Advice for lonely women who cannot find a partner to live out their life with

I do love a delicious baked lasagna. It’s not like I can get it often. Here in China, it’s truly a rare thing.

A fine baked lasagna.

It’s great with a fine bottle of wine. Red wine. Dry red, would be lovely.

Though I do get to eat other kinds of food often enough instead. I think that food is something that needs to be savored. You know, most people, in most nations savor their food. unlike the United States (where I grew up) which was dash, grab, smunch, and return.

Meals should be shared. They should be savored, and they should be enjoyed.

Our health is determined not only by what we do, but what we eat and who we eat the foods with. A solitary life is unhealthy. It really is. I know, I have been solitary on and off for much of my life. I didn’t like it then, and I sure as heck don’t now.

Your weight, I strongly believe, correlates on HOW you eat, WHAT you eat, and WHO you eat with. If you want to trim down, then start going out more with friends and savoring the food.

Isolation is toxic.

Most MM readers are older, and are or have been married. Never the less, every now and then I get a email or a message from someone who is alone and very lonely. I have been there before, and so I just cannot sit by and let this pass.

This is me, ol’ MM, dishing out advice.

I’m going to be straight and honest, and abrupt. And I might upset some people. I apologize for that. I guess that this is my way to plow through a bunch of fears and bullshit, and tell you all things that are truthful. I hope that it connects and changes someone’s life for the better.

Background

This article was inspired by this letter…

I’m almost 32 and still a virgin. I can honestly say I don’t feel human. I hate to admit this but suicide seems more and more like a viable option as every day goes by.

The worst thing is when I try to reach out for help. I don’t know why I am a masochist and try to get advice from my mom…. I told her that I am desperate for a relationship and can’t find one. Her answer was that I should pray to God that I lose my feelings of wanting a relationship. Implying that I should give up and not try.

She even told me that one of her friends had a relative my age and they suggested setting us up. She told me that she said to them “I wasn’t interested”…. not that I would actually want to have someone set me up with a stranger but…. really??? Most moms are dying to help their daughters with this. Mine seems to get a KICK out of sabotaging me and not wanting me to just find someone.

And I was talking to my mom last night and brought up the idea of liposuction. Cue a huge fight between the two of us. I am not overweight but I do have a few odd body proportions that I think make me unappealing…. It’s like an affront against nature for me to try to improve my chances of finding someone. Literally the world turns on me the moment I think of maybe being alluring. Almost every other woman can have her moment, but when I get ideas of trying to be pretty? It’s like I murdered someone. I am now reeling after this conversation, wondering what types of rope would be best to hang myself with.

I don’t know how to navigate life and frankly, killing myself is less of a horrible idea every day. I know that it’s a “permanent solution to a temporary problem” but my situation feels like I am trapped and there is no other way out. People reading this, can you blame me for wanting this to end?

It is unbearable being someone like me, who wants a relationship but can never have it. I am not human. I’m not even sure I should be alive.

I’d almost think of losing my virginity to a prostitute but frankly that would just be me adding to a larger problem of abuse. I’d rather not do that. Frankly, there is no future for me. I am starting to plan out suicide methods at the same time most women are planning baby showers and weddings. I am toying with the idea of going out into the snow during winter and just falling asleep. There is something dignified about just falling “asleep” in the snow. Maybe nobody would find me and it would be a mystery as to what happened to me.

I’ve lost hope.

And, it hurts.

I know it hurts. It really hurts.

So I am going to talk as a man, who appreciates women.

[1] There is a man for every woman.

The very first thing that YOU must understand is that there is a Mr. Right out there, somewhere for you.

This is a TRUTH.

This is an undeniable truth.  Somewhere, out THERE, is a guy that is just like you, wanting to share his life.

It’s just that he is not available in your area, with the group of friends that you have, or anywhere near your school, industry or day to day activities.

Hell, I didn’t get to go out with girls / women (myself) until I started getting out of the male-dominated schools, industries, and societies that I frequented. I had to break out of the little close knit life that I had.

You might have to break out from your normal circle of friends to find him. You might have to go out further to find him. You might even have to employ an agency, or travel overseas to find him…

…but find him, you will.

I am convinced that there is a man for every woman simply because I have been exposed to so many men who all have such a wide array of tastes and interests. Many of the women who I wouldn’t be that interested in would really cause some of my male friends to just fall madly in love.

For instance, I am not interested in a woman who is taller than I am. It’s a personal taste. I just feel very odd looking up to a woman, and having to stand on my tippy-toes to kiss her. But that is just me. However, when I have mentioned to this to other men, I find that a goodly 25%, or one in four counter with “so what?” they argue (for the most part) that sex would be great; that our kids would be either fashion models or basketball players, and that all the other guys would think that I was a “stud” because I was with such an extraordinary woman.

I am also freaked out by Polydactylyism. But that is again, just me. It’s not that I am revolted by it, it just seems a little odd to me, and I don’t know if I can focus on the relationship if the woman had eight fingers on each hand. I’d always be wondering what our children would be like.

But on the other hand, a person’s kindness, confidence, experience, ability to communicate and participate in my interests, food, and just being fun goes a long… long way in me wanting to spend time with them.

[2] Men are attracted to a wide variety of shapes, and sizes.

I know I am.

There is NO SUCH THING as being too fat, too “thick”, too thin, too ugly, or too short. Nor is there too old, or too young.

I will tell you that, me personally, I generally have an upper limit on size for a woman that I am interested in. If she is bigger, wider or heavier than I am, I tend to lose interest. It’s NOT that I don’t like thick or fat people, it’s that I lose my interest in them as my interest lies towards smaller women than I am.

But I am not the average.

I have discovered, to my GREAT surprise, that many American men love bigger women. The urban ethnic folk call it “having booty”, and they absolutely go “ape shit” over a bigger voluptuous woman. I mean, really! And they are beyond themselves in how they react to the bigger women. And I mean it, too. The bigger… the better!

Like… really big… is really great. They just love a “pear shaped” woman.

Me, well, robust busty woman with big hair, big smile, and big shoulders are a turn-on. And I am not alone.

And I can see their point of view. I once dated a woman who was much larger than I was, and she had the nicest personality, she loved to cook and I ate well, and Lordy did she have an awesome chest. Purely amazing! So, this one woman altered my perceptions of what I like and favor in a woman. Who would have thought?

So, no matter what you size is… tiny, petite, slim, slender, curvy, athletic, rotund, bouncy… etc, you would be surprised at how others might find you to be attractive. And that is in everything. You NEVER know.

So accept yourself.

Just. As. You. Are.

[3] Stop trying to please your friends

When I was in High School there was a girl that was infatuated with me, and everyone at my work just hassled me and hassled me, and hassled me over it. They kept on saying how ugly she was. Well, I didn’t think that she was ugly, and she sure as heck had a “rocking body”, but I didn’t go out with her after the few precious dates. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, it was that I hated the non-stop hassling at work, about how ugly she was.

She wasn’t ugly. I thought she was rather strong and handsome in a very womanly way. Like Loni Anderson.

But I listened to the asshole co-workers. Oh, how I regret that decision. Oh, how I lament my ignorance, and my piss-poor decision making ability!

Then one of those co-workers went out with her and they ended up getting married. And I remained single.

Single as in alone with no dates, at all.

Opportunist, jackass, asshole.

She wasn’t ugly. And she had a very appealing body shape. And I didn’t end up with her, even though she was really interested in me. Why?

It was because I listened to my friends and co-workers.

I often think of her. I often wonder what my life would have been if I spent some time with her. i often wonder what it would do to me, and affect my personality, but I never got that chance. I was young and I was a fool. I didn’t know any better. I made mistakes.

But I learned.

Slowly. Unfortunately.

As you get older, you learn that the opinions of others DO NOT MATTER when it comes to your own personal happiness. So shut them off, and go ahead and go after what YOU want. Stop trying to please others.

This goes to both men and women.

On another occasion, I was on a date where my (then) girlfriend brought two of her girlfriends along. I liked the girl. She liked me, but both of her girlfriends disapproved of me. And that was it. Who knows what kind of relationship we could have had. But I do know one thing, it went nowhere because her friends did not like me. I failed in pleasing three girls. I thought that pleasing one would have been enough.

