All over the world people are getting married. They marry in the United States, they marry in Russia, they marry in Kenya, and they marry in China. A marriage is a wonderful and joyous event. It is a time of happiness and the beginning of a new life. it is a very special time, and a very special event.
Here are some cute and fun traditions that the contemporaneous Chinese have incorporated into their weddings. I think that they are adorable. As such, here are some great wedding ideas from Chinese weddings. They are often very different from what you would find int he West.
For instance, the bride has more than one wedding gown. Typically, she wears four or more during the day. That goes double for all the brides’ maids. Al the gals will need to change in and out of the various outfits all day.
Also, The groom is never alone, as he is always with his buddies. Trust me, he’s gonna need all their help. Indeed, there are all sorts of traditions that are often colored upon with modern technology and pop music.
"A few years ago, I spent nearly a month in the small city of Panjin, in the far north of China, near Shenyang. At first, I was staying in a local hotel near the city center. Starting on a Thursday night, and going through the weekend, I kept hearing loud fireworks going off, in the MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT!
When I looked out of the window, I would see pickup truck, or cars driving with a trail of loud firecrackers behind them. This was around 4 am, just an hour or so before dawn.
I asked our local agents what was going on and he described that this was part of their local wedding ceremony. AFTER the wedding, the bride goes back to her parents house. The groom has to go pick her up during the night, and bring her back to his house before dawn.... but, they cannot consecrate the marriage (ie, for those of you in Rio Linda, HAVE SEX) until dawn. As the groom is driving her, he sets off firecrackers to let everyone know how excited he is, and how GREAT the sex is going to be. So, of course... he wants them to be loud and long.
Apparently, the city center is the place where you want to do this, so the MOST PEOPLE POSSIBLE can know. I said, “hmm... fine.. Please move my hotel away from here”.
It was quite a tradition. They also have a very thriving business or renting Mercedes cars to drive the bride around during the wedding day. Also, big parties in several of the hotels where I was staying."
- 3/1/2019, 11:36:19 PM by SomeCallMeTim
There are many interesting aspects to a Chinese wedding. From the regional variances to the registration process with the government. It’s all extremely interesting. However, this post is not about the technical in’s and out’s of a Chinese wedding. Instead, we focus on some of the more cute and playful aspects of the wedding. Enjoy.
Please note that this post comes with many embedded micro-videos. These are small videos that are from 10 seconds long to maybe 59 seconds. They are very important to help understand the points being made. If you have trouble loading them, please refresh your browser. You will not be disappointed.
To get the most out of this post, you MUST watch the videos.
The Knight comes to the rescue…
Before a Chinese wedding celebration, the groom will often go to the bride's house to collect her. However, the bride will be surrounded by a few of her girlfriends, who will tease the groom before handing over the bride.
The girls will have to be bribed or convinced by the groom with pretends or envelopes with money before they will hand over their friend, the bride. Then, the bride and groom will bow to the bride's parents before taking her to the groom's house.
-Chinese Highlights
China has all sorts of traditions, and fun and games that the wedding consists of. Here, we begin with the idea that the groom must come over and fight for the bride.
He has to overcome all sorts of barriers that the bridesmaids put in front of him.
That’s part of the fun. You know, you make the groom fight for the bride. And, of course, he will have to fight. Sometimes playfully, and sometimes tested to the limits of his endurance. These battles and challenges are typically thought up by the brides’ maids, but in-laws and relatives often have a (nefarious) hand in this.
There are all all sorts of cute ways to do this. Here is a micro-video of the groom arriving to take the bride with him to the wedding ceremony. Here he arrives on a white horse (as in a knight in shining armor) and successfully battles the brides maids…
Oh, but it’s not going to be that easy…
Oh, you thought that it was just a matter of playing some games, eh? You thought that it was going to be easy. Well, sometimes it just isn’t. You see, you need to prove yourself to your future in-laws, and they often put mountains in your path for you to climb.
In China, drinking is considered a valuable skill. It is used to judge the merits of a person. This is true in friendships, business, and of course, marriage. Can you just imagine trying to go through this gauntlet? Good thing you’ll have your buddies to help you out. Yikes!!!!
"One point I can identify with is how drinking liquor is considered a skill, a valuable skill to many Chinese.
Think of it as “handling your liquor”, and how well you can “handle your liquor”. Most Chinese I know, by practice, talent or otherwise, can drink considerably more hard liquor than anyone else I know, and not manifest many attributes of being out right drunk. They certainly, all of them, can “drink me under the table”.
One of my good friends likes to play poker and drink - hard liquor. I think she knows that after any number of drinks, her game is as good as it was at the start, while those of us playing with her may not be playing as good as we might have with fewer drinks under our belt. I’m glad she agrees to play for small change. "
- 3/1/2019, 10:30:59 PM by Wuli
Taking the Bride to the Wedding
Once the groom manages to successfully free his bride from the clutches of the bridesmaids, now he needs to get her to the wedding. How is he going to do that? Because the job of the bridesmaids is to stop him. They are there to make him fight and battle for his wife. It’s not going to be easy.
