This is going to be another one of my great ramblings; a post about absence, and about family and about life. I know that you all want a nice short article that you can skim read, but that’s just not me. Sorry.

“- Mr. Snelgrove: What's the meaning of this, Peggy Sue?

- Peggy Sue: Well, Mr Snelgrove, I happen to know that in the future I will not have the slightest use for algebra, and I speak from experience.”

Here we are going to mix a few things up.

It’s gonna be a little bit of Robert Greene making an educated point, some Metallicman history, and stories. It’s a little bit about food and time travel, and a movie titled “Peggy Sue got Married”. Um. Not your everyday internet fare.

“-  Michael Fitzsimmons: So are you going to marry Mr. Blue Impala and  graze around with all the other sheep for the rest of your life?

- Peggy Sue: No... I already did that.”

We will begin with this thought…

How do you judge your importance?

I’ve noted that many artists and book authors did their “great works” while impoverished. And it was until they were dead and gone that they were recognized. And maybe that is the key. Perhaps it’s human nature to only appreciate what we cannot have.

Many “Don Juan’s” in the MM audience can relate to the story that the girls that they liked the most were impossible to get, while those that he didn’t like were relatively easy to obtain. Of course, I do not advocate their methods, or desire for relentless sexual adventures, no matter how exciting and interesting. Nor do I advocate their idea of conquest. All that actually rather irritates me.

I am talking about what our value is.

Many men in the MM audience would respond. They would say “That is easy. It is what you do and how much money you make.” And I would argue that this is a shallow technique that is easily discarded at your first lay off. Is it really possible for you to go from being a “most valued employee” to “worthless” in a matter of a few minutes?

Now the ladies in the audience might retort that it’s your appearance in the eyes of society that measures your worth. And even with that, I have to pause and reflect. So if this is true, then one late payment on a bill, or the gossip by someone down the street would be a measure of your value.

I do not think so either.

I think that it has to do with the degree of your accessibility. Or, in other words, how accessible you are to those around you.

“- Peggy Sue: We had one glorious night together, someday you'll remember and write about it.

- Michael Fitzsimmons: Yeah, I can dig that. Bittersweet perfection. Dogs of lust on leashes of memory.”

Hold that thought…

This is a complete reprint of the Law #16 from the fine Robert Greene book titled “The 48 Laws of Power”. This particular law states that a person can use absence to increase respect and honor. It is fully reproduced here for free. It is in glorious HTML with translation buttons to fit your home language, and there are no fees, memberships, or costs to do so. Nor are there any advertisements. Enjoy.

Now, this is a technique that truly works, and sad to say, it took me a while to understand it.

LAW 16

USE ABSENCE TO INCREASE RESPECT AND HONOR

JUDGMENT

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

TRANSGRESSION AND OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

Sir Guillaume de Balaun was a troubadour who roamed the South of France in the Middle Ages, going from castle to castle, reciting poetry, and playing the perfect knight. At the castle of Javiac he met and fell in love with the beautiful lady of the house, Madame Guillelma de Javiac. He sang her his songs, recited his poetry, played chess with her, and little by little she in turn fell in love with him. Guillaume had a friend, Sir Pierre de Barjac, who traveled with him and who was also received at the castle. And Pierre too fell in love with a lady in Javiac, the gracious but temperamental Viernetta.

THE CAMEL AND THE FLOATING STICKS

The first man who saw a camel fled; The second ventured within distance; The third dared slip a halter round its head. Familiarity in this existence Makes all things tame, for what may seem Terrible or bizarre, when once our eyes Have had time to acclimatize, Becomes quite commonplace. Since I’m on this theme, I’ve heard of sentinels posted by the shore Who, spotting something far-away afloat, Couldn’t resist the shout: “A sail! A sail! A mighty man-of-war!” Five minutes later it’s a packet boat, And then a skiff, and then a bale, And finally some sticks bobbing about. I know of plenty such To whom this story applies—People whom distance magnifies, Who, close to, don’t amount to much.

