had existed since the Tang Dynasty when Empress Wu Zetian sent a pair of pandas to Japan to Emperor Tenmu … in 685.

6 Most Disturbing Mysterious Locations

Some facts about the aviation industry are :

  • In 2003, two men stole a parked Boeing 727 from Luanda International Airport and flew away into the sunset. They’ve never been found.
  • The Concorde flew so fast, if you left London in the evening flying west towards New York, to the passengers in the plane, the sun would actually appear to begin rising again shortly after reaching cruising speed.The plane flew faster than the Earth’s rotation.
  • Aeroflot Flight 821 crashed because the captain was drunk. All 88 people died. Additionally, the pilots joined the airline through forged papers.
  • The wingspan of a Boeing 747 is longer than the total distance of the Wright Brothers’ first flight.
  • In 1987, Steve Rothstein bought a lifetime unlimited first class American Airlines ticket for $250,000. He flew over 10,000 flights costing the company $21 million. They terminated his ticket in 2008.
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main qimg d0ae38690e0b552c3184d9e7995ccf96
  • A test pilot for the SR-71 Blackbird had the aircraft disintegrate around him while flying at nearly 80,000 feet, while going Mach 3.1 (2,300mph) and lived.
  • In 2019, passengers travelled more than 8 trillion kilometers: that’s about the same as a light year
  • In 2009, Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger successfully landed his plane in the Hudson River after a bird strike caused an engine failure. All 155 people on board survived.

Kmart in the 70s & 80s – Why We LOVED IT

One day Steve Jobs showed up in my cubicle with a man that I didn’t know. He didn’t bother to introduce him; instead he asked, “What do you think of a company called Knoware?”

I told him that the company’s products were mediocre, boring, and simplistic–nothing that was strategic for Macintosh. The company didn’t matter to us. After my diatribe, he said to me, “I want you to meet the CEO of Knoware, Archie McGill.”

Thank you Steve.

Here’s the kicker: I passed the Steve Jobs’s IQ test. If I had said nice things about crappy software, Steve would have concluded that I was clueless and that was a career-limiting or ending move.

Working for Steve Jobs wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t pleasant. He demanded excellence and kept you at the top of your game—or you were gone. I wouldn’t trade my experience working for him for any job I’ve ever had.

This experience taught me that you should tell the truth and worry less about the consequences for three reasons:

  1. Telling the truth is a test of your character and intelligence. You need strength to tell the truth and intelligence to recognize what is true.
  2. People yearn for the truth—that is, telling people that their product is good just to be positive doesn’t help them improve it.
  3. There’s only one truth, so it’s easier to be consistent if you’re honest. If you are dishonest, you have to keep track of what you said.

Soda Pop Roast

BeefPopRoast1
BeefPopRoast1

Ingredients

  • 1/2 envelope onion soup mix
  • 1 can cream of mushroom soup or beef broth
  • 1 can soda of your choice (the sweeter the better)
  • 1 (2 to 3 pound) beef or pork roast

Instructions

  1. Mix first 3 ingredients together.
  2. Place roast in slow cooker, and pour mixture over roast.
  3. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 to 8 hours for a beef roast or for 8 to 10 hours for a pork roast.

NASA’s pricey mission to send U.S. back to moon faces technical challenges | 60 Minutes

American astronauts aren’t heading back to the moon just yet. NASA’s pricey Artemis mission is facing technical challenges. The space agency is now working with both SpaceX and Blue Origin.

About twenty-three years ago, I was home alone, just having a lazy afternoon lounging about the house while my wife was out with her mother. My calm was interrupted when someone—or something—grabbed the handle on the front door from the outside. I of course rushed over to the door and tore it open, ready to tell whoever it was to go jump in the nearby creek, but there was no one there. In fact, not a single person in sight.

This rattled me a little bit, but I didn’t think much more of it, but within a few minutes, the door handle moved again. I repeated the procedure outlined above, now getting rather angry, and, once again, there was no one in sight.

When the the door handle moved the third time I suppose I must’ve started thinking that this is the point of the movie when the viewers ask themselves “why doesn’t he just leave the house?” Still, I was getting rather fed up with this oompus-boompus, and, like a man with nerves of chilled steel, I resolved to act with derring-do and resolution.

