The Politically Correct rewrite of the English language, and Combative Solutions

One thing that I have noticed over the last decade was that the auto-correct in MS Word, and the various on-line options are configured for people with an IQ of a snail. Words that I learned in seventh grade are often either no longer available on the internet dictionaries, or are replaced with politically correct versions. This is frustrating (maybe even angering) as each word has it’s own intrinsic value and the words currently available are sadly too generic for use.

I would want to use the word “niggardly” and MSWord would auto-correct it to “miserly”. I would type “policeman”, and the software would instantly (in the blink of an eye) correct it to “policeperson”. I would use pronouns that defined gender, like in the sentence “He ate icecream.” only to find it changed to “It ate icecream.”. (I always get the image of this big green blog from the movie “Ghostbusters” eating some icecream.)

It was so frustrating.

Here we discuss the joys and perils of using the English language alongside with software that originates out of the politically-correct bastions of California.

An odynometer — Here is a fine torture device that is displayed in the movie “A princess Bride”. It, of course, utilizes an odynometer to measure pain. You can plainly see it next to the man in red.

Here, are some online resources that I use. They are pretty decent. I only wish that the words provided in them would be added to the more ubiquitous entries as presently available on the on-line dictionary options.

Oubliette — Here is another big word from the movie world of the 1980’s. This movie is “Labyrinth”. Do you know what an oubliette is? It’s a hole in the basement of a dungeon, often covered and barred. It’s a place where you put people that you want to forget about. Yikes!

Some Options

Here are some options that I use for more juicy and plump words that might best fit my given needs at any moment in time…

I fear that the United States is turning into a ochlochracy with the actions of the antifa-influenced Democrats.

I thoroughly enjoyed her callipygian as she moved. My eyes engaged in rapid oculoplania beyond my control.

Some useful words to use on Trolls

(This is from the House of Logorrhea.) This small set of 21 obscure words consists of nouns used to define minor, inferior, or petty members of various professions.

The words end with ‘-aster’, a Latin pejorative suffix indicating incomplete resemblance or lesser status.

These words are little used today, but in another age were devices of scorn used by the intelligentsia to deride their lesser fellows. With a little creativity, practically any name for a profession can be altered in this way, should you find a desirable object for your contempt.

Word	Definition
astrologaster	a foolish or petty astrologer
criticaster	inferior or petty critic
grammaticaster	a piddling grammarian
hereticaster	a petty or contemptible heretic
latinitaster	a petty scholar of Latin
logicaster	a petty logician
mathematicaster	minor or inferior mathematician
medicaster	quack; charlatan
militaster	soldier without skill or ability
musicaster	a mediocre musician
opiniaster	one who obstinately holds to an opinion
parasitaster	a mean or sorry parasite
philologaster	petty or contemptible philologist
philosophaster	amateur or superficial philosopher
poetaster	petty poet; writer of contemptible verses
politicaster	petty politician
rhetoricaster	petty rhetorician
scientaster	petty scientist
theologaster	petty or shallow theologian
usageaster	self-appointed conservative language usage expert
witticaster	a petty or inferior wit

Some useful Obscure words just perfect for insults…

There are numerous websites that cover all sorts of interesting words. Rather than compile my very-own-list, I offer the websites for the enjoyment of the reader.

Some fun words to try to use…

Here are some fine words that might be worthy of including in a comment section or two. All credit to Neatorama.

BESCUMBER (v)

Definition: To spray with poo.

Analysis: Actually bescumber is just one of many words in the English language that basically mean “to spray with poo”. These are: BEDUNG, BERAY, IMMERD, SHARNY, and the good ol’ SHITTEN. In special cases, you can use BEMUTE (specifically means to drop poo on someone from great height), SHARD-BORN (born in dung), and FIMICOLOUS (living and growing on crap).

Dog poop Meme — Dog poop everywhere. This sentence could be written as…”The area was all bescumber rendering it unwalkable.”.

Alternative: If that is too vulgar, you can use BEVOMIT and BEPISS, which meanings should be obvious to you, as well as BESPAWL (to spit on).

Oh, and if you want to say poo without looking like you’re saying it, you can use ORDURE, DEJECTION, and EXCRETA. To mean something more specific, you can use MECONIUM (first feces of a newborn child), MELAENA or MELENA (the abnormally tarry feces containing blood from gastrointestinal bleeding), LIENTERY (diarrhea with undigested or partially digested food), and STEATORRHEA (fatty stool that’s hard to flush down).

