I grew up (in my elementary school and high school years) in a small town in Western Pennsylvania. And in this small town, was a fair and relatively calm life that in many ways resembles Mayberry RFD… A “small town America”.

We had a “cigar store Indian” at the local Hardware Store.

We had kids riding bicycles and had newspaper routes.

We had PTA clubs, Boy Scouts, and Girl Scouts. And Friday football games.

And we also had a small family store with a large “Pickle Barrel”. This was a wooden barrel that was perhaps one yard high, and filled with pickles and vinegar. And if you wanted a pickle, you would just reach in, and give a nickel to the old man at the cash register.

I believe that these things disappeared during the 1980’s. But the death knell occurred under the “food safety standards” of the Clinton administration.

Anyways… I well remember the days when my father would place 25 cents (a quarter) on the counter, and would buy all of us some nice delicious pickles. These weren’t small either. They were HUGE!

And I do miss those days where I would hold a pickle in my hands and munch away happily. Sigh… a long forgotten time.

Today…

Have you ever been to a wedding where the bride said “no”?

Yes. The bride felt “pressured” into the marriage. Traditionally, the bride or her parents hire me. It’s quite rare for the groom or his parents to hire me, but it happens infrequently.

Leading up to the wedding (it was a destination wedding), there were several hints that the bride wasn’t interested in choosing a dress, the flowers or any of the aspects in the planning process. I found this odd and one day about a week prior to the wedding, asked why? The bride felt inadequate. Everything was decided for her. She felt uncomfortable speaking her mind or making a decision. Her fear that the marriage would be a “follow the leader” lifestyle was the reason for this.

After saying “I don’t,” I took her from the altar to the dressing room to give her a moment while stunned guests and family members sat open mouthed.

We needed time to decide if this was “what she really wanted” without the audience. I should add that I’m also a Premarital Counselor with Two Together In Texas, so I’m familiar with awkward situations.

The bride told me, “If the rest of my life will be spent saying yes, I prefer to say no now. My family loves him. He’s successful and a good catch. However, his parents make most of his decisions. He works for his father and I may never measure up to his mother.”

I decided to bring the groom and both sets of parents into the dressing room. This bride needed to voice her concerns and find a resolution or peace. She had waited two years to speak up and it was two years too long.

The end result was they worked it out. They found a middle ground to move forward, and the marriage went on. I flew to California to baptize their baby and the family is doing well. They are happy and well adjusted.

The mother in law now allows the bride to do things her way and the mother no longer pushes her daughter to do what she thinks is best. The mother viewed this wedding as the one “she never had.” The mother in law wanted everything perfect. The bride wanted happiness and the groom simply wanted to please his mother, her mother and finally, the bride. The bride or groom should come first. They are the life partner. They are the person who will stand beside you through thick and thin, and they deserve a voice in decisions and especially the planning process.

The bride wanted a mariachi band at the reception. Both sets of parents were against this idea and found it to be “tacky.” I found a short notice mariachi band and the bride was absolutely thrilled.

Quite frankly, if a marriage isn’t going to work out, I prefer for someone to say “I don’t” and discuss with them their reasons to before announcing a cancellation of the wedding to the guests or finding out if a resolution can be found.

My reasons for addressing an issue on wedding day are that divorces are emotionally devastating. What began with joy ends with sorrow.

Couples should discuss things that bother them long before committing to planning a wedding, although it’s easy to get “caught up in the planning.”

Couples should feel comfortable communicating their feelings and open to discussing issues that are disturbing before planning a life together. I believe in Premarital Counseling because it offers couples an opportunity to discuss their future together.

Weddings aren’t all about the parents. They are all about the couple, regardless of who is writing the check.

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What is the brutal truth about life after marriage?

As I write this, Christmas is just one week away.

If you’re not familiar with Christmas, among other things, it’s usually the biggest gift-giving day of the year, at least for us Americans. Also the celebration of the birth of our Savior and all that jazz…

Anyway, this is how gift-giving works between my wife and me—a veteran married couple. This is also how it works between most veteran married couples I know:

We just tell each other what, exactly, complete with pictures and Amazon links if necessary, we want our spouse to get us for Christmas.

Sometimes, we even buy it on their credit cards, since we share finances anyway.

Sometimes, we even buy it ourselves, wrap it, put it under the tree, and tell our spouse that we “took care of it.”

There have been times when my wife opened her Christmas present from me, and I was just as surprised as my children were when we saw it. I got you a new pair of running shoes. Nice.

In the past, I attempted to deviate from my wife’s official Christmas list. You know, to surprise her. I was trying to be romantic.

It rarely went over well, particularly if I attempted to get her clothes or perfume.

Just stick to the list, married guys. Perhaps it’s not as romantic, but it’s still the best option. If you want to deviate from the list, make sure you get everything on the list, too.

This year, my wife requested something that I had to purchase in a showroom and have delivered at a later date to the house. I facetimed with my wife while I was in the store, to make sure I was getting the exact one that she wanted. It’s being delivered on a day when she works from home. She’ll have to be there to receive it. And they say romance is dead…

Licking blocks of ice during the heat wave, NYC, (1912)

What is the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Uhm lets see… another ambulance story.

I was called to the 6th floor of a 6 floor tenement building for a “seriously unwell child”. A woman was waiting downstairs, and she said “I’m going out, but I think my son is dead. He’s had a cold for a week.” And she left.

I had the jump kit (a first aid kit) and my partner had the oxygen and suction- I went up the 12 set of stairs two at a time (oh, to be young and foolish again…) so I got there before he did. A man was there with 4 kids who all looked very scrubby but also very alive. He said “He’s on the sofa”. And then, they went back to eating.

The little boy was 4 or 5. He was so hot to the touch, and although he had a pulse, he wasn’t breathing. He was wearing red flannel cookie monster pajamas… I will never forget them.

I grabbed him in my arms, started mouth to mouth, and headed back down the stairs. The father actually said “Hey! Shut the door!”

I was busy. I met my partner halfway down. He took one look at the kid and said “Oh Fuck, we gotta get him out of here…”

I jumped in the back, but we were only 5 minutes from the hospital so I just kept him in my arms and did rescue breathing. I didn’t want to delay … my partner was there in less than 3 minutes. His heart was still pumping.

I brought the lad in, the staff took over. We were getting the truck ready when the doctor came out and said “which of you tech’d him?” I told him I did. (Tech-ing means you’re the one with the patient)

He said “You’re going to need a lice treatment.” I sighed.

He said “We can do it inside”. Now that was weird… but when I got inside, he said “I needed to talk to you privately… he died of bacterial meningitis. Did you do mouth to mouth?” Of course I had, he was a little kid. Bacterial Meningitis is spread through saliva and nasal secretions. I was (potentially) screwed.

So, they did blood work and I had to take evil antibiotics that turned everything yellow (INH and Rifampin) for a year. I was there for at the hospital for hours before I got sent home with a month off work to make sure I didn’t have bacterial meningitis too.

Now, I’ve driven way too fast, driven on roads that weren’t safe to walk on never mind drive, worked on cars while traffic buzzed past, turned over an ambulance (wasn’t my fault, honest), gone into burning buildings, gotten blood and lots of other “body stuff” on unprotected skin, walked into domestic violence situations, gone into freezing water to get some one else out, extricated people from a car on the edge of a ravine, been to a plane crash, extricated people from a burning car, talked people down who were holding guns to their own head- but all those times, I could see the risk in front of me. Had I taken the time to look at the kid’s rash, I might have seen the risk but his condition and the complete apathy of his parents drove me to not see the risk- and not assessing for the risk in what you’re doing is the single most dangerous thing anyone can do.

They were 5 minutes from the hospital, and no one cared enough to bring the kid there. Did I tell social services about the apathy of the parents? You can be sure I pursued the matter like a slightly yellow hell hound.

His name was Joshua.

Failed attempt at Serbia color revolution

If your employees are ordering their work shirts that you are paying for, and your overweight employee insists she needs a tapered size medium, which you know it won’t even button on her, what do you say?

Well I was the uniform manager for a marching band and what we did worked fairly well. We kept an assortment of sizes on hand and when we got a new member, we had them try on those in stock uniforms until we found their best fit. Then we would place the order to replace the one they were issued from stock. There is a lot of variation in cuts of shirts, and one company’s medium might be another company’s large. If someone comes in who looks like a large and says “oh I’m a medium,” say “Here is one try it on; be aware these tend to run small so you may need to move up a size from what you usually wear.” The employee gets to save face, and you don’t have to be rude and say “Oh I can tell by looking at you a medium will never fit.” If I were ordering a large number of shirts, I would first order a selection of sizes for people to try on. Then launder those sample shirts and put them away to issue later to new employees as they come in. If these are something more fitted than a T-shirt or polo shirt and this were going to be a large order, it might be good to have a representative from the uniform or shirt shop to measure people and order one that best fit them.

An Ojibwe Native American spearfishing, Minnesota, (1908)

If we give a house to every homeless person, will that solve homelessness?

A few years ago our city decided to try to alleviate the homeless problem.

They bought a large two story motel that had become a bit rundown located along a major freeway.

They spent hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars fixing it up and remodeling every room into small studio apartments.

Then they let homeless people to live in the apartments.

We would drive by the apartments periodically and every time it looked more rundown.

This went on for a couple of years until one day it was burned to the ground. A news story said one of the homeless people decided to build a fire in one of the apartments. I guess he just like the look of a campfire.

