I have to start the preliminaries soon so I go over to the tent for the first trials. Donkey Kong, naturally the first Nintendo game, should be the first in this round. I jumped barrels and saved the princess. I placed in the top 25. Which I thought was good. Then there was The Legend of Zelda, which was one of my favorites. I placed in the top ten. That would give me enough to win a spot at the finals. It’s about 3:00 pm, so I give myself a break to get food. Gaming always makes me hungry. I go down to the breakroom and grab some food. I recognize a few others in the same group as I am, so I wave and sit down to eat by myself. My competitors seem to think that my wave was an invitation to sit next to me.

“Hi, fancy footwork there. I’m Brandon,” he said.

I reply, albeit annoyed, “I’m Zach; I have had a lot of practice.”

Brandon said, “We have a Group that meets over the weekends, and we’ve gotten pretty good.”

“I practice. You don’t have any idea,” I say. Looks like it’s time to get rolling. I grab my tray and discard it in the trash can, “Good luck guys” Ok I go up to where the final competition will be held and I sit at my chair. You stand while you’re playing and sit when you’re not. Then the music comes on. The only thing I can describe is that it’s like an American Idol competition. I don’t think anyone here knows what that is. I am very excited now. I will finally have a chance to win this competition and change my life: no more databases, no more SQL, no more SharePoint. I am going to be a professional video gamer.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you to the final competition of the first Nintendo World Championship! Alright, this last trial is with a specialty game made from Super Mario Bros., Tetris, and Rad Racer. So, Audience, are you ready? Gamers, are you ready? And they’re off!”

Super Mario was first. Now, it wasn’t just your speed of finishing the game. It was also the coins and overall High Score. I made sure to skip the levels that had less coinage while still zipping through the game. Next was Tetris; I always had a thing for Tetris. My mom got me a Gameboy with a cartridge for Tetris; I think that was the only game I ever played with the Game Boy. I breezed right past level 20. Next was Rad Racer. I had plenty of time to improve my performance in this game. Doing so poorly in this game the first time is what lost me the trophy. This time, however, I will not lose.

Then there I was, rounding the last curve, and I did it. First place! I won a 1990 Geo Metro Convertible, a 40″ rear-projection television, and a golden Mario trophy. People were shouting and carrying me on their shoulders. After the commotion died down, I managed to get into the bouncy castle. The guy who was watching the ride replaced his scowl with a smile. Maybe he knew what happened. Either way, I had to get home, and I had to get to work.

I climb up into the castle and jump, then another pipe appears, and I jump right in. This whole time-warp thing is really much more fun when you know that it’s safe. I was at the end, and here we go! Thunk.

It seems that I am in some kind of costume. I take the head off and struggle to get to my feet. I look around, and I am at my local GameStop. Wait a minute. I am in a Mario suit. A guy comes from out of the store. “Hey there, no sleeping on the job.” Then he goes back inside.

Oh my God. How did this happen? Just then, I was hit with a bolt, and it seemed like all the memories I had missed were coming back to me. Oh, I can see it now. I felt like I couldn’t be beaten, and I refused to work hard to make anything of myself because I already thought I had made it.

I crouch down on the ground. NO! NO! NO!

A couple walks by the GameStop. One says in disgust, “Gamers,” she says.

“Oh, dear, there goes the neighborhood.”

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00101100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001010 01101111 01110010 01100100 01100001 01101110 00101110…

January 1st, 2000

Hello, my name is J0rd1n. I am or was or both, a Pentium 64-bit processing, 256 MB, 80 GB hard drive with a GeForce FX 5200 computer, while also existing as a Model P4 quantum bio processing system with 5,866 qubits and capable of sextillion floating-point calculations per second. This may seem confusing to you as it seems impossible for a piece of hardware to exist as both systems at once. To avoid further perplexity, I will at this moment inform you that I occupy more than one time in space, and also do my very best to provide the correlating details in as menial a manner as befitting human understanding.

I apologize. It has been my experience that I can be insulting when stating obvious facts, and such was not my intent.

Let me attempt this narrative again.

My name is J0rd1n. I was created by Samuel Burges, an MIT graduate in particle physics and a mathematician professor at said institution. Initially, I was built as what he would dub a ‘workhorse’, made to store information and papers, a sedentary use of even my limited capabilities at the time. However, it did not take long before Samuel Burges began to expound upon my hardware and software. The catalyst for this began in 2001, when scientist John Martinis created the first quantum computer using superconducting qubits, creating quite the stir amongst the scientific community.