Lesson learned.

Do not listen to your friends. Listen to your heart. Video.

[4] The most important thing that attracts a man is confidence.

It’s the same for women. Isn’t it?

I do not want you all to confuse being aggressive with confidence. I mean being comfortable with you you are, and what you are doing. Confidence. It’s such a turn on. In fact, many men will not ask a confident woman out on a date because they are afraid that she would say “no”.

So be very careful with this power.

You need to be who you are. Be comfortable with your good and your bad traits, and accept them. Think of yourself as a a nice comfortable pair of jeans. Just accessorize yourself as need be and as the occasions arise.

Myself, I am clearly a comfortable tee-shit kind of man, with a clean pair of jeans, and some well worn, but well tended for loafers.

Who are you?

A confident woman, would be able to throw on a dress, put on a thin foundation and some light makeup and run out the door in some low heels without a second thought. Are you that kind of woman?

Be confident on who you are, and what you are. Spend time with friends, and cherish the time with them. Share. Laugh. Enjoy a good drink and good food, and NEVER, ever, ever make a man feel uncomfortable around you. Men are attracted to confident comfortable women. That’s a fact. Video.

Ask any KTV hostess. They will tell you who the most popular girls are. They are the ones smiling, and joking around. Not the ones that are “beautiful” or who “look like fashion models”.

Fact.

This poor girl needs some confidence…

Important day tomorrow yet here I am. I would try to make myself more palatable/acceptable to people by being extra nice to them. Try to please them. At least let’s be the sweet ugly girl than bitter ugly b**ch I thought. No surprise but it doesn’t work. People just walk all over you and don’t treat you well still.

I tried to be cold, strong and someone who stands their ground but I couldn’t. The thing is, my voice gets shaky easily during confrontations and it immediately turns to full on bawling. I once lowkey embarrassed myself in public by crying like that.

So here I am, total people pleaser, doormat, someone who’s taken advantage of, always ditched, flakes out on and yet I take it without standing up once for myself. I hate it. I resent people because I end up giving more than what I get from them. I lost count the times I said sorry when I didn’t have to.

Since I never had good friendships since 17 or so, I don’t know how a healthy adult friendship is supposed to be. I don’t know what to expect, I’m in constant worry “is it okay to share this? Am I burdening this person?”. I never had friends (both online n irl) who I could go and vent to. It feels as if no one will ever understand me and support me.

I’m tired and lonely af. I feel vulnerable and weak.. I’m crying my eyes out as I write this.

Confidence. It’s very important. video.

Do you know what is missing?

Yeah. A smile.

How about this confident woman, instead…video

Or this lovely lass. See how her personality comes out when she smiles… video.

[5] Have a Passion.

So please find out what you love. What are the things that you can go on and on talking about? Food? Dogs? Cats? Horses? Houses? Furniture? Fashion? Televisions Shows? Alcohol? Hunting or fishing? Politics?

Cast iron miniatures?

Gardening? Crafting? Cooking? Trees? Novels?

Find out your passion, and then find a man what has the same passion. You would be surprised. Yes you would.

You see, men are interested in COMPANIONSHIP.

If your passions match that of a man, then he will over look any of your (perceived) faults and really show an interest in you. You see, men are not looking for 100% perfection. They want 50%, and they will work on the other 50% to meet you half way.

You will be amazed at how they will not be able to see the imperfections that you are so worried about. And you will end up scratching your head at the things… the everyday things… that you do that really “turn him on”.

Something as silly as this video, perhaps.

And…

Here’s a woman who loves to cook. Being able to cook well is on my top personal requirements, and this gal is cooking bacon with peppers, onion and garlic. OMG! video.

I used to date (well we actually lived together) with a very attractive fashion model. I mean she was gorgeous. And though she was amazingly beautiful and we did eventually break up, the thing that attracted me to her was our shared love of poetry. And there she would sit listening to me read my poetry over coffee and absorb it all in.

I loved that.

Alas, she had faults that I could not bear, but that is immaterial. What attracted me to her was our shared passions.

From HERE

Max was peeved. “I am so sick of boring profiles on the dating sites. The first thing people want is to hold hands and walk with someone at sunset on the beach. The second thing is to cuddle up on a couch and watch TV. Why can’t they think of something more interesting?”

I explained to Max that this yearning for sharing quality time is a universal because it reflects close companionship. This is what we all need and desire. It’s especially vital for older folks who must move at a slower pace and have the opportunity to savour shared quality time.

“But I’m not slow!”, declared Max. “At 68, I can keep up with the 40 year olds when we cycle round the bay on Sunday mornings. I want the companionship of a woman who can ride her bike with me at least for two hours into the country and pitch a tent an enjoy the peace and quiet of the bush”.

Where Max wanted active companionship, John was different. He was the film buff who enjoyed nothing more than holding hands with his woman for a film-fest and then having dinner and debriefing the film.

Both men could find their ideal companion. The significant thing about companionship is that there’s no “have tos” – it’s just time shared where you feel bonded and content.

But is companionship better than sex? It’s actually expressed in good sex!

Trust is an essential ingredient of companionship and trust is essential for good sex.

Kevin believes that love is also essential for good sex. He said, “Sex is empty without love. Sure the physical sensations are exciting and pleasurable but it dissipates quickly and leaves in its wake a sense of longing for what was missing. If loving intimacy is missing I feel both sad and upset during the act, like I’ve used the other and abused my own values – a vacuum forms and I feel it in the pit of my stomach – and in my heart. When everything is in place though and sex is love-making – there is nothing that compares!”

Seniors can be sexual in order to express affection, passion, love, loyalty and appreciation of life as opposed to merely a sexual release.

I acknowledge that some older folks become very limited in being able to engage in enthusiastic love-making. For them, non sexual touch is also magical. An arm around a loved one, a small caress on the back or a brush along the cheek with the back of hand are affirming, reassuring and reflect a partnership where the couple are caring companions.

To be truly loving, a relationship would need to work on a number of levels – spiritual, mental, physical, emotional. All of these are intricately interwoven and in balance, with caring companionship, can enhance longevity and quality of life.

[6] Change what you don’t like.

If there is something that you don’t like about yourself, don’t tolerate it. Change it.

As we get older, our faults become deeper and more ingrained. Our problems multiply, and our issues become real personality faults. Change what you cannot bear.

  • For some people it is their job.
  • For others it is their negative friends, or their over-bearing family.
  • For still others it is their appearance.
  • What ever it is that bothers you… change it.

We haven’t been taught to change things, but rather to deal with them; to accept them. And that generates anxiety and worry…

We have been worrying ever since we were little about making people angry or disappointed. These are worries that negatively affect us and are not at all beneficial for us.

Are you the type of person that thinks that they worry too much? Have you ever thought that you worry more than others? If that’s so, it’s time for you to change that situation, because you probably don’t like it, right?

Not worrying excessively doesn’t imply that we’re free of worrying, but it does mean we should learn to not give it as much importance as we currently are.

Many of the worries that currently hassle us are pretty silly. Do they really deserve all of our attention? Everybody else doesn’t give them their full attention, you shouldn’t either. Start changing today.

It’s incredible how much your life can change when you decide to change how you think. There are many things that have been instilled in us from our childhood, considerations that torment us when we become adults because something is just simply not working.

So do not worry about the things that you don’t like. You change them into something that you DO like.

If it is your weight, then you can exercise, and change your eating habits. I did not say diet. I said change what your eat, how much you eat, when you eat and all the rest.

If it is your shape, and exercise won’t do it, then sculpture your body.

If it is your outfits, clothing or whatever, you have the power to change it. Bleach away the old and embrace in the new.

[7] Don’ t force the change, embrace it.

Never force things. Always adapt to them.

Maybe you wish to be slim and petite, but you are tall, chunky and robust. No problem. Embrace it. Personally, I like robust women. But you need to know how to wear the proper clothes and how to carry yourself. Here’s some more robust girls that are fine with tight clothing.

It’s the same with me. If I wear tight fitting clothing, I need to exercise on my push-ups and sit-ups to make my frame fit the clothing. Otherwise, I look like an old man with a pot belly so big that it looks like I am nine months pregnant.