Eventually, the building was demolished and the city sold the land at a significant loss.

Giving a house to every homeless person is not financially feasible. No government entity can afford that.

And, even if it was, it would not solve the homeless problem.

The only way to fix the homeless problem is to help a homeless person, who wants help, become stable and productive so they can eventually afford their own home.

Homelessness isn’t solved in mass. It’s solved one homeless person at a time.

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In your opinion, who is the most tragic figure in history?

Generalissimus Jiang Jieshi (蔣介石), also known with the Wade-Giles Romanization Chiang Kai-Shek.

Born 31 October 1887, he was a professional soldier and one of the most genuinely talented soldiers China has ever produced. His tragedy was to live in one of the most tragic eras of China ever, to encounter superior enemies, and having an army full of rotten and corrupt subordinates. He fought a hopeless war of which he had no hopes of winning, yet he did it with utmost courage.

The death of Sun Yat-Sen (Sun Yixian) in 1925 had left China in a power vacuum and interregnum, and the land collapsed into anarchy known as Era of Warlords. China became a Warlordistan. The control of the country was divided among former military cliques of the Beiyang Army and other regional factions from 1916 to 1928.

Chiang raised the National Chinese Army, allied with the Communists led by Mao Zedong, and crushed the warlords, unifying the country. And alas, the Communists proved an unreliable ally – and the Empire beyond the sea, even more unreliable. Japan attacked China in 1931 after the Mukden incident.

The Japanese army was superior in technology, fighting spirit (dao), discipline and logistics. The Guomindang army of Chiang suffered from poor equipment, corruption, lack of patriotism and poor logistics – it was an “army of lions led by jackasses”, but its commander was the alpha lion.

Way too little has been written about the China-Japan war 1931–1941 and China’s part in the World War Two. But China has been one of the main theatres – and one of the main sufferers – in the war, and the Japanese praised the Chinese soldiers, insisting them be second only to the Australians in their will to fight.

Meanwhile Mao Zedong conspired to overthrow Guomindang (or Kuomintang, if you prefer the Wade-Giles Romanization), and after the liberation of China, the civil war re-emerged. The Guomindang army was tired, consumed and exhausted, while Stalin eagerly supported the Communists, finally overcoming the Guomindang 1949. Chiang and the Nationalist refugees fled to Taiwan.

The Communist Chinese propaganda has done all it could to stample Chiang as an unpatriotic American stooge and a traitor, while the Guomindang in Taiwan set up a Western-style state under Christian and Confucian principles.

But nobody could deny Chiang was a true Chinese patriot. His last will was that his body be buried in his hometown Fenghua.

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What is an appropriate response when a coworker calls you out for being late?

When I got into IT I got in the habit of showing up early to prepare for my day. I spent a lot of time traveling to various facilities as a computer support tech so I’d come in to check email and make sure there wasn’t something I needed to do in the office before loading up and hitting the road.

Many of my younger coworkers would clock in on the hour but our business manager, who didn’t clock in, had a bad habit of showing up 15 minutes late each day. (She also had a tendency to leave 5 or10 minutes early, but that’s another story for another time.) One week the IT Director and our boss, the Deputy IT Director, were both out of town so the business manager decided that she could show up whenever she felt like it.

She was at least a half hour late on Monday through Thursday, including 45 minutes late on Wednesday, so when she showed up at 8:15 on Friday morning I exclaimed, “Gee, Linda, this is the earliest you’ve been late all week!”. Everyone got a laugh out of it but Linda, apparently, didn’t think it was funny because she called my boss at the seminar that she was attending to complain.

The next thing I know my boss is calling me and asking what I said to set Linda off. So I told her what had been going on all week. She told me that Linda was offended by my comment and asked if I’d be willing to apologize, and I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I said, “No.”

If Linda had told me to eff off, or kiss her butt, or just about anything else I would have taken it in stride but her calling the boss, when she was in the wrong, pissed me off. I’d asked your coworker if he/she signs your paycheck and when they answer in the negative, tell them when you come in is none of their business. But I can understand where they’re coming from, especially if you have a problem getting to work on time.

Jewish women and children arriving at the Auschwitz-Birkenau extermination camp, Poland, (1944)

In what ways has your spouse changed after getting married?

This is going to be fun. But let me tell you, its more like what I thought she was like and how she actually is…

• When we first met through parents, she looked like a shy girl next door. She was smiling and feeling awkward a lot. After we got married and a little more comfortable, she walks around house naked, has 0 level of shyness.
• I thought I was getting cold feet. She was being forced. Turned out she had insisted to her parents that she wanted to get married, like literally told them in a complete sentence, ‘Dad, I want to get married. I don’t have any boyfriend right now. Search a groom for me.’ I’m not even exaggerating, her parents tell this story all the time.
• I thought she didn’t like talking. WRONG. She NEVER shuts up. If she does, I’ll wake up. Lol, I’ve started to enjoy it.
• She’s frigid. WRONG. Once comfortable, she’s a freak.
• She’s so slow and, unhappy person. Wrong. She is hyperactive and becomes happy just about at nothing.
• She doesn’t like me. Big time wrong. Turned out, she has liked me since day 1. She loves me.
• She’ll probably never fight or argue. Wrong. Loveeess to argue, though I don’t like to admit it much, she’s usually right about things. And people too.
• Is probably passive aggressive. Wrong. Tells me when things bother her, almost immediately.
• Is dumb. Wrong. She’s really smart.
• She does not feel much. Wrong. All of her emotions are intense.
• Is very serious. Wrong. Very very wrong. Can’t go on a day without lame jokes. Lame jokes are lifeline to her. She knows they are lame but loves it.

As for the changes, she hasn’t changed much. Can motherhood be included? Anyways, it suits her well.

She’s staying at her parents place with our boy. I miss her. Its been just a day though. I guess, I’ll call now.

Unusual Abandoned Cat Came Into Shelter And Amazed People With Its Size

My Mom…

My Mom once told me that she walked into a room where a couple of friends were discussing her, they didn’t know she was there. She shook her head, smiled and walked away. 🕊

My Mom also told me that she had a friend who talked bad about her, she never knew that Mom found out, Mom never mentioned it. She smiled and walked away from this friendship. 🕊

She told me she had family who chose to shift her out of their life because she stood up for herself for a change. And because she stopped crossing oceans for them when they would not even help her cross a bridge. She smiled, shook her head and walked away. 🕊

So I asked her how she could just walk away from people that betrayed her while pretending to be her friends or family? 🕊

She answered that every time she came to a crossroad like that, she had to decide who will be going forward on her journey with her. This showed her who she cannot take along with her. 🕊

So she explained to me that you should never get mad at a person who betrays you, even in the name of friendship or family. Just gracefully bow out and enjoy your journey with all the new people God puts in their place. 🕊

Duck Dynasty, (1926)

What was a loophole that you found and exploited the hell out of?

10 years ago I was an IT consultant, traveling every week. I would also always book a Marriott hotel if one was close to the customer, all paid for on my American Express card.

Marriott awards you points for your stays with them. Once I had at least 100, 000 points I’d call them and request gift certificates. 100, 000 points would give you $1,000 worth of gift certs to pay for your hotel.

Back then, at the end of your stay, someone would come around in the middle of the night and slide the invoice for your stay that week. That invoice would show they charged my AmEx card for whatever the cost was.

Now that invoice was completely processed then. While it says it charged my card, they actually didn’t really do that until the afternoon after you checked out.

So what I would do is I’d go to the front desk with my invoice and my gift certs and tell the clerk that I would rather pay for my stay with the certs rather than my card. Then they’d issue me a new invoice showing I paid in certs. However I still had the original invoice. That would be the invoice I’d submit in my expenses. So every couple of months I’d be reimbursed $1000 so I could pay my cc bill, but since I actually paid in certs that 1000 bucks was essentially free money I’d drop into my savings. I and every one else I knew did it all the time, it was really an awesome little loophole

Beef Steak and Kidney Pie

Ingredients

Filling

• 3/4 pound calf kidney or beef liver
• Salted water
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 2 pounds beef steak, cut into bite-size pieces
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 4 shallots, finely chopped
• 1 cup beef bouillon
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 teaspoon chopped fresh parsley
• Pinch of ground cloves
• Pinch of marjoram, crushed
• 1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced and sautéed
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Pastry Topping

• 1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon shortening
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 to 3 tablespoons cold water

Instructions

1. Filling: Clean and split kidney; remove fat and large tubes. Soak in salted water 1 hour.
2. Dry and cut into 1/4-inch slices. Mix flour, salt and pepper; roll kidney and beef pieces in flour mixture.
3. Melt butter in heavy pot and sauté shallots. When shallots have taken on a little color, add beef and kidney; brown lightly, turning.
4. Add bouillon, bay leaf, parsley, cloves and marjoram. Stir; cover and simmer 1 to 1 1/4 hours, or until meat is tender.
5. Add mushrooms and Worcestershire sauce. If liquid is too thin, thicken with smooth paste of flour and cold water.
6. Grease a deep 10-inch baking dish. Place pie funnel in center. Add meat mixture and allow to cool in refrigerator.
7. Meanwhile, prepare Pastry Topping. Place pastry over meat, sealing pastry edges to edge of dish. Make vents in pastry to allow steam to escape.
8. Bake at 450 degrees F for 8 to 10 minutes; lower heat to 375 degrees F and continue baking 15 minutes, or until crust is golden.
9. Pastry Topping: Cut shortening into flour and salt until particles are size of small peas.
10. Sprinkle in water, 1 tablespoon at a time, tossing with fork until all flour is moistened and pastry almost cleans sides of bowl, adding 1 to 2 teaspoons water if necessary.
11. Gather pastry into a ball; shape into flattened round on lightly floured cloth-covered board. Roll out to fit top of casserole.

