My favorite shoes in the early 1970’s had these buckle sides. These were different from the lace-up shoes of the 1960’s that I always wore.

Ugly damn things…

Boy foot attire was shit during that period in time.

So now we’ve got Crocs.

Don’t think it’s much of an improvement.

I think that I gotta go now.

Today…

How China’s $73,000 Xiaomi EMBARRASSED America’s $200,000 Luxury Cars in Just ONE MONTH!

Visitant

Submitted into Contest #210 in response to: Set your story after aliens have officially arrived on Earth.… view prompt

Martin Ross

News of the alien invasion had dominated the news around here for several days, but Oscar and Nicole saw no option but at least to try.Nicole already had lost two cousins to the inhumans’ violence in their town two states away, and there was little reason to believe there would be much mercy or humanity when they reached their destination. They controlled the water and food supplies, battling and battering the resistance. They apparently had been bred to hate the humans who ventured into their appropriated territory, and had no hesitation in taking babies and children to emphasize the totality of their conquest. Their ability to saturate both river and desert, and their indifferent savagery toward their prey, filled Oscar with a dread he dared not share with his wife, who was carrying something far more valuable than her mother’s Bible and the supplies she required to safeguard the incubating life inside her.Beyond the good people who at considerable risk had stashed provisions along the way, there were the profiteers, the opportunists, who preyed on the reported invasion, on the desperation of innocents. Oscar had resisted the temptation to throw in with these jackals, whom, he’d heard, would as easily take their money and hand them directly to the monsters who hid in the shadows beyond what Nicole called The Gauntlet. Safety was neither in numbers nor the care of strangers, not any more.And so Oscar and Nicole huddled under a mercifully deep overhang, sharing the last yellowing apple they’d secured two days earlier. The best shot at survival was roughly three more miles off, by Oscar’s calculations, but his bride and daughter (dare he hope?) required more immediate sustenance and hydration. He’d located a bottle of dollar store water the resistance had stowed under a thorny shrub yesterday, but even rationing the meager refreshment and secretly withholding his own needs, there was a mere half-inch remaining. Nicole was not looking well, and he could not discern the sweat and sun from fever and flush. Oscar was concerned what might happen should the inhuman horde intercept them before they made the “safe zone.”just the night before, they’d seen the lights in the starry sky so far beyond the urban smog and city lights. No wishing star to guide them on their path, no helicopters sweeping the night, not here and not so unnaturally fast and multidirectional. The creatures in whatever ship or beam or wormhole no doubt were reconnoitering their own route, like lost tourists seeking the last gallon of gas or an intergalactic meeting point, or perhaps they might even have been scouting new real estate.“I’m sorry, but we must move on,” Oscar told Nicole.**Nicole caught the glint, under a rare and surprisingly hardy outcropping. There was the possibility she’d spotted the debris of a previous traveler or even a hapless hiker, but Oscar was beyond hope, clutching at survival without emotion. He sprinted toward the glistening and, promisingly, refracting light in the vegetation.And that’s when the inhumans were on them. They appeared huge, all hairless skulls and black, reflecting eyes, green shapes lunging and brandishing weapons, the musculature of beings shaped by a compulsion to conquer and a viciousness of single-minded purpose. They grunted and jabbered in a tongue alien to the former farmer, but there was no error in interpreting the hunger and anticipation on what was visible of their faces.

Their leader, smaller but somehow more compact than the group, made a harsh sound that crackled with client. Oscar watched miserably as the tall bottle was plucked from the brush and upended, its life-giving contents drained at his feet.

“Please,” he howled, displaying his palms and hoping these inhumans might have the capacity to understand. “My wife is pregnant!”

The leader glanced over his shoulder. A female, it would appear, uttered a single phrase in their language, something perhaps cosmically maternal flashing across her face. The leader nodded and turned back, poking Oscar face-first into the ground. The others seized a shrieking Nicole, shoved her as well onto her swelling belly, and secured the couples’ wrists.

They cackled and sneered as they regarded their catch of the day. Oscar absurdly was relieved they had only now begun their family. The children who had disappeared in the night, the babies taken with no hope of their eventual return.

Suddenly, the braying cries of victory and cruelty to come just…ceased. A new, pungent smell filled Oscar’s nostrils. A smell familiar from glorious moments with friends and family – no, the odor that had caused Oscar to gag at the roadside ditch where he’d so recently cradled Nicole as she wailed over the cartel-charred remains of her Primo Tio.

More strange chatter, this time lower, calmer, in a timbre Oscar had never before heard, even in the hokey old monster movies his ancient abuelo loved so. He yelled for Nicole to keep her head down, and averted his eyes from the shadows that loomed over them, from the glimpses of these new invaders. Something too long, too wide, with too many joints and a cool feel, rested on his shoulder. And, it would seem, patted him with a rhythmic cooing. His wrists sprung free, and he finally looked up at the one freeing his Nicole.

“¡Por favor!,” he pleaded again, weakly. “¡Mi esposa está embarazada!”

“Some people call it an ‘invasion,’ it’s like an invasion. They have violently overrun the Mexican border,” the TV over the counter blared. The voice was simultaneously venomous and childishly confident, like many of the preening national politicians back home who sounded somewhat like they were impaired in the brain. The speaker, El Jefe himself, was orange – not simply his thick, bizarrely piled hair, but his skin as well.

Oscar might have giggled, and he could have without danger, possibly for the first time in days. The diner across the highway from the packed Walmart was populated entirely with the Ruizes’ predecessors across the border, those with papers and U.S.-born grandchildren who still nearly daily were detained by ICE, by the border patrol, by flushed and spitting Norteamericanos to whom Spanish was an invitation to warfare. Primo Tomas, still in his Brownsville Sanitation Department uniform, had seized the both of them, too jubilant to ask questions Oscar did not want to answer (chiefly at their sudden, early materialization safe and astoundingly sound near the cotton fields just north of town), and rushed them immediately to Daniela’s Cantino to revive their bodies and spirits with platter after platter of meat the newly arrived father-to-be willed himself to devour until will no longer was necessary.

“They’ve overrun the Mexican police, and they’ve overrun and hurt badly Mexican soldiers,” the bloated man – like, who, Jabba from the Star Wars movie? — added. Tomas uttered a single curse; Nicole laughed his apology away, studying the closed captioning en Espanol. The title “Invasión Alienígena” half-covered the banner “Alien Invasion At The Border: A Fox Special Report.”

El Hombre Naranja paused for hoots and arm-waving. “So this isn’t an innocent group of people. It’s a large number of people that are tough. They’ve injured, they’ve attacked, and the Mexican police and military has actually suffered.”

“Fucking imbecil,” Tomas grunted, impaling a wad of carnitas. He looked again to Nicole, and then to Oscar, who shook his head with a grin and gulped at his second piquant Michelada. Then he sobered for a moment as the 51-inch Samsung translated The Orange Man’s words.

They’d soon go looking for the Border Patrol team – the inhuman squad willing, what, to leave them to die in the desert, or to haul them in for deportation back into the cartels’ Hell? The ongoing diatribe about the “aliens,” the illegals, this invasion of waiters and dishwashers and landscapers and conserjes — would rise to a shrill and murderous pitch when or more likely if they found anything of the ICE team. Oscar could ID little of their tormentors’ remains beyond the leader’s twisted mirrored black sunglasses. The logical assumption would be that the incinerated mounds Oscar’d witnessed following their liberation were the product of cartel retaliation. But for what? They weren’t the ones fighting for their escape, for a new life where Arcilla – they’d fixed on the “Altar of Heaven” after being conveyed across the swinging gates of Hell – might just have a chance of a future among humans.

No matter, Oscar realized – logic seemingly had no place here. They simply would point to the brutal savagery of the “aliens.” And it was quite savage. As a devout Catholic, he’d silently recited La Senal De La Cruz for those Nicole’s saviors had dispatched. He had not forgotten that brief flash of compassion the female agent had betrayed, nor how quickly it vanished.

As for the rest, Oscar pondered briefly why these visitantes celestial, these visitors from the heavens, had intervened. And why there had seemed something unfathomably familiar about them. It hadn’t been until they’d been deposited on the rural road that he’d remembered watching some ridiculous old, grainy American show with his dying abuelo — this one with Mr. Spock going on in his mismatched dubbed tones about monsters and ghosts and ancient Gods. And outer space aliens. Oscar was more absorbed by the legendary Vulcan – Star Trek was a universal language — but now, recalling the petroglyphs Senor Nimoy presented as evidence, he realized what great artists his Aztec ancestors truly were.

Spock in his turtleneck suggested the Aztec pyramids were built by giant gods at the end of one of the destructions of the world, by ice, fire, or water. The City of the Gods, Teotihuacan, was built at the beginning of one of the four worlds, his abuelo had related before sending him for another illicit cerveza. How this one ends, who knows, Oscar mused.

