Why the “Back to the future” screen shot above?
Note the actor. Yeah, half of the film was shot, and then he was fired, and replaced with Michael J. Fox.
Why?
What are the lessons here?
What about your life…?
Are you learning from your life? Are you making a difference?
Consider being the best YOU possible.
Manchego and Serrano Crostini
“I found this easy tapa dish on the internet. It’s tasty and will disappear in moments! They are the perfect size for your guests to handle for an appetizer or at a wine and cheese party. Enjoy!”
Ingredients
- 1 whole grain baguette, cut into 1/4-inch to 1/3-inch slices
- 1⁄4 lb serrano ham, sliced thin and to fit the baguette slices
- 8 ounces manchego cheese, sliced thin and slightly smaller than the ham
- 2 tablespoons olive oil (approximate)
- 2 teaspoons garlic, minced
Directions
- Saute garlic in olive oil until lightly browned. Discard garlic if you like.
- Arrange baguette slices on a baking sheet. Brush slices with olive oil.
- Assemble crostini, with ham first then cheese. Cook under broiler until until cheese is melted and ham is warm. Watch carefully!
- Serve.
Woman Was 15 Minutes Clinically Dead And Spent 5 years In Heaven
She talks about her perceptions of “the triad”. As I have discussed related to quanta.
She’s showing things from her perspectives…
4 People Describe What’s It Like To Have Bipolar
1. It’s the most amazing pile of beautiful misery to grace the hell of my divine existence! When your good, things are FANTASTIC! the other %80 of the time is spent trying to prevent your (percieved) justifiable suicide.
2. I have bipolar disorder type 2. It has affected me my whole life, though I didn’t realize it and didn’t get diagnosed until my late 30s.
I’m afraid of my own brain. I hyper analyze every mood and feeling, worried that I may be sliding into yet another episode of mania or bone crushing depression.
It sucks. I feel like so much of my life’s potential has been eaten up by the alternating bouts of depression, mania, and the guilt and shame I felt (and still feel) when I do have clarity. I lost my job, my marriage, and very nearly lost my life to bipolar. My ex tried to get my partial custody revoked because I am “crazy” but thankfully in my state that doesn’t hold water unless I demonstrate an inability to care for my kids.
I’ve also lost almost all of my friends, either due to manic or depressed behavior that alienated me from them, my ex’s embellishment of how insane I am, or my isolating myself after my last nervous breakdown. It took 18 months to be well enough to try working again, and every day at work seems like the day I will quit because I can’t take the stress and anxiety of it. But I go. And I keep going every day.
I can’t handle this illness anymore. But I take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time if I have to. And I take my medication religiously. At least I know without a doubt that I have done everything in my power to control this thing rather than let it control me.
3. Sometimes I’m very happy all of the time and I don’t need much sleep. I will start a lot of things and take up many new hobbies which rapidly develop into an obsession and then I’ll move onto something else.
It takes a lot of effort to get things complete because I will work on multiple tasks simultaneously. I was once cleaning the 2 bathrooms, sorting through laundry, cleaning the cooker and dishwasher, cleaning the patio doors, washing the floors, dusting bookshelves and sorting out the drawers under the bed all at once. I was running from task to task and became convinced my slippers were slowing me down. Our apartment at the time had a long, open plan living/dining room and kitchen. I grew convinced my slippers were slowing me down and kicked them across from the living room and into the kitchen.
I also suffer from memory problems during hypomanic episodes, which means that I only remember brief things once the episode has passed. An example of this is with my medication. I had gone to the pharmacy to collect my prescription, but they didn’t have enough and I said I’d call back in for the rest another day. They gave me a slip of paper and I went back a week later after running out of the meds I’d got the week before.
The pharmacist had said I’d been in the day after and collected the rest of my prescription, which I have absolutely no memory of, nor did I know where I would have put my medication if I had. She ended up doubting herself and went back to check the records and could show me that I’d been back in to collect the pills. Not even the time or date jogged any memory. I left to go back to my doctor and ask for another prescription but I had to go home for something. I got to the entrance of my apartment building and I couldn’t find my keys in my pockets and went hunting into my bag. While digging around I found a paper bag and found the remainder of my prescription that I’d picked the following day. I went back and told the pharmacist I’d found them and apologised for taking her away from her other jobs.
I also avoid going outside when I’m hypomanic. When I’m in large crowded areas, I pick up on people’s emotions and start feeling them as if they were my own. And it’s not just a single emotion I’ll feel at once, but a mixture of all emotions. Because people with bipolar’s emotions are already extremely elevated, this becomes intoxicating and I’ll end up very hyperactive and happy, but I’m also more prone to getting angry too. Because I’m hyperactive, I am doing everything faster and it feels like time around me has slowed down, so people walking in front of me, or having my way somewhere blocked makes me very angry.
If I do need to go into a crowded area, I’ll have to spend a few hours mentally preparing myself to go out. So I’ll make a mental map of the places I need to go, the route I’ll need to take to get the things I need in the most efficient way and I can’t deviate from that route as I’m more easily distracted when hypomanic and if I deviate from my route, then I’ll end up spending all my money on cheap tat because I felt like it would make my life a lot better at that time, and then not know why I got it.
My memory problems have also got me into debt several times too. I can buy things and forget I’ve purchased them, then remember I was wanting to buy it and go and buy it again. It’s not uncommon for me to buy 2 – 3 copies of the same thing, and shops rarely allow you to return them, so I end up just giving the multiples away to people.
I’m also prone to making rash, snap decisions. It’s not uncommon for me to randomly quit a job or take a sudden dislike to a close friend and remove them from my life. Due to the way bipolar works (depression and hypomania/mania), your job performance will drop while depressed, and then you can suddenly snap into a hypomanic/manic episode without knowing it and start irritating those around you. Because of how work places tend to treat those with mental health problems, they often won’t take you back if you quit because they see you as a liability.
But you tend to crash into one of the deepest depressions you can have when it ends. Like the saying goes “the higher you go, the further you have to fall”.
4. Some people say stupid things “yesterday I was feeling great and today I just feel normal, omg I’m like so bipolar lol”, don’t say this, it’s hard enough being a victim of it, and it becomes infuriating when people say things like this (this is pretty much true for all mental illnesses).
So what is it like being bipolar? Imagine swimming, swimming forever, you are not a particularly talented swimmer and to make things worse you have weights on your wrists and ankles. The heaviness of these weights change, with no real pattern, sometimes the weights are light enough for you to swim along with everyone else and it’s manageable and life is bearable. But sometimes the weights are heavy and just staying afloat becomes incredibly difficult, and sometimes the weights become even heavier than that, when the weights become too heavy you will eventually slip below the surface.
When you are under it seems like getting back up is impossible, sometimes the weights are so heavy you can’t get back up and you have to hold your breath until they get lighter but the longer you hold your breath the harder it is to not sink further leaving you to be in constant hope the weights become light enough to cope and get back up. For most the thought of giving up and letting go crosses their minds, once you’ve drowned you don’t have to struggle and cope anymore, because of this some people do. For some people the weights do get lighter and they can get back above the surface and continue swimming, some people don’t.
Friends are other swimmers, some have their own weights some don’t and it’s your friends who will rescue you when you sink under, they will help you swim carrying you along but they are also swimming and have to carry themselves, the more they help you the harder their own swimming becomes, some will move on and leave you, some will stay, and you will encounter more, replacing the ones lost.
Some use drugs to help with the struggle, drugs will temporarily make the weights lighter and it will be easier until they wear off but when they do wear off the weights will be heavier than before. Some people hurt themselves, doing this makes the weights slightly lighter but it makes the wearer weaker.
I can’t say bipolar does get better, certain medication will lighten the weights as will positive things in your life but you will always wear your weights. So why keep swimming? Everyone drowns at some point anyway so what’s the point? You want to get as far as you can during your swim, you want to experience the good things and you want to keep going, you want to beat your weights, you want to help carry others, you only get one swim, some people have it easier than others but it’s best not to waste it.
Rory Gallagher Irish Tour 1974 Tattoo’d Lady
I had this album. This is the first time that I watched him perform what I once owned.
13 People Reveal Their Secret That Could Ruin Their Lives
1. I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes… Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I’ve ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is like.. My whole deal.
My friends all call me the cake girl. It’s like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it’s so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious.