How lucky are we?

My best friend had a defective heart. I don’t know the exact term for that, but her heart was on the right side of her chest among several other defects. She couldn’t walk farther than 200m, and her finger tips would always turn black.

When she was born, the doctor gave her a life expectancy of 2 years. She surpassed that. Her parents took her to all the best hospitals in the country. Another estimation: 10 years old. She surpassed that too. She completed high school, she got into college. And she always was a cheerful girl to be with. (Sometimes, her mother kicked my ass out of the house because when we hung out, we laughed too much. Laughing would consume oxygen from her heart and her brain so she would suffer from headaches afterward).

One day, when she was at the university, her heart collapsed. Her doctor demanded her to drop college because it was too much for her. She came back to our hometown, and became an at-home teacher for the kids, and still was a cheerful girl.

After that another year, her heart collapsed once again. She was hospitalized. Her doctor informed her parents that there was nothing more they could do. Her family should consider to unplug the machines and bring her home.

Her mother called me. She said “We are bring [my friend’s name] home”. I rushed into the hospital. Her mother was on one side of her bed holding her left hand, I was on the other side holding her right hand when they unplugged her.

That moment, her mother collapsed to the ground and screamed: “I’ve lost her! From now on, I don’t have anyone to take care of anymore!”

At that moment, I know that just being born normally to be able to live a normal life is extremely lucky. Also, having someone you love by your side, even that means you have to take care of them all the time is also lucky.

Live your life in full bloom.

Flipping Burgers, (1938)

What feature in your car did you not realize you had until someone else told you about it?

Well, not the above but the other way around. In 2014 we were looking to buy a replacement for my wife’s car, and were at the Skoda garage checking out a very-nearly-new Fabia. It had been the showroom’s demonstrator model for a few months, had just a couple of hundred miles on it, but the salespeople had been showing that vehicle to people day in, day out.

We looked in the boot. My wife’s a bee-keeper and a “must have” for her was to be able to get a bee-hive in the back. To do that meant taking the rear parcels shelf off, which I did myself to see how easy it was to do and to replace, since this would be a common action. Putting it back, I noticed you could put it back either in the “conventional” position, or in a half-way house lower position. “Hey, “ I said. “That’s a nifty feature – allows you to put larger items on the parcel shelf but still have it hiding stuff underneath.” At that the salesperson looked in, looked at the shelf, the boot, then went over to his colleague and said “Come over here. We’ve found a brand-new feature!”

We bought the car, still got it now. Don’t think we’ve ever used the parcel shelf in “half-way” position.

Very good

What did your boss say to you during a meeting that resulted in you immediately resigning?

“That’s just not convenient.”

My father had been terminally ill for a decade. He was a perfectionist in everything in his life and no detail was ever missed. He was also very stubborn. If there were ever odds almost insurmountable, he always prevailed. This was part of why he’d been terminal for so very long.

One day before, my father agreed that it was time to bring hospice in and make final arrangements. My parents had two other daughters, I was the only one who lived in the same town. Because of my location, he wanted me to be at those meetings.

I was working in the executive offices for a local bank. The woman I reported to was exacting in everything and expected perfection to be performed with minimal preparation and no clarifications. She wanted a mind reader who loved emergencies and placed her on a pedestal.

After that phone call, I was shaken up. It wasn’t unexpected, but you are never really prepared for the situation when you are facing it.

“Something has come up. It’s a delicate family matter,” I said.

“That’s just not convenient,” she said. “Even if it’s life or death, it’s not convenient. I have a series of reports that are due today.” This was news to me. “And I’m expecting that you will be here long after hours.”

“It actually is life or death,” I said. I was about to elaborate when she cut me off.

“Is it your life or death?”

“Honestly, no.”

“Then it’s not convenient.”

“I’m afraid that poor planning on your part really isn’t my problem.”

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“No excuse for you and your lack of planning. I’m quitting as of,” I looked at my watch, “about two minutes from now. Just long enough to get my purse and log off the computer.”

“You can’t do that,” she said.

“Can and did.”

I grabbed my purse and left the building.

I replaced the job with a much nicer one in about two days.

My father passed less than two weeks from my exit. The new job, and I only worked it for two days when he died, not only let me have the time off to complete his arrangements and his funeral, sent flowers. One week later, HR from the bank called, offered me a raise and an apology. “I’m sorry. That’s just not convenient.”

What was the most bald-faced lie you have ever heard a witness say under oath? How did you react?

I once attended a court case to support a friend. Her sister was accused by a nasty neighbour of breaking into the nasty neighbour’s home, stealing items, and trying to assault her (on more than one occasion).

My friend and her sister were both black women. It was no secret that the neighbour was this old racist woman who routinely called the police on the sister and her boyfriend when they were minding their own business. When the woman invited her sister (my friend), and her kids to come to visit and swim in their pool, also to use the tennis courts and fitness room that was shared by the condo complex. The boyfriend was also black.

When called to testify the nasty neighbour gave detailed dates about the break in and mentioned her “fox fur coat, some diamond jewellery and several hams and frozen meat”, being taken from her home. She swore that she came home to see the women and her boyfriend running out the back door at night with the merchandise in a leather suitcase.

When the lawyer for the woman questioned the woman and her boyfriend, who each took turns on the stand, it was proven that the neighbour lied by showing that:

• My friend’s sister, who worked as a passenger flight attendant, was working on a flight that was on its way to Singapore during the very night and time when she was supposed to have broken into the neighbour’s home. (It’s hard to break into a home when you’re two hours into a 12 hour flight that is 39,000 feet over the Pacific Ocean.)
• She and her boyfriend were also vegetarians who never ate meat nor wore nor owned leather and fur since they both believed that “meat is murder”, and to wear animal furs and leather was “cruel and inhumane”.
• The boyfriend was also on his way to Singapore flying from India the afternoon before, to meet up with his girlfriend after a business trip for three day vacation, before they’d fly back to Canada. He proposed marriage while they visited Singapore (she said “yes” and did marry him). So they were in Singapore the day before “the break in” at the neighbour’s home and they didn’t return until three days later.

The lawyer for my friend’s sister and her boyfriend also presented pictures of the very “stolen” items in question taken by the police when they were recovered from pawn shops and a consignment store. The items were pawned by a young white man, a known drug addict with a lengthy arrest record who happened to be the neighbour’s nephew whom the neighbour gave money to on a regular basis (not helping him at all).

Before the judge dismissed all charges he ordered the neighbour to be taken into custody for “fraud, perjury, aiding and abetting a criminal” and a few other charges.

In the end the neighbour lost her house and all her savings when my friend’s sister and her boyfriend sued the neighbour for slander and defamation of character. They won a large sum in court and the neighbour ended up spending four years in prison for additional charges which included drug possession on top of what she was already convicted of.

I guess nasty racist people get what’s coming to them after all.

College students pile into a Volkswagen Beetle, (c. 1965)

How tough is a stand up comedians life?

For those that do it full time, very tough. They have to stand up in front of the crowd and make them laugh. Do you realize what it takes to do that? Then there is the travelling and eating crap food and nerves. For those starting out it is not easy at all. For those on top, well, they have to keep coming up with acts to stay on top. As I did both, a standup comedian and professional drummer in a band, playing in a band was far easier. Below is a little of my stand up act.

I was a part time stand up comedian for awhile along with being a professional drummer. I auditioned for a few shows in local comedy clubs. They must have liked me, I got jobs. I was usually the start off guy, first one out. I had my own shtick. The guy who showed up at the wrong event.

I’d walk out then somberly say, “ I realize this is a sad time for most of you, but Mary, bless her soul loved humour.” Then I’d look behind me and kind of look around confused, then I’d turn to the audience. “Um, Mary’s passing surprised many, especially Mary. I think she’d like some humour at her funeral. She often said that “to laugh at something heartily means that you think it’s funny,” and I heartily agree. I always thought Mary was a deep thinker and that proves it right?

“She was 81, poor Mary. Actually, a woman’s life expectancy is 80, so hey, good for her. Now a man’s life expectancy is 76. If I make it to 76, I’m going to have a sex change. Right? I’ll beat those odds. So I hope to add a bit of humour to Mary’s funeral, wherever she is,” and I look around again for Mary.

Suddenly a sharp whistle from the stage side. I’d stop and walk over with my mic.

“This is not a funeral home. This is a comedy club,” the stage manager would tell me so the audience would hear.

“What? This isn’t Roses Funeral Parlour?” I would say surprised. The crowd would start laughing.

“Do you see Mary anywhere?” he’d ask.

“Actually no,” I would say looking around. “How much do you pay here?”

“$250.” he’d tell me.

A few seconds of silence then I’d say, “Sure, what the hell, Mary won’t miss me,” then I’d walk back center stage where people would be giggling.

“Okay, who here had a good shit today?” Well the crowd would laugh. Somebody always raised a hand, I’d try to pick a girl.

“You did, great, good for you. I won’t ask you details okay?” The girl would laugh.

