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Feeling adrift: I don't know why I'm here.
So it's been just over a year since I found MM's site here, led by an interesting post he made about Howe and Strauss generational theory and 4th Turning. I moved from there to read pretty much everything else, from Majestic to Mantids to the MWI, Intention campaigns, and SHTF. And then the Alien Interview, and the Domain's request for help.
I immediately volunteered--there was no hesitation. And I started an Intention Campaign, and tried to post a bit in discussions, even as my life got busier and busier, trying to feel a part of the community.
I had one crystal clear lucid dream, but since then... nothing. It feels like there's this misty wall between me and everyone, and nobody can hear me.
It's dawned on me that I don't really fit here. That's not to say that I made a mistake in volunteering or anything like that. I want to help. I want to see beyond the veil. But no matter how hard I try, it eludes me.
I read various articles, here and other places, and there's just so much garbage. (I can't even read most Western media these days). Just swimming in a sea of garbage, grasping for something real, and none of it feels real.
At this point I don't even know who I am any more; I feel sure of absolutely nothing. What do I want? Something --an identity, a clue about why I feel drawn here even while feeling like an outsider. I'm just lost. Not sure if this just happens to be where my little bubble in the MWI is right now or what. But it sucks.
Just some thoughts --don't know if anyone else has been feeling the same way.
Dear @jaytnr1357, I feel you! I have been participating intensively in several groups, I have been thinking all my life about the meaning of life and because of experiencing things not fitting this reality, also the circumstances my parents were thrown in were curious, soooo.... I found the MM information filling up a lot of gaps, so it attracted me immediately. When I saw the first link to the Alien interview, I read it in one breath. Contrary to you I didn't volunteer immediately because of my experiences with other groups. But I did volunteer at some point and had at first some strange time and then nothing. The Commander told in the last session with MM, that the volunteers are not used all the time, but are put on a resting time so not to burn up the resources. I think you (and me too) are in the resting time. And I think, after a first huge leap reading the MM materials, we arrive in a kind of digesting time, arriving on a plateau where nothing seems to happen, until a small trigger sets our path forth again. Probably you are on that plateau. I have had that such a lot of times, that I don't worry about it anymore, I am just confident that it will go on again at some point, though it is necessary to stay open minded for that trigger to set off again. Hope my story helps you a bit and I send you warm hugs!
Hang in there mate that little gem you seek may just be around the corner, you never know. For me the last 25 years have been a period collecting "puzzle pieces" and like you I was drawn here, I did not really know why but I do now, more pieces to my puzzle and answers to "my questions" in seeking my mantid (that's what I truly seek) Keep vigilant mate for that is the secret, the pieces you need may closer than you think.
Cheers
DR
Jay,
Never, ever give up. Keep on keeping on. If you don’t know where you are going, you won’t be happy when you get there – I believe that this is also a place where your affirmation campaign is very useful in your roadmap to life. You’ll make wrong turns and get off track, but it really is the journey and not the ending that is important. You are here for a reason to make some contribution to either yourself or society or just one singular person. Just do it and don’t stress out too much (easy to say from the peanut gallery).
The last few days I have been thinking about getting a small group together to focus intentions on a singular target, be it finding life’s purpose, healing physical or mental injuries, improving relationships, or recouping what has been lost or stolen, or whatever. It follows closely to what MM has written about with intention/prayer campaigns (now 2 puzzle pieces fit together); group intentions may have more power (able to get through that background noise – DM has said something on this background noise in the ether) to be effective. Additionally, from what I understand, such intentions and thoughts and the well-being for others has a mirrored reflecting effect on the senders of intentions. Good things happen to those who care and help others, but that should not be incentive for involvement.
Will this work and how effective could it be, I don’t know but the curiosity and reward (helping others) is more than enough to try? More to follow sometime.
Never give up! Persistence is key in all of this. I think we all feel like that from time to time. @watertiger and @tas are right - you'll break through when you least expect it.