“¿En qué estás pensando, primo?” Tomas teased. Oscar grinned foolishly, and looked over to where Tomas’ wife and sisters were dispensing advice to his plump Nicole.

Enough with such thoughts, Oscar scolded. For all that lie ahead, this was a beginning, or as much a beginning as he might have dreamed.

WHO DOESN’T LIKE CATS?! First Time Hearing Al Stewart – Year Of The Cat Reaction!

Kitchen Hints and Tips
Dessert

Brown Sugar

Add a slice of soft bread to a package of rock-hard brown sugar. Close the bag tightly, and in a few hours the sugar will be soft again.
Wrap in a plastic bag and store in refrigerator in a coffee can with a snap-on-lid.
Use two or three pieces of dried fruit, such as peaches or prunes, to keep brown sugar soft. Just place the fruit in the bottom of a plastic container or jar and pour the sugar over the fruit.
Put a lettuce leaf in the container with the lumpy brown sugar, and the lumps will be gone tomorrow.
To soften hard brown sugar, put brown sugar and a cup of water side by side in a covered pan. Place in the oven on low heat for a while.

Caramel Coating

To coat a mold evenly with caramel, keep the mold in very hot water while you prepare the caramel. Pour the melted sugar immediately into the mold and swirl it around. A 4 cup mold can be coated with 1/2 cup sugar mixed with 2 tablespoons of water. The mixture must be watched and stirred gently but constantly. The more brown the mixture, the stronger the flavor. It must be watched carefully while cooking.

Chocolate

Chocolate melts more easily if it is grated or chopped before melting. High temperature will cause chocolate to be dry and grainy.
Semisweet chocolate morsels and semisweet chocolate squares can be used interchangeably when a recipe calls for this type chocolate melted.
To melt chocolate smoothly and easily, wrap the solid chocolate in foil and place in an oven set to 300 degrees F for about 10 minutes. When it is melted, simply scrape into your mixture.
Melt white chocolate over very hot water, never boiling or even simmering. White chocolate will scorch at a lower temperature than bittersweet chocolate.
If chocolate you are melting overcooks and becomes hard and “dull” looking, put the pan on very low heat and beat in one tablespoon of shortening at a time until you have restored the shiny, smooth look of perfectly melted chocolate.
Always keep chocolate at room temperature to prevent it from splintering and flying around when chopped; cold chocolate is too hard to cut and the knife may slip and cut you. To chop chocolate in a food processor, chill the chocolate slightly and pulse it just until chopped.
Sometimes a grayish color develops on chocolate. This is called “bloom,” and it is a sign that the cocoa butter has risen to the surface. Flavor and quality will not be lessened, and the grayish color, or bloom, will disappear when the chocolate is melted.
To shave chocolate, carefully draw a vegetable peeler across the side of a chilled bar of chocolate.
When you can’t find lemon leaves to use as a base for making chocolate leaves, the safe substitutes are rose, magnolia, and gardenia leaves. They’re all nontoxic. Allow a bit of each stem to remain uncoated with chocolate for easier peeling later.

Confectioners’ Sugar

It takes very little liquid to thin to spreading consistency for icing. Add the liquid 1 teaspoonful at a time; otherwise you may need more sugar to thicken it again.

Custard

If you plan to unmold a baked custard, beat the eggs only slightly before you add them to the liquid. This will keep the custard firm when baked. Too much beating produces a light, porous custard.
A knife inserted near the center of custard will come out clean when custard is done. Remember, overcooked custards have watery textures.
If you want to unmold the custard, such as custard for a creme brulee, bake the custard in a metal container. The metal cools more quickly than glass and will release more easily.

Electric Mixer

The blades of your mixer won’t clog when creaming cold shortening if they are placed in hot water for a few minutes before using.

Graham Cracker Crumbs

Put graham crackers into a blender, a small amount at a time. Turn the blender on and off (pulse) and the pieces will move down into the blades. If you don’t use a blender, put the crackers in a plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin. You can use the plastic bag as a container to add the butter and sugar to make crumbs for a graham cracker crust, then toss the bag out when you are finished.

Granulated White Sugar

To soften granulated white sugar that has hardened in the paper bag in which it was packaged, heat your oven to about 250 degrees F, then turn it off and put the bag of sugar in on a cookie sheet. Check after a few minutes. As soon as the bag begins to get warm, the sugar should start softening.
To prevent sugar from hardening, store it in a sealed plastic bag with a slice of bread.

Marshmallow Creme

Melt marshmallow creme in the microwave. Half of a 7 ounce jar will melt in 35 to 40 seconds on HIGH. Stir to blend.

Measuring

To remove shortening from a measuring cup quickly, run hot water over it and pour off immediately.

Pudding

Pour pudding right into foil cups placed in a muffin tin. You’ll have pre-measured servings and, best of all, no cleanup.
Make instant pudding in the blender. It’s easier to pour into serving dishes.
Spray the bottom and sides of your pan with vegetable spray or coat with margarine beforehand. It will keep the pudding from sticking and save lots of elbow grease at clean-up time.
To keep a soft surface on puddings thickened with cornstarch, such as packaged pudding mixes, simply press a piece of plastic wrap down on the top of the cooked pudding before it cools. This prevents the “skin” from forming on top.

Rolling Pin

If you don’t have a rolling pin, use a cold bottle of soda pop or a wine bottle filled with ice water.
Put the dough in the freezer or refrigerator until chilled. This way the pastry dough will not stick to the rolling pin.

Soufflés

Get a professional high hat look by running your thumb around the inside of the dish below the rim before putting it in the oven. A high hat will rise in the center.
The trick to producing a wonderful souffle is to cool the white sauce mixture before adding it to the beaten egg whites. Cook the sauce then remove it from the heat and add the egg yolks. Mix all together well and then let it cool well. Then add it to the beaten egg whites.
To ensure the highest soufflé, do not overdo folding the egg whites into the sauce mixture. Too much mixing will break down the protein molecules of the egg whites and allow the captured air to escape.

Superfine Sugar

If a recipe calls for “superfine” sugar, put regular granulated sugar in the blender and pulse several times until the sugar granules have reduced in size slightly.

FIRST TIME HEARING OF Elvin Bishop – Fooled Around and Fell in Love REACTION!!

I never tire of this.

Sir Whiskerton and Harriet the Ware-Rabbit’s Obsession with Soap Operas: A Tale of Drama, Full Moons, and Rabbit-Induced Chaos

Ah, dear reader, prepare yourself for a tale of soapy drama, lunar lunacy, and one particularly dramatic rabbit who just can’t tell fact from fiction. Today’s story is one of absurdity, adventure, and the occasional existential crisis, all wrapped up in a whirlwind of farm-themed melodrama. So, grab your sense of humor and a box of tissues (for the inevitable tears), as we dive into Sir Whiskerton and Harriet the Ware-Rabbit’s Obsession with Soap Operas: A Tale of Drama, Full Moons, and Rabbit-Induced Chaos.

The Soap Opera Sensation

It all began on a quiet evening when Harriet the Ware-Rabbit stumbled upon an old television set in the barn. The farmer, ever the eccentric, had left it running, tuned to a farm-themed soap opera called Fields of Passion. The show was a whirlwind of dramatic plotlines, including forbidden love affairs between cows, secret identities among chickens, and a particularly brooding tractor named Throttle.

Harriet, who had always been a bit of a drama queen, was immediately hooked. “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” she exclaimed, her floppy ears twitching with excitement. “It’s like they’ve taken my life and made it even more dramatic!”

From that moment on, Harriet was obsessed. She spent every evening glued to the television, taking meticulous notes on the show’s plot twists and character arcs. “I must bring this level of drama to our farm,” she declared. “It’s what the animals deserve!”

The Full Moon Frenzy

Unfortunately for Harriet—and the rest of the farm—her newfound obsession coincided with a full moon. As you may recall, dear reader, Harriet is no ordinary rabbit. Under the light of a full moon, she transforms into the Ware-Rabbit, a hulking, clownish creature with floppy ears, enormous red clown feet, and a honking red nose the size of a beach ball.

On this particular night, as the moon rose high in the sky, Harriet’s transformation was accompanied by an extra dose of soap opera-induced drama. “I am the Ware-Rabbit!” she bellowed, striking a dramatic pose. “And tonight, I shall bring Fields of Passion to life!”

The Drama Unfolds

Harriet’s first act as the Ware-Rabbit was to stage a dramatic love triangle between Bessie the Tie-Dye Cow, Ferdinand the Duck, and Throttle the Tractor. “Bessie, you must choose!” Harriet declared, honking her nose for emphasis. “Will it be Ferdinand, the brooding artist, or Throttle, the mysterious bad boy?”