-SELECTED FABLES, JEAN DE LA FONTAINE, 1621-1695

Then one day Pierre and Viernetta had a violent quarrel. The lady dismissed him, and he sought out his friend Guillaume to help heal the breach and get him back in her good graces. Guillaume was about to leave the castle for a while, but on his return, several weeks later, he worked his magic, and Pierre and the lady were reconciled. Pierre felt that his love had increased tenfold—that there was no stronger love, in fact, than the love that follows reconciliation. The stronger and longer the disagreement, he told Guillaume, the sweeter the feeling that comes with peace and rapprochement.

As a troubadour, Sir Guillaume prided himself on experiencing all the joys and sorrows of love. On hearing his friend’s talk, he too wanted know the bliss of reconciliation after a quarrel. He therefore feigned great anger with Lady Guillelma, stopped sending her love letters, and abruptly left the castle and stayed away, even during the festivals and hunts. This drove the young lady wild.

Guillelma sent messengers to Guillaume to find out what had happened, but he turned the messengers away. He thought all this would make her angry, forcing him to plead for reconciliation as Pierre had. Instead, however, his absence had the opposite effect: It made Guillelma love him all the more. Now the lady pursued her knight, sending messengers and love notes of her own. This was almost unheard of—a lady never pursued her troubadour. And Guillaume did not like it. Guillelma’s forwardness made him feel she had lost some of her dignity. Not only was he no longer sure of his plan, he was no longer sure of his lady.

Finally, after several months of not hearing from Guillaume, Guillelma gave up. She sent him no more messengers, and he began to wonder— perhaps she was angry? Perhaps the plan had worked after all? So much the better if she was. He would wait no more—it was time to reconcile. So he put on his best robe, decked the horse in its fanciest caparison, chose a magnificent helmet, and rode off to Javiac.

On hearing that her beloved had returned, Guillelma rushed to see him, knelt before him, dropped her veil to kiss him, and begged forgiveness for whatever slight had caused his anger. Imagine his confusion and despair— his plan had failed abysmally. She was not angry, she had never been angry, she was only deeper in love, and he would never experience the joy of reconciliation after a quarrel. Seeing her now, and still desperate to taste that joy, he decided to try one more time: He drove her away with harsh words and threatening gestures. She left, this time vowing never to see him again.

The next morning the troubadour regretted what he had done. He rode back to Javiac, but the lady would not receive him, and ordered her servants to chase him away, across the drawbridge and over the hill. Guillaume fled. Back in his chamber he collapsed and started to cry: He had made a terrible mistake. Over the next year, unable to see his lady, he experienced the absence, the terrible absence, that can only inflame love. He wrote one of his most beautiful poems, “My song ascends for mercy praying.” And he sent many letters to Guillelma, explaining what he had done, and begging forgiveness.

After a great deal of this, Lady Guillelma, remembering his beautiful songs, his handsome figure, and his skills in dancing and falconry, found herself yearning to have him back. As penance for his cruelty, she ordered him to remove the nail from the little finger of his right hand, and to send it to her along with a poem describing his miseries.

He did as she asked. Finally Guillaume de Balaun was able to taste the ultimate sensation—a reconciliation even surpassing that of his friend Pierre.

IIII MROSON IIII. COCK

While serving under the Duke Ai of Lu, T‘ien Jao, resenting his obscure position, said to his master, “I am going to wander far away like a snow goose. 

” “What do you mean by that?” inquired the Duke. “Do you see the cock?” said T’ien Jao in reply. 

“Its crest is a symbol of civility; its powerful talons suggest strength; its daring to fight any enemy denotes courage; its instinct to invite others whenever food is obtained shows benevolence; and, last but not least, its punctuality in keeping the time through the night gives us an example of veracity. In spite. however, of these five virtues, the cock is daily killed to fill a dish on your table. 

Why? 

The reason is that it is found within our reach. On the other hand, the snow goose traverses in one flight a thousand li (kilometers). Resting in your garden, it preys on your fishes and turtles and pecks your millet. Though devoid of any of the cock’s five virtues, yet you prize this bird for the sake of its scarcity. This being so, I shall fly far like a snow goose.”

