Certain members of my mother’s family are the poster children of greed, specifically her parents and two of her brothers.

In 2013 she was killed in a car accident. She had a decent life insurance policy which went to my dad. Her parents and older brother felt that it should go to them for some reason. So they tried to sue my dad, who was still very much grief stricken. It didn’t even go to court. The judge threw it out with prejudice in the initial hearing.

This of course led to irreparable damage between my grandparents and dad and an uncle who was basically disowned by his entire family(including his own children), except for his parents.

This may not seem greedy but I consider it to be.

A few months ago my cousin called and asked if she could temporarily move in with me because she was starting a new job nearby. I said she could but that it was only going to be her and only for a couple months. She agreed that that was reasonable as her dad, a convicted felon, was going to stay home and sell the house while she looked for a permanent house after work.

A few weeks ago she started bringing things and I asked her if she had started looking for a permanent home, she hadn’t even started looking and it had already been a few months. I informed her that I’d be leaving the next week for vacation and that she was welcome to stay, but no one else was to be here, just her. Again, she agreed.

While on vacation my doorbell camera went off letting me know someone was there. I opened the app and saw a large Uhaul truck parked in front of my driveway and her dad was helping her move their entire house into mine. This was a major problem because

1, He’s a convicted felon, I have firearms in the house, and I was not informed he’d be there. In the state of Florida, the firearms must be locked up and the individual must be restricted from the room they’re in.

2, They were moving their house into mine, meaning, they were trying to make my house theirs while I was away.

When I called them, they said they weren’t doing what I saw them doing. So I called my grandmother, who not only tried to keep up the lie, but when I informed her that I could see them on camera, she tried to say “Family is family so you should be okay with this, right?” Nope, call them and get them out or I’m coming home and I’ll be bringing the police with me.

This of course led to my relationship with that uncle and my grandparents to be even more strained.

I don’t hate my family, but when they try to take something that’s not theirs because they think they’re entitled to it, that’s a major problem.

Thailand is a wonderful place to visit! But it’s always important to respect Thai traditions and customs, and do your best to avoid getting scammed. It’s easy to have a wonderful time here as long as you follow some simple advice.

• Don’t touch someone’s head. I once forgot the Thai word for “touch” and was telling a story to an old Thai man where someone touched my hair. I touched the man’s head to demonstrate the word I forgot. I shocked the living daylights out of him and caused quite an uproar. Luckily he was very gracious and said it was ok since we were friends, but he warned me to never do it again. The head is considered the highest part of the body and touching it is the highest offense. Don’t do it. You might get yourself in a fight.
• Don’t disrespect the king. Do not attempt to talk badly about the king with Thai locals. Most Thais are very patriotic and love their king. You will offend them. But also, posting unflattering things about the king online is actually illegal, so there’s big taboo about speaking badly about him. You’ll make Thais very uncomfortable. Oh yeah, don’t post things online about how much you hate the king. You could end up in jail.
• Don’t point your feet at anyone or show the bottom of your feet to anyone. The feet are the lowest part of the body. It is very disrespectful. Don’t put your feet on Buddhist statues. Don’t use your foot to stop a Thai Baht from flying away if you drop it, it has a picture of the king’s face on it and you’ll offend a lot of people.
• Don’t enter people’s homes, offices, temples, or certain shops without taking your shoes off. If you see shoes outside of a door, take yours off as well before you enter that door. Since the feet are the lowest part of the body, shoes are seen as even lower, and it’s very disrespectful to enter someone’s house without taking them off. Plus, it’s just seen as dirty.
• Don’t expect great quality service. I don’t know how many visitors I have had who complain that the waitresses aren’t very attentive. They complain that Songtaew drivers make a lot of stops along the road before we reach our destination. You’re paying a tenth of the price for whatever product you’re getting as you would at home. That is why it’s so cheap, don’t complain if everything isn’t perfect.
• Don’t lose your temper. Thais do not lose their tempers except in extreme situations, they are always pleasant. They will hang up the phone on you, ignore you, or stall your service further. Always be pleasant and keep your cool.
• Women must refrain from touching monks. This means you cannot sit directly next to one. If they want to hand something to you, just cup your hands and they will throw it to you. Keep a safe radius if you must pass one on the street. You can talk to them though, some monks are very friendly! Don’t feel you have to avoid them completely.
• Don’t bring huge amounts of luggage. This makes it really hard to travel. I have had so many visitors bring 2 giant suitcases and has made it near impossible and expensive to switch hotels. There are stairs everywhere in Thailand, taxis have small trunk spaces, domestic flights only allow 10 kg luggage. Just bring a big backpack with all the essentials. You can buy anything else necessary at a 7–11 and wash and laundry shops only charge 40 baht per kilogram to wash, dry, and iron your clothes! You’ll thank me for this.
• Don’t speak quickly in English. English proficiency is very low in Thailand because they’ve never been colonized. Speak very slow with simplified sentences. Thais at most tourist destinations can speak some English, but they will not understand you if you speak at your native pace and dialect. Don’t get frustrated that it’s hard to communicate, never get angry at them for not speaking English as well as you’d like.
• Don’t get scammed. Be wary of any Thai who speaks English well who approaches you. The temple is probably not closed and the gems are not real. Barter almost everything, they will automatically charge you higher prices. Use Grab (like Uber) if you can to avoid getting charged ridiculous taxi prices.
• Dress conservatively when going to temples. Most temples require you to where a shirt with sleeves and pants/skirts below your knees. The higher the rank of the temple, the bigger the dress code. Some, like the Grand Palace, don’t even allow leggings. Respect their religion, royalty, and their landmarks.

