I used to work as a maintenance engineer at a float glass factory in Pennsylvania. It was a short gig, and then they laid me off. It is the way that things were back them. Hire. Work to the bone. Fire. Then repeat.
This was in the late 1980’s and it was a hellish situation.
Not just in industry, but literally at the factory site.
Hot furnace. Hot lines. Hot people. Dark and dingy work environment. Yeah. Hell.
“Float glass” is just melted glass that is formed into sheets. It floats on a hot “river” of molten lead, and then is pulled and stretched like taffy down a long line.
As it is pulled, it rides on roller once it leaves the molten lead river. And it is a pretty large process, and quite hot and difficult.
Now, the people working there were affected by the toxic fumes from the lead river. And they were all kind of loopy. Enraged, mean, cruel and all the rest. They would pull nasty pranks on us all the time; it didn’t matter, just mean and nasty stuff.
So I designed some new replacement rollers for the line.
It took me a while to do. And I had to work overtime, unpaid to do so. Once the work was done, I was told to deliver it immediately after midnight to the plant. So I did.
There were a bunch of rolls. I had to use maybe three cardboard boxes to cart them all.
And sure as shit, I delivered them ON TIME as requested.
Then the next da…
I was called into the office, all 300+ drawings were missing. No one could find them. Not the guy that I hand carried them to.
He just smirked.
Nope. He just shrugged his shoulders, and ordered me to “make new ones”. And not to take too long.
I felt something was off. This was highly unusual. You do not lose three boxes of 300 expensive blueprints.
So they told me to make them again, I rushed and got them done in under a week.
Luckily, I had backups (normally at that time, no one had backups… people just do not lose one-of-a-kind Mylar blueprints.)
And so using those backups, I made duplicated… unpaid overtime.
And I delivered them at night right after I finished up with them. After all, it was an “emergency” and the loss of the earlier copies “was an accident”.
I had an inkling of what was going on, so I made sure that I did not give away my only backups.
And sure as shit, they “lost” them again.
Yeah. Shame me once, Shame me a second time. A third time… no fucking way!
This time, when they wanted the drawings and demand that I make them up, I used the originals.
I was pissed.
No shit. I used the originals.
…
And I modified the actual dimensions.
No one would ever know what the correct dimensions were .
…
I changed the lengths. I changed the diameters. I changed the bearing strengths and the uniformity of the grease lube holes.
I did this on all 300+ drawings.
Then I MADE SURE that the drawings… these modified drawings made it to the supplier factory to make.
Once I did that… my job was over, and they laid me off.
On a Friday…night.
After I worked a 14 hour day. Assholes. Not only that, they contested my unemployment, so I was stranded without a safety net. I mean, what the fuck did I do to them. I didn’t complain or bitch. I just did what they said. It was a paycheck to me.
But…
…yeah. I knew the score.
…
Nine months later. I forgot about it all.
And they are refurbishing the line. They were working without pay for months. And I found work far away in another state.
Life moves on.
…
The waves of anger hit me. Goosebumps. Saturation anger.
ELF was a pinging!
LOL.
They were now dealing with a planned three month shutdown using incomparable parts, messed up systems and elaborate components that were simply not viable for use.
Oh well… SNICKER.
Oh, and they knew. They fucking knew what I did. They knew it was me. And you know what? They KNEW exactly WHY… too.
…
Jackasses. You do not toy with others like a that. You get what you deserve.
Please. Don’t fuck with others.
Maybe once.
Maybe twice.
But the third time you deserve what you get.
Today…
What is the best revenge you got on a superior in your workplace?
Several years ago, I was working full time while attending college full time and pastoring a small country church. I also had 2 school aged children at the time. Needless to say, my life was very busy. Production was picking up at work and they instituted a voluntary overtime schedule. Since it was voluntary, I chose to not work it.
My supervisor approached me one day and said they needed me to work overtime.
I said I thought it was voluntary.
He said it is.
I told him I didn’t want to work it.
He said but I need you to work it and set an example for the less senior people.
I told him, I’d set the example by getting my work done in 40 hours.
But I need you to work overtime.
Then it isn’t voluntary.
Yes it’s voluntary.
Has anything been late shipping because I haven’t worked any overtime.
No.
Then I choose not to work it.
This went back and forth several times. Then it happened on several different days. Same result I refused to work the VOLUNTARY overtime.
Since the supervisor wasn’t getting anywhere with me, he had the plant manager talk to me. Basically, the same conversation, just a different day and a different boss. Finally they said if I didn’t work the voluntary overtime, I would be written up.
I called their bluff and submitted my 2 weeks notice. I stated that I didn’t think that was the best for myself or the company, but I had too much going on in my life to work the voluntary overtime. I submitted a written copy to my supervisor, the plant manager, HR, and the company president.