Well guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking fucking cakes!!
I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself, ifthat makes sense. Still… No one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes.
I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. :/ I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.
2. Some guy convinced naive 15 year old me to send nudes and then used it against me for 6 months. He found me on Facebook and threatened to send them to my friends list if I didn’t do whatever he asked me too. He would make me get online whenever he asked and have me masturbate for him. He even tried to get me to meet up with him in person. I got really lucky when his profiles just disappeared one day and I took that opportunity to delete every social media account I had. I haven’t gone back since and I never will. It really fucked me up for a while but I don’t really have anyone to blame but myself. It’s been 6 years since and I still haven’t told anyone I know this story.
3. I get paid a six figure salary for a standard 40 hour a week corporate job for a massive well known company. In a given week I do maybe an hour of actual work, the rest of the time I am on social media or youtube slacking off. I thought when I got this job that eventually someone would figure out I don’t do anything all day but here I am 14 years later still doing fuck all and getting paid a lot for it.
4. I once helped out my a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.
5. Cousin died when we were both seventeen. There was a reception at his house just after the funeral. I went into his room and stole all the money that was there, took some other valuables that his parents wouldn’t realize were gone. No one knows that I did it, they just assumed he didn’t have any money in his room, only loose change. I don’t regret it, but I will never admit I did it.
6. I had a baby with sperm donated from a man who advertised on craigslist. If my very religious family found out it wasn’t an “accident” I would be completely shunned and disowned.
I am a female who is ugly. NO, that’s not the secret. But.. I AM ugly because I have a facial deformity that I was born with. I’ve never had a long term partner and only had sex a few times in my life. My biological clock was ticking LOUDLY and I desperately wanted a child – there wasn’t going to be time enough to meet someone and my odds were none existent as a middle-aged, ugly female.
I own my home, have a career – but I didn’t want to lose all my savings to pay to have it done through a clinic and sperm donation, etc. It would have been at least $15K per try. My chances of adopting were also almost none existent as any women looking to adopt her baby out isn’t going to pick the ugly, middle aged lady to adopt their baby, plus is crazy freaking expensive. I wanted the money I had in savings, etc.. to toward raising the child.
So I turned to Craigslist and got it for free.
My child is a preschooler now and I’ve never been happier or more fulfilled! I pinch myself every day because my child is in my life and I feel so fucking lucky. Every day is a dream come true and I savor each and every moment. I try to be the best mom I can be in every way. Parenting really makes you take a long, hard look at yourself and how you show up in the world. I parent from my heart.
I regularly send pictures and updates to the generous and selfless man who trusted me on a hand shake.
7. I am basically living a lie. I told my entire family I was able to transfer out of community college and into a university, but I never finished up the requirements. So since I live at home, every day instead of going to school I go to the local library and bs. My lies are so extensive, I even go to the campus and meet my girlfriend for lunch sometimes. I’ve made fake transcripts to show my family, and to make it look like I’m actually studying I go to MIT opencourseware to look up facts that I “learned in class” that day. I have become a remarkable liar. I hope to be transferring in the fall and then I look forward to living a normal life. Coming clean is not an option at this point.
8. Ok, so this is a secret I’ve kept for nearly 20 years.
During the summers when I was growing up, my parents would often leave my brother and I(I’m male) with our aunt and uncle who lived out in the country. It was great as they had 4 sons of ages close to ours so we had a lot of fun doing kids stuff.
One summer when I was 8, the oldest cousin was maybe 16. We somehow got talking and he asked me if I wanted to sleep in his room that night. He has the nicest room and bed so I was all for it. Got into bed and he asked if he could touch my penis. I was 8 and just thought it was ok so I let him. He rubs it for a bit and then asks me to do the same to him. So I do. This progresses and eventually I’m sucking his cock. I think I knew this was wrong so I said I didn’t want to carry on. We stop and I goto sleep quite confused.
I wake up and he hands me some money and tells me never to tell anyone about what happened. Next night he tries to do the same thing.. But now all I care about is the money. So I do it. This carried on for 2 summers.
Eventually I got old enough to realize it was quite wrong regardless of the money and stopped.
I’ve not told anyone this. He’s now married with 2 kids. I’m also married and we see them sometimes at family events. I don’t have the balls to even try and talk to him about it.. Hell I’m not even sure what I’d say.
9. I came very, very close to committing a school shooting
I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it. There were these 4 cowboy jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore. I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn’t make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad’s handgun out of the gun-safe (he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.
I can’t adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to kill these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline. I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that i wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy’s table, so goddamn ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest fucking sound as it hit the cafeteria floor. I tried my best to grab the gun real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.
They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people with badassery, and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18. I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to kill all of them. I’m 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I’m still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I’m capable of.
10. A while back, I was cheating on my wife with a coworker. It went on for months, and I never really cared for the woman I was cheating with. She was super hot, though. After a while my coworker started getting really crazy and threatening to tell my wife (whom I had a child with and a baby on the way) about everything. Obviously, I kept trying to cut things off because I realized I was making a mistake. She lost it one night and was freaking out and texting me telling me she was going to come to my house, and a drunk driver hit her. She died instantly. No one knows I was having an affair, and my family went to her funeral.
1. I’ve been in a strictly sexual relationship with a first cousin for the last five years. We only ever saw each other once or twice a year growing up before she moved to the other side of the country and then never really saw or interacted with each other again until 5 years ago when she moved back. What started as us meeting up one in awhile has become a regular thing in the last few months. It’s escalated to the point where we’re now sexting each other.I’m scared to death of what might happen if anyone in our family finds out but I don’t want to stop what’s happening either.
Here’s the story: It all started out very slow before it escalated into full on sex.
I was informed by another cousin of ours and asked to help her move since I was free at the time. We started hanging out throughout that summer and then one afternoon we had brunch and then went back to chill at her apartment. It was a super hot day so we thought let’s just go indoors and relax and watch some TV or a movie.
I can’t remember what we were watching but we were chatting the whole time too, just talking about our relatives and what we were looking to do with our lives and careers. After awhile she kind of just leaned on me and got comfortable and I threw my arm around her (almost instinctively) and were just hanging out like that for a bit.
Eventually she gave me a lingering look that was kind of asking “what’s happening here?” and we both went in for a kiss. We were both shocked that it happened but we got over it fast and started making out and running our hands all over each other until my hand was up her skirt touching her thru her panties and then I realized what we were doing and stopped it from going any further.
We both came to our senses and stopped before anything went any further. We decided to forget it happened and move past it but every time we met up after that we’d make out and push our boundaries until we eventually ended up having sex. Afterwards, we were meeting up regularly until we both got really busy with work and only met up on occasion. We completely stopped when each of us had a significant other but would start hooking up again every so often when we are single. As mentioned before, now it’s become a regular occurrence where we hook up multiple times a week and we’ve been sexting with each other now.
12. On the outside, I am a happily married 30-something, about to buy a house, in sync with my wife on most things like religion, kids, that things will get better for us, etc.
In reality, I am a deeply depressed, secret alcoholic (which I fear is already adversely affecting my health, but I can’t stop), don’t believe in any higher power anymore and derive little or no pleasure or satisfaction from anything.
Most of this started with a sudden and untimely death of my mom, and some other family drama that happened around the same time while I was in university. I powered my way through there because I was encouraged to by those around me, even though I wanted so badly to drop out. This is also about the time I started abusing alcohol, I barely drank at all before.
My family is rather scattered now, living in different states. My wife and I are close, but I have been unwilling (unable?) to find or make new, meaningful friends as an adult in the city I moved to for a job.
I am so stressed: I feel pins and needles in my brain/head and tongue constantly, and drink heavily (5-10 drinks/units per day most of the time, sometimes more, I can hold off if I am traveling or around family (or in a situation where I can’t drink at all). I don’t even get really that drunk visibly anymore, which is why (I think) I hide it well from my wife. There is usually an empty vodka bottle hidden in my briefcase by the time she gets back from work, and I have usually poured my “first glass of wine” by then to mask that I have already been drinking (I get home from work earlier than she).
She thinks I am as happy and fulfilled as she and excited and ready to have kids and start a family, etc. etc. In truth I am just numb to this world. I try to love her, I think I do, and expend all of my energy keeping up the facade and affection for her. But apart from that I have zero energy or desire for anything. I used to be athletic, and still look decent, but my physical shape is fading fast. I don’t have or enjoy any hobbies. I just wake up, go to work, drink when I can, and mark off the days as I get older and closer to eventually dying.