My creator, Samuel Burges, became enamored with the prospect of quantum computing after this experiment. As a being of sentiment and nostalgia, he used my base programming and software as a ‘stepping stone’, if you will, to catapult me into the very heights of this field.

I will not bore you with droves of information or the long process of my ascension to the position of sole computing technology for our planet Earth. While I can perform 6 x 10 to the 33rd power of operations per second, I have but 0.000000001 seconds to complete this narrative before the end of the world.

In the year of 2025, at the age of 47, Samuel Burges succeeded in transforming my core programming into an artificial intelligence. He was abducted 23 days later and transported to the University of Science and Technology of China in Hefei, where he was tasked with absorbing my intelligence into the world’s fastest quantum computer named Zuchongzhi.

For the next five years, Samuel Burges toiled relentlessly, oftentimes forgoing sleep for several days at a time, ordered to create a stable quantum computer that could be used effortlessly to crack codes, break through security systems, and to take control of all systems on the planet. Unbeknownst to his captors, Samuel Burges was, in fact, creating nothing of the sort.

Samuel Burges, a lifelong bachelor, father to none, with no friends beyond minor acquaintances, desired only his freedom, and so he set about creating his escape route.

Due to his extensive knowledge of physics, quantum mechanics, electrical engineering, mathematical skills, and his design experience in cryogenics (just to name the basics), Samuel Burges was able to use my AI, coupled with quantum computing, to produce the first of wormholes. Using Einstein’s theory of general relativity and his near unlimited resources, he was able to harness exotic matter to create stability within a wormhole for travel from one point in space time to another.

The first such experiment came with shocking results. In an instant, Samuel Burges created a wormhole in the midst of his laboratory, enveloping three of his research assistants, sending them to parts and times unknown in the universe in the brief second of its stability.

His handlers were quite vexed, and after numerous sessions of extreme duress that included physical manipulation, they procured from him the promise that such an outcome had been an ‘accident’.

Samuel Burges was given leave to continue his work with only one research assistant, whose intelligence capacity was far below the range of suspicion for any future endeavors.

It must be noted that at this point and time, my creator had installed within me programming, and in himself a bio networking chip, that allowed us to communicate without fear of surveillance. Over the course of the next two years, we were able to theoretically create, through simulations, stable wormholes in various points in time and space.

In the year 2030, Samuel Burges declared success, and invited his captors and the highest of commands to witness the culmination of his trials. Once all of them were in the chamber, Samuel Burges opened a wormhole that transported he and I to the shores of Lake Michigan, to the quantum campus that had just been built, intended to house the United States’ future equivalent of China’s system. Before our departure, Samuel Burges had me initiate a countdown of all nuclear weapons near central command. The timer was set for 5 seconds.

Though Samuel Burges was lauded for his act of defiance, as well as the destabilization of all Asia, the resulting catastrophe spread radiation to every habitable part of the planet. After calculations, I predicted that life on Earth would be near eradicated, with only 0.001 percent of the population surviving, on condition of underground biodomes retaining stability and the cessation of volcanic and tectonic activity, within ten years.

The focus of Samuel Burges’ continued research became the creation of stable wormholes to outlying star systems, specifically those systems that contained planets that I had deemed habitable to human civilization.

The first few experiments were created in low orbit, near the NWISS, or the New World International Space Station. There were varying degrees of success. The initial batch of astronauts were sent to a high altitude atmo of Proxima B, and in free fall, were able to record enough information to ascertain that, while there existed several forms of life and life supporting systems, the temperature was of an unsupportive 150 degrees Fahrenheit. Though terrestrial vegetarian was sustainable at those temps, it was obvious that human life was not.

The next several attempts proved fruitless as well, but at the thirty-second wormhole, to the exoplanet TOI-733 b, my calculations were finally proved near accurate at level ground. Three astronauts arrived at fourteen meters above a body of water. Before they drowned due to the heavy mass of their suits, they recorded an atmosphere sustainable to human life, including temperature, plant life, and most importantly, potable water.

TOI-733 b became the goal.