When I hadn’t heard anything back in over a week, but before the 2 weeks were up, I asked my supervisor about it. He simply said, “Oh, you don’t have to work the overtime.”
Hmm.
I ended up working for that company for over 20 years after that. Actually, staying there longer than my supervisor, the plant manager, or even the CEO/president.
Chili Garlic Stuffed Peppers
This recipe is sure to be a crowd pleaser! It’s packed-full of delicious flavor from Johnsonville® Sausage.
Ingredients
- 1 (16 ounce) package Johnsonville® All Natural Fresh Italian Mild Ground Sausage
- 5 red, green or yellow bell peppers
- 1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
- 1 1/2 cups garlic & herb marinara sauce
- 1 2/3 cups shredded Italian blend cheese, divided
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Instructions
- Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
- In a skillet, cook and crumble ground sausage over medium heat until browned and fully cooked; about 7-10 minutes.
- Add the spinach, marinara sauce, 1 cup cheese, garlic and crushed red pepper.
- Cut top off each pepper; scoop out pulp and seeds.
- Place peppers on a microwave safe plate; cook for 2 to 3 minutes or until tender.
- Fill peppers with sausage mixture; place peppers in a greased baking dish.
- Sprinkle with remaining cheese; bake for 20 minutes or until completely heated.
Notes
For a fun appetizer, use mini sweet bell peppers instead of large peppers and omit microwave heating step. Place mini stuffed peppers upright in muffin cups while baking.
“I’m embarrassed to be out in public with my boyfriend.”
My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. I love my boyfriend, but he lacks social awareness and doesn’t have good manners. For example, when we went out to dinner the other night, he was talking/laughing extremely loudly, burping and farting. When we go to the movies, he talks regularly rather than whispering and makes commentary about the movie, which annoys the other people in the theatre. Also, whenever we walk past a group of people, he tries to be funny and says stupid things. For example, the other day, we were walking past a group of guys and my boyfriend was like “i need to fart” super loudly. Mind you, he’s 27.
I don’t know if i’m being overly sensitive or if his behaviour is childish and unacceptable. How can i handle this situation?
Dear Embarrassed Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend’s lack of social awareness and immature behavior in public settings is understandably frustrating and embarrassing for you. Burping, farting loudly, making inappropriate commentary at the movies, and saying crude things to strangers is the kind of conduct most people outgrow by the time they graduate high school, not the way a 27-year-old man should be acting.
You’re absolutely right to be bothered by this. It’s not overly sensitive to expect your partner to have basic manners, exercise restraint, and behave respectfully in shared public spaces. His childish antics reflect poorly on him and on you by association.
The real issue is why your boyfriend seems oblivious to social norms and unconcerned with how his behavior affects you and others around him. Have you talked to him directly about this? I would sit him down at a neutral time, not right after an incident, and calmly explain how his actions make you feel. Use “I” statements like “I feel embarrassed when you make loud bodily noises in restaurants” rather than “You always humiliate me.”
See if he’s receptive to toning things down and working on his self-control and social skills. If he gets defensive, minimizes your feelings, or refuses to make an effort to change, then you’ll need to consider whether you can accept this long-term. It’s no fun constantly cringing at your partner’s behavior.
Ultimately, you can’t force him to change, but you can and should advocate for yourself. Make clear that the status quo is unacceptable to you. If he’s unwilling to modify his behavior, you may need to modify the relationship. There’s someone out there who can make you laugh without making you cringe.
Women Are ATTACKING Men Because We Refuse To Date Them…
What is the most disturbing thing your ex did after you broke up with them?
I was at a mutual friends house when my ex bf showed up asking to speak with me. My friend told him I didn’t want to talk to him at the moment then he closed his door. All of a sudden all you could hear was something hitting the windows, followed by the sound of glass shattering. Over and over all you could hear was the sound of windows being busted out.
My friend yelled, “Get down he is shooting!” I was thinking their is no way, surely he is just throwing a brick or something. After the ninth window I told my friend I’m going to go get help. I didn’t have a cell phone at the time because my ex had broken it earlier in the week and intercepted the new one when it came in the mail.
My parents lived two blocks away. I grabbed my dog and started running towards my parents house. I heard another gunshot. I didn’t know if he was shooting at me, or if he had turned the gun on himself. I ran in my parents house crying hysterically and called 911. The police came right away and arrested him. My ex threw the gun in the sewer so the police never caught him with it.
My friends landlord was so mad about his windows. He asked my friend what type of company was he keeping. The police put a restraining order on my ex after he broke out the window to my car (with me in it), and the window to my house.
Roast…!
When did you realize that your childhood was not normal?
I don’t know when I first realized that my childhood wasn’t normal but I do remember some of the specific realizations I had.