-ANCIENT CHINESE PARABLES, YU HSIU SEN, ED., 1974

Interpretation

Trying to discover the joys of reconciliation, Guillaume de Balaun inadvertently experienced the truth of the law of absence and presence. At the start of an affair, you need to heighten your presence in the eyes of the other. If you absent yourself too early, you may be forgotten. But once your lover’s emotions are engaged, and the feeling of love has crystallized, absence inflames and excites. Giving no reason for your absence excites even more: The other person assumes he or she is at fault. While you are away, the lover’s imagination takes flight, and a stimulated imagination cannot help but make love grow stronger. Conversely, the more Guillelma pursued Guillaume, the less he loved her—she had become too present, too accessible, leaving no room for his imagination and fancy, so that his feelings were suffocating. When she finally stopped sending messengers, he was able to breathe again, and to return to his plan.

What withdraws, what becomes scarce, suddenly seems to deserve our respect and honor. What stays too long, inundating us with its presence, makes us disdain it. In the Middle Ages, ladies were constantly putting their knights through trials of love, sending them on some long and arduous quest—all to create a pattern of absence and presence. Indeed, had Guillaume not left his lady in the first place, she might have been forced to send him away, creating an absence of her own.

Absence diminishes minor passions and inflames great ones, as the wind douses a candle and fans a fire.

-La Rochefoucauld, 1613-1680

OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

For many centuries the Assyrians ruled upper Asia with an iron fist. In the eighth century B.C., however, the people of Medea (now northwestern Iran) revolted against them, and finally broke free.

Now the Medes had to establish a new government. Determined to avoid any form of despotism, they refused to give ultimate power to any one man, or to establish a monarchy. Without a leader, however, the country soon fell into chaos, and fractured into small kingdoms, with village fighting against village.

In one such village lived a man named Deioces, who began to make a name for himself for fair dealing and the ability to settle disputes.

He did this so successfully, in fact, that soon any legal conflict in the area was brought to him, and his power increased. Throughout the land, the law had fallen into disrepute—the judges were corrupt, and no one entrusted their cases to the courts any more, resorting to violence instead. When news spread of Deioces’ wisdom, incorruptibility, and unshakable impartiality, Medean villages far and wide turned to him to settle all manner of cases. Soon he became the sole arbiter of justice in the land.

At the height of his power, Deioces suddenly decided he had had enough. He would no longer sit in the chair of judgment, would hear no more suits, settle no more disputes between brother and brother, village and village.

Complaining that he was spending so much time dealing with other people’s problems that he had neglected his own affairs, he retired. The country once again descended into chaos. With the sudden withdrawal of a powerful arbiter like Deioces, crime increased, and contempt for the law was never greater. The Medes held a meeting of all the villages to decide how to get out of their predicament. “We cannot continue to live in this country under these conditions,” said one tribal leader. “Let us appoint one of our number to rule so that we can live under orderly government, rather than losing our homes altogether in the present chaos.”

And so, despite all that the Medes had suffered under the Assyrian despotism, they decided to set up a monarchy and name a king. And the man they most wanted to rule, of course, was the fair-minded Deioces. He was hard to convince, for he wanted nothing more to do with the villages’ in-fighting and bickering, but the Medes begged and pleaded—without him the country had descended into a state of lawlessness. Deioces finally agreed.

Yet he also imposed conditions. An enormous palace was to be constructed for him, he was to be provided with bodyguards, and a capital city was to be built from which he could rule. All of this was done, and Deioces settled into his palace. In the center of the capital, the palace was surrounded by walls, and completely inaccessible to ordinary people. Deioces then established the terms of his rule: Admission to his presence was forbidden. Communication with the king was only possible through messengers. No one in the royal court could see him more than once a week, and then only by permission.

Deioces ruled for fifty-three years, extended the Medean empire, and established the foundation for what would later be the Persian empire, under his great-great-grandson Cyrus. During Deioces’ reign, the people’s respect for him gradually turned into a form of worship: He was not a mere mortal, they believed, but the son of a god.