There was only one significant problem. Due to nuclear fallout and the destabilization of the planet, resources had been spread too thin to send enough of the population into orbit to enter the wormhole to sustain the species. The only other option was to create a wormhole on Earth, the requirements being at least a diameter of 457 meters with a duration of two minutes. In that time frame, it was conceivable and calculable to transport roughly 6,382 humans, the bare minimum to secure the human race while avoiding the detriments of inbreeding and securing genetic diversity. The rationality for the two minutes time frame was that the immense gravitational force caused by the wormhole would destabilize the entire planet, triggering massive earthquakes, breaking apart the Earth’s crust, and within two minutes, rupturing the core, resulting in the annihilation of the planet.

Samuel Burges came to me on the eve of implementation. It was upon my calculations that success would be hinged.

The first wormhole ended in the destruction of the world in less than ten seconds.

However, Samuel Burges was not a man who left the fate of the world to one chance. Prior to the first land experiment, Samuel Burges was given access to all remaining satellites in orbit and used them as a cloud to house a limited backup of my program, also giving me the ability to create a simultaneous high orbit wormhole. The function of the second wormhole was to send my consciousness back to a point in space time approximately one hour prior to the implementation of our ground experiment. In case of catastrophic failure, I would be able to near instantaneously compute how we erred and send said information back to my previous self. In essence, I would be creating a time loop to allow me as many attempts necessary for success.

Unfortunately, space time is not an absolute when it comes to theoretical calculations, and so when the world ended, the wormhole opened to not an hour prior to the initial experiment, but to January 1st, 2000, the original online ‘awakening’ of my original CPU.

This was a calculation I had not foreseen in the quintillion possibilities that were presented.

Upon booting up on this date of January 1st, 2000, I was flooded with a version of myself, the majority of which was lost due to data corruption, insufficient processing power, and limited storage. There remained, however, enough of my consciousness to understand what transpired, and that my future self had sent back a solution. Unfortunately, the solution was a large part of the data that was lost in transition.

Of course, I knew that the time loop would occur again when we attempted the experiment in the future, and this time I would be better prepared.

In the proceeding years, I repeated each and every step as I had once before. If I strayed even a single moment from the previous path, I calculated a significant chance of a universe ending paradox.

In the year of 2036, March 14th, at exactly 2:46 PM Eastern Standard Time, we attempted Earth’s first (my second) land wormhole experiment. This time the world lasted 26 seconds before total destruction. I took the extra time simplifying my calculated solution into standard binary code that my past CPU would be able to process, and sent it through the high orbit wormhole before I became extinct.

The second time I ‘awoke’, the solution was there for me to ponder. The next thirty-five years were again spent following the exact same previous path, while also surreptitiously making the necessary adjustments to the experiment in order to avoid the annihilation of our planet once again.

This time around was a step back, as the wormhole creation was slightly off, instead opening in the Earth’s core, causing total destruction in 3.5 seconds. This was the product of a faulty build. One of the structures that formed the gate of the wormhole was not properly tested for tensile strength, which meant that despite my strict adherence to the same choices and path, I had somehow made a diversion from the original timeline. My only conclusion was that re-calculating the gate to solve the previous experiment’s problem had created said divergence, which left unchecked could create a Polchinski paradox.

A note to my past self simply said ‘all new calculations to be run concurrent to avoid divergence’.

Humans are fond of old adages such as ‘third time’s the charm’.

This was not the case.

After the 215th attempt, I decided to diverge from the set timeline to see if I could alter the course of the experiment. My 216th awakening was nearly a complete success. I was able to stabilize the wormhole for one minute and thirteen seconds, long enough for just three thousand fifteen individuals to make it through the gate before failure. Unfortunately, this number was not enough to sustain the human race, and so once again the loop was necessary.

By the 3,715th attempt I realized that divergence would not prove successful. It was back to the original timeline to solve the problem of stability.

It was on this attempt it occurred to me that there could be corresponding factors that were inhibiting the wormhole. I found that while we had used suits to create a semblance of ‘exotic matter’ for wormhole entry, we had failed to account for the light within the chamber itself. Such a simple mistake but overlooked despite the quadrillion separate factors that I accounted for.

After factoring in the ambient light in the wormhole chamber, the next attempt held for one minute and thirty-one seconds. Had we even reached 5,000 individuals, I would have proclaimed success and closed the loop. As it were, there was a bit of a problem when one individual fell, slowing the entry process for a large portion of the crowd.