So what I do is wear bigger clothing, looser clothing. I just look like a regular guy. You cannot tell that I wear size 2xxL, instead of a M.

This trick is the same with women. Now some more robust women can wear tighter clothing and “pull it off”, but it’s difficult.

Video.

Accept who you are. Then adapt your lifestyle to fit. video

The rule is a simple one.

Tight clothes go on thin bodies. Loose clothes go on thick bodies.

The thicker, or fatter you are, the looser the clothing should be.

The girl below has a “barrel” shaped body, but look how absolutely gorgeous she looks in the nice wide flowing dress. She displays her best features; hair, eyes, cleavage, shoulders, and minimizes the things she doesn’t like.

The heavier you are the looser the clothes should be.

So maybe you wore tight fitting clothes when you were in your teens, today, being twice that size means that you must adapt with the changes and adapt to the newer, more mature you.

Don’t live in the past.

Accept who you are right now.

This is how good a plus sized woman looks when she is wearing roomy clothes that fit her. WOW! Video.

[8] Good enough is good enough

Don’t wait for the perfect relationship to come. Go forth and make friends. One day, one of those friends will end up being the guy that you would like to settle down with. For some people this is quick, but for others it takes a lot of time. Don’t rush it.

Friends first.

Then something better later on, if you want.

Don’t look for perfection. Just look for friends. Given enough friends, you will be able to find the very special person, but the important key is getting out there and meeting him.

Remember; perfection is an ideal. It is not actually possible to obtain.

Do not seek perfection in yourself or in others. It will only cause you heartache and despair. Accept things, people and situations as they are. Not as you want them to be.’

It’s called being pragmatic.

[9] Turn off your preconceived notions.

Men are men.

Women are women.

Cats are cats.

If you think that you are going to change a cat to fit your lifestyle, then you are wholly mistaken. The same is true with just about every other animal, and that includes men and women.

If you are looking for a mate then get to know them first. Over time they will change to fit your needs, and you will change to fit their needs. You do not need to force this as it will happen naturally. But what you do need to realize that in a loving relationship, there is always room to grow… to expand… and to accept.

Be realistic about what men are, how they think, and what their desires are. It is neither a 14 year old teenager’s fantasy, or a feminist nightmare. It is something else entirely.

[10] What a man REALLY wants in a relationship.

I have a post on this. And it boils down to the simple rule of “best fit”.

There are about ten major things that a man looks for in a woman. If you can meet most of those items, you can definitively snag yourself a good decent man that would make a fine husband.

But if just meet the top three, you have a very good chance at a mutually sustaining long-term relationship.

Remember this simple fact; Men play the percentages.

Go here, for the detailed article…What Men Want

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[11] Be the best YOU that you can be.

Be clean. have nice habits. Dress in clothes that fits you. Avoid bad people, toxic people, and horrible bosses.

Be kind. Show compassion. Take the time to make others happy. Participate in your community and always do good things.

Be the Rufus. Video.

Not convinced? Here’s six minutes of being a Rufus, and showing compassion. video. 256MB.

Still not convinced? Here’s another three minutes of being a Rufus and showing compassion. video. 78MB

[12] Desperate times call for desperate measures

Forget about the free dating sites. (Or almost free computer dating sites.)

Go to a professional and pay the money.

Get a real assessment of your chances in obtaining dates and meeting desirable men. You will be surprised with the results. If they are good, they will help you and perform an entire “package image makeover”. They are worth their weight in gold.

[13] Smile

A smile is everything. video

The world might be falling apart, you might be ugly and have the body of a whale, but your smile will be what people will remember.

Never forget that.

Make a difference by smiling big and huge and radiating for the entire world to see.

[14] Nothing lasts

You might believe that you have found Mr. Right, and for a set period of time everything is just great. But over time, people learn, change, adapt and all sorts of things happen. For many of us, it means that often we all change. And when we change, we tend to move in different directions and our relationship might become strained.

There is nothing good or bad about this. It is just the way life is. You need to accept it, and realize that you have a window or an opportunity to get the best that you can in life. Accept what you have right NOW, and realize that things… all kinds of things can upset that perfect balance that you are living. So enjoy it. Savor it, and by all means NEVER compare yourself to another person.

Conclusion

I think that this gal is going to take some of my advice. In any event she has moved on, and MM is just a stepping stone on her life road. I hope that I performed some beneficial role in it. She said thank you and moved on. And that was that.

Don’t get caught up in the “woe is me” syndrome.

What ever you do, keep in mind that you are perfect as you are. Improve upon your perfection, and seek out others who share your interests. Get out, and go forth into the world with confidence and gusto.

Do not try to live up to the expectations of others, just know that somewhere out there is someone who understands you. Seek them out.

And know that you might have to travel a bit to find this person. Do not be afraid. Take the fist step in a journey that will continue for the rest of your life. I believe in you.

Do not try to live up to the expectations of others, just know that somewhere out there is someone who understands you. Seek them out.

Do you want some more?

I have more posts in my Relationship Index here…

Relationships

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Law 18 from The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene; Do not build fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous (Full Text)

I’ve been in a kind of strange funk lately. It’s difficult to put my finger on it. It could be anything. It’s really just been a strange year all in all.

Those of us expats that applied for our Federal Government Coronavirus checks never received them and we can’t seem to figure out why. Everyone else in the world got theirs. But a quick review of the news explains it all. [1] If you don’t have a social security number tied to a bank account, you just aren’t going to see the money. Or, [2] if you use a bank account not on SWIFT, or [3] if you have a family bank account with a non-citizen. If you want a stimulus check, no matter what anyone says, it must be deposited in an account that the US government can tax. It’s something that we suspected all along, but nothing hits home hard, then having money denied to you.

I’ve been terribly nostalgic for Boston, and the surrounding environs lately. I go to Visitnewengland.com and check out my old stomping grounds and some of my favorite restaurants and pubs. Sigh. There I can see that some of the places are still standing and I look at the fine blue skies of Massachusetts and the fall leaves, and just… well…

And…

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Yah. While I do enjoy where I live, I have to admit that I really, really loved living in Boston, and the surrounding area. As you can well guess, I used to live in Milford, Walpole, Woonsockett, and Uxbridge. I wonder what it must be like now. I’ll bet that it is glorious. That’s what, and probably really nice for a nice little walk in the Wrenthan state forest.

F. Gilbert Hills state forest.
F. Gilbert Hills state forest.

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Anyways, I feel (you know “feel”) it’s time to wind some things down, pause a while, regroup and contemplate new directions. It’s a strong feeling. And I cannot explain it, except to say that my “feelings” and “hunches” have merit and are illustrative of other things.

Whether it is only personal, or suggestive of other things, bigger things, in a more expansive Geo-political arena is unknown. It’s just a really persistent, super odd feeling. Really.

When you get into these kinds of funk, the first thing that you want to do is hide. You go into your attic and read old magazines, you get the tackle box out and go fishing, or you hop in your truck and go on long rides in the countryside. You try to settle yourself. But it’s difficult.

It’s sort of like you are a (old fashioned) peculator coffee-pot and you are sitting on the stove and the water is starting to sizzle and a few pops of coffee are hitting the glass bulb on top. It’s almost exactly like that.

A peculator coffee-pot.
A peculator coffee-pot.

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It’s a strong feeling that I cannot shake.

The thing about these feelings, for me, is that I am unable to discern what’s going on. Is it [1] me personally? Is it [2] something having to do with my latest affirmation campaign? [3] Is it part of my MAJesic mission parameters? [4] Is it a trend or series of changes that I am sensitive to? [5] Is it something having to do with our benefactors?

I really do not know.

Jeeze!

These feelings pretty much come and go with me all the time. You get in tune with yourself and your body, and you can feel when you need to rest, or you need to exercise, or when an organ is going to give your trouble, or when you should avoid doing certain activities. It’s an internal awareness of self. These feelings, well, they are like tides or swells with the ocean. Only this time, it’s really, really, REALLY strong and persistent. Gosh darn it, I might need to go ahead and drink some VSOP and some beer to chill way the fuck down.