“So do you know there are many types of shits? There’s the peanut butter shit; that’s the one where you can use up to three rolls of toilet paper, the upside down volcano shit, the totally air shit which isn’t even really a shit though it felt like it was going to be one,,” the shart which is a shit that felt like air but wasn’t, the bombing raid shit and the ghost shit.” Then I’d stop and go back to the girl.

“Okay, I was just wondering what came out that made it such a good shit? We all want to know don’t we folks?” I’d say looking around and people would start applauding. Of course the girl would laugh and hide her face in her hands. “Okay forget it. Tell me privately later. People, I’m going to tell you what the best shit of all is. It’s the Ghost Shit!”

“This is the one when you have to go so bad and there’s no restroom around. It’s turtling so bad it’s stretching your underwear. Suddenly, by some miracle, you find a restroom. You fly in there and sit on the toilet after near ripping your pants off. And ….. it starts.”

“Like the RMS Titanic, this thing is moving out with no effort and it seems like it’s going forever. You are wondering how this thing is going to go down that little toilet hole. It’s embarrassing if you are at someone’s house and you come out of the bathroom and ask, “Hey, have you got a plunger? A good one? One with a lot of suction?” You always get a strange look when you ask that don’t you?

Anyway, so the Titanic has left the dock and you are feeling suddenly very hollow inside, and relieved. You grab some toilet paper and wipe. Nothing! Not a speck of shit on your ass. Puzzled, you stand up and look at the toilet. It’s looking back at you innocent as hell. THERE IS NOTHING IN THE TOILET! What the hell? You look around; nope, not on the floor! It’s nowhere but you felt it by God! That ladies and gentlemen is the Ghost Shit, or maybe I should have called it the Houdini Shit.

Crude yes but it got me back to the comedy clubs. People loved me talking about shit because they all go through it every day.

I used to be hired to give speeches at weddings. Just before the actual person would rise to give a toast to the bride, I would jump up and interrupt him.

“Thank you, thank you. Ah, the lovely bride. Leona, you’re looking great.” That was never the brides name. I’d make one up and the people would laugh. I did the same skit to friends of my sisters who were getting married.

“So, a toast to the bride huh? I’m supposed to come up with some funny stories about her, and some heart warming ones.” Silence from me for a few seconds as the people would snicker. “I have nothing,” I would say, “but I do have a few, should we say naughty stories of Leona. And I promise I will say nothing of that disease you had a few months ago,” I’d say looking at her and pretend I was zippering my mouth.

That would be the cue for someone to say, “That’s not Leona, that’s Shirley!”

I would look up surprised, then look around.

“This isn’t the Wright Patterson wedding?” I would ask. Yes, I know, that’s an air base. I’d be told no it isn’t.

“Jesus,” I would say, “Um, were you going to say something?” I’d say to the guy who originally was going to give the toast to the bride, and I’d run out.

I had fun doing them and I had a few different ones so I’d change them around. I wrote my own material. You can tell? That’s good.

When I started to get quite busy in my pro drumming career I left the comedian stage. I missed the laughs. But I’d do them at get togethers at friends houses and parties.

Being a comedian is a nerve wracking but fun gig. Loved the laughs.

Cab stand in Madison Square Park, New York, (ca 1900)

How do you deal with being too poor?

When I was doing my graduation, I stayed in a hostel, which provided lunch and dinner but no breakfast. You had two options for breakfast: Go out to a restaurant nearby and have a hot breakfast or eat what most of the students ate – mashed banana and flattened rice (it is called poha or chura in India). I chose the second option since the first option was too costly. The food in the hostel was neither good in quality nor enough in quantity. So most of the times, I was famished.

I used to pity myself till I had a discussion about hunger with one of my classmates. He was worse off than me. His father was dead and his mother used to serve tea and water in a government office in a desolate tribal village. In short, he had enough money to have just one meal a day. I asked him what he did when he felt hungry. He said he would drink water.

This classmate of mine was a good student but did not have a clue about what to do after his graduation. In those days, IT was booming in India and I convinced him to do get a Masters degree in Computer Applications (MCA). He got into one of the best Universities of India.

I did not meet him when we were doing our Post Graduation since I was at a different University. I met him a year after both of us had started our careers. He came to meet me. He was working for the largest software company of India and was on his way to his first foreign assignment. I felt very happy at how he had been able to turn around his fortune. He had started from a village which did not have electricity and his relatives and friends had not even seen life outside their village.

I am not in touch with him. But I searched the net and I found this photo. He is happily settled with his family in the USA.

So how do you deal with being too poor? Work hard and have patience. Things will turn around.

Unemployed men outside Al Capone’s soup kitchen in Chicago during the Great Depression, (1931)

Is the US a hegemony?

Is earth round? Does waves rush to the shores?, Do the sun rise in the east?

Let me see, the US has a doctrine, it’s call Monroe Doctrine. It says no power big and small cannot come near North America and when USSR wanted to arm Cuba nuclear missile, the U.S. threaten to start a nuclear war! And duly blockade and sanction Cuba for 62 years straight! Is that hegemonic?

The U.S. has invaded 68 nations and counting since its nation is formed after doing genocide on its inhabitants and rightful owner the native Indians. Is that hegemonic?

It has cause millions upon millions of deaths due to regime change, coup orchestration by the U.S. it send out millions of CIA and NED officials around the world to destabilise nations so that they can set up puppet and sham governments to act on U.S. behalf and for US interest! Are these actions hegemonic.

Are all these actions that in total caused up to 100 million deaths, hegemonic? Or according to your media it is doing Mother Teresa role!

What did your father say that made your jaw drop?

In my second year of university, I was summoned to a police station without knowing why. My father drove me and had to wait outside the office while I was being questioned.

The reason why I was summoned was quite a surprise.

Together with a good friend and a girl I was seeing at the time, I had smoked some weed and drank a couple of beers, and much later that night my friend had been robbed by a couple of low-lifes. So he called the police and explained his predicament.

The problem was: (1) my friend was drunk at the time; (2) round about that time my friend was starting to show the first signs of the paranoid schizophrenia that would later ruin his life.

So my friend told the police a story that did not make sense, and after a couple of questions, the story had gotten even worse: he claimed that before he was robbed, he had taken hard drugs together with the girl and me, and that the girl was actually a drug dealer. But he had forgotten the girl’s name.

Not mine, of course.

So instead of focusing on the robbery, the police men focused on the “hard drugs” and the “drug dealer.” And I was the one who would tell them the girl’s name. Which I didn’t.

After a lot of repeated questions and repeated threats — in which they refused to acknowledge the mental condition of my friend — they called in my dad, and explained to him that I blatantly refused to give them the girl’s name. To which my father said:

“This is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do, and I am VERY proud of him. I would do the EXACT same thing.”

The police men did not know what to say, and not much later I was released after paying a ridiculous fine. When we left the office, they kept staring at my dad, a grey-bearded man with fierce eyes and thundering charisma.

Lightning had struck.

And the hammer had spoken.

---

SOURCES: the first drawing is taken from the book Nordiska Gudar by Johan Egerkrans; the second image us my own.

World War II propaganda posters in Port Washington, New York, (1942)

What are the biggest lessons you have learned in the corporate world?

Here’s mine:

1. people hire people they like. so be likable.
2. Focus on giving key people you work with what they want. At the end of the day, all people want to hear is “i’m going to fix your problems”.
3. Trust your intuition. People will try and fill your day with shit that doesn’t matter, do what YOU know does matter.
4. Make some friends, even if just to keep your sanity.
5. Don’t participate in shit talking. If a co-worker decides you are their confidant, just nod along with them—but never engage directly in the shit talking. You’ll save your own reputation and as a bonus you won’t feel shitty about yourself.
6. Say NO more. people respect people that can say no and don’t rollover for everything. Saying YES to everything just leaves you running on an endless treadmill.
7. Under-promise, over-deliver. always.
8. Make every effort not to give concrete deadlines, because you won’t be able to meet them anyway. Your credibility will falter. Unfortunately you’ll probably have to give them at some point.
9. Don’t try and be the best. Instead, make friends with people in a position of power and be at least competent.
10. Learn empathy. In reality, people don’t really care what gets done if you make them feel important and like they are achieving things. People just want to be heard, man.

A lot of these suck to admit….but it’s the way things are. Whether that’s because of some bullshit implicit social contracts or just the way we’re wired….its what corporate life is really like.

Which life is more enjoyable? Bachelor life or married life?

I had what seemed like the ideal bachelor life. Oh, and terror of getting trapped in marriage.

I mean, I was living the dream in college.

Living in a fraternity house with my buds.

Cute girls constantly around.

Parties every weekend.

More alcohol than common sense.

My parents paid for my college expenses. I worked every summer to make money for my personal expenses. So when school started I could focus on it and having fun.

Like I said I was living the dream.

But a weird thing happened. As I faced graduation the fun had worn thin.

I was tired of being hurt in relationships and hurting others.

I hoped there was more to life than one continual party.

I longed to share life at a deeper level with someone.

And I knew I needed to stop drinking so damn much.

Shortly before graduation two things happened that changed my life.

I went through a spiritual experience that transformed me.

And I met the most beautiful girl I’d ever know. Unfortunately, she had zero interest in getting to know me.

We eventually started dating. My persistence won out. And a year later married.

I look back over my life and think of all the blessings of marriage I’d have missed as a bachelor.