A first hand experience here:-

Never ever go water scooter riding. The locals con you in the ways below:-

1. As you roam the beaches, a local would come to you with a menu card which shows that a 15 min ride is just 150 or 200 bucks.
2. You seem thrilled as how cheap it is and immediatly say yes. Suddenly out of no where , in matter of seconds, you are made to wear a life jacket, the scooter is ready and the local says you can now ride alone. You are thrilled at the opportunity to ride the scooter without someone behind you controlling the scooter.
3. The local takes pictures of the scooter before the ride. You think this is fine as the local would be worried about his asset and wouldn’t want damage. You wouldn’t want to damage either.
4. You ride for 15 mins, the ride is great, you are happy as you descent and take off your life jacket.
5. The local hands you a bill of 50k to 100k as damages to the scooter.
6. You wonder how exactly did you damage it. You were in the water and rode it nicely.
7. The thing is that the scooter is made up of cheap plastics and would damage as soon as you enter the water.
8. They demand the replacement with original Yamaha parts which costs a fortune.
9. Since you are a tourist, you have no clue how such things work and you go to the nearby police station.
10. The police don’t care and ultimately as it’s time for you to leave the country next day, you have no option but to pay.

P.S: Never ever give your passport to them as this means that they are in control of everything. Not that earlier they weren’t, but you don’t want to make it worse.

Not wild but self enriching.

I visited Pattaya this June. Anticipating all kinds of possibilities got me all geared up and excited!

For those of you’ll who might not be familiar with the place, Pattaya is known for the Walking Street. A street that offers night life at it’s peak – Prostitution, Go-Go Bars (Gentleman’s Club), Dance Clubs, Live Bands Performing, Sex Shows and goes without saying liquor everywhere.

To give a slight background, I do drink and prefer clubbing. But never before have I visited something similar. Naturally I was all excited to experience what it would be like.

When the day finally arrived, I was in awe of what I was witnessing. It was finally the evening I was longing for since so long! Taking a few strolls of the street I got into a Go-Go Bar.

There I was sipping on some expensive Scotch watching beautiful Thai women dance. Something that I was eagerly looking forward to since the past few months was finally happening.

However instead of enjoying the nudity charade my head was on a completely different track. Wondering what their (the dancer’s) live’s are like? What kind of persons they are? How did they get into this profession? What possible circumstances could have forced them to do this? Behind the act that they’re putting up, there’s probably a helpless person.

Maybe I got emotional, maybe I was overthinking. But that’s just me.

I was surprised. I felt good about myself. I realised a mere conversation was what I seeked. I figured it would be more satisfying than what I initially vouched for.