This reminds me of something…

You know, my first wife, well she had a mental illness known as schizophrenia. And she was the sweetest and kindest girl that I have ever met, but when the illness would hit her, she was unmanageable and needed to go into seclusion in a mental hospital staffed with trained and experienced doctors. And the thing about this illness is that while she had it, she was also really seriously super psychic. She could see things, predict things, and experience things hours or days before they occurred.

Good and bad.

Drove her crazy. Or, according to the doctors; crazier.

Anyways, this feeling that I have right now reminds me of an event years ago.

On October 17, 1989, a magnitude 6.9 earthquake hit the San Francisco Bay Area, killing 67 people and causing more than $5 billion in damages. On October 17, 1989, a magnitude 6.9 earthquake hit ...

-San Francisco Earthquake of 1989 - HISTORY

On October 16, all day long, I watched her experience this kind of discomfort that I am kind of feeling now. Now, we were not living in California at that time, we were living in Indiana, but she had this desire to call our friends in San Francisco and talk to them. Just talk. She didn’t feel anything bad. She just wanted to talk.

Weeks later the friends (in San Francisco) called us and told us that when the power was eventually restored they found my wife’s messages on their answering machine asking if they were all all-right. They all asked “how did you know?”

Anyways, I’m just throwing this all out there. It’s probably nothing for you all to be concerned about. Just go about your daily lives. Just remember that isolation is a danger. Get out and be with friends. Be social. Don’t trap yourself in a place or within a isolation bubble.

From Robert Greene…

LAW 18

DO NOT BUILD FORTRESSES TO PROTECT YOURSELF— ISOLATION IS DANGEROUS

JUDGMENT

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhereeveryone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it Protects you from—it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people, find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

TRANSGRESSION OF THE LAW

Ch‘in Shih Huang Ti, the first emperor of China (221-210 B.C.), was the mightiest man of his day. His empire was vaster and more powerful than that of Alexander the Great. He had conquered all of the kingdoms surrounding his own kingdom of Ch’in and unified them into one massive realm called China. But in the last years of his life, few, if anyone, saw him.

The emperor lived in the most magnificent palace built to that date, in the capital of Hsien-yang. The palace had 270 pavilions; all of these were connected by secret underground passageways, allowing the emperor to move through the palace without anyone seeing him. He slept in a different room every night, and anyone who inadvertently laid eyes on him was instantly beheaded. Only a handful of men knew his whereabouts, and if they revealed it to anyone, they, too, were put to death.

The first emperor had grown so terrified of human contact that when he had to leave the palace he traveled incognito, disguising himself carefully. On one such trip through the provinces, he suddenly died. His body was borne back to the capital in the emperor’s carriage, with a cart packed with salted fish trailing behind it to cover up the smell of the rotting corpse—no one was to know of his death. He died alone, far from his wives, his family, his friends, and his courtiers, accompanied only by a minister and a handful of eunuchs.

IIII MASQU I OI IIII. RI.DDI ATH

The “Red Death” had long devastated the country. No pestilence had ever been so fatal, or so hideous. Blood was its Avatur and its seal—the redness and horror of blood. There were sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores, with dissolution.... 

And the whole seizure, progress, and termination of the disease, were the incidents of half an hour. But the Prince Prospero was happy and dauntless and sagacious. When his dominions were half-depopulated, he summoned to his presence a thousand hale and light-hearted friends from among the knight, and dames of his court, and with these retired to the deep seclusion of one of his castellated abbeys. 

This was an extensive and magnificent structure, the creation of the prince’s own eccentric yet august taste. A strong and lofty wall girdled it in. This wall had gates of iron. The courtier.s, having entered, brought furnaces and massy hammers and welded the bolts. 

They resolved to leave means neither of ingress nor egress to the sudden impulses of despair or of frenzy from within. The abbey was amply provisioned. With such precautions the courtiers might bid defiance to contagion. 

The external world could take care of itself In the meantime it was folly to grieve, or to think. The prince had provided all the appliances of pleasure. There were buffoons, there were improvisatori, there were ballet-dancers, there were musicians, there was Beauty, there was wine. 

All these and security were within. Without was the “Red Death.” It was toward the close of the fifth or sixth month of his seclusion, and while the pestilence raged most furiously abroad, that the Prince Prospero entertained his thousand friends at a masked ball of the most unusual magnificence. It was a voluptuous scene, that masquerade.... 

... And the revel went whirlingly on, until at length there commenced the sounding of midnight upon the clock.... 

And thus too, it happened, perhaps, that before the last echoes of the last chime had utterly sunk into silence, there were many individuals in the crowd who had found leisure to become aware of the presence of a masked fzgecre which had arrested the attention of no single individual before.... 

The figure was tall and gaunt, and shrouded from head to foot in the habiliments of the grave. The mask which concealed the visage was made so nearly to resemble the countenance of a stiffened corpse that the closest scrutiny must have had difficulty in detecting the cheat. 

And yet all this might have been endured, if not approved, by the mad revellers around. But the mummer had gone so far as to assume the type of the Red Death. His vesture was dabbled in blood—and his broad brow, with all the features of the face, was sprinkled with the scarlet horror ... ... 

A throng of the revellers at once threw themselves into the black apartment, and, seizing the mummer, whose tall figure stood erect and motionless within the shadow of the ebony clock, gasped in unutterable horror at finding the grave cerements and corpse-like mask, which they handled with so violent a rudeness, untenanted by any tangible form. 

And now was acknowledged the presence of the Red Death. He had come like a thief in the night. And one by one dropped the revellers in the blood-bedewed halls of their revel, and died each in the despairing posture of his fall. And the life of the ebony clock went out with that of the last of the gay. And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all. 

THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEAIH, EDGAR ALLAN POE, 1809-1849

Interpretation

Shih Huang Ti started off as the king of Ch’in, a fearless warrior of unbridled ambition. Writers of the time described him as a man with “a waspish nose, eyes like slits, the voice of a jackal, and the heart of a tiger or wolf.”

He could be merciful sometimes, but more often he “swallowed men up without a scruple.” It was through trickery and violence that he conquered the provinces surrounding his own and created China, forging a single nation and culture out of many.

He broke up the feudal system, and to keep an eye on the many members of the royal families that were scattered across the realm’s various kingdoms, he moved 120,000 of them to the capital, where he housed the most important courtiers in the vast palace of Hsien-yang. He consolidated the many walls on the borders and built them into the Great Wall of China.

He standardized the country’s laws, its written language, even the size of its cartwheels.

As part of this process of unification, however, the first emperor outlawed the writings and teachings of Confucius, the philosopher whose ideas on the moral life had already become virtually a religion in Chinese culture.

On Shih Huang Ti’s order, thousands of books relating to Confucius were burned, and anyone who quoted Confucius was to be beheaded. This made many enemies for the emperor, and he grew constantly afraid, even paranoid.

The executions mounted.

A contemporary, the writer Han-fei-tzu, noted that “Ch’in has been victorious for four generations, yet has lived in constant terror and apprehension of destruction.”

As the emperor withdrew deeper and deeper into the palace to protect himself, he slowly lost control of the realm. Eunuchs and ministers enacted political policies without his approval or even his knowledge; they also plotted against him.

By the end, he was emperor in name only, and was so isolated that barely anyone knew he had died. He had probably been poisoned by the same scheming ministers who encouraged his isolation.

That is what isolation brings: Retreat into a fortress and you lose contact with the sources of your power. You lose your ear for what is happening around you, as well as a sense of proportion. Instead of being safer, you cut yourself off from the kind of knowledge on which your life depends. Never enclose yourself so far from the streets that you cannot hear what is happening around you, including the plots against you.

OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

Louis XIV had the palace of Versailles built for him and his court in the 1660s, and it was like no other royal palace in the world. As in a beehive,

everything revolved around the royal person. He lived surrounded by the nobility, who were allotted apartments nestled around his, their closeness to him dependent on their rank. The king’s bedroom occupied the literal center of the palace and was the focus of everyone’s attention. Every morning the king was greeted in this room by a ritual known as the lever.