Someone to love and who loves me. Even sometimes when I’m, shall we say, less than lovable.

Sharing life together. The good, the bad and the ugly. And most of all the beautiful.

Raising our children that filled our lives with occasional frustration and even more love.

Conquering life together. Strengths making up for weaknesses. And glad she didn’t keep score.

Caring for each other in sickness and enjoying each other in health.

Laughing, crying, rejoicing and celebrating.

And at night, when I drift off to sleep, holding her hand and feeling a contentment I simply never could have imagined.

So for some, singleness works.

For me I can’t imagine having missed marrying my wife. And for her? I think she feels the same. At least on most days.

You’ll find a depth of life in marriage you cannot experience outside of it.

When Kidnapped People Realize They’ve Been Found

What’s the weirdest item you have found on your property?

My house has a two person jacuzzi tub with mirrors on three walls around it. When I was looking at the house there was a four post canopy bed with a mirror inside the canopy. Needless to say, the previous owner had his thing.

When I was moving in I found in the basement a bar with cuffs on either end hanging from the ceiling and two eye bolts in a board on the floor that would have made this a perfect place to tie someone up spread eagle. I strongly suspect that is what it was used for.

I have a room that used to be a bar (previous owner took the bar itself with him despite it being a built in). It has a dropped ceiling and the lights are above with clear panels to let the light thru. I was moving ceiling tiles to change a bulb and got hit in the face by what I’m guessing was a home made sex swing that was bolted to the rafters above.

I’ve been in this house 3 years and I still occasionally find a secret panel in a wall. It seems anywhere there was an extra bit of space he put a removable panel to make a hidden storage space.

And despite all that, the single most surprising thing I found in this house is the light switch in the bathroom that has power going to it but doesn’t seem to actually switch anything in the house! What do you do about a mysterious switch?

We also found a stack of acrylic paintings in the basement, all very amateurish. Subjects ranged from creepy little girls to 70’s psychedelic nude ladies. Realtor told the owners to pick them up, or they would end up in the trash. They showed up a year later asking for them

Bonus, junk removal guy loved the 70’s nudes, asked to keep them.

Marilyn Monroe’s USO performance, (February 1954)

Why does life sometimes seem so ambiguous and unclear?

1. If you keep trying to force your growth, it’s going to end up stunting your growth.
2. Most people live in the past. About 90% of their thoughts are from the past.
3. Life seems incredibly hard sometimes and inner peace feels so far away.
4. Life hits different the moment you make peace with your vulnerability.
5. Not everything is meant to be rainbows and sunshine and that’s okay, that’s part of life.
6. Flaws are fulfilling, perfectionism is draining.
7. The strength of your success is measured by the strength of your desire.
8. Sometimes it’s not easy to bear the noise of silence.
9. Their is nothing wrong with you, you just have a tendency to look for something wrong.
10. Confusion almost always comes before clarity, but sometimes Chaos is peace that has not been faced.

Miss America, 1924 – Ruth Malcomson.

What is the reason for the negative press about China in the Western world? Is it due to their authoritarian government or are there other factors at play?

It has nothing to do with “authoritarian government” it has everything to do with China not playing by U.S. “rules” that requires China to be submissive and subservient to the U.S. if you are observant you will noticed that the nations that the U.S. and the west have been giving negative press are all nations that refused to be submissive and subservient to the west.

The west merely represent 13% of the world? In fact the west is controlled by the the U.S. which represents 4% of the world. Should the 96% or the 87% of the rest of the world kowtow and let the west walk all over them? And dictate what they do? Who they make friends with? What they buy, how much they ought to pay? What religion they believe or what cloths to wear or what food they eat?

Let me give you an American answer! Over our dead body! It ain’t gonna happen!

The Global South is drifting away as we speak. No nations will buys your shit anymore. We decide our own fate. China certainly won’t. But so is 175 out of the 195 nations on earth. The faster you westerners get this, the better it is for you. Stop thinking about decoupling or de-risking China, the world is decoupling and de-risking from the U.S. and the west!

Your media and your government can lie and fabricate all you want but the bus has left the station. Authoritarian or CCP or communist or dictator are all excuses not reason for hating China and Chinese. These are narratives for the simple mind. It is demonising because it can’t get its way. Like a toddler throwing tantrum, that is what it is. Frankly if you are a westerner, your government is trying to hoodwink you! Not U.S. because we are not fools. We know lies when we see it.

Sidewheeler Tashmoo leaving wharf in Detroit, (ca 1901)

What did your boss say to you during a meeting that resulted in you immediately resigning?

When I was younger, I was the Assisstant Manager of a Pizza Hut. I was moved to this particular store with the expectation that the Store Manager who was there had set me up to become the next Store Manager. When he resigned I was passed over for a 23 year old nobody with no experience or work ethic. He worked 25 hours a week and had me do most of his duties on top of my own. He would often show up in the middle of dinner rush with his posse, ask how things were, I would tell him it was terrible and we needed help, he’d see that we did, and say things like “Sounds good” and walk out.

Week after week people in my Store were getting overworked and burned out. I constantly hounded my Area Manager to let me hire people, often being turned down. He woul even turn down temporarily allowing neighboring stores to send their workers to my Store to keep up with demand. So week after week we would have at least 1 person quit.

Even when I was allowed to hire ONE person, that person would freak out on day one because of the workload pushed upon all of us. They would typically last 1 day, maybe a week, before quitting.

One day we were told we were having a store meeting with the Area Manager so I typed up my resignation letter preemptively and attended. We were told how terrible our customer service scores were (mostly hold time issues or delivery time issues because we couldn’t keep enough people to staff the whole store, so delivery drivers were cutting and boxing pizzas, answering phones and taking orders, THEN delivering them) and how we needed to shape up. I spoke up and said we desperately needed more employees and I was waved off again. So I finished my shift that night, put my resignation letter in the fax machine with my end of day paperwork, locked the door, and dropped my security key and door keys in the mail slot. The next day I was inundated with phone calls from the Store Manager and Area Manager, which I ignored for a few hours. Then I picked up, the Area Manager begged me to come back and said he’d do anything if I came back.

“A raise?”

“Sure, whatever you need.”

“4 more employees?”

“No, you know you’re not getting that.”

*hangup*

I never talked to them again.

Titanic sinks on April 15, 1912. Newspaper boy Ned Parfett sells copies of the evening paper bearing news of the disaster.

As a car mechanic, what is the craziest discovery you have found on an automobile?

As a car mechanic, what is the craziest discovery you have found on an automobile?

I’m not the mechanic, but I know of one crazy discovery. My father purchased a brand new GMC Suburban in the 1980s and gave me his old pickup truck so I would have a vehicle while attending college. He occasionally heard a strange knocking noise while driving that Suburban, but neither he nor the dealer could ever figure out what was causing it. Since he didn’t hear that noise very often, and the vehicle ran great, he just kept driving it and eventually simply ignored that occasional knocking noise. The transmission needed to be rebuilt when it was 9 years old, so he took the Suburban to a shop that pulled the transmission and rebuilt it. While reinstalling it, the mechanic spotted a small hand-held air impact wrench hanging from a bent welding rod between the engine and firewall. He called my father, who then went back to the shop and took photos of the impact wrench and welding rod before and after they were removed. The wrench had “Property of GM” engraved on it.

Since it appeared the impact wrench had been hung there while on the assembly line, my father took the photos, impact wrench, and bent welding rod to the dealer who had sold it. The dealer wanted to send everything to GM, but my father would only agree to let him send copies of the photos. A GM lawyer called him the following week and offered to pay $500 for the return the impact wrench and welding rod, provide and release all prints and negatives he had taken of them to GM, and for his wife and him to sign a non-disclosure agreement concerning any and all possible “manufacturing flaws” involving that Suburban. My father made a counter offer of $5000. The lawyer said the most he was authorized to offer would be a $3000 manufacturer’s credit towards the purchase of a new GM vehicle. My father countered again by asking for both the $500 and $3000 credit towards a new GM vehicle. The lawyer agreed and then arraigned to have the dealer handle the exchange and witness my parents signing a non-disclosure agreement. My parents then negotiated with the dealer to buy a new car for my mother, and then applied that $500 check and the $3000 manufacturer’s credit towards the purchase of it.

After that impact wrench was removed, my father never heard that knocking noise again. Since I knew about this “manufacturing flaw” before they signed that non-disclosure agreement, I’m not bound by it. But my surviving parent could be subject to significant financial penalties for discussing this story, so I am posting this anonymously to prevent any possible repercussions. However I seriously doubt GM would want to have people going through records more than three decades old just to determine who my parents are.

Clam seller on Mulberry Bend, New York, (ca 1900)

What is the strangest reaction of someone who has just been fired?

I’ve told this story elsewhere but it fits here as well.

In a prior life I worked for a major multi-national and the division I worked in was managed by somebody based in Europe (let’s call him George). But he had direct reports in a number of cities around the world including New York. So during one of his visits to New York he speaks to Fred and tells him that things just aren’t working out so he should find another job. Nothing out of the ordinary and not adversarial in any way.

So about a year later George is in New York and sees Fred sitting in his office wearing jeans and track shoes, feet up on his desk reading a newspaper. So he says “Fred, why are you still here? Didn’t I tell you to find another job?” And Fred’s response was classic “Yes but my contract requires one year’s written notice and I’ve never received anything.”