MICROPHALLUS (n)

Definition: An unusually small penis.

Analysis: Self explanatory.

Alternative: Insulting a man’s private part is a very reliable way to put him down (if he’s smaller than you) or to get beat up (if he’s larger than you). Usually, even a dimwit can decipher the meaning of this word, after all, it’s just a combination of “micro” and “phallus”.

small penis. — Scene from the movie Bedazzled, where this huge player, with his huge score, and huge abilities is granted a microphallus.

So, to insult a physically larger opponent, we recommend you use these words instead: PHALLOCRYPSIS (retraction or shrinkage of the penis), CRYPTORCHID (undescendend testicles), and PHALLONCUS (tumor of the penis).

COCCYDYNIA (n)

Definition: Pain in the butt.

Analysis: It’s a real medical term: coccydynia is pain in the coccyx or tailbone. Most people simply call it “buttache.”

Similar: PROCTALGIA, PROCTODYNIA, PYGALGIA and RECTALGIA all mean pain in the butt.

Alternative: CERVICALGIA (pain in the neck), PHALLODYNIA or PHALLALGIA (both mean pain in the penis), and PUDENDAGRA (pain in the genitals).

Butthurt meme. Yikes! Poor gal. — Butthurt meme. Yikes! Poor gal with coccydynia .

The word “butt” is highly versatile in its vernacular use – you can say “butt face” or “hairy butt” – them are fightin’ words – but it’s much better to use these instead: ANKYLOPROCTIA (stricture of the anus, the state of “tight-assity”), STEATOPYGOUS (fat-assed), DASYPYGAL (having hairy buttocks), and CACOPYGIAN (having ugly buttocks).

BUNCOMBE (n)

Definition: A ludicrously false statement. Basically it means bullshit or nonsense.

Analysis: Actually, you probably already know this word by its more common spelling: bunkum.

The origin of this word is fascinating.

In 1819, a North Carolina congressman, the Honorable Felix Walker, was giving a rambling speech with little relevance to the current debate. He refused to yield the floor, and claimed that he wasn’t speaking for Congress but instead “for Buncombe” (a county in North Carolina he represented).

That’s all it took.

Over time, the spelling changed to “bunkum,” and the meaning strangely changed to be “excellent.”
Then it changed back in 1870, when a San Francisco gambler introduced a new game “banco“.
But it was played with dice that were later found out to be loaded.
Sure enough, BUNCO became known to mean swindle or cheat, and bunkum reverted back to its original meaning. (Source)

The word DEBUNK came directly from this: it’s just bunk(um) with the prefix de- (meaning to remove).

Smellfungus (n)

Definition – an excessively faultfinding person

It is not often that we know who created a particular word, despite the claims that are made about such-and-such writer inventing this-or-that word; such claims are usually false. In the case of smellfungus, however, we not only know who coined the word (Laurence Sterne), we also know who it is supposed to represent (Tobias Smollett).

Soup Nazi, from the television show "Seinfeld". "No Soup for You!" — Soup Nazi, from the television show “Seinfeld”. “No Soup for You!”

Stern created a hypocritical character named Smelfungus in his 1768 book A Sentimental Journey through France, a satire on Smollett, whose Travels through France and Italy had been published two years earlier.

About MS Word

Up until 2017, the spell-checking service on Microsoft Word was horrible. The checker was maddeningly auto-correcting everything to a politically correct narrative. if you typed in the sentence;

The postman wished the housewife a “Merry Christmas”!

It was auto-corrected to this butchered-up sentence;

The postalperson wished the housepartner a “Happy Holiday”!

I do not know what happened.

Then suddenly it all ended. It reverted back to normal-speak.

I suspect that someone in Microsoft saw the light and changed the dictionary conventions to a more historically and conventionally accurate setting. It happened sometime in 2017.

I attribute it to the “Trump effect”.

I wonder if I am the only person who noticed this. For, I most certainly haven’t seen any news article or reports on this phenomenon.

It certainly wouldn’t be in the “news”. News stopped reporting a couple of decades ago. Now they just fabricate political events to manipulate the populace. Ah, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Conclusions

This was just a quick and fun post describing my frustration with some elements of the “modern” internet and software programs. Part of it is that wordpress has a crappyassed spell-checker, and part of it was year of frustration (approximately from 2009 to 2017) where the PC police invaded my laptop and took over my MS Word software.