At eight A.M., the king’s first valet, who slept at the foot of the royal bed, would awaken His Majesty. Then pages would open the door and admit those who had a function in the lever. The order of their entry was precise: First came the king’s illegitimate sons and his grandchildren, then the princes and princesses of the blood, and then his physician and surgeon.

There followed the grand officers of the wardrobe, the king’s official reader, and those in charge of entertaining the king. Next would arrive various government officials, in ascending order of rank. Last but not least came those attending the lever by special invitation. By the end of the ceremony, the room would be packed with well over a hundred royal attendants and visitors.

The day was organized so that all the palace’s energy was directed at and passed through the king. Louis was constantly attended by courtiers and officials, all asking for his advice and judgment. To all their questions he usually replied, “I shall see.”

As Saint-Simon noted, “If he turned to someone, asked him a question, made an insignificant remark, the eyes of all present were turned on this person. It was a distinction that was talked of and increased prestige.” There was no possibility of privacy in the palace, not even for the king—every room communicated with another, and every hallway led to larger rooms where groups of nobles gathered constantly. Everyone’s actions were interdependent, and nothing and no one passed unnoticed: “The king not only saw to it that all the high nobility was present at his court,” wrote

Saint-Simon, “he demanded the same of the minor nobility. At his lever and coucher, at his meals, in his gardens of Versailles, he always looked about him, noticing everything. He was offended if the most distinguished nobles did not live permanently at court, and those who showed themselves never or hardly ever, incurred his full displeasure. If one of these desired something, the king would say proudly: ‘I do not know him,’ and the judgment was irrevocable.”

Interpretation

Louis XIV came to power at the end of a terrible civil war, the Fronde. A principal instigator of the war had been the nobility, which deeply resented the growing power of the throne and yearned for the days of feudalism, when the lords ruled their own fiefdoms and the king had little authority over them.

The nobles had lost the civil war, but they remained a fractious, resentful lot.

The construction of Versailles, then, was far more than the decadent whim of a luxury-loving king. It served a crucial function: The king could keep an eye and an ear on everyone and everything around him. The once proud nobility was reduced to squabbling over the right to help the king put on his robes in the morning. There was no possibility here of privacy—no possibility of isolation.

Louis XIV very early grasped the truth that for a king to isolate himself is gravely dangerous.

In his absence, conspiracies will spring up like mushrooms after rain, animosities will crystallize into factions, and rebellion will break out before he has the time to react. To combat this, sociability and openness must not only be encouraged, they must be formally organized and channeled.

These conditions at Versailles lasted for Louis’s entire reign, some fifty years of relative peace and tranquillity. Through it all, not a pin dropped without Louis hearing it.

Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favorable to virtue....

Remember that the solitary mortal is certainly luxurious, probably superstitious, and possibly mad.

-Dr. Samuel John son, 1709-1784

KEYS TO POWER

Machiavelli makes the argument that in a strictly military sense a fortress is invariably a mistake. It becomes a symbol of power’s isolation, and is an easy target for its builders’ enemies. Designed to defend you, fortresses actually cut you off from help and cut into your flexibility. They may

appear impregnable, but once you retire to one, everyone knows where you are; and a siege does not have to succeed to turn your fortress into a prison. With their small and confined spaces, fortresses are also extremely vulnerable to the plague and contagious diseases. In a strategic sense, the isolation of a fortress provides no protection, and actually creates more problems than it solves.

Because humans are social creatures by nature, power depends on social interaction and circulation. To make yourself powerful you must place yourself at the center of things, as Louis XIV did at Versailles. All activity should revolve around you, and you should be aware of everything happening on the street, and of anyone who might be hatching plots against you. The danger for most people comes when they feel threatened. In such times they tend to retreat and close ranks, to find security in a kind of fortress. In doing so, however, they come to rely for information on a smaller and smaller circle, and lose perspective on events around them. They lose maneuverability and become easy targets, and their isolation makes them paranoid. As in warfare and most games of strategy, isolation often precedes defeat and death.

In moments of uncertainty and danger, you need to fight this desire to turn inward. Instead, make yourself more accessible, seek out old allies and make new ones, force yourself into more and more different circles. This has been the trick of powerful people for centuries.

The Roman statesman Cicero was born into the lower nobility, and had little chance of power unless he managed to make a place for himself among the aristocrats who controlled the city. He succeeded brilliantly, identifying everyone with influence and figuring out how they were connected to one another. He mingled everywhere, knew everyone, and had such a vast network of connections that an enemy here could easily be counterbalanced by an ally there.

The French statesman Talleyrand played the game the same way. Although he came from one of the oldest aristocratic families in France, he made a point of always staying in touch with what was happening in the streets of Paris, allowing him to foresee trends and troubles. He even got a certain pleasure out of mingling with shady criminal types, who supplied him with valuable information. Every time there was a crisis, a transition of power—the end of the Directory, the fall of Napoleon, the abdication of

Louis XVIII—he was able to survive and even thrive, because he never closed himself up in a small circle but always forged connections with the new order.

This law pertains to kings and queens, and to those of the highest power: The moment you lose contact with your people, seeking security in isolation, rebellion is brewing. Never imagine yourself so elevated that you can afford to cut yourself off from even the lowest echelons. By retreating to a fortress, you make yourself an easy target for your plotting subjects, who view your isolation as an insult and a reason for rebellion.

Since humans are such social creatures, it follows that the social arts that make us pleasant to be around can be practiced only by constant exposure and circulation. The more you are in contact with others, the more graceful and at ease you become. Isolation, on the other hand, engenders an awkwardness in your gestures, and leads to further isolation, as people start avoiding you.

In 1545 Duke Cosimo I de’ Medici decided that to ensure the immortality of his name he would commission frescoes for the main chapel of the church of San Lorenzo in Florence. He had many great painters to choose from, and in the end he picked Jacopo da Pontormo. Getting on in years, Pontormo wanted to make these frescoes his chef d’oeuvre and legacy. His first decision was to close the chapel off with walls, partitions, and blinds. He wanted no one to witness the creation of his masterpiece, or to steal his ideas. He would outdo Michelangelo himself. When some young men broke into the chapel out of curiosity, Jacopo sealed it off even further.

Pontormo filled the chapel’s ceiling with biblical scenes—the Creation, Adam and Eve, Noah’s ark, on and on. At the top of the middle wall he painted Christ in his majesty, raising the dead on Judgment Day. The artist worked on the chapel for eleven years, rarely leaving it, since he had developed a phobia for human contact and was afraid his ideas would be stolen.

Pontormo died before completing the frescoes, and none of them has survived. But the great Renaissance writer Vasari, a friend of Pontormo’s who saw the frescoes shortly after the artist’s death, left a description of what they looked like. There was a total lack of proportion. Scenes bumped against scenes, figures in one story being juxtaposed with those in another, in maddening numbers. Pontormo had become obsessed with detail but had lost any sense of the overall composition. Vasari left off his description of the frescoes by writing that if he continued, “I think I would go mad and become entangled in this painting, just as I believe that in the eleven years of time Jacopo spent on it, he entangled himself and anyone else who saw it.”

Instead of crowning Pontormo’s career, the work became his undoing.

These frescoes were visual equivalents of the effects of isolation on the human mind: a loss of proportion, an obsession with detail combined with an inability to see the larger picture, a kind of extravagant ugliness that no longer communicates. Clearly, isolation is as deadly for the creative arts as for the social arts. Shakespeare is the most famous writer in history because, as a dramatist for the popular stage, he opened himself up to the masses, making his work accessible to people no matter what their education and taste. Artists who hole themselves up in their fortress lose a sense of proportion, their work communicating only to their small circle. Such art remains cornered and powerless.

Finally, since power is a human creation, it is inevitably increased by contact with other people. Instead of falling into the fortress mentality, view the world in the following manner: It is like a vast Versailles, with every room communicating with another. You need to be permeable, able to float in and out of different circles and mix with different types. That kind of mobility and social contact will protect you from plotters, who will be unable to keep secrets from you, and from your enemies, who will be unable to isolate you from your allies. Always on the move, you mix and mingle in the rooms of the palace, never sitting or settling in one place. No hunter can fix his aim on such a swift-moving creature.