Bessie, who had been enjoying a peaceful evening chewing cud, looked up in confusion. “What in the name of peace and love are you talking about?” she asked, her mood ring flashing a confused shade of yellow.

Before Bessie could respond, Harriet moved on to her next plotline: a secret identity reveal involving Doris the Hen. “Doris, I have discovered your dark secret!” Harriet announced, honking her nose again. “You are not just a hen—you are the long-lost heir to the throne of Cluckingham!”

Doris, who had been in the middle of a particularly juicy bit of gossip, squawked in alarm. “What are you talking about? I’m just a hen!”

“Deny it all you want,” Harriet said, narrowing her eyes. “But the truth will come out!”

The Chaos Escalates

As the night wore on, Harriet’s soap opera antics grew increasingly absurd. She staged a dramatic confrontation between Porkchop the Pig and Catnip the Stray Cat, accusing them of being “star-crossed lovers.” She convinced Rufus the Dog that he was the secret villain of the farm, leading to a series of hilariously over-the-top monologues. And she even tried to orchestrate a dramatic death scene for Sir Whiskerton, complete with fake blood and a mournful saxophone solo by Ferdinand the Duck.

“This is getting out of hand,” Sir Whiskerton said, dodging a flying prop tomato. “We need to stop her before she turns the entire farm into a three-ring circus.”

The Feline Intervention

Determined to restore order, Sir Whiskerton called an emergency meeting. “Clearly, Harriet’s obsession with Fields of Passion has gone too far,” he said, flicking his tail. “But fear not! I have a plan.”

With the help of Chef Remy LeRaccoon and the Divine Llama, Sir Whiskerton devised a solution: they would stage their own soap opera, complete with a dramatic plot twist that would snap Harriet out of her delusions.

“We’ll call it Barnyard Betrayal,” Remy said, adjusting his goggles. “It’ll be the most dramatic thing she’s ever seen.”

The Dramatic Finale

As the moon reached its peak, Harriet gathered the animals for the “season finale” of Fields of Passion. “Tonight, all will be revealed!” she declared, honking her nose dramatically.

But before she could begin, Sir Whiskerton stepped forward, wearing a makeshift cape and a pair of sunglasses. “Harriet, I have a confession,” he said, his voice dripping with faux drama. “I am not just a cat—I am the secret mastermind behind Fields of Passion. I created the show to bring drama to your life, but I never imagined it would go this far.”

Harriet gasped, her floppy ears twitching. “You… you monster!” she cried. “How could you?”

“Because sometimes,” Sir Whiskerton said, removing his sunglasses for maximum effect, “the greatest drama is the drama we create ourselves.”

The Moral of the Story

As the moon set and Harriet returned to her normal self, the animals reflected on the night’s events.

The moral of the story, dear reader, is this: While a little drama can be fun, it’s important to remember the line between fiction and reality. Whether you’re a Ware-Rabbit, a brooding duck, or a dapper detective, life is best lived with a healthy dose of humor and a touch of humility.

A Happy Ending

With Harriet’s obsession cured, the farm returned to its peaceful routine. The animals, exhausted but relieved, returned to their usual activities. Harriet, now back to her mild-mannered self, vowed to “stick to reality from now on.”

As for Sir Whiskerton, he returned to his sunbeam, content in the knowledge that he had once again saved the day. The farm was calm, the animals were happy, and the soap opera… well, the soap opera was still playing in the barn.

And so, dear reader, we leave our heroes with the promise of new adventures, new dramas, and hopefully, no more full-moon frenzies. Until next time, may your days be filled with laughter, love, and just a little bit of feline genius.

The End.

Electric Light Orchestra – Mr. Blue Sky | REACTION

Your Point Is?

Submitted into Contest #210 in response to: Set your story after aliens have officially arrived on Earth.… view prompt

LeeAnn Hively-Insalaco

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you an important message from the office of the President of the United States of America.

Hardly a single head in Tequila Mockingbird, the high-class bar in a dead-end town, stirred an inch in response. The President had stopped mattering much to anyone in this area many moons ago. Across the country, there was a similar non-response wherever the TV programming could be interrupted.

Ladies and Gentlemen of this fine nation, I stand before you to bring groundbreaking information that may initially seem frightening. Still, I want to assure each and every one of you that your government has everything under control and has for many decades.

A few eyes cast a quick glance at the screen perched high above the multi-colored bottles of liquid distraction before looking away again, and the automated jukebox in the corner switched from playing Don’t Stop Believin’ to I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho). Pammy sent the eight ball flying into the corner pocket, Greg missed his shot on the dartboard, Rhonda let out a belch at the end of her beer, and the President looked around as if he actually stood six feet above the bottles of Jack Daniels and Jim Beam and peered down at them all.

What I’m about to tell you will surely come as a shock, but we are all in this together, and I can confirm that there is nothing to fear.

A few eyes at the bar looked up and remained trained on the television this time. “Hey!” Bobby Burgner belted over his broad, dusty shoulder, “Pipe the hell down! I’m tryin’ to hear the news!” Several eyes turned their glare to Debra, who was apparently training to audition on both American Idol and Dancing With The Stars with her partner, the bar stool. It was a relief to everyone when she tripped over her partner’s two left feet and stopped singing in her version of Spanish.

The President gave a dramatic pause as if he knew the murmurs would start up, his knuckles white and bony and mottled with a mass of purple veins beating in rhythm to his eighty-eight-year-old heart that fallaciously believed he’d never be required to give this speech. His face was the oddest combination of sickly pale and girlish pink, and the patrons of Tequila Mockingbird began to take notice that something just wasn’t right. “What’d he say before? What are we not supposed to fear??”

“I said, pipe the hell down! Don’t you understand English?”

Behind the bar, Barry grabbed the remote to the highfalutin jukebox in the corner that took bank cards online instead of quarters from pockets. Silence descended upon them all, the President still hovering above them, their necks straining as their heads pushed back to watch and wait and stare at the sweat starting to run down to the jowls of this geriatric wonder telling them they were safe with him. They watched him inhale a long, shaky breath, his watery blue eyes taking on a steely determination, the blue tinge to his lips momentarily easing into a shade somewhere between gutted pig and overly zealous blush application.

It is a momentous time in our history as Americans, nay, as people from this great planet, when we can finally answer the question, ‘Are we alone in this vast universe?’. And the answer is a resounding no.

There was a lengthy pause as every eye stared at the President, who had once again paused and stared into the camera with a doddering glance that appeared as if his eyes were following the people at home, a Mona Lisa trick that missed the mark. Then, in almost perfect unison, each patron of the Happy Hour crowd erupted into hysterical laughter.

Bobby Burgner, resident of this town since he was a child who crash-landed with his parent’s tour group in the preacher’s backyard, was from the little planet hiding on the other side of Mars, never captured by the telescopes and probes, a beach resort for most of the galaxy who coveted their pearly sands and pristine waters. They’d had a great time getting to know each other as his parents were proselytizing the good word of The Prime, and Preacher Joe was determined to share the faith of American Christians from sea to shining sea and beyond. Soon, the entire town accepted the tour group, who shared the pews with them at Mulberry Methodist and the stands at every Friday night high school football game.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, but you need to understand that they have been here since the dawn of humankind. We have never been alone. They aren’t here to start an invasion; they are our caretakers. It turns out we’re pretty darn stupid as a species, and without them… well… humanity would have never even begun. We’re just a little too prone to violence and a little too resistant to progress.

Everyone here knew it was true. They’d all been warned about their missionary work on this planet. Some came as scientists trying to undo the damage of this species. Some came as tourists who just really loved the culture. Others were family of diplomats who were employed here to continue to negotiate and guide the human race away from self-destruction so that brighter minds could continue to develop in the hopes that, one day, this Earth would be as great as any other developed planet in the tri-galaxy area. High-ranking officials could (and would) relocate their immediate family for their stay, which was often a life-long commitment and not to be taken lightly. Half of this town was from somewhere far, far away, and everyone knew it. The only way to keep a secret is to ensure only one person knows that secret; once you include a second person, word will get out sooner than later.

Barry flicked the remote towards the jukebox again, Pammy racked up the pool balls, Greg missed the target on the dartboard again, Rhonda ordered another beer, Bobby asked for salted nuts, and Debra dug into her nachos that had magically appeared when she wasn’t paying attention.

No one was surprised that this groundbreaking information went by without notice or much commentary. Inflation was at an all-time high. Gas prices jacked up twenty-five cents per gallon overnight. School shopping started in earnest, and the stores had limited bulletproof backpacks. Alien or not, the nation had more significant concerns. As the President said – they’d always been here. Barry poured a drink, and the jukebox played Tubthumping.