This time I tip-toed over to the door and opened it slowly and gently: And a startled crow flew away. For reasons best known to itself—a warped sense of humor, perhaps, general pottiness stemming from unresolved childhood issues, or simply a lack of other sitting spots—this corvid had been using the door handle as a perch. Later on, we spotted crows doing that from the outside of the house, so the mystery was definitely solved.

The point is that if you think you’re experiencing something supernatural, there’s probably a quite banal natural explanation.

Model box art

Mostly aircraft. Fun stuff.

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“We got some donuts.” My uncle stated to the border agent after being asked if we had anything to declare.

Apparently, border agents aren’t issued a sense of humor when assigned duty.

We crossed the border many times before with no issue. We vacationed in Canada most summers, so the crossing seemed almost routine at this point. I guess my uncle just got a little too comfortable with the process, though.

After he made the ill-timed joke to the border agent, the man got rather testy with my uncle. He began asking what else we were bringing across the border, he asked if they had documents for the 6 kids that were along for the trip, he asked if we had any firearms, he asked just about every question in the book trying to trip my uncle into admitting to something illegal.

The only thing we bought in Canada that we were bringing home was the donuts, but the border agent wasn’t convinced. His feathers had been ruffled and he wasn’t about to let my smartass uncle get away with it. He ordered us to the side for an inspection.

Do you have any idea how long it takes to unpack, search, then repack a 36 foot motor home that is filled to the gills with 10 people’s stuff? Hours and hours.

I really don’t know what this guy was expecting to find, and I suspect he did it mostly out of spite. We all had to wait while other agents carelessly pulled all of our clothes, food, and camping gear out and searched every nook and cranny of the motorhome. I’m a little shocked they didn’t start cutting into the cushions to look for contraband.

In the end, they confiscated our donuts and sent us on our way.

Lesson learned: Don’t make jokes at the border.

Why I Left America…

Great rant. Perfect.

I’ll tell you the story and let you decide.

When I was much younger, questionabley dumber but definitely more naive, I was working for an oil service company in Angola. This base was supporting a couple of remote operations, one of which was in Mozambique.

I was a maintenance guy, still pretty junior but not completely green.

As I was going back to my workbench after lunch I was approached by my manager who was holding the technical manual for one of our pieces of equipment.

Manager: “Mike, the rig in Mozambique is having some problems with xxx can you go and take a look at it? You have your passport with you, right?

Me: “err yeah, when is my flight?”

Manager: “in an hour.”

Me: “Errrr”

The airport was at least 30 minutes form the base. Going to the staff house for me to pack and actually get ready was a 25 minute detour in the wrong direction.

Manager: “Here is $200. Buy some clothes when you get to Johannesburg. That should cover the hotel as well. The charter flight leaves at 8am tomorrow.”

So off I went to the other side of Africa with only the clothes I had on which were a pair of shorts, an old t-shirt, socks and trainers. My coveralls in my backpack and my work boots which I had to tie to my back pack with the laces. And, of course, the technical manual under my arm.

By the time I got to Johannesburg, went through customs and immigration and checked in to the hotel, all of the shops were closed. So I had to continue with my stylish outfit the next day as I went to get the charter flight to Beira, Mozambique.

Fortunately, there weren’t any spare seats on the helicopter to the rig when I got to Beira so I was able to get some clothes and toiletries there.

So was that an unreasonable request? In hindsight, probably.

Why I Will Never Come Back to the United States

Joseph Goebbels did not leave behind any letters or diaries explaining his and his wife’s decision to kill their children. Magda Goebbels, however, did write farewell letters in the days before the Goebbelses’ murder-suicide, and these letters provide some insight into why they did this.

Joseph and Magda Goebbels were fanatical Nazis who saw the defeat of Germany as nothing less than the end of civilization. They did not want to have their children grow up in what they imagined would be a post-apocalyptic hellscape overrun by Jews and other racially and ethnically inferior people. They also embraced Hitler’s belief that having lost the war, the German people did not deserve to live. In killing their children and then themselves, the Goebbelses were leading by example.

Magda Goebbels’ letter to a friend, written after she and her husband had made up their mind to kill their children, reveals her belief that the Allies and the surviving victims of Nazism would take revenge on those children, and that their life would be a living hell.