Interpretation

Deioces was a man of great ambition. He determined early on that the country needed a strong ruler, and that he was the man for the job.

In a land plagued with anarchy, the most powerful man is the judge and arbiter. So Deioces began his career by making his reputation as a man of impeccable fairness.

At the height of his power as a judge, however, Deioces realized the truth of the law of absence and presence: By serving so many clients, he had become too noticeable, too available, and had lost the respect he had earlier enjoyed. People were taking his services for granted. The only way to regain the veneration and power he wanted was to withdraw completely, and let the Medes taste what life was like without him. As he expected, they came begging for him to rule.

Once Deioces had discovered the truth of this law, he carried it to its ultimate realization. In the palace his people had built for him, none could see him except a few courtiers, and those only rarely. As Herodotus wrote, “There was a risk that if they saw him habitually, it might lead to jealousy and resentment, and plots would follow; but if nobody saw him, the legend would grow that he was a being of a different order from mere men.”

A man said to a Dervish: “Why do I not see you more often?” The Dervish replied, “Because the words ‘Why have you not been to see me?’ are sweeter to my ear than the words ‘Why have you come again?”’

-Mulla jami, quoted in ldries Shah’s Caravan of Dreams, 1968

KEYS TO POWER

Everything in the world depends on absence and presence. A strong presence will draw power and attention to you—you shine more brightly than those around you. But a point is inevitably reached where too much presence creates the opposite effect: The more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades. You become a habit. No matter how hard you try to be different, subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less. At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself before they unconsciously push you away. It is a game of hide-and-seek.

The truth of this law can most easily be appreciated in matters of love and seduction. In the beginning stages of an affair, the lover’s absence stimulates your imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades when you know too much—when your imagination no longer has room to roam. The loved one becomes a person like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken for granted. This is why the seventeenth- century French courtesan Ninon de Lenclos advised constant feints at withdrawal from one’s lover. “Love never dies of starvation,” she wrote, “but often of indigestion.”

The moment you allow yourself to be treated like anyone else, it is too late—you are swallowed and digested. To prevent this you need to starve the other person of your presence. Force their respect by threatening them with the possibility that they will lose you for good; create a pattern of presence and absence.

Once you die, everything about you will seem different. You will be surrounded by an instant aura of respect. People will remember their criticisms of you, their arguments with you, and will be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a presence that will never return. But you do not have to wait until you die: By completely withdrawing for a while, you create a kind of death before death. And when you come back, it will be as if you had come back from the dead—an air of resurrection will cling to you, and people will be relieved at your return. This is how Deioces made himself king.

Napoleon was recognizing the law of absence and presence when he said, “If I am often seen at the theater, people will cease to notice me.” Today, in a world inundated with presence through the flood of images, the game of withdrawal is all the more powerful. We rarely know when to withdraw anymore, and nothing seems private, so we are awed by anyone who is able to disappear by choice. Novelists J. D. Salinger and Thomas Pynchon have created cultlike followings by knowing when to disappear.

Another, more everyday side of this law, but one that demonstrates its truth even further, is the law of scarcity in the science of economics. By withdrawing something from the market, you create instant value. In seventeenth-century Holland, the upper classes wanted to make the tulip more than just a beautiful flower—they wanted it to be a kind of status symbol.

Making the flower scarce, indeed almost impossible to obtain, they sparked what was later called tulipomania. A single flower was now worth more than its weight in gold. In our own century, similarly, the art dealer Joseph Duveen insisted on making the paintings he sold as scarce and rare as possible. To keep their prices elevated and their status high, he bought up whole collections and stored them in his basement. The paintings that he sold became more than just paintings—they were fetish objects, their value increased by their rarity. “You can get all the pictures you want at fifty thousand dollars apiece—that’s easy,” he once said. “But to get pictures at a quarter of a million apiece—that wants doing!”

Image:

The Sun. It can only be appreciated by its absence.