Kitchen Hints and Tips
Baking

To “age” candied fruit fast for baking fruit cakes, muffins, cookies, breads, etc., microwave 1/4 cup brandy or any liqueur in a 1-quart bowl on HIGH for 30 seconds. Stir in 1 cup candied fruit or raisins and heat on HIGH for 2 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes or until all liquid is absorbed.

Baking Pans

When baking in a glass or dark pan, reduce oven temperature by 25 degrees F.
Breads and pies bake best and will have the best crust when baked in a dark colored pan that absorbs heat well. Cookies, biscuits and cakes do better in a shiny pan that reflects the heat for a more delicate browning of the crust.
When a recipe calls for a “greased” pan, be sure to grease the pan with solid shortening or an oil unless otherwise specified.
Line baking pans such as cookie sheets, loaf pans and layer cake pans, with parchment paper to prevent sticking and simplify cleanup.

Baking

When a bread or dessert recipe calls for raisins as one of the ingredients, soak the raisins in a cup of very hot water for 15 minutes. It will make them plumper and juicier in the finished product.

Baking Powder

If you’re afraid it’s “dead,” test by putting 1 teaspoon into a cup of hot water. If it fizzes actively, use it. If not, buy a new box.

Biscuits

Biscuits will be crisp on the outside and flaky in the center if you roll the dough thin and fold it over once before cutting out biscuits. They’ll also split open easily when you’re ready to butter them.
There’s no law that says biscuits have to be round. Roll the dough into a rectangle and cut out square shapes so you don’t have to keep re-rolling it.
The sharp open ends of clean cans make great cutters for biscuits, scones and cookies.
To re-freshen and heat biscuits, put them in a well-dampened paper bag, twist it closed and put in a 300 degree F oven for several minutes or until warm.
If you want soft-sided biscuits, bake them in a pan with sides and put the biscuits close together.
If you want crusty biscuits, bake them on a cookie sheet and place them apart from each other.
Always press the biscuit cutter straight down and pull it straight up. This helps the biscuit form flaky layers while baking. Twisting the cutter seals the biscuits which prevents layers from forming.

Breads and Rolls

Keep bread fresh longer by placing a rib of celery in the bread bag.
For quick and easy garlic breadsticks, split a hot dog bun down the middle and cut each half lengthwise. Butter each strip; sprinkle with garlic salt or garlic powder. Place on a cookie sheet and bake or broil until toasted.
To butter many slices of bread quickly and evenly, heat the butter until soft, then “paint” it on with a flat pastry brush.
To thaw frozen bread and rolls, place in a brown paper bag and put into a 325 degree F oven for 5 minutes to thaw completely.
For a shiny bread crust, brush the top with a mixture of 1 beaten egg and 1 tablespoon of milk before baking.
Place aluminum foil under the napkin in your roll basket and the rolls will stay hot longer.
To glaze the tops of rolls, brush with a mixture of 1 tablespoon sugar and 1/4 cup milk before baking.
For a soft, well-browned but not shiny crust, before baking brush the loaf with a tablespoon of melted butter.
For a crisp, shiny crust, bake the bread for 20 minutes, then remove from the oven and brush with an egg white that has been beaten with a tablespoon of water. Return the bread to the oven to finish baking.
Yeast will last longer than the specified date printed on the packet if kept in the refrigerator, or even longer in the freezer, for up to a year. If you bake a lot, it is wise to purchase larger amounts and freeze. Place in a tightly sealed plastic or glass container and mark the date of purchase. Bring to room temperature before using.
Use nonstick cooking spray to grease the inside of the bowl you’ll be using to raise yeast dough, then spritz the top of the dough itself. This is a much neater method than spreading with oil.
If you’re interrupted in the midst of bread-rising, set the dough in the refrigerator. A long, cool rise develops texture and flavor.
For a slightly browner and crisper crust, brush bread after 20 minutes of baking with a whole egg beaten with a tablespoon of milk.
When making cornbread, substitute a can of cream style corn if you’re out of milk. Not only does it work in a pinch, it also tastes delicious.
Yeast breads are more moist when made with potato water (water in which you have boiled potatoes) than when made with other liquids. The potato water keeps the bread fresh longer and gives it a slightly greater volume, but coarser texture.

Cake Mixes

If you are baking a recipe which calls for an 18.25 ounce cake mix, there is a simple way that you can extend the smaller 16 ounce mix and still bake those recipes successfully. Pour the cake mix into a large bowl or bowl of an electric mixer and whisk in 6 tablespoons all-purpose flour. Now proceed as the recipe instructs. Not only will the cake achieve good volume, but it will have a nice structure and slice evenly.

Tips for Using a Boxed Cake Mix

Add a small box of instant pudding that matches the flavor of the cake you’re making. Whisk the dry pudding mix with the dry cake mix before adding anything else. Make a hole halfway down the center of the mixed dry pudding/dry cake mix so that you can mix the wet ingredients together while slowly incorporating the outer dry mixture<./li>
Use milk instead of water called for on the box.
In addition to the oil, add about 4 tablespoons melted butter. Always add vanilla extract or almond extract if it’s a white cake. Use the same flavor extract for the frosting so that it matches the cake.
Take your cake out of the oven a few minutes earlier then called for because the cake will keep cooking once taken out. It’s okay for the wooden pick to be slightly wet.

Cakes

To keep holes and tunnels out of your cake, run a knife through the batter after you have finished mixing it. This removes air holes.
Tastier Cakes: When cake mix calls for water use buttermilk instead. It will make the lightest and best cakes. Plus it will give it that homemade taste.
To keep loaf cakes fresher longer, cut slices from the middle rather than from the end. When you’re finished slicing, firmly push the two leftover sections together to reform a loaf. This way, you eliminate leaving an exposed, quick-to-dry-out “end” slice.
To plump dried fruit for fruitcake, place fruit in a shallow baking dish, sprinkle generously with water, then cover. Place dish in oven while oven is heating for baking cake. In 10 to 15 minutes the fruit will be soft and plump. Cool slightly and add to cake batter.
To decorate a cake directly on its serving plate, slip strips of wax paper under the edge of the cake, allowing them to hang over the rim of the plate. Frost cake, then, with a quick motion, pull out the paper. This leaves the serving plate nice and clean without a trace of frosting.
To prevent a freshly-baked cake from sticking to the serving platter, dust the platter with confectioners sugar.
An angel food cake will slice neatly without crumbling if you freeze it first, then thaw it.
To cool a cake quickly for frosting, pop it into the freezer while you make the frosting. By the time frosting is ready, the cake will be cool and ready to slip out of the pan.
To prevent cake filling from soaking into the cake, sprinkle layers lightly with confectioners sugar before spreading filling.
Cake will be less like to stick to the pan if you put it on a wet towel to cool as soon as you take it from the oven.
For a fast topping, place a paper doily on top of the cake. Sift confectioners sugar over it. Lift the doily off gently.
For perfect shaped cakes or jelly rolls, first grease the pan, then line it with greased wax paper. After baking, invert pan and peel off the wax paper. No more broken corners or edges!
When frosting cakes, always anchor the bottom cake layer to the serving plate or lazy Susan with a dab of frosting. That way, the cake won’t slide around as you frost. This also helps keep a cake from sliding on its plate during transit. The frosting will hold the cake in place deliciously and your dessert will arrive in perfect shape.
To prevent icing from running off your cake, try dusting the surface lightly with cornstarch before icing.
When filling and frosting a cake, place first layers with bottom side up; place last layer with the top side up.
For best results in cake baking, let eggs, butter and milk reach room temperature before mixing.
A handy substitute for cake flour: 1 cup minus 2 tablespoons of all-purpose flour equals 1 cup cake flour.
To prevent nuts and fruits from sinking to the bottom of a cake during baking, warm them a bit in the oven and toss them with flour. Shake off excess flour before mixing them into the batter.
If cake flour is hard to find, you can make your own with all-purpose flour: for every cup of cake flour called for in a, substitute a cup of all-purpose flour but replace 2 tablespoons of the flour with cornstarch.
To keep cake moist, put half an apple in the cake box.
If you sift dry cake mix before you stir in the other ingredients, it won’t be lumpy.
Use paper coffee filters to line 8-inch cake pans. Just flatten one into a large circle and lay it on the bottom of the pan.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead, no flour mess on the outside of the cake.
Use cold coffee instead of water when making a chocolate cake from a box. It gives the cake a rich, mocha flavor.
When baking a chocolate cake, don’t use flour to “dust” the pan. Use cocoa instead. This way, the white flour “dust” won’t cling to the sides of the cake.
To cut a fresh cake, use a wet knife.
A little flour mixed into the remains of melted chocolate in the pan will get the last bit of chocolate out of the pan and into the cake batter.
To keep a cake from sticking to the pan, grease the pan with one part shortening and two parts flour mixed until it has a sandy consistency.
Heat fruits and raisins in the oven before adding them to cake batter. They’ll be plumper and juicier.
When testing a large cake to see if it is done, use a strand of uncooked spaghetti. It reaches where a wooden pick won’t.
Roll fruits, raisins and nuts in flour before adding to cake batter. The will be less likely to sink to the bottom of the cake.
If you don’t have a ring mold for baking a cake, cover an empty, appropriately-sized can with aluminum foil, weight it, and place it in the center of a round, deep casserole dish.
If the cake sticks to the pan and threatens to split, hold the pan over a low flame for about 5 to 8 seconds and the cake will come out nice and firm.
Make a cake decorator by rolling up a piece of wax paper into a cone shape so that one end has a smaller opening than the other. Snip the small end with scissors to make a good point. Put icing in and squeeze it out through the pointed end.
For a fast topping for cakes, place a paper doily with a large design on top of the cake, then dust with confectioners sugar. Gently lift doily off the cake.
To split a cake into layers, loop a length of waxed dental floss around the outside of the cake at the point you want the cut, then cross the ends and pull gently but firmly. The floss will cut right through the cake.
An easy way to split layers evenly: Measure halfway up side of each layer and insert wooden picks into the cake all around, about 1 to 1 1/2 inches apart. Rest a long serrated knife on wooden picks, using them as a guide on where to slice. Discard wooden picks before proceeding with the icing.
If the top of your cake is browning too quickly, place a pan of warm water on the rack above the cake while it is baking in the oven.
To prevent cakes from cracking while they cool, add one envelope of unflavored gelatine to the dry ingredients of any cake batter. This will prevent cracking, and will also make the cake fuller. The gelatin does not change the flavor or moistness of the cake.
Use unflavored dental floss to slice evenly and cleanly through a cake or torte. Simply stretch a length of the floss taut and press down through the cake.
An apple cut in half and placed in the cake box will keep the cake fresh several days longer.
To frost a cake quickly without having it crumble, freeze the layers in the cake pans for about one hour, then remove them from the pans and frost them. This also prevents the layers from splitting in the center.
If tiers of a multi-layer cake slip as you are applying frosting, insert strands of uncooked spaghetti through the cake for support. Carefully pull out spaghetti when the frosting has set.
Fill cake pans about two-thirds full and spread batter well into corners and to the sides, leaving a slight hollow in the center.
The cake is done when it shrinks slightly from the sides of the pan or if it springs back when touched lightly with the finger.