However, the letter also reveals multiple facets to her thinking:

We have demanded monstrous things from the German people, treated other nations with pitiless cruelty. For this the victors will exact their full revenge…we can’t let them think we are cowards. Everybody else has the right to live. We haven’t got this right—we have forfeited it. I make myself responsible. I belonged. I believed in Hitler and for long enough in Joseph Goebbels…Suppose I remain alive, I should immediately be arrested and interrogated about Joseph. If I tell the truth I must reveal what sort of man he was—must describe all that happened behind the scenes. Then any respectable person would turn from me in disgust. It would be equally impossible to do the opposite—that is to defend what he has done, to justify him to his enemies, to speak up for him out of true conviction…That would go against my conscience. So you see, Ello, it would be quite impossible for me to go on living. We will take the children with us, they are too good, too lovely for the world which lies ahead. In the days to come Joseph will be regarded as one of the greatest criminals that Germany has ever produced. His children would hear that said daily, people would torment them, despise and humiliate them. They would have to bear the burden of his sins and vengeance would be wreaked on them…

It is in many ways a hauntingly ambiguous letter. Magda seemed somewhat conflicted: she felt she could not defend her husband to the Allies, but she also could not bear the thought to be truthful about him. Against the magnitude of this dilemma, the children are mentioned almost as an afterthought.

There are a couple of additional motives that may have been behind the killing of the Goebbels children. One, it was Joseph’s and Magda’s last middle finger to the world. It was as if they were saying, “Oh, you thought you would drag us into a trial and make us feel bad about gassing little children? We killed OUR OWN children, bitchez. Do you really think we care one whit about anyone else’s?” To their twisted minds, it was a show of courage and resolve; their way of having the last word.

Another possible motive — and Magda’s letter to Ello Quandt hints at this — is that Magda didn’t want her children to learn that her and Joseph’s whole life had been a lie.

Since Hitler was unmarried and childless, the Goebbelses were basically the Nazi Germany’s First Family, and Magda Goebbels — its First Lady. The Goebbelses were meant to embody the ideal of Nordic purity, stoicism and virtue, in contrast to the urban moral rot and hedonism that Hitler so despised. They were the perfect Nazi couple.

AND IT WAS ALL A LIE.

Magda had been married before, and her first marriage ended in divorce — at a time when this sort of thing was still considered somewhat disreputable for a woman. Prior to her first marriage, she had dated a Jewish man. As a teenager, she had a Jewish stepfather, who ultimately perished in the Holocaust because she wouldn’t help him. The marriage between Magda and Joseph was a sham. They serially cheated on each other, and it took multiple personal interventions by Hitler to get them to keep up appearances. Both Joseph and Magda, in spite of themselves, were as bohemian as any German whose formative years occurred in the 1920’s. Beneath the veneer and the starch of Nazi morality, their life was a thoroughly squalid one. It’s possible that Magda Goebbels could not stand the thought of all this being revealed to her children after the war. I don’t know whether Joseph Goebbels was capable of this sort of awareness, but I suspect that Magda, at least, understood that she was a colossal hypocrite. She did not want her children to know and did not see any way of preventing them from knowing, except by killing them.

Whatever the reasons, the Goebbelses’ murder of their six children was emblematic of their Nazi sociopathy.

Frans and Marie

Submitted into Contest #252 in response to: Make a character’s obsession or addiction an important element of your story...

The Transporter Museum, a forgotten relic, is inconveniently located on a deserted side street two turns off a dead-end alley. You might never find it, even by accident, but if you do, you’ll always remember its immaculate displays and its eccentric proprietor, Frans Messerschmitt.

 

Every day precisely at nine, the little old man illuminated the neon sign, flipped the placard to open, and made his way behind the counter, prepared for customers who rarely came.

 

It was already late in the day when the door opened, surprising both Frans and the visitors.

 

“Hello, is anybody there?”

 

The question startled Frans, interrupting his terminal boredom.

 

“Yes. Yes, please come in,” he answered, moving forward to greet his guests. The unexpected voice belonged to a handsome lad sporting sweatpants and a football jersey, followed closely by a pretty young coed in a letterman’s jacket.

 

“It’s almost impossible to find this place,” the boy mentioned, all the while looking at the meticulously cared-for exhibits. “Are we in time for the guided tour?”

 

The question struck Frans as funny. It had been months since his last visitor, so the tours relied on guests, not the other way around.

 

“Of course, my good man,” he answered, sauntering from behind the counter. “My name is Frans and I’m the owner and resident historian. I’d be glad to give you the nickel tour, and I won’t even charge you the nickel.”