I was very neglected and realized at a very young age that if anyone was going to take care of me and make sure I had food, I had to take care of myself. I jokingly say that television raised me because television spent more time with me than either of my parents ever did.
There was no alcohol or drugs in my home so I didn’t have that problem but my parents were very religious and controlling. I was only allowed to wear green dress shirts. I was never allowed to wear red, blue, or t-shirts. Somehow though, I managed to always forget to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. I never wore what any of the other kids wore. I was always the outsider, the freak, the shunned one.
I think the reason my dad ignored me was because I was a disappointment to him. I wasn’t born a strapping young holy man. My dad often did buy toys but he bought them for himself and he played with the toys until he broke the toys and then he gave the toys to me. I don’t think I ever had a toy that wasn’t already broken before I got it.
But even though my parents tried to turn me into a righteous, holy man, I found my dad’s secret porn stash. Hypocrisy anyone?
And if you think my parents were bad, just wait till you learn about my crazy grandfather who believed that God had told him to sleep with many women and children in order to spread his holy seed.
People told me they admired how I never conformed to peer pressure. How I wish I was able to conform to peer pressure. How I wish I would have been allowed to wear red t-shirts.
How to spot GUILT TRIPPERS from mile away
What was a loophole that you found and exploited the hell out of?
One day, when I was in the seventh grade, I missed the bus. My family only had one car, which my father drove to work. For this reason, my mother made me walk to school. It was springtime and the weather was pleasant.
I walked to school (and it was not in 10 feet of snow both ways, nor was I barefoot). By the time I got there and signed in as tardy in the principal’s office, I had missed two classes. I was told to sit and wait for the bell and join my next class…so I waited.
The bell rang and I dashed off to my next class.
The next day my first two teachers both asked for a note for being absent. I explained that I had missed the bus and had to walk to school. That was end the of the discussion.
A lightbulb went off in my head.
- The school did not call my mom. Even if they had, she knew I was on my way there.
- My teachers had no idea that I was late and not absent.
- The office did not contact my teachers when I was not in class, nor did they inform the teachers in my later classes.
So, the next chance I got (weather allowing) I purposefully missed the bus and walked to school. I then signed in as tardy in the principal’s office. Then when the next bell rang, I walked out the side door.
I was free.
It was a warm day. I went to the town park, where I found an envelope that simply said “Paperboy”. In it was $6.00 in cash.
I was rich.
I went to the local news shop and bought a National Lampoon magazine, a sandwich, and a soda (those were the days). I went back to the park and enjoyed the rest of the day. As I read my new magazine, I decided that tomorrow I would bring my boom box.
My Wife Had an Affair With My Best Man
As a doctor or nurse, what are some of the most powerful last words a patient has said?
“When I was 20, I worked in a nursing home. I befriended a man who talked about WW2 and how he’d lost so many guys in his company. One day, he had a stroke. When he returned from the hospital, he couldn’t remember anyone but me and told me he wasn’t doing good. He knew his time was coming to a close. He said it was time to pay for all the horrible things he’d done in Europe. He wasn’t religious but asked me where I thought he was going. I said to bed because it’s lights out. He said, ‘No, Jodie, my name’s Mike, ‘I mean up or down.’ I’m not a religious person, but I said, ‘That’s not for me to say.’ He laughed and said, ‘I know where I’m going. There’s only one place for people who have done what I’ve done…I’ve killed so many people, Jodie. Most of the time, it didn’t matter who it was. We went into buildings just shooting. There’s only one place for me. It’s what I deserve.'” “I worked there as a dietary aide, and it was a pretty nice nursing home. He and I’d become pretty good friends, too. I had absolutely nothing to respond with when he’d said that. He passed away the next day.
When I say that experience shook me to the core, I really mean it. I quit that day. That man’s face is burned into memory because of that conversation. His son said he kept asking where Jodie was at. Working in a nursing home is a haunting place. It takes a special type of person to be able to watch people just die around you.”
Today’s comic memes
What is the one in a million coincidence you have ever had?
I live in Dunedin, New Zealand – it’s a small-to-medium sized University city. At the time of this story, the city’s population was around 120,000 and the University had around 7,000 students, many of them living in the 1000 or so student flats which dot the city.
I was visiting a friend in a town about 100 miles north of Dunedin – Oamaru. While I was there, my friend introduced me to a couple of her friends, Chris and Natalie, and we started chatting about various things. Eventually the subject turned to music, and I mentioned the band I was in. Among the things I mentioned was that we’d had our first gig the year before at a party in a student flat that was unusual because someone had put an old public telephone box on the upstairs balcony.
Chris said “Was it in Park Street? I used to flat there when I was at uni.” Chris had flatted, three years earlier, in the flat where my band had its first gig.