Cheesecakes

Top five cheesecake rules

Have all ingredients at room temperature for maximum mixability.
Cool the crust thoroughly before adding filling.
Wrap your pan in aluminum foil to prevent water seepage if using a water bath.
Chill your cheesecake at least overnight before serving it.
Slice cheesecake before putting it on your cake stand.
When using a cookie crust recipe in the springform pan, bake the bottom crust first, then add the side crust and filling and bake the whole cake. An easy way to pat the dough up the sides of the pan is to remove the bottom of the pan.
After removing a cheesecake from the oven, keep it away from drafts and cold places while it cools. Too sudden a temperature change can cause the top of the cheesecake to crack.

Cookies

Before cutting cookie dough into shapes, dip cutters into flour. Lift cutouts with a long, thin spatula. There’s less chance of distortion.
To give a fruit flavor to your brownies, use flavored soda pop instead of water in the mix.
When mailing cookies, pack in unbuttered and unsalted popcorn to help keep them from crumbling.
Foil-line pans for baking bars. Once bars have cooled, you can lift the foil right out and cut the bars cleanly. The pans will need only a quick rinse and dry.
If you run out of cookie sheets while baking, spoon the remaining cookie dough on large sheets of lightly greased aluminum foil. When a cookie sheet becomes free, rinse it with cold water to cool, shake off excess water and lay the foil with the cookie dough right on the sheet.
Always bake bars on the middle rack in the oven and cookies on the top rack. If baking more than one pan at a time, place them at different angles on different racks to allow maximum circulation of heat. Alternate their placement on the racks halfway through the baking time.
Always cool cookie sheets between batches to keep unbaked cookies from melting and thinning at the edges before they can be set by the heat of the oven.
Don’t have enough cookie sheets? Spoon cookie dough onto large sheets of greased aluminum foil. When a cookie sheet becomes free, allow to cool, then lay the foil with the cookie dough right on the sheet.
Put dough for refrigerator cookies into clean, empty frozen juice cans, then chill. When you are ready to bake, cut the bottom off the can and use it as a pusher to move the dough out as you slice the cookies. This makes perfect round slices every time.
To keep cookie dough from sticking to cookie cutters, chill the dough thoroughly before you roll it out. Dip each cookie cutter in oil before pressing into the dough and the cookies will cut cleanly. This treatment is wonderful when using cutters with intricate designs or cutters made of plastic. You can also spray the cutters with oil spray.
Bake a batch of gingerbread cookies in assorted shapes. Decorate with each guest’s name and use as table place markers.
Cookies will spread if your dough is too pliable by allowing butter to get too soft. If your cookies are spreading too much, try refrigerating the dough for a couple of hours before baking.
Cookie dough can be frozen up to three months in an airtight container or refrigerated three to four days.
Check cookies at minimum baking time.
Let cookies cool completely before storing. Store different types of cookies in separate containers so they’ll keep their original flavor and texture.
For a quick glaze for sugar cookies, beat an egg white until just frothy and brush over the unbaked cookies. Sprinkle with sugar and bake. This will give your cookies a shiny, sweet crust.
When cookie dough is soft and difficult to handle, place it between pieces of wax paper that have been floured. Roll to desired thickness, remove the top paper, and cut cookies.
Natural cereals ground in the blender or food processor can be substituted for all or part of the flour in most cookie recipes. Or use very fine unseasoned bread crumbs.
When you re-roll dough scraps, dust the pastry cloth with a mixture of half flour and half confectioners sugar. This makes the cookies more tender than if they were rolled on a surface dusted with flour only.
To keep homemade cookies just-baked fresh, put a slice of white bread in the jar or container.
If you flour a cookie sheet after greasing it, cookies made from thin batters will be less likely to spread during baking.
Pack cookie dough in clean empty frozen juice cans and store in the refrigerator or freezer. Remove one end to insert dough and tightly cover the can with foil. When ready to use, remove the other end and push the dough out. Slice and bake! Use a coffee can for jumbo cookies!
Before making oatmeal cookies, toast the oatmeal by spreading it on a cookie and baking it in a preheated 300 degree F oven for 8 to 10 minutes until it has colored lightly. Cool oatmeal before folding it into the other ingredients.
When rolling out cookie dough to cut, use a thin dusting of confectioners’ sugar instead of flour on the board. The flour tends to make the dough thicker and heavier, while the dusting of sugar will help the cookie to brown evenly.
For a just-baked taste for store-bought cookies, wrap two to four cookies in a paper towel. Microwave on HIGH for 30 to 45 seconds. Cookies come out tasty.
If you are in a hurry, instead of chilling, simply drop dough from a spoon and bake as you would drop cookies.
If dough is soft and difficult to work with, put bowl in refrigerator or freezer until firm enough to shape.
For square cookies, take an empty wax paper or plastic wrap carton, line with foil and pack dough in firmly. Then chill.
For an extra touch, roll chilled dough in colored or cinnamon sugar, ground nuts or flaked coconut before slicing and baking.
When slicing, use your sharpest knife. Give dough a quarter turn occasionally so the bottom doesn’t flatten.

Cream Puffs and Eclairs

Bake cream puffs in muffin cups to prevent them from spreading. You’ll get beautiful, airy cream puffs every time.
To fill, use a pastry bag of whipped cream or pastry cream.

Cupcakes and Muffins

To divide batter evenly when making cupcakes or muffins, use an ice cream scoop to transfer batter from mixing bowl to baking pan.
When baking muffins, fill unused cups half full of water to prevent warping the pan.
When having trouble removing muffins from the pan because the bottoms stick, place the hot pan on a cold wet towel for about 30 seconds, then remove the muffins.
To prevent muffins from burning around the edges, fill one section with water instead of batter.
Make heart-shaped cupcakes by lining a muffin pan with paper baking cups, then placing a small ball of boil between the paper liner and the pan, pressing in toward center so paper is indented into the shape of a heart.
If muffins brown around the edges before the centers are cooked, partly fill one section of each muffin pan with water. The extra steam will keep the edges from overcooking.