 

“Fan-damn-tastic! My name is Billy, and this is Connie. We’ve really been looking forward to this. Where do we start?”

 

“I’m glad you asked,” Frans replied, beckoning the couple to follow. “You’ve lived your whole lives in a time where teleportation from one side of the world to another was the norm—in fact, there’s about to be an app for that!” Frans turned their attention towards a smartphone sitting on display. “Before the end of the year, the new ZapApp will be available, offering skin-touch technology for the first time. All you’ll need to do is enter the desired coordinates, activate the app, and, in seconds—Voila!”

 

“Wow,” Billy exclaimed, reaching for the phone.

 

“Please don’t,” Frans cautioned. “These are replicas and can be easily damaged.”

 

“I hear ya, Gramps,” Billy responded, “Oh, I’m sorry. No disrespect intended, sir.”

 

“Not at all,” Frans replied. “I’ve always wanted a nickname. I like the sound of Gramps. Now if you follow me, I’ll lead you both back in time.”

 

The next display contained a full-length mirror attached to the wall. “I’m sure you two know what this is,” Frans said, stepping aside and allowing Billy and Connie to see. “These teleportation devices are still the most commonly used today. They were part of a trend to make teleportation more accessible and less obtrusive. They were also the first devices that didn’t require an exit portal. Until the Mirror 360, you could only travel to locations with paired devices. Needless to say, it was revolutionary.”

 

“That’s just like yours,” Connie whispered to Billy, punctuating her remark with a kiss on his cheek. “What’s next, Mr. Frans?”

 

Gramps,” Frans corrected her with a chuckle. “Next we see the machine that started it all, The Marie.”

 

“I’ve heard of that,” Billy said. “Wow, it’s huge!”

 

“I know,” Frans agreed. “When the technology was new, we hadn’t yet perfected the art of miniaturization. There were no personal teleportation devices. The only people who had access were scientists, investors, and celebrities. In fact, the first transporters were more gimmicky than useful. They were incredibly expensive, required an entrance and exit port, and were so inefficient that it took a full day’s charge to send someone from one place to another. There’s no doubt we’ve come a long way since then.”

 

“What about that one?” Billy asked, pointing to a machine partially hidden by a curtain.

 

“Oh, that one,” Frans sighed. “That’s the prototype. The first teleportation device.”

 

“That’s the original?” Billy asked, moving closer to get a better look. “Is the legend true?”

 

“I’m afraid it is,” Frans replied. “The machine was the brainchild of a pair of scientists not much older than the two of you. They were the first to prove light was a particle and that we could use it as a mechanism for distance teleportation. The early tests were extremely successful. There were no issues when sending inanimate objects or small animals from one pod to another. The problem occurred when they tried transporting a human. Marie begged to be first and, after winning a game of Rochambeau, she stepped into the entrance pod and disappeared on cue. But when her partner activated the exit pod, everything went terribly wrong. Marie never fully rematerialized. Her translucent hand simply reached forward, and she mouthed the word help. Then she faded away.”

 

“Oh my God!” Connie gasped. “Did he save her?”

 

Frans turned away from the question, paused, then finally answered. “No, he didn’t. You see, molecular displacement teleportation in its infancy was like sending something through a tunnel at light speed. Once entering a pod, the subject can only exit from the paired terminal port.”

 

“That’s tragic,” Connie said, wiping away a tear.

 

“And ironic.” Frans replied.

 

“How so?”

 

“After the colossal mishap, her partner spent the better part of twenty years trying to find a way to release Marie from her tunnel. He became obsessed with correcting his mistake. His research and technological breakthroughs are directly responsible for almost every advancement in teleportation technology. That first awful outcome is why molecular transportation is so incredibly safe today. It’s why you have a Mirror 360 hanging on the wall in your home.”

 

“But Marie—what happened to her?” Connie asked.

 

“All of her partner’s research and all of his calculations never changed Marie’s fate.”

 

“She’s trapped forever?”

 

“She would be, unless he destroyed the machine and released her molecules into the atmosphere, never to be reassembled again.”

 

“What did he…”

 

“It’s almost closing time,” Frans said, interrupting Connie before she could finish the question. “Thanks for coming. You two made an old man very happy today.”

 

“This has been the best tour ever, Gramps.” Billy proclaimed. “What do I owe you?”