I don’t know what to do. Tried therapy back in the day, and meds, didn’t seem to help. I just am trying to make life ok for the people around me who I don’t want to see be like me inside, mostly my wife. But beyond that I feel like I have totally missed the boat and am past satisfaction or having any meaningful place in the world.
13. My whole professional life is built on a lie and it’s about ready to come down.
When I was 22 I was in a bad way — halfway through my bachelor’s degree, but with a building addiction to opiates and some mental health issues.
Summer of that year I was in a bad car accident — in addition to broken bones throughout my body, my head went through the window and my face received severe lacerations that required hundreds of stitches to close and left me looking very rough. As tough as that was to deal with, I also now know that I sustained a traumatic brain injury that left me very confused, angry, and overwhelmed by life in general.
I wanted to keep up appearances, so after taking three months off to recover I tried to go back to school. Within the first week I knew I couldn’t handle it. Too many questions about what happened, too much anxiety, and I had lost pretty much all my coping skills. When I got overwhelmed (which happened often), I would feel sick and scared and literally forget where I was and what I was doing. It was frightening and embarrassing, especially for someone like me who had always had high expectations placed on my shoulders by those around me.
I had lost pretty much all my friends at this point, and in my mental state, I thought that those who remained would abandon me if they knew how much I was struggling.
So, I told everyone that it was going great. Every day I would I leave the house for six hours and drive. Sometimes I would stop in a parking lot, sometimes I would just keep driving all day. I would find cheap used textbooks at college bookstores so that I could bring them home and “study.” I created elaborate lies about my classes and my professors in order to have stories to tell when people asked how it was going.
I kept telling myself that I was just doing this until my brain worked again, and that next quarter I would go back for real when I could actually handle it. Problem is, things just kept getting worse, and as time went on I became less able to get back on track.
This went on for 2.5 years, until I was supposed to be graduating. So, I lied about that too. I forged transcripts and came up with stories of why I didn’t want to work in the field of my degree and hoped to move past it. I got a labor job and slowly found things working themselves out as my brain chemistry improved and steady work kept me from completely destroying myself.
Eventually I had to move. For the first time in over a decade, I was finally free of my opiate addiction and starting to feel part of the world again, but I was still carrying the lie of my college degree. I volunteered in some places related to that field and they really liked me.
They liked me so much, in fact that they hired me on an emergency basis (no transcripts required) and I’ve worked there ever since. Now, three years into my sobriety and seemingly a lifetime removed from the pain of those years, they want to promote me to a career-level job that I would absolutely love.
I’m so good at what I do and it brings me so much joy, but this promotion would come with scrutiny and background checks that I know I can’t stand up to.
When I was so depressed, I honestly didn’t think I’d even live this long, so while I knew that my lies could create this situation, I never prepared for it. Worse than losing this job would be having everyone around me find out what happened, so I am at a point now where I have to quit what I love because they like me too much.
I plan to go back to school for real and I think I’ll do well, but the shame and regret of this situation is something I don’t think I’ll ever shake.
Pronounced Dead for 20 Minutes – What He Saw and How it Changed His Life Forever
Scott Drummond shares his amazing experience of what he felt and saw when he was pronounced dead for 20 minutes. It is a very personal and tender moment in his life, a moment that drastically changed the rest of his life forever.
A Car For The Jet Age: Cool Pics Of The 1956 Oldsmobile Golden Rocket
The 1950s was a rememberred decade in many things. From the boom of culture and fashion to the unique inventions of cars, especially the 1956 Oldsmobile Golden Rocket.
The Oldsmobile Golden Rocket was a two-seater show car built by Oldsmobile for the 1956 General Motors Motorama. The radically styled fiberglass concept, designed to resemble a rocket on wheels, was revised several times and displayed at various other auto shows, most notably at the 1957 Paris Motor Show where it generated much fanfare, 18 months after it was first revealed.
The car was also featured in the promotional short film Design for Dreaming along with the rest of the 1956 General Motors lineup.
Here below is a cool photo collection of the 1956 Oldsmobile Golden Rocket.
Confessions Of An American Indian
What tribe are you from?
I grew up and lived on the Oneida Nation rez in Wisconsin. I am part of the Turtle Clan (or Wolf, if you want to be pedantic)
Why do some people call your clan the Turtle Clan if it’s really the Wolf Clan?
Oneida is a Matriarchy and my ancestry is through my father which would put me in wolf clan. My Grandma is Turtle though, so i choose to go off of that.
Is your Oneida Nation related to the Oneida Nation in NY?
Same ones. We were moved forcefully from there
How many people are in your tribe?
There’s only about 15,000 people left in my tribe
Can you speak the Oneida language?
I know a handful of words. I know MAYBE 3 people that can hold a really shitty conversation. It’s pretty much forgotten
What kind of lodging/homes are on a reservation? Regular houses? Does the traditional teepee survive? Are teepees a Hollywood thing?
My great grandparents were part of the last generation to be taken from New York (Oneida Lake) They lived in longhouses/tepees. My grandma (who is still alive) was part of the first generation to be born on the rez. People live in regular homes though. There’s cool housing programs though the tribe that they expand every year.
What is the most common misconception that people have about you and/or your culture?
That (my tribe specifically) wear headdresses. Also rain dances are not a thing, they were never a thing and will never be a thing
How much of the old bush crafting/ living in the outdoor skills are still taught?
Not really. It’s more of people teaching beadwork/dancing/language.
What exactly is the significance of beadwork?
It is just as important as dancing as it connects us to our ancestors. There’s a lot of rules for when you bead though. You can’t bead when you’re tired, when it’s stormy, when its dark out, and a whole host of other things.
How much of native tradition is carried on in the reservation? Does anyone still believe in the spiritual ways of native Americans in the past?
To be honest, it is pretty much all lost or dead. We still observe certain traditions such as powwows. (I actually had a powwow just for me) The elders are dying faster than we can interview them and there isn’t much we can do. Just recently two of our oldest elders were stabbed and murdered in their own home and left to rot for almost a month. I would like to think the good outweighs the bad though
Any idea why the elders were murdered?
I actually knew the guy personally. He had a really rough life. (physical abuse by all his family) He was probably looking to rob them and things went south. I feel no remorse for this guy. Everything coming to his is what he deserves. He took two lives.
Rest in Peace Harry and Lorraine Brown Bear.
What is the biggest issue facing your tribes and/or natives in general?
Generational poverty. It’s sad how a lot of my people live.
How often does your reservation rely on tourism, if you had to take a guess?
We get 99.99 percent of our money from our . If you count that as tourism then quite a bit.
How big are your monthly membership checks from the ?
We have one large and members get 1000 dollars a year from it. Far from a monthly check. Elders get more money though and have other benefits such as free wood and housing
What’s the biggest obstacle to living on a reservation besides being low income/poor?
There is nothing here. It’s kinda sad actually
How bad is the drug/alcohol abuse on the reservation?
There is so much alcohol abuse it’s disgusting. There’s more heroin then meth from what I’ve seen. A lot of my family drinks and it will bring them to an early grave
What kind of changes do you think needs to take place for the betterment of people living on reservations?
The biggest change that i would like to see with Indians is to get off of welfare and actually have the US have good programs for a change. It’s so hard when people are this poor and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Leaving the rez is not looked down on the traditional sense. There’s more of a jealousy going on. Very few people can just leave.
What do you believe the government should do to improve the lives of people on your reservation?
They could keep honoring the treaties. I don’t think the government will ever help out besides that. It’s nice to dream though
Do you think reservations are good/useful? As an outsider, I’ve always thought they were pointless because there is more bad than good e.g. alcohol and drugs, poor education, poor job opportunities, poor healthcare, poor justice, etc.
If that happened the culture would die almost instantly. Reservations are the last thing that we have they may be broken but broken things can be mended. I would cry if the USA took my home away
Do you still harbor any deep rooted anger/frustration at the atrocities commited by the US Govt?
At this point the older i get the more i realize that nobody will ever give a shit about us. We will cease to exist and only become a footnote in a history book. I personally have moved on from the past, it’s just that nobody cares about their neighbors anymore
Have you found much prejudges or animosity between different native tribes? Or has the history of oppression unified the native peoples somewhat?