To make a long story short, George was off to HR and after a discussion with legal Fred got a year’s salary plus the cash value of all the benefits he would have rec’d during the year. Given how senior Fred was I’m sure that check would have been at least $400 K (and more likely quite a bit north of that).

What is the least intelligent thing you’ve ever seen a tourist do?

I kid you not.

So way back in 1984 I worked a summer in Yellowstone national park. During training I learned a lot about dangers in the park. For example, bison kill many more people than grizzly bears. That being said at least one person a year is kill in the park by a grizzly bear.

But I digress.

The dumbest question that a tourist asked me was a question that they warned me I would be asked and I laughed like it was a joke. They seriously said no you will get asking this and please don’t embarrass the tourists who ask it.

So a couple days into the Job I am standing there and this nice looking middle aged American woman who seemed she had all her senses came up to me and looked me straight in the face and asked,

“Where do they put the animals at night”?

I was gobsmacked!

This woman actually thought that all the animals were gathered up at night and put in cages. Just like I was warned, someone asked me the question I thought I would never hear.

And no, she most certainly wasn’t the last tourist to ask me that!

Hard to believe!

Nerds make the best husbands

How do you deal with negative experiences?

My two week notice was a long time coming. I was sick of working in finance, at that company, and for that boss. I slept terribly the night before, having fevered dreams of a squandered future. But I knew I needed some upheaval. I was forging a sad, bitter storyline that would haunt me forever.

As I embarked on my new journey as a writer, I unpacked my new life, and all the stories from that dark chapter, all the moments of pain and frustration, came with me. As with many of you, these scenes replay more vividly on my lesser days. It’s as the incomparable Frederick Nietzsche wrote, “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”

Old embarrassments — losing my temper with someone 20 years ago, making ill advised comments, and moments of rejection — come bubbling up for no reason. Why could I see these scenes so easily and with 8K clarity while the amazing moments hid in the shadows?

Per Dr. Daniel L. Schacter, we remember the past so vividly because it’s a means of envisioning the future. We use it as a modeling tool, a form of mental time travel, where our mind anchors moments in time. The word “anchor” is key — because many of these images and stories become crystallized and of cognitive convenience.

For example, you might experience something I do when reading books: anytime there is a scene with a bar, I can’t help but see the same bar in my mind — to the point of it being annoying. If there’s some type of battle scene, I always see an old field I played in as a kid. This is the mind anchoring and why it’s so easy to recall the same negative moments over and over.

Per research by psychologist, Dr. Linda Levine, we tend to interpret past events through an emotional filter of the present. The same facts on paper suddenly look different. Negative moods — such as being tired, annoyed, or frustrated — evoke specific and detailed bad memories that often hit harder. Good moods — such as being well rested, jovial, excited, or in good humor — tend to evoke broader and more general memories. Unfortunately, negative memories are much more powerful and easily evoked.

We tend to apply a filter of our self-concept — who we’d like to be, and what our “ideal self” is and how we’d hoped to be perceived. Which is why our subconscious searches for contradictions to this ideal self.

For example, I’m generally a pleasant and nice person. Which is perhaps why my mind dredges up instances of me being unpleasant. I hate thinking of those times because when I do, I feel like I’m standing right there in that same room 15 years ago, watching my former self act out and be nasty with someone I loved.

The mind tells me, “Remember this person? You could be this person again if you don’t behave.” So how to we rewire this toxic pattern?

Rewriting your narrative

A few years ago, I thought, “Why am I beating myself up all the time?” I had so much to be thankful for. I’d brought plenty of good into this world, been a good friend and family member. I’d fought hard to win a better future but still bludgeoned myself over bygones that nobody else remembered.

I met with a therapist a few years ago and had tremendous improvement in dealing with negativity. He was a silver haired man, with black rimmed glasses and a quiet, friendly demeanor, and a PhD hanging on his wall.

As we began talking, he nodded his head in understanding and began giving me homework assignments anchored in cognitive behavioral therapy which, per the American Psychological Association, is as effective (or more) than other forms of psychotherapy and medications in dealing with negativity.

He said, “We often tell our life story to ourselves in excessively harsh terms, and jump to instant conclusions at our own expense.”

One exercise he gave was to practice reframing the stories with less certainty. Instead of saying X results in Y, explore alternative causes and remove unhelpful thoughts.

For example, during college, I was dumped by woman I was totally in love with. I deserved it. I was being irresponsible and drinking all the time and she finally had enough. For years, I was sure that my poor decisions had cost me my soulmate. But I learned this was totally unfair thinking.

Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps she was just losing interest and this was her way out. And if I’d stayed with her, I’d have never met the incredible woman I now have. Even more so, the concept of a soulmate felt a wee bit irrational and limiting.

When you map out events, and deconstruct the narrative you tell yourself, it can look entirely silly sometimes. The exercise also helps reframe the memory more constructively. I can confidently say getting dumped caused me to stop partying so much and may have saved me from myriad legal and health problems.

Another strategy was to build a mental rolodex of positive memories in your mind that you can return to. Doing this, and rapid fire indulging these memories can counteract your negativity instinct, and tends to put me in a much better mood.

A quick forewarning, I’d make sure to write this list out. I initially thought I’d be able to manage it in my mind, but it was much harder to build out and think through.

Here are a few from my list:

Picking up my 8-week old golden retriever from the breeder. He was a fat marshmallow shaped dog with a permasmile, who brought me so much dang joy in life.

Having Christmas mornings as a kid with my grandparents and the love they surrounded us with.

Going on walks with my beloved partner on St. Pete beach and sitting quietly with her in the sand and drinking a beer while we read books.

Helping raise money at events for wounded soldiers, and volunteering with the Special Olympics.

One last strategy is exploratory processing, which takes the opposite approach. You list out the painful experience just after it happens and leave two lines below it. Then, after one month, you return to write in the blank what you learned. Then, six months later, you list something positive that came from the mistake.

For example, when I bought my house, it was a complete circus and the inspection went poorly and I fought with the builder and the realtor. The entire experience crashed my hopeful vision of home ownership. I put this down on the list as my first entry. Then, I came back a month later and wrote about how the experience taught me the importance of having a home inspection (which I almost skipped doing).

Then, at the six month mark, I put that this experience still resulted in me owning a great home that I can now rest in knowing is safe. I know that it has given me and my partner new friends in the neighborhood. The house has also appreciated significantly in value.

Remember, it’s entirely normal and common to have tons of negative memories that pester you. Most major life changes are precipitated by bad experiences and it’s easy to carry those stories with you.

Consider compiling a list of positive memories to return to and combat that trend. Reframe your experiences by exploring the possibilities of how they came to be, and how you might be irrational and excessively harsh in reviewing them. Lastly, use exploratory processing just after something goes wrong. Approach the experience with curiosity rather than judgement. Something good usually comes from all of the chaos we endure.

Do NOT be that guy

What habits do you have as a result of being in the military?

1. I keep my hair short. Very, very short. Before joining the Navy, I was already doing so, but for the past twenty years, I have been unable to go much longer than a couple of weeks—or, in the warmer months, a week or so—before it feels as though something is wrong. Oddly, I don’t mind skipping a shave for two or three days, but actually wearing facial hair (beard, long sideburns) is out of the question.
2. While I’m not fanatically neat, I do try to keep items off the floor. Gear should be stowed somehow, whether in a desk, in a cabinet, on a shelf, or even on a table. The deck should be kept clear.
3. I understand the distinction between a command (Do it now!) and an order (Get it done!).
4. I am almost never, ever late, even to social engagements, as gauche as that may be. And “on time,” in my book, means approximately six to ten minutes early (no more).
5. Generally, I am far more situationally aware and cognizant of potential risks and dangers than I was before joining. People don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan.
6. A day without some kind of PT is somehow misspent.
7. I still lace up my shoes in a crisscross pattern, with no “bridge.”
8. Most of the year, regardless of whether I’m dressed formally or informally, I wear a T-shirt of some kind as an initial layer. If the temperature goes past about 75°F or so, I’ll wear either a T-shirt or a polo shirt. But even in the heat, I don’t like wearing a dress shirt without an undershirt.
9. I tell time with the 24-hour clock and write the date in the day-month-year format. This dovetails nicely with living in Europe.
10. Having qualified as an Expert with the 9-mm pistol and a Marksman on the M-16, I have contempt for gun nuts who brandish their weapons in public, exhibit no discipline or respect for them or consideration for others, and lack the faintest idea of what they are talking about.

A German soldier after being captured by American troops near Nicosia, (1943)

What is something that needs to be stopped?

Last year, Carl Sergeant, 49-year-old politician, took his life after losing his job as secretary

The cause? False sexual abuse allegations.

The sentiment of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is being jettisoned. Now, mere accusation alone is enough to ruin someone’s career. Do you understand how dangerous that is?

Quote from BBC News:

“The family wish to maintain the fact that Carl maintained his innocence and he categorically denied any wrongdoing. The distress of not being able to defend himself properly against his unspecified allegtions meant he was not afforded common courtesy, decency or natural justice.”

You can’t make the cost of sexual interest the complete desolation of a man’s career, his reputation and even his life. We can’t keep branding people who sent a risqué text or blew kiss a pervert.

We’re now witnessing the birth pangs of the sexual reformation, the fallout from the sex abuse scandals that have plagued the entertainment industry, politics, and are now spreading throughout society as a whole. Third-wave feminists have been largely discredited over the past five years – just 18% of women in the US identify as feminist. Even less in the UK. Rights that actual feminists fought for a hundred years ago have been achieved, which is why radical feminists and SJWs need to hijack or invent new outrages to push their primary narrative and create more gender division.