@elaneestis You may be interested in the book "The Power of 8" by Lynn McTaggart. It can be very effective.
Thanks, everyone. I know there's a ton of crap that we're all dealing with, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. It further complicates things living with someone who struggles daily with medical and mental health issues.
I want to be like Dory and "just keep swimming," but sometimes I just want to yell "Oh come on!!!"
I made a video that address this "funk" that you are experiencing. I hope it helps.
Hello @jaytnr1357,
I think you have the connection with matter, but you lack the connection with anti-matter.
I have the chance to live in different universes and the dreams I have are the connection with a parallel life in its own right for me. For example, a few months ago when I came across this MM site and read the articles on the Domain, it was new to me and I asked for proof to believe it. Well a few days after my request, I had a dream that I will remember for the rest of my life here.
I won't say the details of this dream, but what I can say is that I have never laughed so much in a dream. From beginning to end. The characters who were there, were there specifically to make me understand that my request was heard, and they brought me the proof that I was asking for. You must understand that it is rare to have a dream where you cry with laughter from beginning to end, like in front of a performance by actors who know how to make you laugh. It was surely one of the most beautiful dreams of my parallel life, if not the proof that dreams are a means of communication with other levels of life.
For this connection to anti-matter, here is what I might advise you to do. This connection is inside of us and here is how to find it. Know that this is only a means of locating it, and that it is then up to you to see life through this "keyhole". With stillness around you so you can feel what you need to feel, slowly repeat for a few minutes these Sufi words "Nur" and "Mu-now-wirr" placing the resonance of sound in the throat and chest. They produce the sensation of having a miniature sun in the chest. With your imagination, you will find your own way to go through this sun and see through this "keyhole". And with practice it becomes natural.
Intention engages your involvement. These things come alive and sometimes there are no words to describe them, just directional signs.
Good for you
Radewulf
That sensation “why am I here ?” can be a quite a signal, could be a call to action or the ego saying, this is boring, or neither. I was looking for a spot to make an initial post and this thread seemed right. So that is my explanation as to why I am here in this instant spot.
I had begun a journal of thoughts and things regarding the journey from reading the serendipitously discovered article, What the Progressive Socialist Liberals have in store for Conservatives, to diving into this community pool that MM has set up. Oy fukn vey, I was both ready for, and unnerved by that article, and as is often the case, the solution can be found within the problem.
I am getting a better sense of what the problem is; me. I can reveal a bit of my age by asking does anyone recall that old Pogo cartoon strip… the one where he utters, we have met the enemy, and he is us ?
I wrote what follows in my journal just a while ago, and was moved to post it here. Thank you for the venue and the opportunity :
I now realise that my conduct, behaviour, thoughts are based upon survival; I adopted a survival strategy that centred upon service to self. This underlying program I wrote in order to live another day.
I, until recently encountering the Mantid Trilogy (merci beaucoup MM), was of the mindset that it was up to me, and I now see there be three of me ! We are and we can do, and I the initiate have been allowed to stumble around to get to this point, or, not.
I was born with what I believed to be a mindless mind, but see now that the base operating system had SOME stuff in it.
Now with the revelation that I ain’t all there is, I can adapt my thoughts and hence my reality, better informed as to cause and effect, and have realised that my ability to be of service to others does NOT come at the price of my survival. It is NOT a zero-sum game, as I was influenced to believe.
Instead of fear of loss controlling my thoughts and then creating my world, I can embrace the awareness of my complimentary parts - Mantids - and commence a campaign of informed altered reality.
I have innate power and hidden skill sets. It is this new-found awareness on how to operate what I “was installed with” thereby growing my abilities to better comprehend that in which I am involved. Stemming from this is a relief from the age-old “is this all there is ?” This is me dipping my toe into the deep end.
Thank you, I am with gratitude for all of you who have gone before and shared directions and insights and shown to me service to others.