The longer the days of rain, the more the sun is craved. But too many hot days and the sun overwhelms. Learn to keep yourself obscure and make people demand your return.

Extend the law of scarcity to your own skills. Make what you are offering the world rare and hard to find, and you instantly increase its value.

There always comes a moment when those in power overstay their welcome. We have grown tired of them, lost respect for them; we see them as no different from the rest of mankind, which is to say that we see them as rather worse, since we inevitably compare their current status in our eyes to their former one. There is an art to knowing when to retire. If it is done right, you regain the respect you had lost, and retain a part of your power.

The greatest ruler of the sixteenth century was Charles V. King of Spain, Hapsburg emperor, he governed an empire that at one point included much of Europe and the New World. Yet at the height of his power, in 1557, he retired to the monastery of Yuste.

All of Europe was captivated by his sudden withdrawal; people who had hated and feared him suddenly called him great, and he came to be seen as a saint. In more recent times, the film actress Greta Garbo was never more admired than when she retired, in 1941.

For some her absence came too soon—she was in her mid-thirties— but she wisely preferred to leave on her own terms, rather than waiting for her audience to grow tired of her.

Make yourself too available and the aura of power you have created around yourself will wear away. Turn the game around: Make yourself less accessible and you increase the value of your presence.

Authority:

Use absence to create respect and esteem. If presence diminishes fame, absence augments it.

A man who when absent is regarded as a lion becomes when present something common and ridiculous. Talents lose their luster if we become too familiar with them, for the outer shell of the mind is more readily seen than its rich inner kernel. Even the outstanding genius makes use of retirement so that men may honor him and so that the yearning aroused by his absence may cause him to be esteemed. 

-(Baltasar Gracián, 1601-1658)

REVERSAL

This law only applies once a certain level of power has been attained.

The need to withdraw only comes after you have established your presence; leave too early and you do not increase your respect, you are simply forgotten. When you are first entering onto the world’s stage, create an image that is recognizable, reproducible, and is seen everywhere. Until that status is attained, absence is dangerous—instead of fanning the flames, it will extinguish them.

In love and seduction, similarly, absence is only effective once you have surrounded the other with your image, been seen by him or her everywhere. Everything must remind your lover of your presence, so that when you do choose to be away, the lover will always be thinking of you, will always be seeing you in his or her mind’s eye.

Remember: In the beginning, make yourself not scarce but omnipresent. Only what is seen, appreciated, and loved will be missed in its absence.

Conclusion

.

It took me a while to appreciate this law. I think that we came to take for granted what we have, and then when it is gone, we are often left surprised and disoriented. Imagine what the you today would act, if you went back in time to meet your family, and friends when you were just a teenage. What would it be like?

There is an old 1980’s movie titled “Peggy Sue Got Married”. In it, the main character goes back in time and relives her high school years. And there she meets people who are now long dead, and forgotten…

.

I think that this movie resonates with many people simply because once we age, those familial associations are no longer there. It’s not just that time changes you, and that everything is different, it’s that all the old associations, and family are simply gone.

My father once took me to a funeral wake when I was about 17 years old. It was his cousin. He was a man who I may have met once or twice and who I would see in my grandparents house from time to time.

What is the difference between a wake and funeral?

The key difference between a wake and a funeral is that a wake is a time for visitation and commemoration of the dead, while a funeral is a formal ceremony which is conducted by an officiant. In many cases, both a wake and a funeral are held as part of a series of rituals.

We went inside and saw all these people who I did not know.

I ran into my Auntie and her children, my cousins. We said a few words and then that was it, but there was an event during the wake that I will never, ever forget.

He said…

“Look around. Look at all these people. In a few more years, they will all be dead. I will be dead. You will never see them again, and you will never see their families or visit with them. These people, these connections will all disappear. And life will go on, and you will make new families and new connections to take their place.

"Oh, Ma...Chanel No.5 Always Makes Me Think Of Home" - Peggy Sue                                  Blooeyz200111 August 2002             
                              
What a great movie!  Originally intended for Debra Winger, but Kathleen Turner is wonderful  as the title character Peggy Sue. It's a time-travel movie about a 42  year old woman who gets transported back in time to high school (circa  early 1960's). Who wouldn't love an opportunity like that, not to  mention being 18 again?? 