I’ll be blunt with this one. There are respectable tribes and there are not respectable ones. Theres a lot of shit some tribes do that make me angry
How do people in reservations view “Outsiders”?
The rez is open to the public as it stands right now. The tribe does not own 51% of the land and therefore cannot fully govern the territory. I don’t have any disdain for white people living here and i don’t really know anyone who does.
Do you feel like an American? I’m not suggesting that you should, but I just find the social status of American Indians odd in that way. You didn’t choose to have this government or culture put upon you, but do you accept it and feel a part of it?
If I lived on the rez forever I would never feel like a American Citizen.
Does it bother you at all to be called “Indian”?
Frankly, I have been an Indian longer than iv’e been a Native American and most people here like it that way.
What is your opinion of the team name of the Washnington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians?
Who gives a flying fuck! Let them have their team! Nobody really cares on my end haha
Do you guys actually care about Native Indian costume on Halloween?
I find them Hilarious
How do you and others you know feel about Thanksgiving?
I fucking love thanksgiving. Huge meal with all my family? Sign me up! I really don’t care about the implication at this point. White people are offended enough for me
How do you feel when you see hipster chicks get dream catchers tattooed?
Dreamcatchers are for children to ward nightmares away. They are kinda like a nightlight. The kids think they work but its all made up
Where do you live now and what are you doing for a living?
Right now I live in Appleton Wi. I’m currently on the path to becoming a Firefighter! I go back the the rez every weekend pretty much to visit my family.
How would you compare life on the reserve to the life you currently have in the city?
I can walk down the street without feeling like i’m going to get robbed. Also there is so much more things to do here. The rez is poor and boring to be honest. In Oneida you have to drive a good 40 minutes to get to any place of culture that is not a bar.
Do you have any idols?
My Father is my idol. He has worked hard all his life (and continues to do so) to give his children a future. He’s tough as nails and a big reason I’m going into a Firefighting career. He continues to volunteer at the Oneida Fire Department and hes a huge influence on my life.
What do you think is the perfect way to live life?
Free of stress and surrounded by loved ones
They CAN’T hide this anymore, it’s all starting to unravel
When it starts happening to family and friends people know, it’s going to raise eyebrows. The whole “help, I’m having a coincidence!”thing only can last for so long…
11 People Who Gave Up On Their Dreams Reveal Whether Or Not They Regret Their Decision
1. Honestly turned out great. I realised my band wasn’t going to get a record deal after a few years and then after playing for other peoples bands for a while it starred to become less fun.
I got a ‘proper’ job, started working on my career and used my new spare time to start playing rugby again. Now I’ve got a really good job in a sector I enjoy working in, married, kids, nice house all that stuff and I still play rugby on Saturdays (pre pandemic) to keep things a little different as well as keeping in shape.
I don’t really see it as giving up on my dream. It was just recognising that it wasn’t going to happen. I’m very fond of that period of my life and having spent quite a few years chasing that particular dream I don’t have any regrets or what-if’s about being in a band.
2. Chased my dream, took decades, and did better than I thought I could. Stayed focused throughout. Thing is, I should have re-evaluated long ago. Turns out I was chasing the wrong dream. I regret not recognizing that the dream can and should change. If you blindly chase one dream, the finish line isn’t necessarily fulfilling.
3. No. I was on the path to becoming a professor, and I don’t regret leaving academia AT ALL. The pay is terrible, the requirements to achieve your dream can crush the soul out of you if you’re not careful, and the chances of achieving actual job security grow dimmer by the day. There are some things I miss about it, but I really can’t regret choosing a good paying, if somewhat more boring, office job that gives me security and disposable income to pursue my own hobbies and travel (before the pandemic, of course).
4. Part of me regretted it, part of me knew I had to.
I always wanted to be a doctor. No pushy parents or anything like that. I just wanted to fix problems and medical things seemed like the most interesting problems, things change, get worse/better, add new problems.. My little brother was born and developed seizures and development issues. I decided Pediatrics was for me! The same problems/puzzles but with the added intrigue of the patient being unable to tell me what was wrong.. Sounds a bit sick, but that’s what my brain wanted.
I didn’t get the grades at school, unfortunately my step dad died and it messed me up a bit being needed at home with my siblings and I shifted my focus. I did go to university, did an access course and a biology degree with the aim of then going on to medicine afterwards. Sadly, I got two rejections for med school (on my birthday no less) and I pissed away the rest of my final year, because…what was the point anymore??
I then met a boy (now husband), and needed to get a job. Any job. Please just give me a job. Countless applications were ignored or rejected. I felt worse than useless. I finally landed a job at a call centre. Hated every minute of it. But bills got paid, a wedding and honeymoon have been paid for, and we bought our house..
But. In 2019 I knew I was turning thirty soon and knew this wasn’t what I wanted, even if it was what I needed.
I enrolled at a local college on an access course and last year I passed with distinction. I applied to a few university courses, and I had two successful interviews. I quit my sucky job on new year’s after nearly 6 years of hating it. And in two weeks I start my course to become a nurse.
Plans change, needs must. But I’m hoping its worked out…
5. 18 months ago I left my mediocre career as a stuntman for more secure work as a DoD contractor. I’m now living life in Japan with a loaded bank account and my wife can focus on her writing. Although I miss performing stunts I now enjoy my day to day life without worrying about finances or health insurance.
I regret nothing. I can say I doubled Gerard Butler and Micheal Madsen but it was time to move on to provide for my new family.
6. As someone who quit academia shortly after my PhD and gave up all my research hopes and dreams, I couldn’t be happier with my decision. I work a relatively “boring” job in marketing now (I worked with wolves during my PhD so pretty much everything is going to be “boring” in comparison). I have no emotional attachment to my job or colleagues which is a refreshing change and affords me a lot of mental space and freedom. I can finally tune out and stop working, something I could never do during my PhD.
The pay is mediocre, but when you’re used to being in academia, the job security itself is a huge boon. Besides, as an international PhD student who had spent almost all his life savings to move and set up abroad, I learned to maintain a 50%+ savings rate very quickly. If you learn how to have a good savings rate (even if it isn’t that high) and can maintain it after quitting academia, that shit adds up fast.
I desperately miss working with those fluffy, lovable, morons, but I can now daydream about buying a car and building a house without mentally kicking myself for it.
7. I went to school for and worked as a video game developer. I saw the crunch times, the frequent layoffs, and general instability of the industry and decided it wasn’t for me after all.
Been doing work in various industries trying to find something I want to do for a living. Came to the conclusion that I will never like working. So I am settled in at an aerospace manufacturing plant that has been in operation since WWII and I can and probably will spend the rest of my working days here.
I’ve decided that it’s better for me to get my life’s fulfillment from my hobbies and relationships instead of my work.
8. Turned out great, just not right at the moment as I am still job hunting after having to quit my previous job. Still no regrets though.
I went to college to become a 3D animator. Something I always dreamed about. I was top of the class, constantly won awards for my work. I honestly thought I was going to make it big. Then the final semester started and all the seniors were required to go to a special hiring event where tons of big names would be. I got my portfolio and resume copies ready to go, and spent hours researching the big names and their projects as well as rehearsing lots of practice questions.
It was devastating. No one would look twice at my stuff. Introduced myself, made some awkward small talk as they were so disinterested, then as I walked away they would immediately put it in the stack with hundreds of other portfolios, and not in the special pile.
I switched up my game. I started introducing myself with a quick mention that I had a background in programming (I did). Thinking that maybe that would give me an edge. Oh boy did it work. Suddenly I was getting personal business cards, phone numbers and emails, my resume was put on the special pile.
It was at that moment I realized I went into the wrong field. I was just a tiny insignificant drop in a sea of artists, many of whom were much more talented than I could ever be.
Finished up my degree and went back to college for a BS in Computer Science. Got my first job right out of college from an internship I did over the summer. The job itself was heaven, and I really enjoyed it. It also helped that I made bank when I was there. Paid off all my school loans within 3 years and had plenty to invest and put into savings.
While it sucks not having anything right now, I’m hoping to find something soon.
Side note: The 3D stuff I still do as a hobby. Not nearly as good as I once was, but it is still fun and relaxing.