The Natalie chimed in – “My brother lives in that flat!” Natalie’s brother Shane was now an occupant of the same flat.
The following month, I started my master’s degree course and was given study space to share with two other students working on similar topics – one of them was Natalie’s brother, Shane.
Dating Matters: “I’m 21F and ugly as a pig.”
I’m 21F and ugly as a pig. I have a birth defect that causes asymmetry and makes my speech kinda wobbly and stuff. On most days it doesn’t bother me much, I get by. I have my puppy, jobs here and there, I’m very close with my family. But then I go out. No guy ever looks at me. Even if I’m hanging out with people and there are guys, they don’t glance at me or say a word at me. Even if I ask them a question, they don’t answer. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have a husband and kids and a happy home. It sounds cheesy and really fucking stupid but I doubt I’ll ever even have a real healthy relationship because I am just so ugly. If a guy was into me, he’d judt be settling. I don’t want to be settled for. So I guess I’ll just never experience anyone liking or loving me romantically. It’s very hard and a girl I know is having her second kid and I haven’t ever even kissed anyone because apparently no one wants to kiss me. The acquaintances I have keep telling me it’ll happen but they just don’t understand that it won’t. It’s kinda hard to date and kiss guys when they don’t even acknowledge your existance.
Oh my dear, my heart aches for you. The pain and loneliness you describe is so palpable and understandable. It’s a fundamental human need to feel seen, acknowledged, and loved – especially romantically. Your yearning for a husband, children and happy home is far from stupid. It’s a beautiful dream shared by many.
I want to be very clear on this – your worth is not defined by your appearance or by male attention. You are so much more than what’s on the surface. The fact that you have ambitions, care for a puppy, work hard, and have a tight-knit family says a lot about your character. Those are the qualities that make a person truly attractive.
Society places far too much emphasis on conventional beauty standards. But real love – the deep, enduring kind – looks beyond that. It sees the uniqueness of a person’s spirit, the magic of their heart.
I know it feels impossible to imagine right now, but there are people out there capable of appreciating you for all that you are. Perhaps you haven’t met them yet. Perhaps they are still growing and learning to see with clearer eyes. Don’t let the ignorance or superficiality of some define your self-worth.
Continue investing in yourself and in what brings you joy and meaning. Nurture your wonderful bonds with family. There are many kinds of love in this life and romantic love is just one of them. Pursue your interests, be kind to yourself and others. Let your incredible resilience and zest for life shine through.
In navigating these feelings, it might help to expand your social network in contexts where personality and passions can shine brighter than physical appearance. Perhaps there are clubs, groups, or volunteer organizations in your area that align with your interests—places where you can meet people who share your values and enthusiasms. These settings can be more conducive to forming genuine connections because they focus on common interests rather than appearances.
Also, it may be beneficial to continue discussing these feelings with someone who can provide professional guidance, like a therapist. Therapy can be a great space to explore your self-image and learn strategies to bolster your self-esteem. It can also provide tools to help you navigate and challenge the societal pressures that so harshly define beauty and worth.
When you are living as your fullest self, you’ll be in a much better position to find and build healthy relationships.
Lastly, try to remember that life’s timelines are as varied as the people who live them. The fact that someone you know is on a different path does not diminish the potential of your journey. It’s okay to move at your own pace and in your own way.
You are deserving of love and happiness, not as a settlement, but as a celebration of who you are. Keep your heart open and your head held high. You have much to offer, and there is much still to come.
Warmest regards
What to say when someone belittles you
After de-coupling supply chains from China, how can non-Chinese companies and countries build supply chain cost structures which are competitive against the Chinese supply chains?
Take chips and airliners, which China has had to import. China spent more on chips than oil until recently, buying hundreds of billions dollars worth every year.
Why? It made few chips, especially the higher-end ones.
Chips wasn’t a priority in the current 2021–2025 five year plan, because the Chinese had more pressing concerns lower down the value chain.
But Huawei changed everything.
China now has 30% of global chip production capacity, and will exceed 40% in a few years. There is a legitimate case for overcapacity and subsidy, on a free market basis. Unfortunately, trade flow is being reshaped by politics, rather than economics, and that is why Janet glaringly omitted CHIPS from her Beijing spiel.
To emphasize, the overcapacity in chips is solely driven by America throwing its weight around to unfairly contain Chinese development in high technology, and the Chinese threw restraint (and the rule book) out the window.
For airliners, China didn’t make any, until recently. Comac currently has 2 models in service, the ARJ21 and the C919. In a few years, production of the C919 will be ramped up to over 200 per year, along with the introduction of the CJ-1000 engine option next to the Leap 1. The backlog of orders, currently >1,500, will take a decade to clear. The first widebodies, the C929 and C939 (the A330 and A350 equivalent) will also make commercial debut in the 2030s, along with Chinese engine options.