My favorite scene is when she walks back into  her house, & sees her mom young again, while that beautiful music  plays on the soundtrack. 

It's so touching & heartfelt. 

This movie  has it all. Great acting, comedy, drama, fantasy, & a good story.  Nicholas Cage can get annoying at times, but he felt this was the best  way to portray his character (Charlie). He gets to "sing" in this movie  too ("He Don't Love You"). Look for a very early performance by Jim  Carrey. The cast also includes Helen Hunt & Catherine Hicks (the mom  on the TV show "7th Heaven").

Now…

At the time, I didn’t really understand what my father was trying to say. I thought that he meant that over time everyone will die. I will never see them again.

Well, he said that, but he meant something deeper.

He was trying to say that once your relatives die, you will no longer have those family connections ever again. They will sever, and your little family will start to shrink. It will get smaller and smaller over time.

Peggy Sue Got Married (1986)
One of my favorite movies of all time!  
6 February 2003 | by chrisuab                                            
                                              
This movie is definitely in my top ten.  

One  reason is Kathleen Turner's acting.  She does a wonderful job throughout  the movie, even though she may look older than a teenager when she goes  back in time.  (However, have you noticed how teenagers in high school  through the years look younger and younger?  My mom's high school  yearbook appears to be filled with 30 year olds.)  

Another reason I love  the movie is that it makes my brain ponder on what I would do if I could go back to high school.  

Peggy revisiting her young mother, seeing her baby sister, and being able to see her grandparents again one last time is just a beautiful thing in itself.  

I guess I just like  reminiscing about my childhood, which is probably why I like this movie.   (Even though I'm a child of the 80's.)  Very few things bother me in  this movie.  And no, it's not Nicolas Cage's accent!  That didn't bother  me that much.  :)  

...

I recommend this to anyone who thinks about going to a high  school reunion or wishes they could go back in time to do some things  differently.                                      

The big thing about aging and watching people die isn’t about the end of their lives. But rather instead, how the loss of that relationship and all the associated family relations will affect your life.

“- Peggy Sue: I think I had a heart attack and died at the reunion!

- Richard Norvik: Well, you look great for a corpse.”

Oh, we see the elements of this.

We see the disappearance of special family or ethnic foods that we just cannot get at McDonald’s or Pantera Bread. And we don’t think about it. Years go by. And the years turn into decades. We don’t realize the value and importance that it held for us in our lives.

.

Maybe you all chuckle at this.

“- Peggy Sue: Grandpa, if you had a chance to go back and do it all differently, what would you have changed?

- Barney Alvorg: Well, I would have taken better care of my teeth.”

You say… “Well, you miss it, you can go ahead and make it yourself. Nothing is stopping you.” Yeah. It’s sort-of-true.

I can get a recipe off the internet. I can go order the special ingredients off the internet, and in a few weeks I can try my hand at making the dish myself. And I can go ahead and it it myself, or present my “creation” to my friends and family. Perhaps.

But this is the REAL WORLD.

Not a would-of, could-of, should-of what-if world of possibilities. Sure I can run for the President of the United States. Sure, I can try to swim the Pacific ocean and arrive in San Francisco. I can go ahead and make these dishes.

But it’s not the same.

There are entire branches of my family that I haven’t seen since High School. I have no idea who my relatives are, where they are or what they are doing. Time has severed my connections and let me drift and float in the wind.

.

There was a time where I was pretty much related to everyone on “Polish Hill” in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I could walk down the street and complete strangers would tell me to say “hi” to my one Uncle, or give me a message to take to my grandmother (my Busia). I could walk down a side road and then be pulled inside some distant relative’s house and given a bowl of soup and a sandwich with the family chatted in the kitchen.

I have come to miss that.

It’s hard.

We all grow up. We all get married. We all get established and are busy with our jobs, our work and our careers. Life moves on.