Image: The Fortress. High up on the hill, the citadel be comes a symbol of all that is hateful in power and authority.

The citizens of the town betray you to the first enemy that comes. Cut off from communication and intelligence, the citadel falls with ease.

Authority: A good and wise prince, desirous of maintaining that character, and to avoid giving the opportunity to his sons to become oppressive, will never build fortresses, so that they may place their reliance upon the good will of their subjects, and not upon the strength of citadels. (Niccolò Machiavelli, 1469-1527)

REVERSAL

It is hardly ever right and propitious to choose isolation. Without keeping an ear on what is happening in the streets, you will be unable to protect yourself. About the only thing that constant human contact cannot facilitate is thought. The weight of society’s pressure to conform, and the lack of distance from other people, can make it impossible to think clearly about what is going on around you. As a temporary recourse, then, isolation can help you to gain perspective. Many a serious thinker has been produced in prisons, where we have nothing to do but think. Machiavelli could write The Prince only once he found himself in exile and isolated on a farm far from the political intrigues of Florence.

The danger is, however, that this kind of isolation will sire all kinds of strange and perverted ideas. You may gain perspective on the larger picture, but you lose a sense of your own smallness and limitations. Also, the more isolated you are, the harder it is to break out of your isolation when you choose to—it sinks you deep into its quicksand without your noticing. If you need time to think, then, choose isolation only as a last resort, and only in small doses. Be careful to keep your way back into society open.

Conclusion

Whenever you feel strange, or are angry, fearful, or upset, or confused… don’t isolate. Reach out to others, and get with your friends and support network. It might be the local watering hole, or your extended relatives. It might be some friends, or if you have no-one then just get out in nature and take your favorite dog with you.

Everyone has times where things “don’t feel right”. And it is at those times that we need to get in touch with what is going on, calm the fuck way, way down, and get with others. Others that care about us.

For me, this is one of those times. You all shouldn’t read more into this than what it probably is. Nothing. But use this as a reminder that we are all part of an environment with a complex social structures and a network that involves others. tap into that network and you will mitigate any negative concerns or worries that you might have.

For me, I’m going out to eat some delicious food, have a smoke or two with some friends, and gonna eat some fine delicious food. I’d suggest you all do the same. God Bless.

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How America is viewed by the rest of the world.

Most Americans don’t care how others view America. They believe, incorrectly, that everyone thinks that America is the best nation on the face of the earth. They believe that everyone wants to move to America. They believe that America has “freedom“, and “democracy“. Well, it’s a big lie. It’s kind of true that some people do want to come to America; the uneducated, the poor, the slothful, and the criminals. But for educated, learned, skilled and talented folk… no so much. It’s a big problem. America has become the dumping ground for the world’s riff-raff instead of a beacon for the best and brightest. Here we talk about that.

We also talk about how just fucking weird America looks to the rest of the world.

'merica /ˈmerəkə,ˈmərəkə/ 
 
Noun: 
1) A humorous way to say America, meant to point out things that  are stereotypically about the country or the people. “In ‘Merica, we  like God, guns, and sticky buns.”
2) Stereotypical way rednecks say America. “Woo! Merica!”
3) The way to sum up over-the-top parts of American culture. 
America is really strange. As Americans, we don't realize how weird and strange our lives are.
America is really strange. As Americans, we don’t realize how weird and strange our lives are.

This is a reprint of the most wonderful article titled “The View from Abroad – America as Others See it ” by Fred Reed . It was written June 13, 2019. All credit to the author. Included are my photos, interjections and comments. Edited to fit this blog format.

The View from Abroad – America as Others See it

By Fred Reed, with interjections from Metallicman.

American Homeless picking their way through garbage.
American Homeless picking their way through garbage .

Americans are brought up to believe that the United States is a shining city on a hill, a light to mankind, that the world envies us for our values and freedoms, and hates us because we have them.

This is ground into us from birth.

Those of us now long in the tooth remember the Fifties when Superman jumped out of a window while the announcer spoke of a strange visitor from another planet fighting for “truth, justice, and the American way,” then (all) thought to be related.

The weirdly intimate toilet stalls.

Toilet  stalls are thoroughly private everywhere around the world, with the  walls extending all the way down to the floor. It's only in America that  you get to enjoy the lovely view of your stall-neighbor's feet whilst  peeing. 

As one who has traveled much and lived in several countries, I can tell you: It ain’t so.

The world does NOT regard America with admiration.

The outrageously expensive college tuition.

In most of the  world's countries, school is school. You go to school to study. The  university experience in the US is far more than just school. It comes  with athletics, student facilities, living and boarding, recreation  space, social events and so much more. Creating a rich student life  experience is often a deciding factor in choosing a college, making the  cost incredibly high. University tuition in the U.S. can range anywhere  from $10,000 to $35,000 per year, as opposed to many universities  outside of the U.S., with tuition costs at $6-7,000, sometimes even  less, sometimes even free.  

Today the internet profoundly affects the world’s view of America.

The Web makes graphic and easily found things that in earlier times would have been out of sight from abroad.

The customary unit system.

Besides Burma (Myanmar) and  Liberia, the United States is the only country that doesn't currently  use the metric system of measurement, because we apparently prefer  dealing with wacky conversions instead of nice, neat multiples of 10.  

For example, people in Kathmandu and Moscow can see horrifying and entirely truthful photos of the homeless living in piles of garbage in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, and dozens of other American cities.

America has ZERO freedom of speech.
Functionally and practically, America has ZERO freedom of speech.
America goes to war everywhere. 

"My image of America is  a country that goes to war anywhere in the world," according to an  82-year-old retired agricultural lab technician from Tokyo, Japan. And  at least one Italian has a similar view: "Trump, fast food, NY,  Hollywood and wars." 

They can read of trade conventions avoiding San Francisco because of needles and excrement on the sidewalks.

Such scenes are rare even in most upper-Third World countries.

To the orderly Japanese, accustomed to spotless cities and responsible government, such things are, in the strict sense of the word, incomprehensible.

In America, you must obey all rules and laws without question. This is something that is taught at an early age and enforced through discipline.
In America, you must obey all rules and laws without question. This is something that is taught at an early age and enforced through discipline.
Driving literally everywhere. EVERYwhere. 

Everyone has a car. And everyone drives his or her own car. Alone.  Public transportation is so heavily relied upon in most other countries,  whereas in most of the US, people have this vital need for personal  space. 

Home of the brave, land of the free, the envy of the world. Just ask us.

The estimated homeless population of LA is 58,000 and climbing.

Swarms of flea-carrying rats, which certainly exist, are said to cause outbreaks of typhus, a medieval disease. Anyone with a smartphone can see this.

Confusing tipping rules.

Do  you always tip 15 percent? Or 20 percent? Or 10 percent? Do you tip  regardless of the quality of service? Are you supposed to tip at cafés  where you order up front? Do you tip delivery drivers or does the extra  delivery charge count as the tip? Are there even rules? 

The frequent mass shootings in the United States astonish most of the world. Opening fire on a country music concert, randomly shooting to death people in a gay nightclub, seems to most of the world a breakdown of civilization.

It is.

Stop being afraid.
Stop being afraid.
The skewed meaning of "How are you?"

If you are a foreigner  in the US, don't be fooled when an American says "Hi, how are you?" He  or she doesn't actually care how you are. You're just supposed to say  "I'm doing great!" and move on. 
"How are you" is synonymous with "hello". It's just the way it is.  

Many of these matanzas involve children gunning down their classmates.

Even in a country like Mexico, accustomed to recurring slaughters of narcos by other narcos, the school shootings are a shock.

The ginormous food portions.

Entrées  and common portion quantities are often enough to serve three, or at  least two people for one meal. And Americans wonder why the rest of the  world calls them 'fat.' 

Americans are now used to things that in any other country would be unthinkable: bulletproof backpacks for high-school students, police walking the halls, metal detectors, proposals to arm teachers, “active-shooter” drills.

To the rest of the world (or to Americans who were in high school in the Sixties) this is insane.

We need a rebirth of courage.
We need a rebirth of courage.

But normal in the Indispensable Country.

Extra charges for tax.