Flour

If a recipe calls for cake flour and you don’t have it, you can make your own by combining 1 cup all-purpose flour and 2 tablespoons cornstarch.
In the South, flour from soft wheat is often used for biscuits and other baked goods. This soft, southern wheat flour has a gluten content of about 8 percent. However, all-purpose flour is an acceptable substitute.
Bread flour, milled especially for baking bread, is higher in gluten (a protein) than all-purpose flours. To determine gluten content of flour, look at the panel on the side of the bag labeled “Nutrition information.” For bread baking you should use a flour with 14 percent gluten. The higher this protein percentage, the greater volume in your bread loaf.
When a recipe calls for one cup sifted flour, it means you should sift it first. When it calls for one cup flour, sifted, it means you should measure the flour before you sift it.
Keep a new powder puff in your flour canister. When a recipe says to “dust” a pan with flour, use the powder puff!

Frosting

When making butter cream frosting for spice and carrot cakes, use one-half cup maple syrup instead of milk and vanilla extract.
When making frosting consisting of milk or cream and sugar, add 1 teaspoon white corn syrup for each cup of sugar used. Boil in the usual way. Your finished product will be much smoother and not so apt to become sugary.
Press cookie cutter shapes lightly into cake icing, then fill in the outline with tinted icing in desired colors.
Add 1 teaspoon cornstarch to fudge frosting for the smoothest frosting yet.
Canned frosting makes a quick, easy glaze for Bundt cakes and cream puffs. Just put it in a small glass or plastic bowl and microwave it for about 15 to 30 seconds on HIGH. You can pour it over the top of your baked treat with no trouble.
Try making confectioners’ sugar frosting with peanut butter instead of regular butter. It is healthy, flavorful and colorful.
To make a smooth-looking frosting, first frost cake with a thin layer of icing. When this “base” coat sets, apply a second final coat. It goes on easily and looks superb.
To color and flavor confectioners’ sugar frosting, add a bit of unsweetened powdered drink mix. Orange and lemon are especially tasty. Mix in until you get the desired color and flavor. The results are delicious!
When using a white frosting, different flavors of gelatin powder may be sprinkled on top to produce different and unusual flavors and designs.
Use a new watercolor brush to write a message on plain confectioners’ sugar icing. Dip the brush in food coloring and write the message.
For a nice decoration on white frosting, shave colored gumdrops very thin and stick on. They will curl like little roses.
A good topping for gingerbread, coffeecake, etc. can be made by using the syrup from canned fruit and adding 1 tablespoon butter and 1 tablespoon lemon juice to 2 cups fruit syrup. Heat until bubbly, then thicken with 2 tablespoons flour.

Gingerbread

Use coffee instead of water in the batter.

High Altitude – General Tips for Adapting Sea Level Pastry Recipes to Altitudes Above 3,000 feet:

Reduce the sugar in your recipe 1 to 3 tablespoons per each cup of sugar used.
Increase the liquid by 1 to 4 tablespoons.
Reduce each teaspoon of baking powder by 1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon.
Increase oven temperature by about 25 degrees F.

Meringue

To prevent it from weeping, add 1/4 teaspoon cornstarch to each tablespoon of sugar before adding to egg whites.
Meringue will not shrink if you spread it on the pie so that it touches the crust on each side and bake it in a moderate oven. Turn off the oven and open the door a crack when the meringue has finished browning and let the pie cool slowly in the oven. This will keep the meringue from cracking and “weeping.”
For the highest meringue, add a pinch of baking powder to room-temperature egg whites before beating.
To prevent “weepy” meringues, add 1/4 teaspoon cornstarch to each tablespoon of sugar before adding to egg whites.
To remove meringue shells from the baking paper, lightly moisten the underside of the paper with cool water. Slide a spatula carefully under the meringue and it should lift off easily and in one piece.

Oven Temperature and Baking Times

Cooking and baking times specified in most recipes are merely guidelines. Since oven temperatures can vary from oven to oven, it’s best to check your dish a few minutes before recommended. For instance, if a recipe instructs you to bake a batch of cookies 10 to 15 minutes check it 7 or 8 minutes into baking. But don’t belabor it and keep the door open for a long period of time or you’ll lose a great deal of heat.

Pastry Bags

A plastic sandwich bag makes a good pastry bag. Spoon frosting into the bag, then snip off one corner of the bag to create the size opening needed. Poke a tiny hole in one corner for an extra thin writing tip.
For the ideal disposable pastry bag, use heavy-duty, quart-size self-sealing plastic bags fitted with a cake decorating coupler and tip. The filling can’t work its way out of these bags because they’re sealed tight.

Phyllo Dough

Working with phyllo dough can be tricky. For ideal results keep the box refrigerated until you are ready to use it. If you buy it frozen, thaw it in the refrigerator overnight. When ready to use, unroll the pastry onto a work surface and keep it covered with a slightly damp towel (moistened with a mister rather than drenched under the faucet.) If it gets too wet, the moisture will cause the sheets to stick together.

Pies

If you don’t have a pie bird, insert tubular macaroni into cuts in the top layer of pastry on fruit pies to prevent the filling from overflowing. This also works for lattice tops.
For topping winter pies, such as pumpkin or apple, try using rum flavor for the whipped cream instead of vanilla extract.
Put a layer of miniature marshmallows in the bottom of a pumpkin pie, then add the filling. The marshmallows will rise to the top, and you will have a nice topping.
Before freezing fruit for pies, store it in a sealed, airtight plastic bag and place the bag in a pie tin. The fruit will freeze in the shape of the tin, so that when you’re ready to add it to your crust, it will fit perfectly without gaps.
Prevent soggy crust when making a custard-style pie, such as pumpkin, by carefully breaking one of the eggs for the pie filling into the unbaked pastry shell, swirling it around so the egg white covers the entire surface and then pouring the egg into the filling mixture. Brush beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful, glossy finish.
Baking a pie on a pizza stone absorbs excess moisture and makes the bottom crust crisper, especially if you use a pie tin with a hole in the bottom.
For a two-crust pie, brush a little water around the edge of the bottom crust before placing the top crust. This creates a good seal once the two are crimped together.
For a decorative top pie crust, us a thimble to cut holes, then replace the cut-outs back in their holes. The holes will get bigger as the pie bakes, making an interesting pattern.
Two sure-fire ways to keep meringue toppings from shrinking. First, spread on the pie while the filling is hot. Second, make sure the meringue touches the crust all around.
Cut out rounds of leftover pie dough. Turn a muffin pan upside down. Press dough rounds onto bottoms of muffin cups. Bake at 425 degrees F (220 degrees C) for 7 to 8 minutes or until lightly brown. Invert pan onto a wire rack. Use tart shells for pudding and other desserts or fill with creamed sauces.
Always chill pastry dough before rolling and cutting, and always chill it again afterwards, before baking, to further relax the gluten.
Before you refrigerate cream- or meringue-topped pie, insert four wooden picks around pie’s edge; cover with plastic wrap. Wooden picks stop wrap from marring the pie’s surface.
To prevent the bottom crust from becoming soggy, sprinkle it with unseasoned dry bread crumbs before adding the filling.
Never put hot or even warm filling into a raw piecrust. Bake the shell for 5 to 10 minutes or until lightly browned. This is a bakery trick.
Brush frozen pies with melted butter before baking. The butter eliminates the dryness that freezing causes.
Use wax paper to measure pie dough. The standard pie pan is 9 inches in diameter so you’ll need a 12-inch circle of dough. Since wax paper comes in a 12-inch width, simply tear off a piece 12 inches long, then roll your circle of dough so it touches the center of all four sides of the square.
For a flakier piecrust, use cake flour — 7/8 cup of cake flour instead of one cup of regular.
Brushing the top of your pie crust with white vinegar a few minutes before it is done baking will give your pastry a nice sheen.
Piecrust edge won’t burn if you cut the center out of a foil pie plate and turn it upside down over the pie as it bakes. Remove during the last 5 minutes of baking.
Fold the top crust over the lower crust before crimping to keep the juices in the pie while baking.
Brush the unbaked bottom crust of a fruit pie with well-beaten egg white before filling. This prevents soggy pie bottoms.
Brush the bottom crust with lightly beaten egg white. The coating will help prevent the absorption of liquids from the pie.
When baking fruit pies, put a thin layer of fine cookie crumbs over the bottom crust. This will prevent a soggy crust. Try using crumbs from ginger cookies with making an apple pie.
To prevent a soggy crust, sprinkle the bottom crust with a combination of equal parts of sugar and flour before adding the filling.
To prevent a soggy crust when making cream pies, spread a layer of finely ground nuts on the bottom.
For a richer pastry, substitute light cream or sour cream for the water called for on a package of pie crust mix.
If juice from your pie runs over in the oven, shake some salt on it, which causes the juice to burn to a crisp so it can be removed.
When baking custard-type pies, bake at a high temperature for about 10 minutes to prevent a soggy crust, then finish baking at a low temperature.
Give your pies a unique look by using pinking shears to cut the dough. Make a pinked lattice crust.
To keep the top crust attached to the shell of a two-crust pie, moisten the edge of the shell with beaten egg yolk or milk before pressing the edges together.
For extremely flaky pie pastry, measure the flour and fat into the bowl and chill at least an hour before you begin mixing.
Brush frozen pies with melted butter before baking. This eliminates the dryness that freezing causes.
When making cream pies, keep them firm for cutting by mixing in one-half package unflavored gelatin.
When working with piecrust dough, spray the counter with nonstick vegetable spray and then flour it. The dough will come right off.
To thicken juices of fresh fruit fillings, use one tablespoon of quick-cooking tapioca for each tablespoon of all-purpose flour the recipe calls for. Juices will be clear, and it adds a great texture to the pie.