All these form part of a broad spectrum assault up the value chain, allowing China to go from today’s 35% of global manufacturing to >50% before 2040 arrives.
There will be two classes of goods in the near future: China-made or foreign made. By then, China will have an essentially complete indigenous supply chain built on IP it controls. Other than select niches such as specialty pharmaceuticals, software and machine tools, the Chinese will have competent or even superior alternatives to everything the rest of the world manufactures, from green energy to AI. The exclusivity of western high walls and deep moats will increasingly be found in the recesses of history.
On to the consumer. An often underexplored angle is the end-to-end shopping experience. In today’s world, it’s the online stream that drives sales. Finding a product, choosing among options, payment and finally delivery. Today, I can order a $5 item from China, and select the 5-day guaranteed doorstep delivery for another $1.50.
Amazon can’t do that. Rakuten can’t do that.
Temu and Shein are absolutely smashing markets worldwide, because they are offering end-to-end apparel shopping experiences that no one else is delivering today.
What’s their secret sauce?
Affordable quality at the forefront of trendiness, fulfilled in a jiffy.
It isn’t just cost structure, to step up to bat with the Chinese.
The entire service platform including the underlying logistics is just as critical.
The competition hasn’t emerged yet, but I welcome being proven wrong.
Why have I expended so many words without seeming to answer the question directly?
I have come around to the conclusion that cost structure is the wrong question to ask, because friend-shoring is being shaped through politics, rather than economics.
The bigger change is the 1–2 trillion dollars of revenue that foreign firms generate in China, the largest single market in the world. That is why Janet and others have drawn attention to China’s “excessive household savings” and “low consumption”, calling on the government to boost demand. Foreign firms are seeing alarming shifts in Chinese demand patterns, from Tesla to Apple to Starbucks to Boeing. Will French bags, Swiss watches, German cars, Italian fashion be next?
This is irreversible, as Chinese competition improve by the day, attracted by the high margin, glitzy models of western capitalism.
This is the true galactic war being fought, in the mainland market, and not the friend-shoring distraction. The Chinese brands that emerge from this brutal experience will be globally competitive. Even runner-ups will be able to find niches elsewhere, such as Transsion in Africa.
In other words, forget friend-shoring and competitive cost structures. Any firm that doesn’t have a place in the world’s biggest, most dynamic and competitive single market isn’t globally competitive, and will have to rely on political protection to survive.
I’d like to end with a short discussion on the scale of the Chinese challenge.
The strength of the Chinese come from their extraordinary ability to organize and cooperate on multiple scales, including pie-in-the-sky multi-generational goals without set horizons.
The five-year plans are a good example, a top-down-bottom-up meeting of minds to drive national progress. For example, a bottom-up request to increase rural income requires top-down connectivity and power, from roads/public transport, to electric and telecoms grids, so that farmers gain market access, and talent and investment can pour in for job creation. This all-of-nation cooperation between public and private is rare, with the closest being Taiwan when the KMT was in charge. Japan and Korea both suffer from opposing clan interests, and as Japan discovered for the past 2-3 decades, competitive advantages can be rug-pulled by Uncle Sam on whim. As a national system, I believe modern day China is peerless in terms of the depth and cohesiveness of broad-spectrum cooperation.
Ten, twenty years ago, Toyota will keep an eye out for what Honda and Nissan is doing, followed by Hyundai and Kia, with a secondary interest in the Germans. Toyota stayed the number 1 carmaker globally wholly on merit, because it has core competencies.
Fast forward to the present and Toyota is staring goggle-eyes at the millions of BEVs being churned out by the Chinese, when its own BEV presence and selection is minimal. Even Huawei and Xiaomi are churning out cars today with smart self-driving features. BYD is replacing shocks/springs/struts with linear motors for suspension, and it is far superior to the best the market has to offer today. BYD, one company, hires more R&D staff than foreign automakers combined.
It is a different scale of challenge when BYD can add hundreds of thousands in production capacity within 12–18 months through local government support in factory building, provision of utilities, upgrading of connectivity, the hiring of staff, and approval of permits. The speed and efficiency takes the breath away. Better yet, the modern Chinese factory enjoys a high degree of automation, and production can be rapidly scaled up at other sites.
One will have to copy the Chinese to keep up with the Chinese, without the advantage of market scale, and the efficiencies enabled by the public-private cooperation model.
If a girl does this, never talk to her again…
Have you ever found out your kid wasn’t yours by getting a paternity test? If so, what did you do and did you stay in the child’s life?
My ex-girlfriend called me to let me know she was pregnant. We got married and not long after the baby was born she walked away and left the baby with me.