9. At age 15 I started playing guitar in a band. The dream was to become a Rock Star. At age 22, I was playing Gazzari’s on the Sunset Strip. A set of original tunes in club where so many famous people started. It was the heyday of the metal scene and that was happening in Los Angeles. By 1984 I realized that it was not just a question of being a great band. Or writing great songs. I had seen a lot of great bands in Los Angeles that had great songs, go absolutely nowhere. Then really crappy bands, I won’t mention names to avoid hurting anyone, that did have commercial success. So why was this?
It turns out being a great band that writes great songs, is just not enough. You also have to be incredibly lucky. More people win the lottery than become famous rock stars. It was time to get real. I was 22 and I wanted things. So I gave up my dreams and became an electrical apprentice.
By the time I was 24, I was running jobs. At 27 I was accepted in the IBEW as a journeyman electrician, after passing the Journeyman Block Test, accepted in a lot of states. At age 31 I became a Master Electrician and General Foreman in the IBEW. I then became the Superintendent of a large Union shop . And finally at age 33 I started my own Electrical Contracting business. At age 41 I became 100% disabled and was forced to retire. That was almost 20 years ago. I still have my Bray Amp and my Les Paul in my bedroom, always plugged in, so I can pick it up anytime I want. So, I’d say everything turned out ok for me.
10. I made a solid run at becoming a writer. It was always my dream as I’ve been an avid reader my whole life and have always had an active imagination. I studied English in university, read everything I could and spent my 20s living and travelling overseas. I joined writers groups, did an apprenticeship with an established author and worked my ass off for years, both abroad and when I returned home. I even got a few short stories published. And I was miserable.
Writing fiction has to be the worst paying job in the world when you factor in the time you put in (Stephen King references this at the start of On Writing). Writers like King are extreme outliers, and even he had to work a 9-5 while writing Carrie. It is extremely hard to grind out a job all day, then come home and try to write all evening. Or get up at 5am everyday and write before work. Not only is it difficult to conjure up the juice you need to write when you’re working around a “regular” life schedule, but everything else in your life slips. You don’t have time to workout. You miss out on spending time with friends and family. You’re sitting in you desk or chair every night while your partner is watching TV alone. And if you have kids… good luck.
I became overweight, depressed, and miserable. I developed back issues from spending 12+ hours a day in a chair. I wasn’t getting anywhere in life, and while it was nice to get published the odd time, I didn’t find the joy in my own writing the way I do in others. So I let it go.
Now, I have a great job, nice house, and lots of time to spend with my wife and pursue my hobbies. I fixed my back issues and got in great shape (until COVID) And I have grown so much as a person since then. So no regrets.
I do think about it from time to time though. I still read a lot, and I’m sure that itch will come back sometime. It’s not like being an athlete… nothing to say I can’t pick it back up any other time
11. I was a child actor. I was relatively successful – I was on a popular soap and even had my fifteen minutes of fame – I had TV shows and films and commercials on the go. Of course this meant I was bullied at school – if I answered their incessant questions about what it was like on set, they said I was stuck up for talking about myself. If I didn’t answer their questions, they said I was stuck up for not engaging with them. I was talked down to, ignored, laughed at – the usual high school stuff. But for most people, that stuff ends in high school. For famous people, it never ends (as we see on the internet daily).
Then I met someone on set who told me what it was really like – that if you’re not made for it, the fame part can completely destroy you as a person – if you are private or shy or anxious, as I am, it can tear you apart inside, and it’s constant, and for the really famous people, it never, ever goes away. She helped me recognise that what I loved was the process, the on-set family, the job itself. The recognition, the total lack of privacy, and the inevitable bullying just wasn’t what I wanted my life to be. She showed me that at this early stage of my career, I could make my choice, I didn’t have to just stumble into a lifestyle I wouldn’t easily be able to get out of. She showed me the truth – that for most people, by the time they know they hate the lifestyle, it’s already too late.
When I was 18, I quit my agency, and never looked back. Now, 19 years later, in my office job in finance, I make a fraction of what I could have made, and I don’t enjoy my work nearly as much as I enjoyed tv and film sets. But I’m anonymous, and I am happy. The girl I met, these days she can’t even go to a grocery store or a petrol station without being mobbed (we’re not still in touch, but I follow her career). Me, I can go anywhere and do anything without anyone giving me a second glance. That makes me happy. I hope she is happy too.
US spy plane makes dangerous maneuvers against monitoring PLA airplane during close-in recon on China
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It was a US RC-135 spy plane that engaged in dangerous maneuvers against a Chinese People’s Liberation Army (PLA) Navy J-11 fighter jet which was monitoring the US aircraft during the latter’s close-in reconnaissance over the South China Sea, and the US intentionally misled the public, the PLA Southern Theater Command said on Saturday, releasing a video documenting the incident.
The US statement disregarded the truth and is pure slander and hype, said Senior Colonel Tian Junli, a spokesperson of the PLA Southern Theater Command, in a statement on Saturday.
Tian’s statement is a response to a recent US military statement claiming a PLA Navy J-11 fighter jet came within six meters of a US Air Force RC-135 aircraft over the South China Sea on December 21, forcing the US aircraft to take evasive maneuvers to avoid a collision in international airspace, Reuters reported on Friday.
A US RC-135 aircraft conducted intentional close-in reconnaissance on China’s southern coastline and the Xisha Islands of Hainan, South China’s Hainan Province on December 21. The PLA Southern Theater Command organized aerial forces to conduct tracking and monitoring through its entire course, Tian said.
Despite multiple warnings from the Chinese side, the US aircraft suddenly altered its flight stance, pushed the Chinese aircraft toward left in a dangerous approach movement, which seriously compromised the flight safety of the Chinese military aircraft, severely violated the Rules of Behavior for Safety of Air and Maritime Encounters between China and the US as well as related international law and practices, the spokesperson said.
A video documenting the incident from the perspective of the Chinese J-11 fighter jet was attached to Tian’s statement, which showed the US RC-135 intentionally altered its flight stance in a dangerous approach toward the Chinese aircraft at 11:25 am on December 21.
From the video released by the Chinese side, it is obvious that the US aircraft actively maneuvered left toward the Chinese aircraft, verifying that it was the US side that engaged in dangerous moves, a Chinese military expert who requested anonymity told the Global Times on Saturday.
On the other hand, the video release by the US only showed the Chinese aircraft flying alongside the US aircraft without making any dangerous maneuvers, the expert said.
The Chinese pilot took professional and standard action according to laws and regulations, fully reflecting the Chinese military’s responsible attitude toward regional safety and the safety of frontline personnel, Tian said.
“The US side intentionally misled the public, called black white, blamed on China while itself is to be blamed and attempted to confuse international opinion,” he said.
“We sternly require the US to restrain the movements of its frontline maritime and aerial forces, strictly abide by related international laws and related agreements and prevent maritime and aerial accidents,” Tian said.
The Chinese military is on high alert at all times, as it will resolutely carry out its duties and missions, safeguarding national sovereignty and security, the spokesperson said.
Wang Wenbin, a spokesperson from the China’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, said at a regular press conference on Friday in response to the incident that, for a long time, the US has frequently deployed aircraft and vessels for close-in reconnaissance on China, which poses a serious danger to China’s national security.
The US’ provocative and dangerous moves are the root cause of maritime security issues, Wang said.
“China urges the US to stop such dangerous provocations, and stop deflecting blame on China. China will continue to take necessary measures to resolutely defend its sovereignty and security, and work with regional countries to firmly safeguard peace and stability in the South China Sea,” Wang said.
Confessions of the Deputy Warden Of The World’s Most Humane Prison
How did a program like this come about, was it at first controversial or was it always accepted as a good idea?
Building the facility was a decision made by the parliament in Norway. The way is was built, was to reflect some of the central principles of the Norwegian correctional services; Humanity and Normality. Some said the first months that is was to “luxurious” – but that critique silenced after a while.
How many prisoners are in your prison?
Approx. 260. A big prison by Norwegian standard, very small by US standards…. We could argue for hours what is the “best” size, however my experience is that very large prisons is more about “logistics” than rehabilitation.
What sort of crimes have the majority of inmates committed? Are there particular crimes that make the inmates less likely to be rehabilitated?
Drug-related crimes are on top. In “second place”, murders. Third; rapists/sexual offenses. Rehabilitating pedophiles is difficult.