 

“Nothing,” Frans answered, shaking Billy’s hand. “Just promise to send your friends.”

 

“It’s a deal,” he said, leading Connie out the door. “I’m sure we’ll be back soon.”

 

“You’re always welcome.”

 

Frans watched as the couple walked away. Then, being that it was precisely five, he locked the door, changed the placard to closed, and turned off the neon sign.

 

Alone once again, Frans returned to the machine behind the curtain, flipped a few switches, and watched as Marie’s translucent figure, forever young, appeared before him.

 

“Frans, are you there?” Marie mouthed, silently.

 

“I’m here, my love. I’ll always be here.”

 

“I’m so afraid,” she responded. “Please let me go.”

 

“I can’t,” Frans replied, ashamed of his weakness.

 

Marie’s eyes grew red, but she summoned the strength to place her hand on her heart and mouth the words I love you. Then, as quickly as she had appeared, she was gone.

 

Heartbroken, Frans turned to walk upstairs, counting the minutes until he could see his love again, if only for a moment, the next day at the exact same time.

Slow Cooker Short Rib Goulash

Meltingly tender meaty dishes like Slow Cooker Short Rib Goulash are made for cold nights. And while this would make a perfect Sunday supper, it’s actually possible any night of the week, thanks to your slow cooker!

slow cooker short rib goulash
slow cooker short rib goulash

Prep: 45 min | Total 8 hr 45 min | Yield: 8 servings

Ingredients

  • 1/3 cup Gold Medal™ all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • 8 bone-in beef short ribs (4 inches thick each), English cut (about 4 pounds)
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 medium onion, sliced
  • 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
  • 2 tablespoons sweet paprika
  • 1 tablespoon smoked paprika
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper (cayenne)
  • 2 cups Progresso™ beef flavored broth
  • 1/4 cup Muir Glen™ organic tomato paste
  • 2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley

Instructions

  1. Spray 5 quart slow cooker with cooking spray.
  2. In shallow pan, stir together flour, salt and pepper. Coat all sides of short ribs in flour mixture. Reserve any remaining flour mixture.
  3. In 12 inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add 4 short ribs; cook for 5 to 7 minutes, turning occasionally, until browned.
  4. Transfer ribs to slow cooker. Repeat with remaining 4 short ribs.
  5. Reduce heat to medium; add onions to same skillet with drippings. Cook and stir for 3 to 4 minutes or until softened.
  6. Add garlic; cook and stir for 1 minute.
  7. Add paprika, smoked paprika, red pepper and remaining flour mixture; cook and stir for 1 minute.
  8. Beat in broth and tomato paste with whisk. Heat to boiling, scraping any browned bits on bottom of skillet. Remove from heat; carefully pour broth mixture over short ribs in slow cooker.
  9. Cover; cook on LOW heat setting for 8 to 10 hours or until ribs are fall-apart tender. Transfer short ribs to serving platter. Spoon off any fat from sauce in slow cooker. Stir sauce; pour over ribs, and garnish with parsley.
  10. Serve with sour cream and egg noodles, if desired.

Nutrition

Per serving: 240 Calories, 14g Total Fat, 17g Protein, 10g Total Carbohydrate, 2g Sugars

The short answer is by becoming the General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party. After ascending to the post of General Secretary, it’s customary to be elected as President of China within a year.

How do you become the General Secretary?

Here’s an easy 12 step guide to becoming the leader of the world’s most populous country and second largest economy (as of the time of this writing):

Step 1 – Be a Chinese citizen. This is usually a matter of birth although you can naturalize if you so wish (though naturalizations are rare). You don’t have to be a man but around 80% of the top positions within China are occupied by men, so statistically speaking you’ll have a bigger chance at leadership.

Step 2 – Join the Chinese Communist Party preferably as early as legally possible. Millions of people try to join the party each year but the acceptance rate is a low 15%. It really helps if you have a family member or close acquaintance who is already a member, preferably an influential one.

Step 3 – For the next 20 to 30 years you’ll have to climb the Chinese bureaucratic ladder. You’ll probably start low and will have to do a good job in order to get your superiors’ attention. Sociologists have observed that old Chinese bureaucrats, who want to maintain their current position rather than get promoted, will usually spend more on healthcare and welfare while younger bureaucrats will try to run big, complicated projects in order to prove they’re good administrators. Aim high.