Over the years, family would ask me if I was sure she was mine. She looked nothing like me or other members of my family. My daughter has very dark skin. Her mother was never a serious part of her life. On days when her mother was supposed to pick her up and spend time with her, my daughter would get dressed-up and excited and her mom was a “no-show”. I would make up some excuse for her mom not showing up. And on birthdays and Christmas, I would always place a gift under the tree and address it from her mom.
As she got older, her appearance got more defined and had nothing in common with me or my family. Her skin got darker and her lips thicker and her hair curlier. There were always the questions from family and friends and the usual gossip in our hometown.
One day, when she was 15 years old, she sat down next to me as I was working on my laptop. She said “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” I continued what I was doing and simply replied, “Sure, sweetie, what’s on your mind?” She said, “Daddy, would you like me to take a DNA test?” That hit me real hard so I stopped what I was doing, closed my laptop and faced her. I said “Now why exactly would I want you to do something like that?” She answered, “Wouldn’t you want to know for sure if I am your daughter?” She just sat there looking down at the floor while I weighed the question and realized I was walking on a mine field and I had to gather myself and get this right. “Honey, you are my daughter and no DNA test will change that. There is nothing a paternity or DNA test can tell me that will make me think anything else. “
My daughter is grown up now and has many other roles. She is a doctor, a wife, and a mother. But she remains and always will be my daughter.
Why the US will lose its War on China
Carl Zha talks to Dr. Oualaalou of the @geopoliticaltrends about what and why the US plan to contain China is doomed to failure. We discuss the latest development of US military deployment in Taiwan Strait and the Philippines.
Marriage Matters: “Married for 9yrs, still a ‘virgin’”
My husband (M32) and I (F31) have been married for just over 9 years and we’ve never had penetrative sex because the idea of it makes him uncomfortable. Some backstory: we got married young, right out of college and in a Christian context (e.g. believing sex before marriage was bad, unable to live together until we exchanged vows, etc). My husband went from living with his parents to living with me. We didn’t have sex on our wedding night, though I wanted to, because he felt like there was too much pressure. I understood that and didn’t think twice about it. Over the next few days of our honeymoon, we had oral sex and used our hands, but whenever I would ask for him to put on a condom he would instantly go soft and feel uncomfortable, killing the mood. This is basically the recipe for the first few years of marriage: I would try to initiate penetrative sex and he would get weirded out and go soft. Since penetration isn’t everything, I was fine with pleasing one another in other ways, but kept feeling like I was missing out on an experience I wanted to try. I also started to feel like he wasn’t actually attracted to me since the thought of entering me turned him off. Over time, what sex life we did have diminished to almost nothing. It’s been over a year since we’ve even touched one another like that. We’ve tried talking it through several times over the years, but the conversation is always initiated by me and he feels like I’m hurting his feelings and making him feel insecure by bringing up my dissatisfaction. He goes to therapy, but says he isn’t comfortable brining it up with a therapist. I’m just kind of at a loss for what to do. The lack of sex and intimacy seems like a non issue to him, but I’m sad that I’m missing out on that part of a romantic relationship and not sure if I can go the rest of my life without it. I feel as though these years where my body is at the best it’s ever been (and may ever be) are slipping away and I can’t enjoy feeling attractive/sexy. He doesn’t look at me with any desire, never comments on my appearance, nothing except casual physical tough and daily morning/goodnight kisses. It’s basically like we’re platonic but trying to keep up some version of attraction. I’ve asked him a few times if he may be asexual or not attracted to women, but he denies both with fervor. I’ve asked him if he thinks he should bring it up to his doctor but he doesn’t see it as a medical issue. We’ve discussed going to couples therapy, and he’s open to it, but still is uncomfortable discussing the details of this with anyone else.
I hear the depth of your pain and frustration. Going 9 years without the sexual intimacy you crave in your marriage is undoubtedly a heavy burden. You’ve been exceedingly patient and understanding, but it’s clear that this issue has taken a serious toll on your self-esteem and overall well-being.
You raise an important point about the potential role of your husband’s religious upbringing. Purity culture and conservative attitudes towards sex can inflict deep psychological wounds that make embracing intimacy incredibly challenging, even within the bounds of marriage. The visceral aversion to penetration and the inability to discuss it openly definitely raises red flags for possible religious trauma.
It’s also necessary to consider the possibility that your husband may be grappling with his sexual orientation. If he’s coming to terms with attraction to the same sex, that can be a daunting realization to process, especially coming from a conservative background.
Regardless of the underlying cause, you’re absolutely right that this will not improve until your husband is willing to confront it head-on. His avoidance and defensiveness when you attempt to discuss it is not acceptable. You have every right to advocate for your needs and expect him to take concrete steps towards addressing this impasse.