So, how is he going to do this?
Often it is miles away or in a different town. Remember, in a Chinese wedding, not only do you need to get the bride from her parent’s house, but you have to take her to the government offices for the official documentation, and off to the chapel or dining hall for the proper ceremony.
It’s often a difficult journey, and there might be all sorts of road-blocks and troubles that could prevent you two from getting married.
The bridesmaids might have some tricks up their sleeve(s) as well.They will put up all sorts of roadblocks and things that the groom must overcome to take his bride away. Like siphoning out all the gas in the car… Yikes!
What is a groom to do?
Now that the Bride is near the Wedding Chapel (or it’s equivalent) how to get the Bride safe?
Once the bride is successfully removed from her parent’s house, and the Groom transports her to the town to be wed, just how is she going to be safe? After all, a pretty and attractive girl will have all kinds of suitors, and in China, if one can “steal her away” successfully, she is obligated to marry him instead. (China is a land of many unwritten traditions that will be enforced by the elders.) Yeah, the stakes can be that high.
She needs escorts and support. After all, you don’t want her walking alone, right?
Luckily, the groom will have his buddies to help. They will be there to escort the bride safely to the destination. They will be there to make sure that everything goes well and that there are no interruptions or problems.
And, yes, suitors can still interrupt and disrupt the marriage ceremony and “steal the bride away”. You need to protect the new bride. But how…?
Or, why walk when you can ride?
Here we have a cute video of the brides-men carting the troop of brides-maids off to the next stage in the smorgasbord of events…
How did it all begin? What is the first step?
Like in America, a man must propose to his bride. That is often a very simple event, but in China, it MUST be something very special. For starters, he should have a pretty good idea that she would agree to the proposal, or else he is just wasting his time. Secondly, he needs to make it special, and memorable. No Chinese girl worth her mettle would accept anything less than the best a man could provide. So the man must make a very special proposal.
This means that the proposal should be a surprise and as public as possible. His best men (best friends) must observe it happening, and her best friends must also be surprised. If possible both the best friends of the man, and the best friends of the girls must attend, but there’s a trick to it. The guys will know what is going on, but NONE of the girls must know. It must be kept a big secret from them.
It all starts with the proposal.
The man must propose to the girl. He must provide an engagement ring, and he must make the proposal as special as possible. I am not being trivial.
In the USA, the proposal is often considered a private affair. It is done in private, maybe over a quiet dinner or a romantic walk in the park. Not so in China. In China it must be as public as possible. There are rituals, formats, and setups that must be observed to make it a proper engagement.
In fact, it must be extremely special, public and noteworthy. The best men, will help set up the conditions for the wedding, and help him achieve it. The girls, the bride and all her bridesmaids must be kept in the dark about it. So it truly becomes a real surprise.
The proposal should be [1] public, [2] a surprise to the bride, and [3] witnessed by all her best girl friends (who themselves will all be surprised).
A little explanation is due here. In China, it is really not acceptable to show emotion or affection in public. The purpose of this surprise is to get the potential bride to break down. Often, if it is a real surprise the girl will tend to cry or get confused. The man, must take control of the situation and permit the girl to let the flow of emotion over take her.
Sometimes it is in an open and public square or place. At other times it might be in a rented dining room. The most important criteria is the top three points already mentioned above. Further, many Chinese like to have lit candles forming a heart and other meaningful symbology present.
And of course, here is another one…
The Wedding – The father gives the bride away…
Like in the United States, the father must give the bride away to the groom. Unlike the USA, however, the father must show that he blesses the wedding; that he approves of the groom, and that he publicly wishes the new couple great happiness.
Notice in the video below, how the father publicly motions that he accepts this marriage. We waves to everyone and leads the groom to the bride and puts their hands together. He makes a public display of acceptance.
About the Dresses…
In China, the wedding is much, much more complex than what you would find in the United States. In fact, the bride might change in and out of multiple wedding dresses. There is, of course, the white wedding dress, but there are also different dresses that the bride wears. Yes. The day of the wedding will require the bride to change in and out of dresses all day.
For most Chinese brides, picking the perfect wedding gown actually means picking three dresses. The typical traditional dress is called a qipao, which has been worn in China since the 17th century. Most women will wear one red qipao, a white Western-style gown, and a third ball gown throughout the night. The dresses are changed throughout the reception after courses are served. Some brides will even opt for a fourth dress, which they wear as they are saying their goodbyes as guests depart the wedding.
Almost every wedding has the traditional Red Wedding Dress that the bride must wear…
As well as other dresses. Such as this black dress that is used to accept the “red envelopes” and blessings from friends, family, extended family and just about everyone else.
Here is a nice catalog of come contemporaneous red dresses for the bride to wear. I personally find all of them quite fetching and attractive. My goodness!