Remember Zaira Wasim? Last year, she said she was scared when a man sitting behind her was touching her waist with his legs. At first, she ignored it, thinking it was due to turbulence, but didn’t tell anyone about it – not even the crew. Zaira put this allegation on a man named as Vikas Sachdev, a 39-year-old father and husband.

He was arrested. His wife defended him as innocent, but to the baying mob, allegations were all that were required to pass judgement.

Now don’t get me wrong, if sexual abuse is admitted or proven, those people should be punished to the full extent of the law. Hollywood and political peadophile rings should be exposed. But trial by a social media mob outage isn’t justice, and it sets a horrific precedent. Women are now jumping on the MeToo hashtag bandwagon so they can smother themselves in attention-seeking victimhood – not because they’re actual victims, but in one case because a man looked at them.

Another story was whipped up about Adam Sandler touching Claire Foy’s knee on a talk show.

In another instance, an MP was outed after he described a woman as “attractive, intelligent and charming”

Another case involved Michael Fallon trying to kiss a woman.

See the trend here? Everything is being conflated, to the point where making a pass at a woman is placed in the same context as actual rape.

There has to be an understanding that mere accusations alone are not proof. We have to put a check on this call of instantly believing the accuser without any regard for evidence.

How did Yuri Knorozov manage to decode the Mayan writing system all by himself?

It’s one of those David vs Goliath academic tales that’s as absurd as it is commendable.

Knorozov was a Soviet linguist – not a guy you’d expect to crack a Mesoamerican code. He got intrigued by the Mayan glyphs while rummaging through old dusty books in the off-limits section of the library. The glyphs hadn’t been fully understood for centuries.

The declassified Dresden Codex landed in his lap. It had been through hell: World War II bombings, water damage, and general neglect. But this old thing was a Rosetta Stone waiting for its sober lover.

While World War II suppressed the free exchange of scholarly thought, Knorozov was insulated and incubated over in Mother Russia. He faced another kind of battle, though: stifling Soviet oversight and scarce resources.

But undeterred, Yuri used his noggin. He hypothesized that the glyphs weren’t just individual pictures or symbols. They were indicative of phonetic sounds, a theory vastly different from what the scholarly mainstream believed.

Where many saw walls, Knorozov saw doors.

He hammered away at this theory, marrying the dots and bars of the Mayan numeral system to the text surrounding them. It was as if he spoke directly to the ancient Mayans, bridging a chasm of silence that had lasted since the fall of their civilization. Bit by bit, he began matching sounds to symbols.

His breakthrough publications hit in the 1950s. And like most disruptors, he was met with academic side-eye. It was the ‘newbie rocking the boat’ scenario. Many Western academics clung angrily to their dated theories, as if they were good luck charms.

But as time marched on, so did progress. Others began taking swings with the bat Knorozov had crafted. Additional findings corroborated his theories. The wall of mystery surrounding Mayan writing was getting holes punched into it, letting light in.

By the time of his death in 1999, Knorozov had seen his theories widely accepted. Mayan glyphs were readable, weaving tales of kings, conquests, and the cosmos.

What Yuri Knorozov did single-handedly is akin to solving a 1,000-year-old crossword puzzle without any clues, which makes you wonder, how many other historical whispers are just waiting for their translator?

From my home in Portland, OR, I look at Knorozov’s story as a beacon of hope for every solo scholar out there staring at an uncracked code. Keep at it. You might just be onto something.

A Samurai, (1881)

As a doctor, was there ever a procedure you refused to do?

Yes, but it had nothing to do with the procedure being inappropriate; it was an issue of consent.

I was called by a clinician to put a drainage catheter into an abscess, a pretty standard procedure; I was told that the patient had been reluctant, but had agreed to go ahead. Naturally I spoke with the patient myself, and discovered that she had not given any kind of meaningful consent; instead she had said something like “whatever”, just to get rid of the clinician, whom she described as a moron.

I called him up, with the patient in the room (but not listening in on the phone); I explained that I had spoken with her in person, and she was clearly unwilling to have the procedure. He then described her as a “seed person”, his term for someone who distrusted conventional medicine and preferred natural remedies; while I sympathized with his preference for proven treatments, it was clear that his attitude towards her was one of contempt, and that she had picked this up. He asked if he could speak to her; I told her he wanted to talk with her, she absolutely refused, and I conveyed this to him – softening her language slightly.

I then wrote a lengthy note in her chart, summarizing my discussion with her, quoting her comments, and explaining that as she had no intention of giving consent for this procedure, I was not going to perform it. I felt that she needed it, and I had explained this to her as clearly as I could; but as I was not her parent or legal guardian, I was professionally and ethically obligated to respect her wishes.

The right of a mentally competent adult patient to refuse treatment is absolute, whatever the consequences. My job is to explain those consequences as clearly as I can. The patient’s job is to make the choice.

What is the best thing I should learn from you?

1. Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.

2. Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.

3. If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.

4. Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.

5. Don’t let compliments get to your head and don’t let insults get to your heart.

6. You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.

7. You don’t have to settle for the bare minimum. Try selective dating

and you’ll meet the one who’s going to love you back.

8. Don’t be ashamed of yourself – that’s a job for your parents.

9. Don’t complain about getting old, not everyone gets the privilege.

10. Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option.

11. Never look at another man’s clock and never count another man’s money.

12. Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

13. Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.

14. Don’t complain about growing old. Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

15. Don’t give up your dreams, keep on sleeping.

Daredevil, (1917)

What did a judge say during sentencing that made you say “You gotta be kidding me”?

An ex of mine, we dated for 3 months. He was significantly older.

In that time he got progressively more controlling. One day he heard a rumour I was cheating on him.

How I was meant to, I don’t know as I was always either at work (and replying to his messages) or with him.

He decided to throw me around and threaten me with 2 knives. Both of which he pressed against my throat. He also threatens to kill the friend he decided I was sleeping with. Luckily he gets angry enough and storms out of my home as there was no way I could physically move him and I lock the door.

I call my mum to come and get me away, she calls the police. All the time he is banging on the door threatening me and my friend. He keeps accusing me of calling “my other boyfriend” and how he will kill him when he gets there. He realises I’ve called the Police and goes for a walk away from my home.

I show the Police the knives and give a statement at the Police station. He is arrested and pleads guilty to the Police.

The Police Officer I was speaking to unofficially advised me to submit a request against Claires Law which eventually informed me that he had been connected to 5 other women in domestic violence cases. The last one whom he attacked with an axe, he went to prison for 3 months for that incident. These are just the reported cases, I have no doubt there are more who did not report him.

My case was deemed only to be a Magistrates case. The Magistrate on hearing the guilty plea gave a 12 week suspended sentence for 1 year so he could work on his mental health, a Restraining order for 3 years and “compensation” of £150.

I can’t believe the magistrate had a clear domestic abuser who showed clear escalation patterns increasing in violence to women ranging from stalking, assault and sexual assault and gave such a ridiculous sentence. It showed a lack of respect for female lives. I was advised not to attend court, it’s probably a good thing as I doubt I could have stopped myself shouting at the magistrate.

I had to flee my home, upend my entire life, develop ptsd and the perpetrator got a slap on the wrist.

A Nihang Bodyguard, (c.1865)

When Evil Parents Realize They’ve Been Caught

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Holy FUCK!

https://youtu.be/31AZ3x17Aq0

Curb Market in NYC, (ca 1900)

27 Minutes Of Rude Karens Vs Judges!

GOD! The USA is so messed up!

Observer on Iwo Jima, (1945)

A Massive Cat Abandoned at the Shelter Gets Adopted Within Hours

Crowded Bunks in the Prison Camp at Buchenwald, (April 16, 1945)

Why were students in China forced to learn classical Chinese?

In the first place, I would like to say that you are right, to some extent. I agreed with you that we are somehow forced to learn some very entry level Classical Chinese, during the compulsory education stage (year 1 to year 9). This is the fact about Chinese education.

In the second place, since you asked why. I will try my best to answer your question.

The importance of classical Chinese:

In the narrow sense, Classical Chinese is the language which was actively used between Spring and Autumn period through to the end of the Han Dynasty (5th century BC to 2nd century AD). It soon became the formal written language in the Chinese society all the way until the 1910s when the Qing Dynasty was overturned. More than 2000 years of history was documented by using classical Chinese. It carried the invaluable heritage of our civilisation. In my opinion, it means much more to us than Latin to the European society.

In the broad sense, Classical Chinese is contrary to the Morden Mandarin, including classical Chinese (narrow sense), poems, novels written in the vernacular Chinese etc. It draws a whole picture of our great 5000-thousand-year civilisation, keeping people with hopes even in the darkest time of our nation.

Why government decided to introduce classical education.

China is a civilisation state instead of a national state. Anyone who recognises Chinese culture is considered as Chinese and could be integrated into the mainstream society, even he is not a Han Chinese. That is said Chinese people was united by a common written language, a universal value and a general social norm, even they may speak different dialects, live in a different region and have a different clan. This is also the most powerful argument to against the claims such as Cantonese is a distinct language instead of a Chinese dialect. The reason why schools in China teach both classical and Mandarin is, I think, it works better if taught together. Mandarin is the main structure and classical is a supplement of it. Mandarin is superficial which could not teach students some fundamental and abstract concepts. For example, people who only received Mandarin education would probably not able to understand the connections between the full moon and home sick (like a metaphor), autumn and depression etc. Therefore, promoting classical education would further strengthen the sense of national identity bound by the language and culture. That is the how to keep the nation united for more than 2000 years (Since Qin Dynasty firstly published a set of national standards). That is the political concern of the government. And this is also the answer to why not only Han Chinese, other ethical minorities are (not forced but encouraged) learning Chinese.