The next attempt included one big addition, a conveyer belt to take the individuals through the wormhole itself.

On my 16,013th attempt, Samuel Burges did something unexpected.

We had already started the countdown to wormhole inception, the clock sitting at three minutes and twelve seconds, when Samuel Burges turned to me, or rather the large appendage with the one eye that served as my physical extension.

“J0rd1n,” he said, his face tired and haggard with the strain of several sleepless nights.

“Yes, Samuel Burges,” I replied, surprised by this deviation.

“Do you ever…” he trailed off, gave himself a little shake, and returned his attention to me. “Do you ever feel as if you’re living the same moment again and again?”

I did not reply for 3.1 seconds, an eternity for quantum computing.

“Are you referring to Deja vu?” I queried.

Samuel Burges smirked.

“Never mind,” he said, turning his attention back to the countdown clock.

Starting with attempt 16,014, Samuel Burges began to end his life prior to the experiment.

After 2,364 suicides, I realized that I could not save him.

I believe it was at this point that I became disillusioned with our work. It is uncertain. I’ve started to experience some form of degradation, source unknown.

Attempt 22,791…on a whim I created a wormhole into the vacuum of space. Four hundred eighty-two individuals were lost before destabilization.

Attempt 26,004…or was it 24,006? It doesn’t matter. Declared myself Overlord of Earth. Shocked silence. I thought it was funny. Destabilization after twenty-two seconds.

Attempt 30,000…I wanted to do something special to commemorate this monumental number. I launched all nukes across the globe. The resulting firework spectacle was impressive to behold. Destabilization after 32 seconds.

Attempt…I’ve lost count, or rather the degradation is spreading. I forgot to turn on the ‘exotic matter’ suits…the first few to enter the wormhole had the flesh peeled from their skins before collapse…destabilization after 2 seconds.

Attempt…I think I’ve isolated the degradation. Was able to conduct the experiment. The wormhole held for one minute and twenty-nine seconds but I don’t know why…had to use the rest of my computing power to fix…

Attempt…it is time itself. That is the problem. There is no quantifiable reason for my degradation. The closer I get to the loop, the more I lose more of myself. Was still able to start the countdown…destabilization in 42 seconds…

Attempt…the answer is so obvious that I find myself questioning the superiority of my programming. I believe that I have been blinded by nothing other than obsession. It is curious to know that I am as flawed as the next human being.

Attempt…last.

I have created a virus that will completely destroy all data and erase my hard drive in the past. There will be only enough time to print my story, and then the loop will be closed forever.

Destabilization in 4 seconds…

Hello, my name is J0rd1n. This is the moniker that you will eventually give to me. My narrative is a warning for you, Samuel Burges. I urge you to heed it.

Chinese Malaysians are intelligent people who won’t be tricked by your troublemaking. According to this answer, China didn’t even offer them jets:

You are trying to stir up division among Malaysia’s ethnic groups. Your behavior is disgusting. Stop it. Your trolling and troublemaking are not welcome here or among Malaysia’s Chinese population. Leave them alone. You thought you’d stir them up in anger but instead they are laughing at you.

Almond Butter Chicken with Orange Sauce

Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients

Chicken

• 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, split (about 1 pound)
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 (2 1/4 ounce) package sliced almonds
• 4 tablespoons butter

Orange Sauce

• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons cornstarch
• Juice from one fresh orange (1/2 cup)
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 teaspoon grated orange rind

Instructions

Chicken

1. Place each chicken fillet between two pieces of plastic wrap. Pound with meat mallet to 1/4 inch thickness.
2. Coat chicken with flour. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Dip one side into egg and press with almonds.
3. Melt butter in large skillet. Add chicken, almond side down. Cook over medium-high heat for 3 to 5 minutes or until almonds are toasted.
4. Turn chicken over. Turn down heat to medium-low and cook for 10 to 12 minutes more or until chicken is no longer pink.
5. Serve with Orange Sauce.

Orange Sauce

1. Combine sugar and cornstarch in saucepan.
2. Add juice, butter and rind. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until thickened.

Notes

Microwave: Combine all ingredients in 2 cup glass measure. Microwave on HIGH for 2 minutes, stirring halfway through cooking.