But our past…

Over time gets buried under the “news” and the “new” events of the day.

And today…

…How many MM readers remember something like that? Is that what you have today? Is that still a part of our life, or is it all gone away?

Is it gone away?

Never to return.

Delightful Romance About Reevaluation of Life                                  claudio_carvalho12 June 2005             
                              
In the reunion of  the twentieth-fifth anniversary of high school, the former popular  student Peggy Sue, who is facing a divorce of her husband Charlie Bodell  (Nicolas Cage), faints and wakes up in 1960. 

The experienced Peggy Sue  decides to change and improve her life in this new opportunity.

"Peggy  Sue Got Married" is a delightful and charming fantasy about  reevaluation and a second chance in life. 

The story is very beautiful,  the production is very careful and I am really surprised how underrated  this movie is in IMDb. I do not get tired of this film, and it is among  my favorite romances. Kathleen Turner is extremely beautiful in the lead  role, and watching this movie in 2005, it is a great chance to see  names like Jim Carrey, Joan Allen and Sofia Coppola twenty years ago in  the beginning of their careers.

People take you for granted.

By going away, you make yourself indispensable.

Remember what it is like…

"The girl's gone, let's play poker!"                                  BumpyRide9 November 2004             
                              
I'm surprised by  the number of people on here who don't like this movie. Like a few of  the positive reviewers I'd have to say this is one of my favorite,  "contemporary classics." 

The story is exquisite, who wouldn't want to go  back to a time when things were a bit simpler and someone was there to  take care of you and make you feel safe? Whenever I stumble upon it, I  end up watching it. Too many scenes start the old water works for me.

Peggy  seeing her little sister for the first time, going into her old  bedroom, and hearing her grandmother's voice on the phone are all quite  touching.

Call me crazy but I just love the moment where Charlie takes Peggy down into the basement and confronts her about what is going  on. When he leaves, Peggy opens a music box, pulls out a cigarette and lights it.

Another special moment happens when Peggy smokes a joint and talks about what she'd like to be when she grows up, as she turns around and around under a starry sky.

This is quite a good movie, filled with many special performances and scenes along the way.

While the movie is about other things. Take notice in how the main character Peggy Sue reacts to meeting the family and friends who are now long gone.

People do not appreciate things until they are gone.

Comfortable as an old shoe...                                  
BeafyBear18 September 2003             
                              
This movie is  definitely on my Top 20 list of all time favorite movies. Whenever I  come across it while channel surfing, I end up watching it again-and I  hate watching movies that are edited for TV!

As others have  pointed out, it showcases so many talented actors.  Joan Allen is great  here, as is Catherine Hicks.  And the amazing Barbara Harris, whom I  adore for her work on the stage, is excellent and dead-on as Peggy's  mother.  Jim Carrey is here as well and surprise, he's overacting in  most of his scenes!  While I've never completely figured out why  Nicholas Cage was encouraged to employ the weird-ass voice that he did,  his performance winds up being very likeable.  Barry Miller is also  great as Richard.

The premise is cool.  Who among us wouldn't  want to have such and opportunity (OK, maybe not the passing out in  public part)?  As a person that grew up in the 60s, I'd love to return  and see some of the sights and sounds that filled my innocent,  pre-Internet world.  

And the scene when Peggy hears her Grandmother's voice on the phone makes me cry every time.

I likey!

Last comment…

Handles time travel movie in a very compelling and emotional way                                  squirrel_burst28 February 2015             
                              
There's something  about "Peggy Sue Got Married" that really stuck with me. It's like when  the premise and way the movie was made is written on paper, you think  "There's no way this is going to work" but then it does. 

I was really  surprised with how much this picture affected me emotionally.

Kathleen  Turner plays Peggy Sue Bodell, who is attending her 25-year high school  reunion with her daughter Beth (Helen Hunt). Peggy Sue married right  out of high school but now she and her husband, Charlie (Nicolas Cage)  have separated. 

It's awkward enough answering the same questions over and over to the people that haven't seen you in decades but then her husband shows up and things go from bad to worse. 

