The Politically Correct rewrite of the English language, and Combative Solutions

One thing that I have noticed over the last decade was that the auto-correct in MS Word, and the various on-line options are configured for people with an IQ of a snail. Words that I learned in seventh grade are often either no longer available on the internet dictionaries, or are replaced with politically correct versions. This is frustrating (maybe even angering) as each word has it’s own intrinsic value and the words currently available are sadly too generic for use.

I would want to use the word “niggardly” and MSWord would auto-correct it to “miserly”. I would type “policeman”, and the software would instantly (in the blink of an eye) correct it to “policeperson”. I would use pronouns that defined gender, like in the sentence “He ate icecream.” only to find it changed to “It ate icecream.”. (I always get the image of this big green blog from the movie “Ghostbusters” eating some icecream.)

It was so frustrating.

Here we discuss the joys and perils of using the English language alongside with software that originates out of the politically-correct bastions of California.

An odynometer
Here is a fine torture device that is displayed in the movie “A princess Bride”. It, of course, utilizes an odynometer to measure pain. You can plainly see it next to the man in red.

Here, are some online resources that I use. They are pretty decent. I only wish that the words provided in them would be added to the more ubiquitous entries as presently available on the on-line dictionary options.

Oubliette
Here is another big word from the movie world of the 1980’s. This movie is “Labyrinth”. Do you know what an oubliette is? It’s a hole in the basement of a dungeon, often covered and barred. It’s a place where you put people that you want to forget about. Yikes!

Some Options

Here are some options that I use for more juicy and plump words that might best fit my given needs at any moment in time…

I fear that the United States is turning into a ochlochracy with the actions of the antifa-influenced Democrats.

I thoroughly enjoyed her callipygian as she moved. My eyes engaged in rapid oculoplania beyond my control.

Some useful words to use on Trolls

(This is from the House of Logorrhea.) This small set of 21 obscure words consists of nouns used to define minor, inferior, or petty members of various professions.

The words end with ‘-aster’, a Latin pejorative suffix indicating incomplete resemblance or lesser status.

These words are little used today, but in another age were devices of scorn used by the intelligentsia to deride their lesser fellows. With a little creativity, practically any name for a profession can be altered in this way, should you find a desirable object for your contempt.

Word Definition
astrologaster a foolish or petty astrologer
criticaster inferior or petty critic
grammaticaster a piddling grammarian
hereticaster a petty or contemptible heretic
latinitaster a petty scholar of Latin
logicaster a petty logician
mathematicaster minor or inferior mathematician
medicaster quack; charlatan
militaster soldier without skill or ability
musicaster a mediocre musician
opiniaster one who obstinately holds to an opinion
parasitaster a mean or sorry parasite
philologaster petty or contemptible philologist
philosophaster amateur or superficial philosopher
poetaster petty poet; writer of contemptible verses
politicaster petty politician
rhetoricaster petty rhetorician
scientaster petty scientist
theologaster petty or shallow theologian
usageaster self-appointed conservative language usage expert
witticaster a petty or inferior wit

Some useful Obscure words just perfect for insults…

There are numerous websites that cover all sorts of interesting words. Rather than compile my very-own-list, I offer the websites for the enjoyment of the reader.

Some fun words to try to use…

Here are some fine words that might be worthy of including in a comment section or two. All credit to Neatorama.

BESCUMBER (v)

Definition: To spray with poo.

Analysis: Actually bescumber is just one of many words in the English language that basically mean “to spray with poo”. These are: BEDUNG, BERAY, IMMERD, SHARNY, and the good ol’ SHITTEN. In special cases, you can use BEMUTE (specifically means to drop poo on someone from great height), SHARD-BORN (born in dung), and FIMICOLOUS (living and growing on crap).

Dog poop Meme
Dog poop everywhere. This sentence could be written as…”The area was all bescumber rendering it unwalkable.”.

Alternative: If that is too vulgar, you can use BEVOMIT and BEPISS, which meanings should be obvious to you, as well as BESPAWL (to spit on).

Oh, and if you want to say poo without looking like you’re saying it, you can use ORDURE, DEJECTION, and EXCRETA. To mean something more specific, you can use MECONIUM (first feces of a newborn child), MELAENA or MELENA (the abnormally tarry feces containing blood from gastrointestinal bleeding), LIENTERY (diarrhea with undigested or partially digested food), and STEATORRHEA (fatty stool that’s hard to flush down).

MICROPHALLUS (n)

Definition: An unusually small penis.