Pursuing the guidance of a sex therapist is a wise course of action. They can provide a safe, knowledgeable space for your husband to unpack his hang-ups and work towards a healthier relationship with intimacy. I would encourage you to clearly express to your husband that seeking such help is not optional if he wants your marriage to thrive. He has to take ownership of his blocks and commit to the hard work of overcoming them.
I also want to validate your right to have your needs met. If your husband continues to stonewall you and refuses to dig into this issue, it may be time to reevaluate whether this relationship is tenable for you long-term. A sexless marriage is a perfectly valid dealbreaker. You’re not shallow or wrong for craving that dimension of intimacy.
Please know that you are not responsible for your husband’s hang-ups. This is not your fault or a reflection of your desirability. Continue to nurture your confidence and self-image independent of his struggles.
I know there are no easy answers here, but you deserve to have your needs taken seriously. Keep advocating for yourself and your marriage. Be clear in your expectations and don’t hesitate to establish firm boundaries around what you need from your husband.
Hopefully with the right professional guidance and a commitment to doing the work, you two can find your way to a more fulfilling intimate life. If not, know that you have every right to seek the happiness you deserve, even if that means making painful decisions.
Wishing you all the best as you navigate this challenging chapter.
Would you fire an employee for not helping a regular customer on their day off at a different store or location (working at Walmart, but a regular asks for help at Target or JCPenney)?
Having been involved in retail for decades.
Back in the mid 80’s I was doing a price shop, collecting their lumber & building materials prices, for comparison. The competition store had a policy that I be upfront, not coming in and trying to spy. So one fine day I’m there wearing my company polo and a jacket that had our logo on the back. My name badge clipped to my jacket. I wasn’t trying to hide.
As I was finishing up I was approached by a customer who asked if I could help her with a storm door. I was walking that way so I expected she needed help with putting the door in the buggy.
Wrong, she needed a sales pitch. So I gave her one. She thought that low price equals poor quality. So I did my sales pitch on storm doors and answered her questions.
I ended my pitch with a trick, I threw my 25 ft tape measure at the “glass” and caught it when it bounced off. She asked if “we” installed and I said yes we did. So writing down the UPC I walked the customer to the desk and turned the sale over to a store employee. Smiling to myself I walked out.
A week or so later I was back in the same location again doing a price shop. The Asst. Manager had seen me walk in, he walked up and told me to talk to the store manager. He and I walked to the office. He bought me a can of Coke and got the boss.
The store manager walked out and had one of their shirts in hand. It seems that my help in the store was documented because the lady I’d helped had written a letter to their corporate office.
Corporate had authorization a bonus for the person who had done such a great job. So I put their shirt over my shirt and had my photo taken being handed the check.
The manager offered me a job, which I declined. But I still think that was a hoot.
Shorpy fun
What is the sneakiest thing you did in school?
For some reason, I was really upset with one of the teachers and while most people would have tried something stupid, like gum in chair, drawings, graffiti or something similar … I noticed that the teacher was distracted with something and I went to her computer and simply pressed the control, the alt and the arrow down keys which caused her screen to turn upside down with seemingly no way to fix it. She could not find a setting back then visually to switch it back in any menu. Now one can find a menu option in the monitor settings but back then, nothing! Nada! That’s what made it funny: people used to go nuts! The only fix is to press control, alt and the arrow up key. There was no other way around it but no one knew this trick and people still would say, “wtf?” If they saw their computer like this…
It was funny watching five grown men trying to figure it out and finally just flipping the monitor upside down twisting all the cables which were not long enough for that.
I felt really bad. I started feeling guilty and I went up to her and said, “What’s wrong with your computer, Mrs. Rodriguez?”, she said, “I don’t know what I did but my monitor is just crazy?”. I said, let me take a look and before she could say, “No wait, I am working on something” I had press the combination of keys to fix it and told her she was all set. She gave me a nice hug and I did not feel so bad for having done that.
(Home made) Italian Sausage
Yield: 3 pounds
Ingredients
- 2 1/2 pounds pork shoulder, butt portion, trimmed and cut into large chunks
- 1/2 tablespoon coarse kosher salt
- 1 tablespoon dried anise
- 1/2 teaspoon freshly-ground black pepper
- 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
- 2 tablespoons water
- 1/2 pound pork fat, cut into large chunks
- 4 garlic cloves, peeled
Instructions
- Put pork into a large bowl. Add salt, anise, peppers, oregano, thyme and water. Mix well to coat meat. Work seasoned pork, pork fat and garlic through a meat grinder using the disc with the largest holes, alternating ingredients as you grind.
- This sausage may be kept in the refrigerator for up to 5 days or in the freezer for 6 months.