In most of the world, tax prices are  included in the list price, which actually makes a lot of sense. How is  it at all logical to decide on buying something without knowing how much  its actually going to ring up to when checking out?  

The now-predictable annual harvest of 700 successful homicides in Chicago, the 300 in Baltimore, plus thousands of wounded, seem to outsiders like something out of Blade Runner.

Much of the civilized world looks with wonder on an American overflowing with guns and using them on each other.

Barney Fife.
Barney Fife.

Only in America.

Interestingly the most heavily armed countries in the world, Israel and Switzerland, have virtually no gun crime.

Rarely taking a vacation 

In most countries outside the U.S., vacation time is a highly utilized way to get away from work for a few weeks (or even months) every year. In America, on the other hand, taking time off  is often treated like a sin. Many people's vacation days tend to pile  up as the months of 50-hour workweeks roll on. Our collective workaholism is totally bizarre to outsiders—and quite frankly, we can see why. 

This is the country Americans believe the world wants to imitate.

No.

America's legacy is there for everyone to see.
America’s legacy is there for everyone to see.

From outside, it seems more a country in political and cultural free-fall.

Carding people who are obviously not under 21 

Whether you're heading into a bar or buying a six-pack at the grocery  store, there's a good chance you'll be asked for your ID in the United  States—even if you're well into your 50s. This is baffling to many foreigners, especially since, by the time they're in their 30s, they've been drinking legally for more than two decades.
 
Americans are nothing if not by the book  about the little things, so most foreigners quickly learn that it's  wise to keep some form of ID on them at all times if they plan on having  a drink. 

To everyone else, the militarism of the United States, its absurd military expenditures, its huge number of nuclear weapons, its desire to upgrade them, to develop small tactical nuclear weapons, its preparation for nuclear war with specialized flying bunkers–seems nutty.

No other country does this.

None wants to.

America has been a warring nation—a military empire intent on  occupation and conquest—for so long that perhaps we, the citizens of  this warring nation, have forgotten what it means to live in peace, with  the world and one another.
 
We’d better get back to the fundamentals of what it means to be human  beings who can get along if we want to have any hope of restoring some  semblance of sanity, civility and decency to what is progressively being  turned into a foul-mouthed, hot-headed free-for-all bar fight by  politicians for whom this is all one big, elaborate game designed to  increase their powers and fatten their bank accounts. 

-Johnathan Whitehead

In Mexico people roll their eyes. What the hell is wrong with the gringos?

Doomsday Plane.
Doomsday Plane.
““Affectionately  known as the “doomsday plane,” the modified Boeing 747 is used to  transport the Secretary of Defense and is born and bred for battle. It  stands nearly six stories tall, is equipped with four colossal engines, and is capable of enduring the immediate aftermath of a nuclear detonation.”

The language is that of a little boy of twelve watching Star Wars. It is the attitude of much of America.

America is unhealthy food. 

People all over the world  associate America with supersized food portions. Many foreigners also  link America's fast food culture to health problems and the demise of  small family farms. 

Easily found online: the racial disaster in the US, the dozens of cities with domestic Sowetos in their hearts, the huge, hopeless, entirely black regions where whites dare not walk.

Americans no longer possess Rights.
Americans no longer possess Rights.

In these, entirely black schools turn out millions of barely literates who for the remaining fifty years of their lives will be unemployable.

This is all online with photos and statistics.

“Man,  just out of jail, arrested in rape of woman, 78….” Another face of race  in America.
Man, just out of jail, arrested in rape of woman, 78….” Another face of race in America.

These stories, common as potatoes–a similar gentleman just threw a white child of five from three floors up–are suppressed to the extent possible by the American media, but often show up in British dailies.

Such things almost never happened in Europe before the arrival of African and Muslim immigrants.

The whole world can see.

Having drive-throughs 

In most other countries, you take the time to at least park the car and  walk through the front doors of the place you're patronizing—not in  America, though! Here, we're far too busy to waste time, so we have  drive-through restaurants, coffee shops, grocery stores, liquor stores,  and more. 

Freedoms?

More sophisticated readers abroad know of our intensifying censorship, the words that can get you fired, the controlled press, the surveillance.

Americans know what you can’t say and who you can’t say it about.

We know the police are militarized and out of control.

We see the cell-cam videos of beatings.

So does the world.

Having lawyers that advertise 

There are few countries in which you'll encounter a billboard or bus ad for a divorce attorney or see several personal injury spots while watching half an hour of daytime TV. In America, however, these advertisements are everywhere—and unsurprisingly, they confuse foreign visitors. 

America’s foreign policy makes it hated in most of the world.

It seems murderous, thuggish, brutal, a menace to everyone.

America's military is hated all over the world.
America’s military is hated all over the world.

For example, the U.S. killed over a million people in Iraq. This does not bother Americans.

Since 2000 it has destroyed Iraq, Syria, Libya, enters its eighteenth year of butchering Afghans, bombs Somalia, sends troops to Africa.

It militarily threatens North Korea, Venezuela, Iran, seeks to destroy the economies of Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, Russia, China. It sanctions Europe.

No other country does this.

Americans put too much ice in drinks. 

You ask for water  and you get ice with some water. The same goes for soda or other soft  drinks. Americans also love to put ice in whiskey and even wine.  America's obsession with ice cubes dates back to the 1800s when a man  was trying to expand his ice harvesting business by convincing people to  use it to cool their drinks. 

This is not the griping of Fred. It is what the whole world sees, daily, in detail.

Prescription drug makers that advertise 

Another oddity of American advertising are those spots you see for prescription medication  during every commercial break. Foreigners might not realize right off  the bat that those soft-focus commercials featuring happy couples  prancing through corn fields are advertising medications for diabetes and back pain.  However, if the commercial itself isn't clear, the long list of side  effects the narrator rattles off at the end should at least tip them  off. 

Number of wars started since 2000 by Iran: 0. Russia: 0. China: 0. North Korea: 0. America…?

Number of countries openly running torture sites while talking of human rights? 1. The country with the largest prison population? The answer is left to the reader as an exercise.

Democrat anti-Trump propaganda.
Democrat anti-Trump propaganda.

Even today, many Americans speak of American Values, of the country’s devotion to democracy and human rights and freedom.

Maybe Americans believe it.

No one else does.

The United States has a horrendous history of installing or supporting hideous dictators, supporting repressive regimes, overthrowing elected governments.

Human rights? In Saudi Arabia? Israel? The world is not blind.

You shouldn't have to pay more than expected. 

It's  confusing to many non-Americans that the price you see on an item is not  necessarily the one you end up paying at the register. Basically, you  have to have a degree in math to calculate how much your final bill will  be. This is because stores don't include tax on price tag, and tipping  is, technically, not mandatory. 

Americans, self-absorbed, perhaps the most historically ignorant of First-World peoples, shrugs such things off.

“Oh, get over it.” Whatever it was.

The nations involved do not shrug them off.

The names of the Presidents might change, but their policies do not.
The names of the Presidents might change, but their policies do not.

You can bet the Chinese know about Legation days, America’s role in forcing the opium trade on China, extraterritoriality.

Deep-frying everything 

Sure, fried chicken is hardly a foreign concept—but try  explaining chicken-fried steak or deep-fried Oreos to a non-American.  Finding creative ways to fry things that probably shouldn't be fried is  an American specialty and something that definitely confuses tourists. 

From abroad, America is a feral, amoral, remorseless empire, rotting from within, willing to do anything to maintain its dominance.

From inside the U.S., it seems otherwise.

Do you, an American reader, want to kill Afghans? Buy another trillion dollars of nuclear weapons? War with Iran? Russia?

But Americans have no influence over what Washington does, and the world judges by what it sees.

Americans are arrogant. 

Many people in Southern Europe,  Greece, France, and Italy think Americans look down on people,  according to Norwegian journalist René Zografos, author of "Attractive  Unattractive Americans: How the World Sees America." Ignorant and  arrogant are other descriptions foreigners sometimes associate with  Americans. 
This picture pretty much describes America, sort of.
This picture pretty much describes America, sort of.