Analysis: Self explanatory.

Alternative: Insulting a man’s private part is a very reliable way to put him down (if he’s smaller than you) or to get beat up (if he’s larger than you). Usually, even a dimwit can decipher the meaning of this word, after all, it’s just a combination of “micro” and “phallus”.

small penis.
Scene from the movie Bedazzled, where this huge player, with his huge score, and huge abilities is granted a microphallus.

So, to insult a physically larger opponent, we recommend you use these words instead: PHALLOCRYPSIS (retraction or shrinkage of the penis), CRYPTORCHID (undescendend testicles), and PHALLONCUS (tumor of the penis).

COCCYDYNIA (n)

Definition: Pain in the butt.

Analysis: It’s a real medical term: coccydynia is pain in the coccyx or tailbone. Most people simply call it “buttache.”

Similar: PROCTALGIA, PROCTODYNIA, PYGALGIA and RECTALGIA all mean pain in the butt.

Alternative: CERVICALGIA (pain in the neck), PHALLODYNIA or PHALLALGIA (both mean pain in the penis), and PUDENDAGRA (pain in the genitals).

Butthurt meme. Yikes! Poor gal.
Butthurt meme. Yikes! Poor gal with coccydynia .

The word “butt” is highly versatile in its vernacular use – you can say “butt face” or “hairy butt” – them are fightin’ words – but it’s much better to use these instead: ANKYLOPROCTIA (stricture of the anus, the state of “tight-assity”), STEATOPYGOUS (fat-assed), DASYPYGAL (having hairy buttocks), and CACOPYGIAN (having ugly buttocks).

BUNCOMBE (n)

Definition: A ludicrously false statement. Basically it means bullshit or nonsense.

Analysis: Actually, you probably already know this word by its more common spelling: bunkum.

Obama was full of buncombe.
Obama was full of buncombe.

The origin of this word is fascinating.

In 1819, a North Carolina congressman, the Honorable Felix Walker, was giving a rambling speech with little relevance to the current debate. He refused to yield the floor, and claimed that he wasn’t speaking for Congress but instead “for Buncombe” (a county in North Carolina he represented).

That’s all it took.

Buncombe, North Carolina.
Buncombe, North Carolina.
  • Over time, the spelling changed to “bunkum,” and the meaning strangely changed to be “excellent.”
  • Then it changed back in 1870, when a San Francisco gambler introduced a new game “banco“.
  • But it was played with dice that were later found out to be loaded.
  • Sure enough, BUNCO became known to mean swindle or cheat, and bunkum reverted back to its original meaning. (Source)

The word DEBUNK came directly from this: it’s just bunk(um) with the prefix de- (meaning to remove).

Smellfungus (n)

Definition – an excessively faultfinding person

It is not often that we know who created a particular word, despite the claims that are made about such-and-such writer inventing this-or-that word; such claims are usually false. In the case of smellfungus, however, we not only know who coined the word (Laurence Sterne), we also know who it is supposed to represent (Tobias Smollett).

Soup Nazi, from the television show "Seinfeld". "No Soup for You!"
Soup Nazi, from the television show “Seinfeld”. “No Soup for You!”

Stern created a hypocritical character named Smelfungus in his 1768 book A Sentimental Journey through France, a satire on Smollett, whose Travels through France and Italy had been published two years earlier.

About MS Word

Up until 2017, the spell-checking service on Microsoft Word was horrible. The checker was maddeningly auto-correcting everything to a politically correct narrative. if you typed in the sentence;

The postman wished the housewife a “Merry Christmas”!

It was auto-corrected to this butchered-up sentence;

The postalperson wished the housepartner a “Happy Holiday”!

I do not know what happened.

Clippy the demon from Hell.

Then suddenly it all ended. It reverted back to normal-speak.

I suspect that someone in Microsoft saw the light and changed the dictionary conventions to a more historically and conventionally accurate setting. It happened sometime in 2017.

I attribute it to the “Trump effect”.

I wonder if I am the only person who noticed this. For, I most certainly haven’t seen any news article or reports on this phenomenon.

It certainly wouldn’t be in the “news”. News stopped reporting a couple of decades ago. Now they just fabricate political events to manipulate the populace. Ah, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Conclusions

This was just a quick and fun post describing my frustration with some elements of the “modern” internet and software programs. Part of it is that wordpress has a crappyassed spell-checker, and part of it was year of frustration (approximately from 2009 to 2017) where the PC police invaded my laptop and took over my MS Word software.


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