“月落乌啼霜满天 江枫渔火对愁眠” （The moon is setting. The crows are crying. The atmosphere is heavy with a chilly autumn frost. The maple trees and the lights of the fishing boats are reflected in the water. Yet I am unable to sleep because of sorrow.）This short poem was filled with culture symbols such as “moon, crow, autumn, red leaves and fishing boats”. Those culture symbols was consistently used till today, they speak themselves without the need of explanation. But it almost undecipherable for people without classical education.

Social response

In fact, there is far less unfavorable voice against teaching classical in school rather than that of English. Ministry of Education is planning to make the English language an elective subject in the College Entrance Examination (aka. Gaokao), but removing classical content is out of the question, definitely. Personally, I, although not excel it, rather enjoy learning classical than modern Mandarin. It is so concise, splendid, touching my soul so deeply. I was hoping one day I could like those famous poets, to put own feelings into such powerful words. People used to say ‘a picture speaks a thousand words’. Some classical quotes certainly could do the better job in the appropriate circumstance. Many Chinese leaders would like to quote some classical or come up their own.

President Jiang Zemin’s calligraphy, quoting national hero Lin Zexu’s poem. （were it to benefit my country I would lay down my life; what then is the risk to me）

China’s Premier Wen Jiabao wrote on the blackboard after 2008 Sichuan earthquake. “challenges make a nation much stronger”

Chinese also tend to use classical to name their children, their company etc. A name with good meaning would give people a better first impression. Actually, not only Chinese, people from East Asia and Vietnam will also use Chinses classical when giving the name. e.g. all Japanese emperor’s title of reign is based on Chinese classical.

Lastly, China, together with Korea peninsula, Japan, Ryukyu and Vietnam, shared a long history bound by classical Chinese language. All most all the history was written in classical Chinese. Due to some political concerns, both Korea and Vietnam abolished Chinese, making it a great loss in their culture. Now people living there could not understand what their ancestors wrote when they are visiting their historical sites. I can never imagine this happens in China one day, when our children visiting forbidden city and asking what exactly did the emperor write on the wooden boards. What a ridiculous thing?

Ps. It is rather funny to ask in such way. Forced?

It could be better to rephrase the question to ‘why Chinese student nowadays still need to learn classical Chinese’

What did your boss say to you during a meeting that resulted in you immediately resigning?

He sacked a colleague the day my colleague was leaving for a family holiday. My boss (and owner of the business), Paul, just liked to show people he had the power. He was often petty and a micromanaging control freak. He seemed to like me, so most of the time he left me to do my thing.

My colleague, Ian, had become a friend, and we’d hang out after work. He had been planning an overseas family trip for some time, and had been talking about it for a couple of months in advance of the date. He had requested leave, which was approved, before making the booking. He was a friendly, genuine guy, and most of us in the office shared his enthusiasm for his holiday. We could see he was looking forward to taking his family away.

He was due to fly out on a Saturday. On the Friday, Paul called Ian into his office and told him he had changed his mind, he was revoking the leave. Ian tried to argue that the tickets were non-refundable, everything was booked, his wife had taken leave, and they had permission to take their children out of school. Paul wasn’t swayed. He made it clear, cancel or be fired.

Ian asked what was so important that he needed to stay, Paul didn’t give a real answer. He just shrugged and said, “it’s my company, my call.”

Ian called his wife, and then decided to do the holiday. He didn’t want to lose the money or let his family down.

He came and told me just before lunch what had happened, and suggested we go for a farewell lunch.

I was incensed! I immediately wrote a handwritten resignation, left it on Paul’s desk, packed my things, and went to lunch. I told Ian and some other colleagues at lunch that this was also MY farewell.

As lunch wrapped up, the others drifted back to the office, and it was just Ian and me, commiserating over a beer, when Paul came in, in a fluster. I had never seen him in such a state (I later realized it was because he was no longer in control). Paul loudly tried to convince me to stay, offered me everything (other than more money!). I just said no, calmly. He left saying something like “you’ll be back when you can’t find another job.”

I called in on another friend on my way home, and had a job offer that afternoon.

Beer Battered Fish and Chips

Ingredients

• 2 to 4 potatoes, scrubbed and cut into fingers
• 1 pound fish (cod, halibut, polluck, etc.) 500g
• 1 (12 ounces/355mL) can beer
• 1 egg, beaten until fluffy
• 2/3 cup milk 150 mL
• 1 teaspoon canola oil 5 mL
• 1 teaspoon baking powder 5 mL
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 mL
• 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 mL
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 375 mL
• 1/2 cup second flour amount for dipping 125 mL
• 3 cups canola oil for deep frying 750 mL

Instructions

1. Pat potatoes and fish dry with paper towels.
2. Heat oil to a frying temperature of 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). To cook potato chips properly, it is important to maintain this frying temperature. You may wish to increase the temperature slightly before adding potatoes as oil temperature will drop when food is added. Fry 5-6 minutes or until golden brown. While potatoes are frying, prepare batter for fish.
3. To prepare batter: Mix together beer, egg, milk and canola oil. Add baking powder, cayenne pepper, salt and 1 1/2 cups (375 mL) flour all at once, mixing only enough to dampen the dry ingredients.
4. Remove potato chips from the canola oil with slotted spoon, drain on paper towels, and season to taste.
5. Coat fish pieces in 1/2 cup (125 mL) flour before dipping in batter. Gently place in hot oil to deep fry. Cook until golden, about 6 minutes.
6. Remove from oil with slotted spoon; drain on paper towels.

Have you ever overheard a conversation that you wish you could forget you heard?

When my grandmother found out she had terminal cancer, she gave away a lot of her things to her children and grandchildren. She gave my cousin her 6 year old car, she gave me her expensive vacuum cleaner, she gave my mother an 8 foot tall grandfather’s clock, that had been hand made by my mothers great grandfather, those are the only three I remember, but she had two children and six grandchildren, so you can see by the gifts, that they weren’t terribly expensive, but had some value.

She still owned her own condo, and had some savings.

Shortly after my grandmother had died, and the will had been read, I over heard my uncle talking to my mother. My grandmother had split the estate between my uncle and mother. My uncle wanted everything that my grandmother had given away, to be given back to the estate, as he felt that they were just loans. Then the estate would be split between him and mom. If the grandkids ( including his own kids) wanted what they had been given, they could buy it from the estate.

I was shocked, I had always loved my uncle, he had never seemed like a greedy man. But inheritance seems to bring out the worst in people. My mother and uncle fought for the first time that I ever knew of, and some nasty things were said.

Evidently he approached his kids to get the gifts back, and they formed a united front, and told him he was wrong. So he backed off. I would have never have known that he had a greedy side to him, if I hadn’t overheard that conversation. He died about 10 years later, and I never looked at him, quite the same as before I overheard that conversation.

Have you ever overheard a conversation that you wish you could forget you heard?

What did someone do during military boot camp that made you say “You gotta be kidding me”?

They taught us how to wear boots. At the beginning of the session, the tough looking DS looked at us the only way a DS can do it.

I thought what the hell? Put them on and lace them up. Oh no. There was the Army way.

We found out how important the simple sock was in the Army.

“Socks must be pulled up TIGHT! No wrinkles or seams. Loose socks in your boot can be a painful thing and cause blisters quicker than your daddy’s willow switch. Pull them up tight. Keep them dry. Wet socks are not a soldier’s friend. If a soldier’s feet are unusable because of blisters, that soldier is unusable. Take care of those feet. Also, mark those socks.”

We had to make sure there were no wrinkles on the inner sole where the foot goes in.

“If there’s a wrinkle in your boot lining, give ‘em back and you will be issued new ones. Wrinkles cause blisters. Make sure your boot is TIGHT around your foot. Do not let your feet ‘float’ in boots. Floating feet cause blisters!”

“The boots are laced diagonally with the excess lace tucked into the top of the boot. Metal cleats and side tabs are not authorized for wear. Steeled toed boots are not authorized for wear. THAT gentlemen is why these are NOT steel toed boots. If they were, you would be crippled within two weeks. There should be at least a 3/4-inch minimum additional length at toe. DO NOT soak boots in water or bake in an oven to break-in. Boots should be worn in gradually at first with ever-increasing walking or marching distances while remaining comfortable.”

“The back of your boots must also be shined. Just because we’re looking at you from the front, wise asses, doesn’t mean we won’t give the about face order.

“The tongues of your boots will lie flat all along the top of your boots, not squished in like a piece of toilet paper shoved up the crack of your ass. Squished tongues cause blisters. We don’t want blisters around here. Blisters mean there’s a man out and the rest of you do twice the work. If I find a squished tongue in your boot, and I’ll check at times, it’ll be YOUR tongue lying on top of your foot under the laces!”

“If you do not follow these instructions, you will get my right boot up your ass and I’m telling you now, IT WILL HURT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

This DS had at least size 13 boots. We understood.

When A Kidnapper Gets Caught Red Handed