Scones

Whether you’re baking sweet or savory scones: Substitute buttermilk for the milk or cream the recipe calls for. Buttermilk makes the scones even more tender and helps prevent them from drying out the next day. It works especially well with recipes in which you’re using dried fruit.

Sifting

When a recipe calls for sifting, it works just as well to put all dry ingredients in the mixing bowl and stir with a whisk.

Vanilla Extract

Cream the vanilla extract with the shortening or butter portion of the ingredients. The fat encapsulates the vanilla extract, preventing it from volatilizing in the baking process.

Yeast Dough

To get yeast dough to rise faster, turn the dishwasher dial to “dry” for a minute to warm the inside, then put the dough inside the dishwasher.
When kneading, keep a couple small plastic bags within reach. Then if the phone rings or someone is at the door, slip your hands into the bags.
If dough won’t rise, place bowl on rack over a bowl of hot water OR set on a heating pad covered with a clean towel OR place in an oven that has a pilot light.
When yeast dough has risen sufficiently, an indentation will remain when you press two fingertips about 1/2 inch into the dough.

Some fun pictures

I Think My Wife Cheated Again (Should I Ask Her?)

Cathyheimer

Submitted into Contest #210 in response to: Set your story after aliens have officially arrived on Earth.… view prompt

Scott Christenson

Cathy nudged up her Vint & York Adeline glasses as she studied the data on her screen. It was unmistakable. A signal.Until that moment, Cathy had believed the future of the planet to was hopeless. Global warming, inequality, pollution, the mistreatment of animals–so many issues. And there was no way out. People were too driven by their own selfish desires.But what if we received help from another race of intelligent beings? One that travelled the stars would know how to transform this planet into a truly sustainable ecosystem.Following first contact protocol–each person at SETI kept it in a laminated binder on their desk–she alerted the US Air Force. A dozen F-16s were scrambled to protect the nation’s airspace.The the other 98% of the earth’s surface area would have to fend for itself.

On The Hand of God, currently circling this system’s fourth planet, Booba leaned back in his chair and put all eight feet on the starship’s control panel. After the hard work of choosing which BlodChat reply to send to this planet—the AI had produced 27 different translations–he did the Bloderian equivalent of flipping a coin, and chose one randomly. Exhausted, he was ready to start another gaming session.

On the game menu, he selected a flamethrower and began poking his tentacles around corners, searching for two-legged pests to exterminate. Oh how he enjoyed first-bloderian-shooters. Perhaps it was the visceral thrill of blasting away at bipeds. He would try to get over his distate on the current assignment. Visualization was key. He would imagine them as normal creatures with shiny exoskeletons and multiple legs and tentacles.

Cathy, despite her gloomy views on the future of the planet, maintained a flowery disposition with people, one nurtured growing up in the beautiful pine covered foothills of Boulder Colorado. Far away from the ravages of the mining industry in the west and the blight of industrialization in the east.

She looked at the decoded alien message. The words were in English but they didn’t make any sense.

“There must be a coded message in this. The Taliban hid their messages into the pixels of jpeg photos,” she said to the large and growing team in SETI’s office.

Behind he loomed General Sputz. The military was now trying to muscle in on the action at SETI and capture the glory of first contact. “We need answers.” He looked around at everyone else. “No one slacks off until we get to the bottom of this.”

General Sputz grew up in Akron under the merciless eye of an abusive father. He lacked Cathy’s positive outlook. But he knew better than to blame his parents, so he blamed the toxic pollution in Ohio’s drinking water.

They both studied the message again:

Smoked like bacon

Feel our sound

All for taking

Lift your hands

Booba is your man

This friday night

Make my day

Cathy wondered why an alien race would communicate in meaningless nonsense.

Another man cleared his throat. Professor Hall, the linguist from Berkeley, spoke up. “78% of the radio transmissions from Earth that leave the solar system are music. This message looks like pop music, doesn’t it?”

Cathy groaned. “So…decades of SETI broadcasts sending earth’s knowledge to alien planets, was drowned out by Top 40 radio.”

“From the lyrics, I’d say the pop music of the 90s. Space travel has a time shift. If the aliens didn’t know anything else, they would think pop music was our main form of communication.”

“Sad,“ Cathy said. She was trying to stay composed while watching someone else uncover the mysteries of first contact. “What do you think it means?”

“His name is Booba, and he’s looking for a date Friday night.”

General Sputz was now staring at Cathy oddly. “Date night. You’re the best looking woman here. Are you willing to serve your country?”

“What do you mean by that?!” Cathy said incredulously.

“Save the world. Think about it?”

“I am a scientist,” she said, looking at this General in his polyester uniform with even greater disdain than before.

The next day, they sent the message they laboriously wrote together:

‘Thank you for paying homage to our 1990s pop music. We would like to invite you to meet our leader at the White House on Friday.’

The reply was quick. The voice of an alien was heard by earth for the first time.

“I’m meeting Madonna? And why did it take you so long to reply?” spoke the deep, resonant voice.

“Sorry, it took us time to understand the message. And we have a new leader now.”

“A new leader, let’s celebrate. You should throw a party for Booba on Friday.”

The ground began shaking, an earthquake. SETI’s office was close to the San Andreas, but it seemed like too much of a coincidence.

“Did you do something?” she asked Booba the alien.

He chuckled.

Cathy glanced at General Sputz. His face was ashen. He leaned over and whispered, “Tell him yes. We’ll throw him a party on Friday.”

On The Hand of God, Booba tinkered with the control panel while thinking about what he should wear to the party. The earthquake he triggered in Northern California had gotten their attention. He wanted make an even grander entrance on Friday.

Booba had studied their history and wanted to give Hiroshima a break this time around. They were treated so unfairly in the past.

“How about we nuke Antarctica as our opening act?” he said to his assistant Zagbed. “The tidal wave would be 100 meters tall.”

His assistant found it challenging to disagree with his boss, but he mumbled, “The way they party might be different than yours, boss.” Zagbed cowered, prepared to dart from any weapon discharge in his direction.

“Just because you don’t know how to loosen up, doesn’t mean they don’t,” Booba roared. He believed he and Zagbed had the sort of friendly employee-manager relationship in which one could be utterly frank without any hard feelings.

Zagbed inched for the door.

After the alien caused an earthquake in California, General Sputz knew things on earth would never be the same again. It was an alien feeling to no longer be in charge of the world’s most powerful military.

He wondered what type of party Booba might be expecting. This was out of his wheelhouse. He would need to rope in the Pentagon’s cultural diversity team.

Cathy, at first repulsed by the General’s suggestion that she should be Earth’s alien dating escort, now toyed with the idea. She remembered her childhood aspiration to improve the planet. And, what would it be like to be the first wife of an alien race? This could be a historic act affecting future generations. A sea change in the perceptions of extraterrestrial marriage.

She made up her mind. But first, she needed to know what Booba looked like.

Booba received a request for a photo on a private radio frequency. But sending selfies was not the Bloderian way. Most non-Bloderians had only a millisecond to look a Bloderian in the eyes before they were exterminated.

But due to the labor shortage, the bureaucrats back home insisted Booba not get trigger happy, and he didn’t want to spend another 100 years doing community service. So as a compromise, he asked the ship’s AI–trained on signals received in the 1990s– to make a recommendation. A deep fake photo based on David Hasselhoff, with “From, Booba” handwritten in red lipstick on it.

The next day, the first thing the General noticed was Cathy dressed much nicer than usual. She smiled at the General as if she knew something that he didn’t.

“I’ll speak to the alien first. Quiet everyone!” Cathy said. When there was silence in the command center, she switched on her microphone. “Good morning, Booba. We are all looking forward to meeting you Friday. We would be eternally grateful for any help you could give us with the pressing needs of our planet, such as CO2 emissions—”

The deep, powerful voice of the alien cleared his throat.

“Excuse me. We can cover the nitty-gritty…“ Booba said, “After we get to know each other better. First, we need to agree on your nation’s unconditional surrender, so there will be nothing to ruin the mood on Friday.”