If you enjoyed this post, please fell free to take a trip to my happiness index here…

Life & Happiness

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Ozymandias (poem) by Percy Bysshe Shelley

This is a most excellent poem.  In “Ozymandias,” Shelley describes a crumbling statue of Ozymandias as a way to portray the transience of political power and to praise art’s power of preserving the past.  I offer the readers to send a copy of it to their Congressman, as a reminder of their role in the larger picture of life and the universe.

I met a traveler from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

If you liked this post, you can find other similar posts on this link here. It will take you to an index of similar posts of the same general venue.

Fictional Stories

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The poem “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost

This is a poem that I memorized in First Grade. I hated the memorization of poems, and cried and protested, to no avail. Later, when I was much older, I began to appreciate this memorization. Not only did it give me an appreciation of English language, but also of art and beauty.

The sound of a poem, even when it isn’t read out loud, comes through with repetition. The beauty of a poem, even when it’s not accompanied by a picture, comes through with imagery. And the meaning of a poem, even if it’s not about us, comes through when the writer makes it personal. 

-Awesome Stories

I have an intern who is in her Masters studying English. She never heard of this poem or the poet. Can you believe that? What is she learning instead?

I do not know.

The poem “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Stories that Inspired Me

Here are reprints in full text of stories that inspired me, but that are nearly impossible to find in China. I place them here as sort of a personal library that I can use for inspiration. The reader is welcome to come and enjoy a read or two as well.

Space Cadet (Full Text) by Robert Heinlein

Any Friend of Nicholas Nickleby’s Is a Friend of Mine

Starman Jones (Full Text) by Robert Heinlein.

The Lottery (Full Text) by Shirley Jackson

Farnham's Freehold (Full Text) by Robert Heinlein

Invisible Boy (Full Text) by Ray Bradbury

Job: A Comedy of Justice (Full Text) by Robert Heinlein

Spell my name with an "S" by Isaac Asimov

Not the First (Full Text) by A.E. van Vogt

Space Jockey (Full Text) by Robert Heinlein

Poetry

The poem titled “The Road Not Taken” (full text) by Robert Frost.
This is the full text of the most wonderful story titled “The Road Not Taken”. "The Road Not Taken" is an ambiguous poem that allows the reader to think about choices in life, whether to go with the mainstream or go it alone. If life is a journey, this poem highlights those times in life when a decision has to be made. Among English speakers and especially in North America it is a comparatively famous poem. Its central theme is the divergence of paths, literal yet also clearly figurative, although its interpretation is noted for being complex and (like the road fork itself) potentially divergent.

My Poetry

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The poem titled “The Road Not Taken” (full text) by Robert Frost.

I have an intern that works for me. She is currently studying for her Master’s in English. I have her performing some Marketing research for me, and she is doing a reasonable job. One of the things that surprised me was that she couldn’t recite any poetry.

None.

Not one poem.

That really surprised me. As I was memorizing poems since first grade.

Nor was she familiar with any of the poet or classical authors that I named. She was absolutely unfamiliar with all of them.

She didn’t know who Jane Austen was, who William Blake was, or Charles Dickens. She never read any of their works, or had no idea what I was talking about when I referenced their stories.

What, in good-God’s name, are they teaching in schools today?

So I recited this poem to her. She was surprised [1] that I had had memorized it and could recite it, and [2] that it was meaningful and had significance and application in her life.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Let’s not let these masterpieces be erased in a tsunami of political correctness. Let’s treasure the good, and discard the bad, and let us all take the road not taken…

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, 
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveler, long I stood 
And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair, 
And having perhaps the better claim 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 
Though as for that, the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay 
In leaves no step had trodden black.
 
Oh, I marked the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way 
I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference.

Related Comment

Coincidentally, I found this gem in my LinkedIN feed today. Yes, everyone should read and know the classics. Especially those studying Literature and English.

Fictional Story Related Index

This is an index of full text reprints of stories that I have read that influenced me when I was young. They are rather difficult to come by today, as where I live they are nearly impossible to find. Yes, you can find them on the internet, behind paywalls. Ah, that’s why all those software engineers in California make all that money. Well, here they are FOR FREE. Enjoy reading them.

Stories that Inspired Me

My Poetry

Articles & Links

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