So there’s this system where you can buy any dancer a drink and she’ll accompany you while she sips on it.

I did.

As soon as she sat beside, she started leaning in. Coming closer. It was their job. They had to do this to make a living. I realised it soon and conveyed my intentions. I told her everything I was feeling. I told her everything I wanted to talk about.

Her reaction was unexpected. She was stunned. She was taken aback. Probably because in her 4 year long career (as she happened to tell me) this was the first time someone wanted to know about her, talk to her. The first time someone showed empathy and seemed interested about her life. The first time someone didn’t want sex.

Her name is Moi and this is her story. She is from a village in north Thailand, and is uneducated. Her mother is no more and her father has a serious illness. She belonged to a farming family but because of monetary issues, they lost their land. The father’s ilness expenditure is beyond reach. That’s why she was doing what she. He is unaware of what his daughter does. She said it was difficult initially but gradually she got used to it. All she cared about was sending him money every month. Yes, she was the man of the house.

Also when she was young, she dated a guy who started humiliating and insulting her for her choice of work and eventually broke off.

She was teary eyed but realised it was inappropriate for the place. She controlled her emotions and concluded with a big bright smile saying, “YES this is my life”.

I was touched. As she was speaking there was this deep respect building up for the strength the woman has shown in life. She truly was a fighter.

She then changed the topic. Enquiring about me, what I do where am I from etc.

The conversation ended on a great note. She said and I quote:

“You are a good man. You made my day. I will never forget you”

Well that made my day!

I felt so good about myself. It’s that feeling of self enrichment and satisfaction you get when you’ve done a good deed was filled with. There was a sense of pride I was experiencing.

She eventually got back to her dancing and requested me to witness her performance. Ofcourse I did.

On my way out I tipped her her one month’s pay. She refused to accept it. Her humility did surprise me but I forced her to accept it.

She hugged me real tight with a smile as I left.

Yes this is not wild. But read this once before you go out seeking wild.

There’s a long list, but I’ll stick to only a few major ones:

1. Never, never say anything derogatory about the King or the royal family. That includes stepping on paper currency as it has a picture of the King
2. Don’t visit with the attitude that Thailand should operate the same as your home country. It’s Thailand, and they run their country as they see fit. Example: You go to a restaurant and after seating you the server stands there while you review the menu. Just go with it. Next, after taking your order, the food doesn’t come out together. You might get your appy after others got their entre. Just go with it—I see it as part of the experience.
3. Don’t touch the head of a Thai person in public
4. Don’t horseplay with showing your feet
5. Take off your shoes when entering personal dwelling and certain buildings
6. Always remember that you are a guest!

Happy travels!

My MIL had been given a really nice, and large, china cabinet by my FIL as an anniversary gift one year. It was a prized possession especially after my FIL died.

I met my husband, her oldest child, a year after my FIL’s death. She and her youngest son moved in with us about a year later. The cabinet came with her. I loved it but assumed she’d give it to one of her two daughters.

One day she was telling me about how she got it and mentioned she always felt she could not give it to either daughter and leave the other one out. She felt the fairest thing was to give it to the wife of her eldest son. She’d decided this long before her husband died or I’d met her son.

Anyway her youngest son heard her tell me the cabinet was mine and threw a hissy-fit. Nothing would satisfy him but her saying he could have it. When he left she restated that it was mine and he would eventually forget about it.

He may have, but she died only a couple of years Iater. He told all his siblings it was his and I couldn’t refute it because there’s no will and she had never told a anyone else it was mine.

We did convince him to leave it with us until he was settled.

Then we moved to the same county all hubby’s siblings lived in. Middle brother’s wife finagled temporarily storing the cabinet then immediately passed it off to baby brother who had one sister store it and they refused to return it because it wasn’t mine. Within three years that cabinet was destroyed/lost. It’s gone. Nobody has it now. Not to mention baby brother never had it in his possession because HE DIDN’T WANT IT. He just didn’t want me to cherish it and keep it in the family.

Maybe not greedy, but certainly selfish.

Quite good, compared to any other job they can possibly get or compared to prostitutes in many other countries.

Most go-go girls in Thailand are village girls without much education. As Tony Dancaster pointed out, go-go girls earn much more than what they can otherwise earn in other jobs they can possibly get.