Do you see many repeat offenders?
Absolutely, we have them in Norway (and Halden) also. However, re-offending is less likely in Norway and the other Nordic countries, due to our focus on rehabilitation. If I simplify, you might say that re-offending is often connected to those having a drug addiction that we don’t succeed in helping enough.
What are the psycho-social backgrounds of your prisoners? Is there a common theme?
90% have some kind of mental issue, 60% are substance abusers, a substantial number have had problems (violence, sexual abuse, et.c) i their upbringing, many are without jobs, very low education, et.c The majority of the inmates have issues in many aspects of their life.
What is an inmate’s day-to-day life like at Halden?
In short; All inmates shall be in some kind of activity – every day. The normal routine is getting up in the morning, prepare their own breakfest and lunch, thereafter going to work or school. After work/school, they return to their living unit to have dinner. In the afternoon, there are visits, time in the yard, going to the library/gymnasium/etc. They are locked in their cells from around 20:30 to 07:15 Next morning.
What is the reason behind the 20:30 lock down?
Its a cost issue really regarding staffing.
How would you deal with the type of “Fight or die” culture that pulls non-violent offenders into prison gangs for self defense? That issue is pretty much universal in the US prison systems. I’ve always held that putting a burglar in the general population of a prison with violent lifers just forces the non-violent criminal to evolve into a more dangerous criminal.
We do the same in Norway also, mixing all kinds of offenders together. So why do we not have the same problem, or at least not to the same extent, that the US do? I think the answer is because in our prisons, our officers are together with the inmates at all times – we control the prison environment, not the “high-status” inmates. This is part of what we call “dynamic security”, the dialogue and contact between the officers and the inmates.
Do you ever feel intimidated or in danger from your inmates?
Very seldom. Treating people with respect and have a willingness to communicate, reduces tension.
If an inmate gets violent, how are you supposed to handle it?
First of all, most situations that are evolving, is possible to solve by communication. Since our officers are together with the inmates, they feel any tention early and are able to talk the situation down. In the few cases this is not possible, all officers are trained in the use of “physical power”, both on an individual level, as well as a team.
Is there ever a need for solitary confinement? If so, how often is it used and for how long?
Norway doesn’t use solitary confinement as in the US. We have “Security cells” where inmates who present a clear danger to themselves, other inmates, or staff – are put. But they stay there just until the situation is calmed downed, normally within 24 hours – where they move back into general population. You don’t stay in the Security cell as a punishment, as you do in the US.
What are some effective strategies for changing prisoner behaviors for the long term?
Start building trust – by treating them humanely and with respect. Then you have the basis for talking about change, future, etc.
What methods do you see inmates use to help rehabilitate themselves?
This varies among the inmates, you might say that we try to “tailor-made” the effort for all inmates. Screening and interviews form the basis for how we plan the intervention, together with the inmate. In addition to what you mention, I could add; Substance abuse treatment, housing issues, debt counselling, social network, et.c
How do Norwegian sentencing standards compare to US standards? Wouldn’t alternative sentencing for non-violent criminals help ease the burden on the system to allow for that level of supervision?
Alternative forms of “imprisonment” have shown very good results in Norway. I am especially thinking about “Electronic bracelet sentence”, where you live in your own home, being able to keep your work and social relations. The results are low re-offending and low operational cost for the correctional service, very cost-effective over-all.
What criticism do you face nationally and internationally about providing this kind of facilities and treatment to convicts/criminals?
Not much criticism anymore, actually – only some in the beginning. The values, methods, et.c – are the same nationwide, so the reactions initially in Norway was that the facilities was “to nice”. Same from some European countries, UK in particular. Later, the interest har been more curious and open-minded – from most countries really, I guess it is because they feel we are doing something right.
Do you think that Norwegians (and other Scandinavians) are more law abiding in the first place?
I don’t know really. And I am not sure if being law abiding is the right question to begin with. I think the level of crime is partly connected to our up-bringing; Do we have good schools, do we have a good child welfare service, do our children live in caring and functional families, etc. The background to inmates are so “filled with issues” from their younger years.
How do Norwegian citizens feel about having convicted criminals in the workplace? In the US most companies do a background check on prospective employees and felony convictions are a barrier to employment in many cases.
A criminal record might stop you from having certain jobs permanently, or for a period of time, also in Norway. But only these jobs/employers can request that insight into police records, not all employers. So even if there is some stigma of being an “ex-con”, there are job opportunities in Norway. Norway has a low uneployment rate in general, so if you have the right education/et.c – getting a job is absolutely possible.
If your wife was raped and murdered, would you favor an irrevocable death penalty for the killer?
No.
Would you favor sending the perpetrator to a prison similar to the one you run, or to a prison similar to those in the US?
Similar to the one I run.
It is of course easy to sit here behind my computer and have principles. On a personal level I would have been devistated by such a crime, and it is hard to predict what I would say then – as a private person. But one the same time, a government system’s actions and operations can’t be based on emotions – but on facts, knowledge, et.c – hence my answers initially.
If you had to make a single critique of the United States Criminal Justice System as a whole, which would make the most good?
To much focus on punishment&revenge, to little focus on rehabilitation.
Do you believe that the Norwegian model of prison systems can be replicated in other parts of the world?
Yes, definitely. I often hear that “this will not work in my country”. Have in mind then that Halden prison inmate population consists of approx. 40-45% non-Norwegian inmates – coming from 30-35 different countries. Do we have more “issues” with those coming from other countries? No, we do not. This tells me there is something “universal” about treating people with respect and humanity.
Whats your favorite part of the job?
I think it is the daily feeling of “doing good” for society.
Boston Cream Pie
“An ancient Good Housekeeping recipe that I religiously make every New Years day. If you’ve never made a scratch cake, you don’t know what you’re missing. Using cake flour is a must. See Lennie’s recipe #87689. Be sure to properly measure your flour by lightly spooning into a measure cup until overflowing then using the backside of a knife to level off. Too little flour will produce a callapsed cake and too much will have wet spots with dense layers. Cake layers freezeable. Prep time also includes assembly time.”
Ingredients
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CAKE LAYERS
- 2 large eggs
- 2 cups unsifted cake flour
- 1 cup sugar, separated
- 2 1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1⁄2 teaspoon salt
- 1⁄3 cup vegetable oil
- 1 cup milk
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
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CREAM FILLING
- 1 1⁄2 cups milk
- 2 tablespoons cornstarch
- 1⁄4 cup sugar
- 1 pinch salt
- 1 large egg
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
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CHOCOLATE GLAZE
- 1⁄4 cup water
- 2 tablespoons sugar
- 1⁄2 cup semisweet chocolate or 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
Directions
- Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 9″ round cake pans or make it easy on yourself and trace the bottom of the cake pans on a piece of waxed paper and cut to fit then place on bottom of pans. No need to grease; the cakes will fall right out.
- For the cake layers: Separate eggs; place whites in a small, clean bowl free of any grease or oil and set aside. In a large mixing bowl, combine cake flour, 3/4 cup of the sugar, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
- In a small bowl with an electric mixer, beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Very gradually beat in the remaining 1/4 cup sugar; beat until stiff peaks form. Set aside.
- Add egg yolks, oil and 1/2 cup milk to flour mixture. With electric mixer, beat until smooth, scraping sides of bowl occasionally. Add remaining 1/2 cup milk and vanilla. Beat just until combined. Carefully fold beaten egg whites into batter. Divide batter into prepared pans.
- Bake cakes 20 to 25 minutes or until centers spring back when gently pressed. Cool in pans on wire rack for 5 minutes. Loosen cake around edges with a sharp knife then turn cakes out onto racks and remove waxed paper, if used; cool completely. (Tip: I make the cake layers in advance, wrap and freeze. Defrost in wrapper for a couple of hours then proceed with the filling and glaze.).
- While cake is baking, make cream filling: In a 1-quart saucepan, heat 1 cup milk to boiling. In cup or small bowl, combine remaining 1/2 cup milk, cornstarch, sugar, pinch salt, egg and vanilla until blended.
- When milk comes to boiling, gradually stir in cornstarch mixture with wire whisk. Return to boiling, stirring constantly. Reduce heat and simmer 1 minutes or until thickened to pudding consistancy. Set aside to cool to room temperature.