I personally love the different types of wedding gowns. These are selected for various reasons as they have different purposes. Unknown to most Americans, China is criss-crossed with a network of minority Chinese. Each one has their own traditions and cultures, and the Chinese government does it’s best to make sure that these are not eradicated by the onslaught of technology and new ways of doing things (as part of cultural advances).
Here we have another pretty bride. Note the large amount of gold that she is wearing. This is not the same kind of gold that you would get in the United States; 14-carat or other “improved” alloys. This is pure 100% real gold with no alloys. You see, in the United States, the jewelry business has been running a long-running scam on the American people. Americans pay for gold rings and adornments out of gold alloys. Not real gold. Most American gold alloys are over 80% alloy with only a very tiny amount of gold.
Not so in China.
Second Marriages
In this case, below, the woman is older and this is her second marriage, with all the baggage and emotion that is involved. China, like traditional America, prefers a marriage without any kind of divorce. Here we have the bride going through a second full-scale marriage.
This is often a very emotional affair, and the bride publicly admits to a new marriage, and a new beginning. In the United States, second and third weddings are often quiet affairs with only the paperwork processed. Not in China. If you get married a second time, the entire town must know about it. You can’t keep it quiet. Everyone must know.
She has to face the community, her relatives and her family. All the memories of the trials of her former life; her former husband, and all the troubles and strains – the hardships and the emotions come flooding to her. If she has children, they are in attendance. Her classmates fly in from all over the nation. Relatives, even the rudest and most distant comes and attends.
Here the bride looks like a queen. She is ready to start all over again. She recognizes the trials and the mistakes of the earlier marriage and is willing and strong enough to move forward with her new husband in the direction of a new life. Doesn’t she look stunning!
The Wedding Song…
Often there is a performer that will sing to the bride (and groom). In China, many people love to sing. It’s a very popular sport, far more popular than it is in the United States. Sometimes the groom will sing to the bride. Sometimes the bride will sing to the groom. And sometimes trusted close friends will sing to the bride.
Often, the singer is very close personally to the bride and the meaning of the song and the emotions involving the wedding becomes evident. As the singer and the bride often are great friends. As friends they would share their hopes and dreams as they grow up. They would share dorm rooms, and clothes. They would know each others darkest fears and their grandest hopes and dreams. When a close person sings to you, they sing with meaning and emotion. For they honestly and sincerely wish the best for you.
American Traditions…
Many American traditions are incorporated as well. The children bringing the rings to the bride and groom for instance, the idea of a best man, and the ideas of the bridesmaids are all incorporated. Here, we have the bouquet being thrown, and captured to promptly gives it to the object of his affections…
Leaving for the honeymoon…
After an absolutely exhausting day, the bride and groom can leave the wedding party and begin their new life together. We can wish them all the best. For their life is only just starting. Here we give them all the best wishes possible.
Special Mention for all the friends…
Let’s not forget the bride’s maids. In China, classmates are much closer than they are in America. They tend to treat each other like brothers and sisters. Seriously. While everyone gets married and goes their separate ways in life, often moving to remote cities, the friendship persists.
If there is one thing that I have learned, it is the importance of friends and family. Do not take these people for granted. They are very important. We are not lone wolves fighting and surviving in the wilds. We are part of a community, and our life will run much smoother once we accept that truth.
Here’s to the wedding party…
Here’s to the beautiful bride…
Weddings are about many things. Firstly it is about leaving the old and starting a new family. In China, often the man will give 100% of his pay to the wife. She will then use the money to build up a family, a home, and a community standing. That is quite different from the United States, where the man may only give a small portion of his earnings to the wife.
In fact, a Chinese bride would rather get 100% of what the husband makes, even if it is a very small amount, instead of a small percentage of a huge wealthy man’s income. I know, 5% of a million dollars is much more than 100% of a hundred dollars. But, Chinese women are not like American women. They want 100% of their man. Nothing less than that would do.
So here’s to the beautiful Chinese bride…
Conclusion
Personally, the best thing that I ever did was get married to my wife. I have never been very rich, and our life has been quite modest. However, she still sticks beside me. Even though I get older and I have gained weight.
Here’s a Chinese girl wearing a ethnic Chinese minority wedding dress for a section of her wedding day. The hat that she wears is always 100% solid silver, and is often handed down from grandmother to mother to daughter.
I sincerely hope that this post can inspire others towards their marriage and their life together. A marriage in China is an awesome experience. May everyone have a great and happy future together!
A Final Word
I just want to add a little something that really means a lot to me, and that I want to impress upon you; the reader.
You know, fairy tales really do come true. Don’t listen to all those jaded folk who have had some less than pleasant experiences. If you are good, and you have a good kind heart, your world can be wonderful. Please keep that faith.
There is a boy for every girl in this world. You might think that you are too strange, too much of an odd-ball, but that is not true. There is a person out there for you. And…
And, when you see that person. Don’t be afraid. Go up to them and say hi. That other person is a gift from God. Don’t throw it away.
Fairy tales really, really, REALLY do come true.
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