Besides that, due to Thai’s tolerance toward prostitution, go-go girls are not excluded from normal society. They are not chased down like criminals and they can still maintain normal relationships with their friends and families. More surprisingly, they can still maintain religious observance while being a prostitute. I have seen many cases of go-go girls wearing Buddhist amulet. Prostitutes in many other countries can only dream of this level of acceptance.

Lastly, the guests of go-go bars are mostly relatively well-off foreigners. Most of them understand the concept of safe sex (the same can’t necessarily be said about rural Thai men in Isaan).

My dad had a brother, Huck, whom he was especially close to. Unfortunately, my Uncle Huck died of a massive heart attack in his 40’s, leaving his wife to raise their three children. Things were really tough for her financially. My grandmother (Huck and dad’s mom) felt very bad for her and told the family that when she passed, she wanted her furniture and things to go to Huck’s widow, hoping that it might help them in some way. When she died, her two daughters who lived in separate apartments in the same house as my grandmother, stripped her apartment bare and kept everything for themselves.

When my dad found out, he went ballistic and laid his sisters out in lavender. Since Huck died, he had kept in close touch with his widow and acted as kind of a surrogate father to the kids, so he was very protective of them. His sisters, of course, didn’t take kindly to my dad calling them out as “thieves” and “stealing from the grave” and this caused a huge rift in the family and we only saw them rarely after that. But I’m proud of my father for standing up for what was right.

A store manager was overzealous about overtime. Even a minute after was considered stealing from the company. Even part time people like me who were scheduled for 24 hours could be written up for one minute over. At the same time you couldn’t stand in front of the time clock and wait. That was considered stealing time.

After several warnings each week I was one or two minutes over I had a counseling statement to fill out. In my area of comments I stated none of the clocks in the store had the same time. The time on the phones in each department were a minute off and didn’t match the time clock. The company was deliberately setting the times off, forcing employees to punch out early, losing wages and saving the company money.

This of course didn’t fly past the store manager who disputed my statement and wanted me to write something else. I refused and said I would be sending my copy to HR and a lawyer. She never signed it, tore it up.

During the next few days company maintenance went through the store to verify each clock, time listed on the phones to the time clock. A week later I had five minutes over. She called me in, said there was no excuse now. . In the comments section I wrote I was assisting a customer in floral and since the company had not given us the proper language to give a customer we could no longer help, I finished helping her and punched out. Manager did not like that answer also. She reviewed the department tapes to verify I was indeed helping someone. Tore that one up too.

Next day a statement came out stating no one could work any overtime. Violation could result in suspension or termination, we had to sign and date it.

Knowing a few things about corporate law, policy and rules, from my full time job, I took my copy and mailed it to the company lawyers and HR. I asked if this was corporate policy now, where in the handbook was it and did store managers have the authority to write and implement corporate policy, as this was a legal document and affected each and every employee the company had. I gave my helping a customer leading to overtime situation as a reason for it to happen. And asked what the company wanted us to tell a customer we could no longer help.

I truly thought I would be fired. Well let me tell you the shit hit the fan. A week later a HR representative and someone from the legal department met with all the store managers, DMs and Regional Managers. They can’t set company policy, for anything. They can enforce policy, but not set it. In the following weeks the overtime rules were refined. Any issue of someone deliberately working over was sent to loss prevention to review tapes to see if employee was actually working and making an honest effort to punch out, or milking the clock.