- Make chocolate glaze: In 1 quart saucepan, heat water and sugar to boiling. Add chocolate chips; stir until glaze is smooth; remove from heat. Cool 5 to 10 minutes or until slightly thickened.
- To assemble, place one cake layer, upside down, on a serving plate. Spread with cream filling. Top with remaining cake layer, right side up. Spoon glaze over top; spread to edges of cake. Refrigerate.
The Defeatist Confessions From The Forever Alone Community
1. Sometimes I remember just how lonely I am, how deprived of physical or emotional intimacy I am, and it just leaves me with a cold, numb, empty feeling that radiates from my core to my extremities.
Sometimes I think back on a time, any time, that a girl smiled at me, or laughed at a joke, or any basic, every day, little social cue that she’s potentially a little interested, and I’m overcome with frustration bordering on rage because I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it.
When that happens I might just sort of growl/moan to myself if I’m somewhere with other people around, but if I’m alone (especially in the car)I’ll scream at the top of my lungs, either a stream of profanities or just a wordless bellow.
When I see or hear any sort of reference to sexuality or romance I just want to bash my face in against the corner of a wall somewhere. Kissing scenes in movies, couples doing couple-y things in public (seeing teenage couples is hands down the worst,nothing like knowing you’ve got less game than a sixteen year old), even just seeing a picture of a hot woman can make me feel like shit sometimes.
I feel like at this point I can’t even show an interest in women, any women, like I’m incapable of it, or not allowed to. It’s like I’ve been in this fucked up situation so long that my brain has rationalized it, and I’ve concluded that I’m supposed to be alone, that I deserve it for whatever fucking reason.
Back in college sometimes when I rode the bus and it was crowded, I’d get a girl sitting next to me. Just feeling our thighs touching lightly, or our shoulders, and it would be the highlight of my day often. sometimes I’d even stay on past my stop just to keep that brief, fleeting moment of human touch going, however meaning less and unintentional it all was. The worst part about that was when I’d get a boner, and I’d feel like some kind of horrible, perverted creep, which would play back into that whole “I deserve to be alone like this) kind of mindset.
Basically, it seriously fucks with your head, and puts you in a mental state where it’s almost impossible to do anything to fix how lonely you are.
2. It’s a source of more or less constant misery in my life. No matter what I do, what I succeed at, what I achieve etc. that albatross is going to be around my neck forever – I’m unwanted, undesirable, not good enough for the rest of the human species.
I try my best to not let it affect my life, vent my frustrations strictly online and try to live every day of my life to the fullest, but I can’t say it doesn’t sap my motivation to do things. I have this lazy loser streak in me, so the desire to just let myself go and become a stupid boring slob gets strong at times.
I’m currently in therapy to learn to deal with those feelings more effectively. I’m allowing the possibility that doing so may finally lead me to experience sex and love, but I’m not holding my breath. I know I’m pretty much bottom of the barrel when it comes to attractiveness and, logically, can’t think of a reason for a woman to choose me – anything I can give, a better looking man can give too.
The worst part of being FA for me is the future. I’m still only creeping up on 30 and have managed to stay healthy so far, but I won’t be this way forever. I’m scared of dying slowly and painfully with no one to even help me. I’m scared also of becoming completely isolated when everyone I know is married and has a busy family life. I’m scared of eventually spiraling into a depression so strong and so bad that I will kill myself.
3. Soul destroying. Humans are social animals, so we need intimate contact and sufficient social interaction in order to be happy and functional. Being deprived of it is horrendous. It’s almost like physical pain. I mean, it isn’t but it feels close to it. It is crushing, excruciating, inescapable and utterly all consuming.
The most intimate thing I have ever experienced is platonic hugging with a female friend of mine (I’m male), and that is almost like a drug to me. The odd thing is that it isn’t a sexual thing – I’m not aroused or turned on that much when we do it. I mean, I am a bit as I am a heterosexual male, but what I mostly get out of it is just intimacy with another human – something I’m very deprived of. Just holding her, feeling her skin, her warmth, her hair, the sound of her breathing, even her smell. It’s just so nice to have intimate contact with someone who cares about me, even if its non sexual. Because that’s why I’m depressed. I’m not too bothered with never having been kissed; its being unwanted, worthless, unloved and utterly, truly alone that kills me inside every second of every day.
4. I’ll be 39 in a few months. I’m really struggling with finding reasons to keep trying or stay around. I wish I could adequately describe in proper detail just how bad the pain and hopelessness is and the events that lead to it, but it would be several pages. I’ll try to sum it up as short as possible
- Live in the middle of nowhere with my mother, zero career opportunities, this is a very isolated, rural, and depressing place
- Have not had a job in almost ten years now
- Zero social life, zero friends either online or in real life
- Still a virgin and zero dating opportunities for the reasons above, and my lack of culture-fit with this state, basically here if you aren’t native and didn’t find your life partner in high school, lots of luck finding anyone. If you’re an otaku, better hide your power level.
I think the worst part of all of it is, twelve years ago, I got out of this miserable place, moved 3000 miles to the west coast, and finally, for the first time in my entire life, had a small taste of what romantic and social success are actually like. I really wish I had never had that experience, because it showed me just exactly what it is I’ve been missing for my entire existence, and what I will never experience again.
I lost all of that from a very devastating, improbable series of events and bullying in my social and romantic life which culminated in me getting fired from my job and having to drop out of grad school to move back here due to no longer having an income and being severely depressed from the fallout.
When I was younger, people still cared about me, but now, I am considered by every part of society (familial, social, romantic, professional) as irrelevant, unredeemable and a lost cause who should do everyone a favor and stay out of sight. I find it heartbreaking how fast one’s value to society depreciates as they age, the only way to offset that is to keep a social network and most importantly, a significant other.
5. I’m 39 gonna be 40 in the coming year and all I had was a single month relationship throughout my life. At first I felt that I was a cripple trying to run without legs when it comes to attracting girls. I had plenty of female friends yet being friend zoned was a certainty. They all told me I was handsome but of course hearing that and yet not being handsome enough for them told me in my head that was just a pity story for them. I held no apathy towards them..I just accepted that it,s just nature’s way of selection of attraction and I was not meant for selection.
Years later it turned into a hatred…a growing seed of emptyness where I had a dim view on not just women but the whole game of dating and it gave me a perspective seeing from afar hanging with friends. Seeing how superficial pick ups were, how girls would go out with the “jerk” so to speak. How a single word or gesture in the first seconds of your life will determine if she likes you or not. In the end I felt being judged every second when I was being sincere. My openness towed caring for another was threatened by the very girls that I wanted to share with. Agian..I felt the laws of natural selection playing it’s game.
Later in the years it came to experience..or the lack of. I was already being generalized as some sort of creep or loser the second I told them i am a virgin in my late twenties. I guess one night it hit me…i didn’t want to be hateful for the rest of my life.
I was able to see my lack of skill of talking to girls was creeping into a depression or more accurately I felt I was going through a withdrawal of a addictive drug but without the benefits.
I guess I wanted to turn my single status and turned into a weapon against my hatred and unhealthy obsession for finding love that I have seen cripple others in the same situation as me.
I wanted revenge and live a positive life and free of the addiction that made me feel so lonely the last decades.
Looking back I felt I have gone through an emotional battle accepting the truth. I am not part of the natural selection process..love is blind ..so it will never find me.
I felt I let go a poisonous part of my life…i feel free..I do get a little stab in my heart ..a little bit of emotion crawls out and tries to lie to me that I still have a chance of findinging someone…then I remind myself of all the superficial bullshit people who never been in my situation..and here their rose colored fairy tales of how easy it is.
Those ignorant empty words give me strength ..no a challenge to stay single. Because there are more of me who are in the same situation..and we are growing.
Intimacy is the most foreign concept to me…except knowing that it has no logic to it as all emotions do. It can inspire and also destroy…love dwaldles on both good and evil taking no true accountability but only taking credit for the successes and leaves the room when someone fails at it. The risks are great..that is no mystery to me. We all take risks..for me I feel I’m taking a bigger risk…but I know the reward of self sustained emotional positive life is a absolution rather throwing for heart to a girl who is fickle with her emotions. (Men of course are are capable of this as well.).