Cathay blinked furiously a few times. “Unconditional surrender?” she said. “I’m going to have to pass you to the General.”

The phrase ‘the buck stops here’ went through the General’s mind, and then panic set in. If he surrendered, his name could be attached to the most shameful event in United States history. Last century’s word for a traitor was Benedict Arnold. Would ‘General Spitz’ be next century’s eponym for being a shameful disgrace?

Sputz picked up the microphone. “We are prepared to…cooperate.”

“Cooperate, means surrender?”

“We will do what you want from us.”

“Unconditionally?”

General Sputz thought of something intelligent to say at this historical moment. Such as Douglas Armstrong’s famous quote from the moon. He thought some more, and then simply said, “We’ll try our best.”

Booba wondered why this man kept talking in circles. He was fairly certain he used the right words. Perhaps some things just don’t translate. It didn’t matter. The big decisions had already been made.

“Let’s move on. Surrender, Cooperate. It’s all the same to us.”

Bloderians had their own protocol to follow when conquering alien planets. He pulled up his 13-pages of notes and began going through the bullet points.

Cathy listened to Booba rattle off details about which documents needed to be signed by whom. The right order to shake all eight hands of the conquering General. How they would go about transferring the national savings to the Central Bank of Bloderia. Booba was speaking so fast, it was obvious, he was just trying to get this over with.

There was a pause, and then Booba said, “And, to make it all easier, you’ll soon be getting help from Bangladesh. We have been training their civil service in implementing our Bloderian regulations.”

“Implementing?”

“You know, collecting taxes, calculating the correct minutes of the day to show homage to the Bloderian Gods, enforcing the 29-day work week, special benefits for the 8-legged population, stuff like that…”

“A 29-day work week? Bangladesh is ok with this?”

“The first class of trainees finished our 3-year civil servant training program. They didn’t complain.”

How were people in Bangladesh being trained by an alien civilization without anyone knowing about it? Cathay wondered if the CIA had put so much effort into spying on Russia and China, they missed a spaceport in Bangladesh.

“Can we receive training too?” Cathy asked. She wondered if her plan for intergalactic marriage needed acquiring some new skills.

“Sorry. The training manuals have only been translated into Bengali. Their grammar for postpositions is similar to ours.” Booba said. “Moving on. The last item I’m obliged to inform you of today is…we will be extracting the iron from your earth’s core, so your planet may experience some shrinkage.”

“Shrinkage?”

“Yes. The earthquakes get a little rough. On the positive side, lower gravity is great for parties. Do you acknowledge our terms and conditions.”

Instinctively, Cathy said “yes”, before she had time to realize what she was signing up for.

Many have reported experiencing a sudden moment of clarity in their life. An instant when suddenly their entire perception changes. Cathy experienced that while watching the flickering neon dot of the alien spaceship orbiting Mars on her screen. Cathy switched allegiance. She now believed humanity was Earth’s only hope.

Epilogue:

Booba cancelled his RSVP to the party at the last minute, citing important political developments. In fact, he just wanted to finish the last level of the Battle of Lookai, the game he was currently playing.

The civil servants from Bangladesh arrived the next week. When there was push back on the 29-day workweek, Booba put in the time to launch anti-matter torpedoes at a dozen major military installations. After that, everyone fell into line. In coming years, the Bangladeshis would often remind others about their special communication line to the Bloderians upstairs. There was a theory they might be making it up and simply deciding things on their own, but no one wanted to test it. The people of earth learned to follow all the new Bloderian regulations according to the manuals coming out of Bangladesh.

After the entire planet’s surrender, the US military continued to spend trillions of dollars defending the nation against threats that didn’t exist except on Flox News. General Spitz proudly wore the same polyester uniform that he always had before. He and the military successfully denied that they had anything to do with the nation’s surrender.

Cathy’s life would set off on a different trajectory. She would relocate to the new planet’s capital of Dhaka, learn Bengali, and then over time, working within the system, build a resistance movement that would build the world’s first nuclear space laser. This weapon would one day free the planet from the ravages of the Bloderian mining industry and put it back into the hands of Australians.

Luckily for the Bangladeshis, by Independence Day 2065, the world’s population had become so used to following Bloderian regulations that, even after the roll back to a 5-day work week, they kept their iron grip on middle management positions for the centuries to follow.

U.S. Court of Appeals STRIKES DOWN ALL TARIFFS – Trump: “Country Cannot Recover”

Hal Turner Nation August 29, 2025

A federal appeals court ruled Friday that most of President Donald Trump’s global tariffs are illegal, striking a massive blow to the core of his aggressive trade policy.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit held in a 7-4 ruling that the law Trump invoked when he granted his most expansive tariffs — including his “reciprocal” tariffs — does not actually grant him the power to impose those levies.

“The core Congressional power to impose taxes such as tariffs is vested exclusively in the legislative branch by the Constitution,” the court said. “Tariffs are a core Congressional power.”

The appellate court paused its ruling from taking effect until Oct. 14, in order to give the Trump administration time to ask the Supreme Court to reverse the decision.

Trump later Friday attacked the appeals court as “Highly Partisan” and asserted that the Supreme Court will rule in his favor.

“If these Tariffs ever went away, it would be a total disaster for the Country,” Trump wrote in a Truth Social post. “If allowed to stand, this Decision would literally destroy the United States of America.”

Here is a screen shot of the President’s exact words

“The President’s tariffs remain in effect, and we look forward to ultimate victory on this matter,” White House spokesman Kush Desai said in a separate statement.

Friday’s ruling is the second straight loss for Trump in the make-or-break case, known as V.O.S. Selections v. Trump.

The case was consolidated from two separate lawsuits, one filed by a dozen states and the other by five small U.S. businesses.

It is the furthest along of more than half a dozen federal lawsuits challenging Trump’s use of the International Emergency Economic Powers Act, or IEEPA, to impose sweeping tariffs.

“For the second time in this case, a federal court has held that the President’s so-called ‘Liberation Day’ tariffs are unlawful,” said attorney Jeffrey Schwab of the Liberty Justice Center, which represented the small-business plaintiffs in the case.

“This decision protects American businesses and consumers from the uncertainty and harm caused by these unlawful tariffs,” Schwab said in a statement.

“The decision today is a powerful reaffirmation of our nation’s core constitutional commitments from our nation’s Founders, especially the principle that Presidents must act within the rule of law,” said Neal Katyal, Schwab’s co-counsel, in the statement.

The Trump administration has argued that IEEPA empowers the president to effectively impose country-specific tariffs at any level if he deems them necessary to address a national emergency.

The U.S. Court of International Trade in late May rejected that stance and struck down Trump’s IEEPA-based tariffs, including his worldwide reciprocal tariffs. That ruling also cancelled Trump’s tariffs on Canada, Mexico and China, which were imposed to address the alleged trafficking of fentanyl into the U.S.

The Federal Circuit quickly paused that ruling while Trump’s appeal played out. But multiple appellate judges appeared highly skeptical of the Trump administration’s arguments when they heard oral arguments in late July.

In Friday’s ruling, the court found that the challenged tariffs exceeded Trump’s authority under IEEPA.

“Both the Trafficking Tariffs and the Reciprocal Tariffs are unbounded in scope, amount, and duration,” the majority ruled.

“These tariffs apply to nearly all articles imported into the United States (and, in the case of the Reciprocal Tariffs, apply to almost all countries), impose high rates which are ever-changing and exceed those set out in the [U.S. tariff system], and are not limited in duration.”

The four dissenters said they disagreed with the majority’s conclusion on the question of the tariffs’ legality.

And the dissent said the plaintiffs had not justified their argument for a summary judgment in their favor.

The appeal was considered by 11 of the 12 judges on the Federal Circuit. The twelfth judge on the court, Pauline Newman, did not participate in the case, as she has been suspended from her duties since 2023. Newman, 98, is in a long-running dispute with the court over a request that she undergo a cognitive evaluation in order to continue hearing cases.

The appeals court decision came just hours after Trump’s top trade negotiators urged the judges to consider what they called “supplemental developments” in the case, including an assessment from the Congressional Budget Office that tariffs will reduce U.S. deficits by $4 trillion over the next decade.

Striking down the tariffs Trump imposed under IEEPA “would cause massive and irreparable harm to the United States and its foreign policy and national security both now and in the future,” Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said in a declaration to the court.

“Such a ruling would threaten broader U.S. strategic interests at home and abroad, likely lead to retaliation and the unwinding of agreed-upon deals by foreign-trading partners, and derail critical ongoing negotiations with foreign-trading partners,” he said.

ANOTHER CLASSIC? First Time Hearing Tears for Fears – Everybody Wants to Rule the World Reaction!

A 1980’s classic!

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Thanks for coming up for some air. Long time. Great to see your comment. -MM

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