This story is a sad one and hard to tell. It’s hard for me to think about. It happened about 10 years ago and involved a 6 year old patient. This kid was so smart; let me say he had wisdom. At the age of 6, he seemed wiser to me than most adults. I learned more from this kid than he learned from me. I diagnosed him with Ewing’s Sarcoma, a very rare bone cancer with terrible odds. I started him on a chemo therapy protocol. With radiation to follow, in order to shrink the tumor so that I could operate. He went through the chemo, which almost killed him, with what I could only describe as grace. Much grace. I had explained to him how low the odds were. His mother was there crying as I spoke with him. He was understanding everything I was trying to tell him. But, it seemed that he already knew. We had nurses and consulting doctors there all through the process. He had gotten so sick from the chemo, I didn’t think I should go through with the radiation. The tumor margins were not good. So, I spoke to his mother who said quite plainly that I should not proceed. She explained it to her kid. The next day, I went to talk with my patient. That kid was smiling as I told him I was going to go ahead and operate. That day. Then, he asked me if I thought the tumor would shrink more with radiation. I told him probably, but I thought I could get all of the tumor without the radiation. He just laughed. Remember, this young man was only 6 years old. Then he told me something I will never forget. He said “doctor, I feel God, and God told me I would see him soon”. He had a smile on his face when he said it. For the first time in my life, tears welled up in my eyes. Then he said “ doctor, it’s ok, don’t be sad. I get to go to heaven”.

I got myself together. He reached out and hugged me, I hugged him back fighting back tears. We both agreed that the radiation wouldn’t be necessary, so at least he didn’t have to go through that. We prepared for surgery. Before we put him under, he said with happy eyes, “thank you doctor for helping me”. I said to that wonderful boy, “it was my pleasure. I’ll see you after”. When I opened him up on the table, I found that the tumor had wrapped itself around the femoral artery. I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry, it had not showed on the MRI,s. Then, I was overwhelmed with sadness. There was no way to resect it. No possible way. I tried to get it all without nicking the femoral artery. I felt like I was trying to save my own child. I tried so hard, I tried so so very hard. I was beaten and I knew it but I wouldn’t stop. This kid would not die. I kept screaming at myself on the inside. The surgeon assisting told me to close him up. I wouldn’t I couldn’t. Then, it hit me like a brick, what he had told me. “ I feel God, and God told me I would see him soon”.

There was nothing left to do but leave the tumor and close. After recovery, I came to tell him what had happened. And with such grace and happiness, he explained to me what God had meant. And that heaven was a good place and he was not afraid. We, hugged, I walked out of his room. He died 2 weeks later as the tumor tore through the femoral artery causing him to bleed to death in less than a minute. It was fast, it was not painful. He died at home in his mother’s arms. But the grace and wisdom this child showed made me feel so small, so less of a doctor, so sad. So much so that I thought to myself, I need to be more than I am. I need to do better. He taught me that death is not something we should fear. That there is a better place when we die. And not to be afraid of it. That one patient, that one kid with so much wisdom, made me a better doctor. He made me a better person. That young man taught me that when I face death, to face it with no fear. And I hope when my time comes, I can be half that strong, as that little boy. And I know this, when my time does come, I will be thinking of him.

The life of a go-go dancer is somewhat regimented, and I would say not glamorous.

They have specific working hours and set dance schedules during those hours.

Most have a time clock to punch when the arrive and leave and they are docked when they do not arrive on time, or leave early.

Not sure how it is now but most have to pay for their own costumes – nothing is provided.

There is sometimes a base salary – but it will not be much and if they want to make money then they need customers to buy them drinks and or take them home. Every time they get a drink bought for them, you get a bill and they get a token that they can redeem for cash later. Not exactly sure how much cash they get from this, but in order to keep the $ flowing they need to constantly be drinking. Yes, they can drink pop or orange juice, but many do not as the alcohol helps them to relax so they can do the job.

If the bar has ping-pong balls then a customer can buy a bucket of them and throw them at the girls and they can chase them around and redeem the balls for 20 baht/ball. (about 60 cents US).

They usually wear a bikini when working and then, when not dancing onstage they go and sit with men who are drinking and are very happy to have a bikini clad lady sitting next to them.

Note: In the bars that cater to western men, they do not have to go and sit with men, nor do they have to go home with these men if they do not want to. However, if they do neither of these things then they will not make enough money to pay the rent/eat. They are encouraged to sit and talk as it is good for the bar and for the girl when people are drinking.

They need to be happy and smiley faced ambassadors for the bar in order to attract customers into the bar and then get them to buy drinks.

They do try to lay claim to customers if they can as the customer may well be their meal ticket, but they also have to sit by and watch if the customer decided he wants to try a different girl.

All in all I would say it is a difficult life, that can be lucrative as another poster has already stated, but certainly not a good life.