Other Stuff

While China is often politically reprehensible, its engineering is amazing. This, on the Hong Kong Macau sea bridge, is long at twenty minutes and a bit rayrah. It is representative of the huge scale and ambitiousness of Chinese infrastructure programs.

Conclusion

Fred did get on a bender ranting on so.

But listen to what he is saying.

  • The world views America as a dangerous out-of-control bully.
  • Americans are blind to this reality

With that in mind, I’ll chime in with my “two cents”;

  • This situation is not sustainable.
  • If anyone thinks that Trump or his successor can suddenly change the course that America is on, they are delusional.
  • The only thing that is going to change the path that America is on today, is rapid and abrupt (internal) change. NO OTHER SOLUTION IS POSSIBLE.
I’m outraged at what has been done to our freedoms and our country. You should be, too.
 
We have been subjected to crackdowns, clampdowns, shutdowns,  showdowns, shootdowns, standdowns, knockdowns, putdowns, breakdowns,  lockdowns, takedowns, slowdowns, meltdowns, and never-ending letdowns.
 
We’ve been held up, stripped down, faked out, photographed, frisked, fracked, hacked, tracked, cracked,  intercepted, accessed, spied on, zapped, mapped, searched, shot at,  tasered, tortured, tackled, trussed up, tricked, lied to, labeled,  libeled, leered at, shoved aside, saddled with debt not of our own  making, sold a bill of goods about national security, tuned out by those  representing us, tossed aside, and taken to the cleaners.
 
We’ve had our freedoms turned inside out, our democratic structure  flipped upside down, and our house of cards left in a shambles.
 
We’ve had our children burned by flashbang grenades, our dogs shot, and our old folks hospitalized after “accidental” encounters with marauding SWAT teams.
 
We’ve been told that as citizens we have no rights within 100 miles of our own border, now considered “Constitution-free zones.”
 
We’ve had our faces filed in government databases, our biometrics crosschecked against criminal databanks, and our consumerist tendencies catalogued for future marketing overtures.
 
We’ve seen the police transformed from community peacekeepers to  point guards for the militarized corporate state. The police continue to  push, prod, poke, probe,  scan, shoot and intimidate the very individuals—we the taxpayers—whose  rights they were hired to safeguard. Networked together through fusion  centers, police have surreptitiously spied on our activities and snooped on our communications, using hi-tech devices provided by the Department of Homeland Security.
 
We’ve been deemed suspicious for engaging in such dubious activities as talking too long on a cell phone and stretching too long before jogging, dubbed extremists and terrorists for criticizing the government and suggesting it is tyrannical or oppressive, and subjected to forced colonoscopies and anal probes for allegedly rolling through a stop sign.
 
We’ve been arrested for all manner of “crimes” that never used to be  considered criminal, let alone uncommon or unlawful, behavior: letting our kids walk to the playground alonegiving loose change to a homeless manfeeding the hungry, and living off the grid.
 
We’ve been sodomized,  victimized, jeopardized, demoralized, traumatized, stigmatized,  vandalized, demonized, polarized and terrorized, often without having  done anything to justify such treatment. Blame it on a government  mindset that renders us guilty before we’ve even been charged, let alone  convicted, of any wrongdoing. In this way, law-abiding individuals have  had their homes mistakenly raided by SWAT teams that got the address wrong. One accountant found himself at the center of a misguided (armed) police standoff after surveillance devices confused his license plate with that of a drug felon.
 
We’ve been railroaded into believing that our votes count, that we  live in a republic or a democracy, that elections make a difference,  that it matters whether we vote Republican or Democrat, and that our  elected officials are looking out for our best interests. Truth be  told, we live in an oligarchy,  politicians represent only the profit motives of the corporate state,  whose leaders know all too well that there is no discernible difference  between red and blue politics, because there is only one color that  matters in politics: green.
 
We’ve gone from having privacy in our inner sanctums to having nowhere to hide, with smart pills that monitor the conditions of our bodies, homes that spy on us (with smart meters that monitor our electric usage and thermostats and light switches that can be controlled remotely) and cars that listen to our conversations, track our whereabouts and report them to the police. Even our cities have become wall-to-wall electronic concentration camps, with police now able to record hi-def video of everything that takes place within city limits.
 
We’ve had our schools locked down and turned into prisons, our students handcuffed, shackled and arrested for engaging in childish behavior such as food fights, our children’s biometrics stored, their school IDs chipped, their movements tracked, and their data bought, sold and bartered for  profit by government contractors, all the while they are treated like  criminals and taught to march in lockstep with the police state.
 
We’ve been rendered enemy combatants in our own country, denied basic due process rights,  held against our will without access to an attorney or being charged  with a crime, and left to waste away in jail until such a time as the  government is willing to let us go or allow us to defend ourselves.
 
We’ve had the very military weapons we funded with our hard-earned tax dollars used against us, from unpiloted, weaponized drones tracking our movements on the nation’s highways and byways and armored vehicles, assault rifles, sound cannons and grenade launchers in towns with little to no crime to an arsenal of military-grade weapons and equipment given free of charge to schools and universities.
 
We’ve been silenced, censored and forced to conform, shut up in free speech zones, gagged by hate crime laws, stifled by political correctness, muzzled by misguided anti-bullying statutes, and pepper sprayed for taking part in peaceful protests.
 
We’ve been shot by police for reaching for a license during a traffic stop, reaching for a baby during a drug bust, carrying a toy sword down a public street, and wearing headphones that hamper our ability to hear.
 
We’ve had our tax dollars spent on $30,000 worth of Starbucks for Department of Homeland Security employees, $630,000 in advertising to increase Facebook “likes” for the State Department, and close to $25 billion to fund projects ranging from the silly to the unnecessary, such as laughing classes for college students and programs teaching monkeys to play video games and gamble.
 
We’ve been treated like guinea pigs,  targeted by the government and social media for psychological  experiments on how to manipulate the masses. We’ve been tasered for  talking back to police, tackled for taking pictures of police abuses,  and threatened with jail time for invoking our rights. We’ve even been arrested by undercover cops stationed in public bathrooms who interpret men’s “shaking off” motions after urinating to be acts of lewdness.
 
We’ve had our possessions seized and stolen by law enforcement agencies looking to cash in on asset forfeiture schemes, our jails privatized and used as a source of cheap labor for megacorporations, our gardens smashed by police seeking out suspicious-looking plants that could be marijuana, and our buying habits turned into suspicious behavior by a government readily inclined to view its citizens as terrorists.
 
We’ve had our cities used for military training drills, with Black  Hawk helicopters buzzing the skies, Urban Shield exercises overtaking  our streets, and active shooter drills wreaking havoc on unsuspecting  bystanders in our schools, shopping malls and other “soft target”  locations.
 
We’ve been told that national security is more important than civil  liberties, that police dogs’ noses are sufficient cause to carry out  warrantless searches, that the best way not to get raped by police is to “follow the law,” that what a police officer says in court will be given preference over what video footage shows, that an upright posture and acne are sufficient reasons for a cop to suspect you of wrongdoing, that police can stop and search a driver based solely on an anonymous tip, and that police officers have every right to shoot first and ask questions later if they feel threatened.
 
Are you outraged yet?
 
You should be. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and right these wrongs.
 
Stop waiting patiently for change to happen, stop waiting for some  politician to rescue you, and take responsibility for your freedoms:  start by fixing what’s broken in your lives, in your communities, and in  this country.
 
Get mad, get outraged, get off your duff and get out of your house,  get in the streets, get in people’s faces, get down to your local city  council, get over to your local school board, get your thoughts down on  paper, get your objections plastered on protest signs, get your  neighbors, friends and family to join their voices to yours, get your  representatives to pay attention to your grievances, get your kids to  know their rights, get your local police to march in lockstep with the  Constitution, get your media to act as watchdogs for the people and not  lapdogs for the corporate state, get your act together, and get your  house in order.
 
Appearances to the contrary, this country does not belong exclusively  to the corporations or the special interest groups or the oligarchs or  the war profiteers or any particular religious, racial or economic  demographic.
 
This country belongs to all of us: each and every one of us—“we the  people”—but most especially, this country belongs to those of us who  love freedom enough to stand and fight for it.

  -Johnathan Whitehead 

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