Step 4 – Be an enthusiastic supporter of the Party. When the Party will commence a initiative or a campaign, show your enthusiasm and work hard to achieve the party’s goals.

Step 5 – Use your time as a bureaucrat to broaden your social network. Try to meet and befriend as many people as possible, in as many departments and areas of expertise. Having a wide and strong social network is indispensable for success.

Step 6 – As a Chinese bureaucrat you’ll have to deal with a wide number of other bureaucrats from local officials, to colleagues in other departments, to your superiors within your own branch. Always prioritize the happiness of your direct hierarchical superiors. Your own happiness and eventual promotion depend on them.

Step 7 – Try to cultivate good relations with the the Chinese People’s Liberation Army (PLA). In order to realize your own vision for China you’ll most probably have to become the Chairman of the Central Military Commission. Having good relations with the army helps.

Step 8 – Statistics show that those working in a province are much more likely to get promoted than those working in the central government in Beijing. Try to be assigned to a province and do your best to improve the region.

Step 9- If you have the opportunity to become the personal secretary of an influential Chinese bureaucrat, don’t hesitate. As a secretary to a Party heavyweight you’ll gain more knowledge than bureaucrats who are ostensibly higher on the social ladder.

Step 10 – Try to not get purged. From time to time the upper echelons will purge the party of those who showed themselves to be too ambitious or too ‘heretical’. What happens when you’re purged depends. You might simply be demoted, you might be forced into an early retirement, to spend your old age in a cabin near the seaside, you might be thrown in jail in a corruption scandal or you might even disappear. Try as much as possible to not get purged.

Step 11 – Try to cultivate relations with one of China’s retired leaders. In China (as in Japan for that matter) after retiring, many officials will retain a great deal of informal power, to the point of dictating policy. The retired Eight Elders famously took important decisions when meeting in Deng Xiaoping’s house. Try to get acquainted with these retired leaders. Being groomed for leadership by a member of an older generation is important.

Step 12 – Most importantly, be patient! Bureaucratic advancement in China is kind of like a perpetual Game of Thrones. If you’ll try to de-throne a Chinese bureaucrat and don’t have enough support, you will fail and you will be purged. Learn when to make your move and when to stay calm.

And now, the grand denouement. You’re at least in your 50s, most likely in your 60s. You’ve followed all the steps above, you’re a competent bureaucrat who has been groomed by a retired leader, with deep connections in various provinces, with the support of the military and personal relations in the top echelons. Now it’s time to make your move.

Every 5 years more than 2000 delegates from China meet for 2 weeks at a National Congress of the Communist Party. This congress will elect a 400 strong Central Committee of the Communist Party of China which in turn will elect the 20+ members of the Politburo and the (anywhere between 5 and 11) members of the most elite body, the Politburo Standing Committee (PBSC). The PBSC is where the nexus of power lies, it’s the highest organ of government in China.

You’ll have to convince the Central Committee to elect you as the General Secretary, making you an ex-officio member of the governing PBSC and also its most powerful member.

Naturally, all the debates, deals and arrangements for your ascension were decided beforehand, months in advance behind closed doors. The National Congress will not be a place of debate and vote seeking, it will only be an elaborate ceremony where you’ll be elected with almost absolute unanimity.

Within a year of becoming General Secretary you’ll also assume the office of President of China from the previous General Secretary. You’ll also want to become the Chairman of the Central Military Commission in order to cement the allegiance of the army.

But before you start implementing your grand vision for China, there’s still one more problem. Almost all the other members of the government (the PBSC and the Politburo) are either members of the previous administration or members of rival factions. In order to govern as you like you’ll have to continue the Game of Thrones and slowly, one by one replace them with people loyal to you. It will take about 5 years to have enough people on the 2 bodies in order to have room for governing as you see fit (roughly, you’re still constrained by the larger Party apparatus). And you’ll also have to defend those you’ve put into power by ambitious newcomers (just as you once were!).

So stay vigilant. In China, getting to the top is as challenging as staying there. The game never ends!

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Feal

Everything does seem to be falling apart here in the UK too.

It’s a surreal experience, as everything carries on, almost as a mockery of itself.

I really am looking forward to getting out of here!

That’ll be shortly after May next year. I had already accepted that is was going to be 2026, then things changed.

This reality is weird. By understanding what you’ve taught us, at least I can accept it now.

Thank you.

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