She is nevertheless  named "Prom Queen" and accepts the award, but when on stage, she faints.  

When she wakes up, she discovers that it's once again the spring of  1960. With her memories of the future, she tries to alter her past for  the better. The film follows her as she rediscovers who she was at the  time and tries to find a way to return to the present.

There's  something about this movie that really hits home. 

Traveling back in  time and altering the past is a desire that in a way, everyone has. 

Sure  people tell you that they wouldn't go back and fix their past mistakes  because "those mistakes made them who they are" but come on, we all know  the day you wake up in your high-schooler's body, the first thing  you're doing is buying Baseball cards to stash away, warning people  about 9/11 and meeting Elvis in person, before he gets fat. 

Peggy Sue seizes the opportunity to do that stuff right away, but then gets  side-tracked when she realizes that this trip back in time can be a very  emotional experience. 

With the body of a teenager and the mind of a mother, she reacts very differently to her own parents and realizes how  much she missed being a teenager, or being in the same house as her mother, father and sister, or her grandparents (who have in present day  been dead for some time). 

There's something really touching about that  and it makes you think back at your own teenage years; if you could go  back, who would you be nicer to, who would you appreciate more, who  would you stand up to? 

Yes it would be awesome to return to a time where  you could amass money and power, or change history for the better, but there is also something uniquely appealing about just being able to interact with the people from your own past and get a new perspective on what the world was like back then.

One of my favorite moments in  the film is when Peggy is talking to her then-boyfriend Charlie  (Nicholas Cage). 

This isn't the same guy as he is years later. He's a  nervous kid who is doing everything to impress her and is completely in  love with the woman. He's anxious and vulnerable too. 

Check out the  scene when Peggy, who now knows the man better than he does finds that  she is once again, falling in love with him. She tries to initiate sex  with him in his car, but the guy is so taken aback that he refuses and  kicks her out. Isn't that what would really happen if you were  confronted with someone that was 25 years older than you are, but was  disguised as someone your own age? 

It's little moments like that that  really make the movie because it doesn't feel contrived despite the  outlandish premise, it feels absolutely genuine.

Another element  that really helps make you buy into this whole situation are the  performances. With excellent costumes and makeup, we have Jim Carrey,  Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen, Catherine Hicks and others playing both adults  and teenagers and the effect isn't perfect, but the performances sell  them. Some of the people I was watching with found that Nicolas Cage as  Charlie had a pretty irritating voice when he was 18, but I found that  it was very believable that he would have a goofy, nervous voice when he  was younger. 

I'm pretty sure if I looked at any recordings of myself at  that age, I would have been pretty annoying too. The actor that really  needs to have the spotlight on her is Kathleen Turner, who does a  fantastic job. There's almost an implication that while inside the body  of her 18-year old self, her mind goes back and forth between the maturity of her older and younger self. She pulls it off not with words, but with subtle changes in her face. 

Any scene where Peggy Sue is  interacting with her mother contains many subtle nuances and although it seems impossible, the 32-year old actress convincingly plays a teenager. It's a spectacular performance and you're an aspiring  actor/actress you need to check it out and study this film so get  yourself a good DVD and start wearing out that fast forward and rewind  button.

This movie “Peggy Sue got Married” has scene after scene of “family mysteries” that you were completely oblivious to as a teenager, but recognize immediately as an adult.

Like when her mother is selling her jewellery …

Or when she sees that her boyfriend was trying really hard to audition to a talent scout and fails…

…all things that she had no knowledge of.

And now that my family is mostly dead and gone, the familial relationships are broken and the survivors are scattered all over the place, I too wish that I appreciated the treasures that the family bonds held. i too miss the past. Not so much the rotary telephones, the rabbit-eared television set, the crank-windows in the car, the free air hose for the tires int he gas station, or really, really, REALLY low price for a cup of coffee…

…I miss the people and the relationships that they represented to me. I miss that feeling of belonging. I miss that feeling of community. I miss that “membership” that being alone, in a far away land denies me.

We don’t appreciate things until we lose them.

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