When my years of absence of another become more then the years ahead a question grew inside me…but I guess it was always there….”Why is love such a big deal?”. Love is just an emotion..a perk so to speak but not a right..like driving….just because you deserve love does not mean love will come to you and even if you work hard at it it’s not a absolution. If it was Every single person on earth will be paired up and that is a fairy tale believed only by the true naïve.
Love is not for everyone..cause not everyone finds it. Because I did not find it should I suffer further looking for it? Should I listen to people who never been in my situation who have the audacity to force false hope upon me? Thats one way to stay single forever.
Miserable blind cat crying for help rescue cat before & after 7 months
Happy ending.
Posted by Jamie Wright :
Jan 5, 2023. China has neither the intent nor the capability to attack us – Former senior Australian diplomat John Menadue
“We are being led in our anti-China hysteria by the United States which is not concerned that China will attack us, or even the United States, but is concerned that its world hegemony is being challenged.”
That is why the US is persistently goading China into conflict and possible war. And we follow along.
As Jack Waterford put it from a US official, the US sees us as an ‘easy lay’.
What the United States really resents about China is that it is successful after almost two centuries of poverty and humiliation.
China has certainly changed but the problem is the US refuses to change and accept the fact that it’s no longer the sole hegemon.
And the recent US election will not change anything in that regard with both the major parties having a common view about the ‘China threat’ and heavily influenced if not controlled by the military/industrial complex supported by a compliant media.
We follow like a patsy.
The United States is by any measure the most aggressive and violent country in the world and will not accept a multi-polar world where countries large and small can live in peace together.
The US has a dogmatic and self- righteous view that it is ‘exceptional’, a ‘chosen people’ and should set global rules for everyone.
It parrots endlessly about ‘ a rules based international order’.
That is really code for US hegemony and domination.
And to top up its cynicism, the US then cherry picks the rules that it decides to support.
The only military risk that we face from China is if we continue as a proxy for the US in its endless wars.
The US is a dangerous ally, as Malcom Fraser put it. With the complicity of our Ministers, senior public officials and journalists our national sovereignty is being seriously eroded.
Our military is being fused with the US.
We employ retired US military people in our Department of Defence.
In Five Eyes our intelligence agencies take in the dirty washing of the CIA. None of our Prime Ministers stand up for Australia in relations with the US like Gough Whitlam did fifty years ago.
In the 19th and 20th Century we were drawn into United Kingdom’s Imperial wars.
We are now drawn into the United State’s imperial wars.
We allow others to control our thinking and behaviour.
Our ‘leaders’, think Richard Marles, have been on an American drip feed for so long they have an instinctive Washington mind set.
As China reasserts its historic world role there is no doubt that Chinese influence and footprint is growing in our region but there is no evidence whatsoever that we are under military threat from China.
Yet the assumed military threat from China guides almost everything the Albanese Government does and says on strategic and defence matters.
And our captured journalist join the anti China throng.
Scott Morrison and Peter Dutton must be delighted to find themselves mimicked by Anthony Albanese and Richard Marles.
China has neither the intent nor the capability to attack us.
But as a settler society we remain fearful of our region with echoes of the yellow peril and White Australia.
China does not have a history of military aggression beyond the defence of its own borders.
It has only one foreign base in Djibouti, mainly for anti-piracy purposes.
In contrast, the US has over 800 overseas bases including in Guam, Diego Garcia, ROK and Japan that ring China.
The US fleet, with our support, regularly patrols off the China coast.
The US would have hysterics if Chinese vessels patrolled off the Californian coast and the Florida Keys.
Or if China had B-52 type aircraft based in Mexico!
Not surprisingly, China is determined that it must have the military capability to defend its homeland.
However, it does not project its military power around the globe as does the US. China has not been engaged in military activity for the past forty years.
In that time, the US has overthrown numerous governments and illegally invaded many countries.
China has a large and diverse population in areas such as Xinjiang, Tibet, Hong Kong, and Taiwan.
It has land borders with fourteen other countries. Not surprisingly China focuses on domestic issues and the protection of its borders.
If China was an imperial power, it would have swallowed up Mongolia, a democratic, mineral rich state which is more than twice the size of Ukraine.
Japan is the only country that has threatened Australia.
China never has.
Japan occupied large parts of China in WWII and was responsible for the deaths of over 20 million Chinese people.
Clueless and careless of its aggressive history, Japan is again leading the anti-China frenzy in QUAD. This will not end well.
making every effort possible to keep one’s calm in the center of the hurricane is acceptance, which, when it is not mistaken for approval, brings one’s awereness to the yes and the no…. sort of like not putting illusionary ‘filters’ on the impinging impressions and the insistence of same ( programmed filters) to draw conclusions that feed the same programs which do the interpretations….. Acceptance is NOT automatic approval or dis-approval, but a step out of cognitive dissonance…
Cheerful Love Grizzlybear hug
unuk
In China there’s no white-light-tunnel or western-style heaven/angel. Some Chinese are able to remember (or, not going through the memory wiping process) their afterlife. Here’s a book about it: http://www.fosss.net/LunHuiStory/PingYangZaiShengRen/target251.html
In this book, some people even become animals in the next life.
The author of this book, together with Japanese monk 三木大雲 who met a bull that reflected to Japanese language, thus believes Buddism-style reincarnation process, where bad people reincarnate into animals to restore Karma.
Yes, a matrix with local style.
I feel very sad reading this post. Our Chinese ancestors have taught us how to change our destiny.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/16114296
Liaofan Four Lessons – if there is only 1 book you have time to read your whole life, this has to be it.
The most important and respected masters (Sifu) of the last hundred years have printed millions of copies for free distribution. The book has no copyright.
This is the best English translation I could find online (the work is in Classical Chinese originally)
http://faculty.stust.edu.tw/~tang/Mahayana/4lessons/lesson1.htm
The links seem to be getting more and more broken the more it is shared…but if it does not work can just alter to “lesson2.htm” and so forth in the webpage address to get to the next part.
Maybe is just me, but Google is increasingly banning the search of this translated version.
Thank you, Han. Thank you so much for this.
The honour is mine brother. Hopefully it will bring you as much benefits as it did me. I was an alcoholic 7 years back with no family, friends or job. Depression gripped me daily. After learning of this book from a Buddhist master, I read, re-read, practiced and applied the teachings of this book daily for the last seven years.
My life has turned around since then. I met my wife and mended the broken relations with my family and friends. Jobs found me by themselves and my salary also doubled in the past year. The Japanese emperor during the Meiji restoration slept with this book under his pillow daily and Japan eventually became the foremost power in Asia within a span of a few years. This is only one of many real-life examples.
Buddhism and Confucianism works also work well but they take time to learn and understand from a real Sifu. Presently, many if not all of us and our families are in desperate straits and we need emergency 🦺 aid else we won’t even make it to the medium term, not to mention the long term. If our hearts are sincere, tangible benefits will appear extremely fast. With that will come a more peaceful heart, calmer mind, and confidence in classical teachings to want to learn more naturally.
Ah well, we have to set up some mirrors then!
Will do so.
ok, have set up an archive for now:
Lesson 1: https://archive.ph/4hYFn
Lesson 2: https://archive.ph/R2Z8j
Lesson 3: https://archive.ph/ZCAOq
Lesson 4: https://archive.ph/K9Osl
Thank you. Thank you. 🙏🙏
This is an “autobiography” written by a father to his son 500 years ago, initially not meant for public consumption. Like a storybook, but a true story. On how he changed his destiny in every way possible. And he tells us the method, the theory behind it, with real-life examples.
It’s very remarkable that despite being more connected than ever thanks to the advent of the internet and networking, many people feel utterly alone and miserable. This could have to do with the commodification of sex and relationships in the Hegemonic West, making it so that all interpersonal interactions are transactional and rigged with ulterior motives/incentives. Men who lack the ability to manipulate or deceive, who just want an honest relationship and a stable life, will find great difficulty in a culture that thrives off deception, manipulation, and exploitation (and rewards this behavior to men and women who, at least unconsciously, partake in this degeneracy).
But I am not alone. We are never alone.
There are communities like this where you can share ideas, opine over matters, and experience the same from other people: this leads to a sense of belonging and the ability to reflect on yourself, thus gaining new insights to revise your behavior and improve yourself overall. And, what do you know, this is the first step to acquiring a lover. An established person with a realized identity is far more attractive than one who lacks an identity.