“Am I making the wrong decision in staying with my cheating girlfriend, even though I don’t feel hurt by it at all?”
I need to share something that’s been weighing on me about my relationship with my girlfriend, Marcia. I’m looking for some clarity here because it’s a bit of a complicated situation.
Despite Marcia recently being unfaithful at a party, I find myself neither upset nor wanting to end things with her. This has completely thrown my childhood friends, Lucas and Brad, for a loop. They’ve always been like brothers to me, and they can’t understand why I’d stay with her, fearing I’m making a massive mistake.
Let me give you a little background on myself. I’m a bit of an introvert, preferring coding and anime over big social gatherings. I’ve always felt at ease in my own company or with a tight-knit group of friends, rather than at large social events. I’ve never dreamed of a traditional future with marriage and kids; instead, I believe as long as a relationship makes you happy, it’s never a waste, no matter the outcome. This might seem unusual to some, but it’s how I view love and commitment. Although I would never cheat out of respect for others, I also don’t experience the deep sense of betrayal that often accompanies infidelity.
Marcia and I met during college in a class where we initially connected over a group project. Our relationship grew from shared interests, and she was the one who asked me out. I was honest about my inexperienced romantic history and my unique views on relationships. We’ve been together for years now, sharing countless moments of joy and companionship. When Lucas confronted me with evidence of Marcia’s cheating, I felt no anger or jealousy—just an absence of the pain most would expect. We talked it over, and she was genuinely sorry, making promises to change, though I hadn’t asked her to because my main concern was about open communication for safety reasons, like STDs.
The biggest issue now is how Lucas and Brad have reacted. Lucas thinks I’m settling because of my low self-esteem, and Brad has even called me spineless, predicting that I’ll regret staying with her. Their reactions are rooted in care, but also stem from a more traditional view of relationships and self-worth that doesn’t quite fit with my feelings or experiences. Despite their worries, I remain content with Marcia. Yet, their opposition has sparked a tiny doubt in me, making me wonder if I’m overlooking a big mistake. Am I wrong for wanting to stay in a relationship where I feel happy, despite everything?
I hear you when you say that Marcia’s infidelity hasn’t shaken you, and that you feel content to continue the relationship. But I’m worried that your willingness to brush off her actions may be rooted in some deeper self-worth issues that are clouding your judgment.
Cheating is a massive breach of trust and respect in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re not the jealous type or don’t believe in traditional relationship structures. When your partner steps out on you, it sends a clear message about how much they value you and your bond. By choosing to stay, you’re essentially telling Marcia that her behavior was okay and that she can get away with mistreating you.
I know you care for her, but sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is walk away from people who have hurt us. Being alone for a while isn’t a bad thing. It gives you a chance to focus on yourself, build up your self-esteem, and really examine what you want and deserve in a relationship. The dating pool will still be there when you’re ready to dive back in.
Your friends are right to be concerned. They can see how unhealthy this dynamic is, even if you’re struggling to admit it to yourself. I know it’s hard to face, but I really think you should consider therapy to work through these self-image issues. You need to learn to love and respect yourself before you can have a truly fulfilling relationship with someone else.
I get that this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I’m telling you all this because I genuinely want the best for you. You deserve so much more than a partner who disrespects you and a relationship that requires you to shrink your own sense of self-worth. Be brave, put yourself first, and trust that there are brighter days and healthier loves ahead. You’ve got this.
Politicians Sold The American People Out
Have you ever called in a “welfare check” to the police? Did it turn out there was a real need? Officers, how often are “welfare checks” something where a person does need assistance?
I live in rural Alaska, and the population of police is as thin as the population of residents! I have called in twice for a welfare check. Both times the police said that the situation did not warrant one.
In the first case, a guy I shared a taxi with once a week to go shopping had not answered the phone in 2 days. He lived 7 miles away, and I could not drive because I was partially blinded by MS (it is better now). It was New Year’s Eve, and I couldn’t reach ANYBODY to go check on him, and felt very itchy about his welfare… I finally put on all my Arctic gear and walked that 7 miles through driving snow to check on him. I still can’t believe I did that on a hunch… Turned out he had fallen and broken his hip the day before. His woodstove had burned out, and he was frozen to the floor by his own urine. It took the fire department to peel him off the floor and get him out of the house. He lived, but he lost 8 toes, and his independence.
The second was just a couple of weeks ago. My roommate would not open the door, and 2 roomies were waiting outside in the garage… no sign of movement in the house… The police did not feel it rated a welfare check! A friend broke into the house for me and discovered her. She was older, and not in great health. She had died in the bathtub. When her BODY was found, the police came right on out! I am really grateful to the friend who found her. I did not have to see her dead at all.
Why Japan, S Korea, Australia, India join the US against China
This is great!